Aa
Need some major advice Ladies!!!
So, one of my best friends got engaged on christmas...which we knew was going to happen soon, but we thought it was going to happen in february when they were planning their vacation together. (Hes in the Marines based in California, we live in NY). Well, she calls me today and tells me that her wedding is going to be February 21, 2009 and that she wants me to be her matron of honor!!! I gladly accepted.....and am now realizing that I am due February 12th...how do I work this? Is it manageable? THe dress would be the hardest part not knowing if I will go overdue that long or if I will have her early....but do you think it is too much to take on right now? Im second guessing myself right now and am not sure what I want to do. We have been friends for so long....and our other friends kind of drifted apart from us but we managed to keep very close throughout the years. We have been throuh a lot together and she was so excited that I accepted on being her matron of honor! I have never been a matron of honor before and I know it entails alot. My main concern is if I do have her before than.....am I going to want to leave my baby girl yet......even if it is for just the day....I dont know...
what does everyone think??? I would greatly appreciate responses....do you think I will be up to doing it?
I want to figure this out now so I dont have to tell her in a couple weeks that I have changed my mind.
what does everyone think??? I would greatly appreciate responses....do you think I will be up to doing it?
I want to figure this out now so I dont have to tell her in a couple weeks that I have changed my mind.
I agree with grandma...she probably just needs some time to digest this and I'm sure once she gets dress shopping her mind will totally be focused on her and her dress and her dreams and she'll forget all about it...especially if you are there to dote on her, help her etc.
Try not to feel bad, because the timing was just not in the cards. Go with her to check out dresses and I'm sure once you are together, you will see that she isn't mad at you.
So, heres the update..this is all my friend wrote back!
"Hey. I’m really bummed but I understand. We are starting at David’s bridal first. They have a 50% off sale going. We want to be there at 10 when they open."
So, i feel really bad...extremely bad.....and hope that her being upset with me passes because it really *****!!!
"Hey. I’m really bummed but I understand. We are starting at David’s bridal first. They have a 50% off sale going. We want to be there at 10 when they open."
So, i feel really bad...extremely bad.....and hope that her being upset with me passes because it really *****!!!
I normally here right back from her, and she did not respond. I am hoping to have something in my work email when I got in in the morning. It would really suck if she is going to be mad at me over this. I mean, she really has to understand. Her wedding is 9 days after my due date, its quite impossible for me to pull off being her matron of honor. I will keep everyone updated on if she writes back or not.
This is what I wrote to my gf....we converse back and forth from work email during the day occasionally!
Okay, so, after a lot of thinking…..talking with brian…and more thinking…and some talking to my doctor about how I have been feeling lately….I have to give you some bad news.
I am not going to be able to be in your wedding…and it really really *****! I was so looking forward to it and was super super excited to be blessed with being a part of your special day.
However, the more I thought about it Sunday night and today….the more it all came real to me. Bride's deserve 110% of what their maid/matron of honor can give them…being there for EVERYTHING…Brides deserve everything for their big day…and I feel I wont be able to give that to you!
I am either going to be overdue and uncomfortable…..or will have a brand new baby and my body will be in a strange in between stage (with lots of unfun stuff to go with it). I have heard that for atleast 2 weeks after you have a baby that you are sore….and cant really do much of anything besides relax and focus on how to care for a newborn. And if I already have had her (which I think I will), I wont be able to leave her for that long, newborn, with breast feeding. It just wouldn’t work.
You deserve an awesome bridal shower and an even better bachelorette party…which I also would not be able to give you! We are strapped financially on top of everything else and a newborn adds the extra expense into the mix.
You need someone that can be at your gown fittings, schedule hair appointments and everything else!
Then I also thought about the chance of going into labor the night before or two nights before your wedding..and the chance of literally leaving you high and dry with absolutely no one to be there for you! How awful would that be!
This does not mean under any circumstances that I do not want to be there for you..because I do. I am honored that you thought so much of me to ask me. I want to be involved AS MUCH as possible, but I just cant commit to the wedding party. I would still love to go dress shopping with you…..and give you my opinions on things that you want opinions on. It ***** that things are timed this way..and of course..if it was a month earlier or a month later there would be no questions…and I would gladly be a part of your big day! Its so hard for me to even tell you this because I feel like I am letting you down! I thought about this as much as I possibly could…looked at all the aspects of things…..and tried to see how I could make it work. Please know that I have put a lot of thought into this and I think its best if maybe you have another girlfriend, Jess or someone in my place. I was so super excited….never been a maid/matron of honor before….but its just not fair to you or Jeremiah! A bride really needs someone who can be there, physically, mentally, emotionally 100% of the time.. ..
So, I would still love to go dress shopping with you on Saturday….if you would like me to go! I wanted to let you know this now so you can make your adjustments to your bridal party before you go dress shopping!
