Husband or baby

[nattypatel]

If your husband (whom you love more than anything) threatened to leave you if you didn't have an abortion would you:

* the issue is timing and financial constraints and the husband refuses the option of adopting out.

[Linzola1]

I had my son in 2008 and a few months later I though I was pregnant and told my then husband and he told me to get an abortion because we couldn't financially have a second child. I told he there was no way that was going to happen and luckily I ended up not being pregnant but if I had been I would have left him in a heart beat. We are now in the middle of a divorce for other reasons but that really showed me what kind of man he was!

[Boricuamorena2010]

Sometimes women give men too much control over their bodies

[LauraB78]

This man doesn't love you. I am sorry to be so blunt, but if he truly loved you, he would never force you to chose.. I am sorry you are in this situation.. I think you need to file for divorce and RUN.. This is an absusive & controlling environment. It's a disaster.. What's next? You make him angry and he punches you? After being "forced" to abort your child, you need to take a step back and evaluate your situation. YOU can PREVENT future problems by LEAVING NOW.. Good luck! And I agree that you should see a therapist to help you in this very emotional time.

[ng15]

I just read that you choose to have the abortion. I hope that you will seek some help to get you through the feelings you may be having because if you don't, he will gain more control over you. Is couples' therapy an option? Personally, I think you need to leave for your own safety. It sounds like a very controlling situation which could turn abusive very quickly. Plus if you don't talk about this, it will become the elephant in the room and slowly degrade the relationship you do have. Please please be careful and reach out for support for yourself. You were put in a tough situation and no one should judge you for the decision you made. I wish you well as you try to heal.

[ng15]

There will never be a "perfect time" to have a baby and there may never be "enough" money for a baby. Those are lame excuses! No way would I have an abortion because my husband told me to. Heck, I wouldn't even choose him over my dogs if he tried to make me. Sounds like this man may be controlling, possibly abusive??

[RBarron]

I am so sad to hear you got the abortion after all. Right now you need to get emotional help and support for yourself. And I mean professional help.

I personally would leave him anyway. Especially after I aborted a baby FOR him. I wouldn't be able to look at my husband in the eye after that. Here is a news flash for him - you will NEVER be financially ready to have a child. Ever. As cheesy as this sounds, John Lennon said "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans," and I truly live by this philosophy. When you have a loving, supportive marriage you make it work. There is something else very wrong with your relationship if he is asking you to make sacrifices like that - sacrificing a child!

[yoli476]

Bless you, what a hard decision it was for you to make.  Nobody should have put you through that.  I would have a good think about what you want and what he wants!!  Seems like two different things.  It's right their is no good time to have a baby when it comes to finance.  It's always a struggle, but you manage!!!

[anonymous03]

I am so sorry to hear that you terminated your pregnancy. It is a very hard thing to go through, I watched my friend go through it and it's been devastating. When I found out I was pregnant, my now fiance freaked out and pulled away. He didn't ask me to get an abortion or anything, but wasn't supportive either. I always knew that I would never kill my baby, I just couldn't do it. I knew that if he ever asked me to, I would walk away. I love him so much, but would never kill my baby because he can't own up and be responsible for what happened. He contributed and made a baby, so he has to deal with it. You now see who your husband really is and he put you in a horrible situation. If he truly loved you, he would have NEVER done that. Personally, I think you should absolutely get out of this relationship. He could very well do this again the next time you get pregnant. This is a red flag, so don't dismiss this. You hear about these men who kill their pregnant wives because they don't want the baby, and it's a very scary idea. Get out of the relationship now, before it can happen again or something worse happens.

[jade_and_janessas_mommy]

I completely understand your situation.  I have been in a similar one recently myself.  My husband and I had a 5 month old daughter and I found out I was pregnant again.  It appears that sometimes birth control fails.  I probably could have tried harder to take the pill at the same time every day, but I never missed a day, but anyways....

He told me to get an abortion.  I told him that I didn't think I could because I looked at our beautiful daughter every day and the thought of killing an innocent baby made me feel terrible.  He went away to "work on himself" at rehab for 45 days.  I went to see him one Sunday and told him that we would be keeping the new baby and everything would be fine and work out somehow.  He really didn't get angry but he started acting wierd.  I found out a few months later that a few days after I told him I was keeping the baby, he had started sleeping with a woman old enough to be his mother.  He is still having issues with her and it's like he pretends that the new baby isn't coming, he pretends I'm not pregnant, he completely ignores anything that has to do with that.  So now I have an 11 month old and am 6 and a half months pregnant and am filing for divorce.  It makes me sad but I am so glad I made this decision and didn't terminate.  I feel like someday he will have deep regrets about how he handled this whole situation, but I won't.

I am so sorry that you decided to terminate your pregnancy for your husband.  I think it is terrible there are men out there who are supposed to love us that expect us to make that choice.  Since you said you are now seeing your husband for who he really is, why are you so sure you want to continue in the relationship?  I know you made a commitment, and I fully beleive in 'for better or worse' and I absolutely HATE myself for getting divorced, but I also don't think you should stay in a relationship that makes you so unhappy.  Life is too short.  I really wish you the best of luck and I hope your head and heart heal quickly from this experience.  

[Cassandrajane]

I hope you have a pretty good doctor because you're going to need one... So much emotional downpull and regret come from having Abortions. I tried to kill myself! Even though having the baby at the time would have killed me.

I am sorry but if your Husband loves you he wouldn't of made you choose, Yes my boyfriend didnt want the baby at the time, we wasnt together and I was also living in a safe house. But him not wanting it did make it easier for me for my reasons of having one (Being 5 stone). I'd never do it again, and even though I am preg now and a healthy weight, I'd do anything to have my baby back.

You're not in the right relationship and a baby (your child) is WAY more important that some man that said its either you be with me and kill the baby or have the baby a lose me. What makes you SO sure he will not say it again.... and again and again??


You gotta Run...

x

[BTS1022]

I'm with Joy on this one too!! I've been there, done that. I am personally speaking from experience. Hell...My ex husband went from telling me if I got pregnant I'd have to have an abortion, to holding a loaded 9mm pistol to my head WHILE I was pregnant.

I say that it's a definite red flag...

[JoyRenee]

Also ANYONE who threatens you or gives you ultimatums is not someone to spend the rest of your life with. No one would make you choose. I'm sorry this has happened to you. And I think if you want to live a happier life you may need to move on.

[JoyRenee]

I'm sorry but if you see him for exactly who he is and you're going to stick around just until "it accidentally happens again" you need to reevaluate the situation. You said you've been beaten to an emotional pulp- by him? It sounds like you're in a controlling and abusive environment. RUN!

[BTS1022]

Honestly...how can you say that your husband loves you? A husband who loves his wife would NEVER threaten her in a way your's did. If he truly loved you, he would have never made you choose between him and your child.


I understand honoring your marriage, but frankly...why? He cannot honor it...why should you. It makes you in my opinion look as if you will allow him to walk all over you.

Seriously, I do know exactly what you went through as far as the threat he gave, and sometimes as women...we need to stand up for ourselves and put our foot down in certain situations. Just because your his wife, does not make you his floor rug to walk all over.

I know I don't have to ever worry about this happening to me again. My present husband would NEVER ask me to choose between him or our child. We have 6 kids....that's a lot of children, but if I were to have 2-3-4 more accidents (this baby was planned) he would never make me choose. A baby is a miracle, a blessing from above.....I just wish all men and women realized this like my husband and I do.

[confusedmanda]

the last comment brought tears to my eyes. i wish i never read this thread. it makes me sick. i hope you never make a poor mistake again. PLENTY OF WOMEN WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO TAKE THE BABY AND RAISE IT. CONSIDER GETTING ON BIRTH CONTROL. SO A SADDEN THING DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN. AND USE CONDOMS. GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL AND HIS

[Spiket77]

Your situation breaks my heart. What's done is done now. I hope you can heal and learn from this situation. I don't think he should have ever given you the ultimatum. But, like I said...what's done is done.
Good luck to you and never let anyone push you into a corner.

[confusedmanda]

so you got rid of the baby???

[confusedmanda]

i refuse to answer this. If you guys or i should say him. didn't want a baby is any protection being used. i would never be put in this position. tell him to start Packin his bags.

[Cassandrajane]

Take it from someone who has had a termination due to Illness... I was 5 stone!
They are NOT a nice thing to go through.... And no matter why you do it and who you do it for YOU will always have the regret. Always.. Trust me it is hard and does take a while to get over, you may not ever get over it. I done it for the right reasons and I am a healthy weight now and pregnant but there isnt one day where I dont regret what I had to do....
He will change when your little one pops out.
Please dont terminate, PLEASE, take it from someone who has been through it., Its horrible!!

x

[renee82]

When it come to finances there is never the right time. Me an my DH have figured out if you can mange early on, it makes it a lot easier as time goes by, and if your husband doesnt want a child than he must not really like to enjoy the BD. sooner or later the BD will lead to a baby. Sweetie you do what right for you and the baby and not whats right for him. Just wait til he see's that little baby for the first time he will not be able to resist. Good luck!!

[lilbit4444]

I would not let him make the choice for you and your baby. Life happens and he is being selfish asking that of you. A baby is a blessing and when you have the baby you will be so greatful you did not choose to kill him or her! If he leaves, which if he loves you he won't, it is his loss!

[smjmekg]

I didn't believe it 100% until after I had my son that you put your children first no matter what. I don't care what the situation is, my son (and second baby on the way) are worth more than my life and my relationship with my husband. It doesn't matter to me at all. If my husband EVER said anything like that he would no longer be my husband, I don't care if he ever spent a penny on his kid, and I would make darn sure he had the BARE minimum visitation, IF he got it at all. There's no if ands or buts for me, I'd be gone.

[penswriter]

If dh EVER told me I had to get an abortion b/c HE didn't want a child he helped create....he'd get the ultimatum. He changes his attitude or HE leaves.

[nattypatel]

I'm a bit of a wreck at the moment so sorry if any of the above makes little sense or seems insensitive in any way. *sigh*