Okay, so, after a lot of thinking…..talking with brian…and more thinking…and some talking to my doctor about how I have been feeling lately….I have to give you some bad news.
I am not going to be able to be in your wedding…and it really really *****! I was so looking forward to it and was super super excited to be blessed with being a part of your special day.
However, the more I thought about it Sunday night and today….the more it all came real to me. Bride's deserve 110% of what their maid/matron of honor can give them…being there for EVERYTHING…Brides deserve everything for their big day…and I feel I wont be able to give that to you!
I am either going to be overdue and uncomfortable…..or will have a brand new baby and my body will be in a strange in between stage (with lots of unfun stuff to go with it). I have heard that for atleast 2 weeks after you have a baby that you are sore….and cant really do much of anything besides relax and focus on how to care for a newborn. And if I already have had her (which I think I will), I wont be able to leave her for that long, newborn, with breast feeding. It just wouldn’t work.
You deserve an awesome bridal shower and an even better bachelorette party…which I also would not be able to give you! We are strapped financially on top of everything else and a newborn adds the extra expense into the mix.
You need someone that can be at your gown fittings, schedule hair appointments and everything else!
Then I also thought about the chance of going into labor the night before or two nights before your wedding..and the chance of literally leaving you high and dry with absolutely no one to be there for you! How awful would that be!
This does not mean under any circumstances that I do not want to be there for you..because I do. I am honored that you thought so much of me to ask me. I want to be involved AS MUCH as possible, but I just cant commit to the wedding party. I would still love to go dress shopping with you…..and give you my opinions on things that you want opinions on. It ***** that things are timed this way..and of course..if it was a month earlier or a month later there would be no questions…and I would gladly be a part of your big day! Its so hard for me to even tell you this because I feel like I am letting you down! I thought about this as much as I possibly could…looked at all the aspects of things…..and tried to see how I could make it work. Please know that I have put a lot of thought into this and I think its best if maybe you have another girlfriend, Jess or someone in my place. I was so super excited….never been a maid/matron of honor before….but its just not fair to you or Jeremiah! A bride really needs someone who can be there, physically, mentally, emotionally 100% of the time.. ..
So, I would still love to go dress shopping with you on Saturday….if you would like me to go! I wanted to let you know this now so you can make your adjustments to your bridal party before you go dress shopping!
Ohh I misunderstood! I thought her Wedding was 9 days before your due date! Oh well that changes everything because I definitely think your little angel will be here by the Wedding. Thats going to be tough too...especially if you deliver a couple days late..by the time you get released from the hospital, get settled in with your babys new schedule..that would just be insane to be doing Wedding planning at the same time! Even if she comes really early..there's just so much to do to plan for a Wedding (especially with such a short engagement)...so unfortunately its prolly in your best interest to pass but I think its also in your friends best interest too. A bride really needs someone who can be there, physically, mentally, emotionally 100% of the time..so I think she will understand :) Good Luck!
Thanks Gina. Yea, being that the wedding is literally 9 days after my due date..I dont know what state I will be in. I am due Feb 12th, her wedding is Feb 21st.
I am going to talk to her about it all. I feel bad..but she deserves someone who can give her full attention..and right now...the best candidate is NOT me.
I am going to talk to her about it all. I feel bad..but she deserves someone who can give her full attention..and right now...the best candidate is NOT me.
I think you'll still be Pregnant for your friends Wedding BUT it will be your last week of Pregnancy which means..you think your uncomfortable and anxious now?? Like the other girls said I think its a lot to ask of you and as much as I think you could accomplish it all, I think it will be very difficult and may take away from the fun of it all. I got Married a year in a half ago and my best friend got Married the month after me...so we were both planning our Weddings at the same time, having our bachelorette parties/bridal showers at the same time..and as much fun as it was to go through that with my best friend..it was stressful because we were in each others Weddings! And I wasn't even Pregnant...I couldnt imagine! Your going to need to be in a million places at once..all your weekends from now until the Wedding are going to be booked...you'll have so many fittings for your dress and not to mention you prolly wont be feeling well!
So honestly, I think you should talk to your friend about this and tell her that your honored she asked you to be a part of her special day but you dont think its fair to her that you wont be able to do as much and be there for her like she needs someone to be. But let her know you will be there whenever you can and your so happy for her but the timing just isn't right! I think she will completely understand. Good Luck with this one, its a tough spot to be in!
So honestly, I think you should talk to your friend about this and tell her that your honored she asked you to be a part of her special day but you dont think its fair to her that you wont be able to do as much and be there for her like she needs someone to be. But let her know you will be there whenever you can and your so happy for her but the timing just isn't right! I think she will completely understand. Good Luck with this one, its a tough spot to be in!
I mean you *could* manage it all, I just think it is WAY too stressful.
You can still help plan the shower, and go to the bachelorette party, and even go to the wedding for a couple hours if you feel up to it.. I just think telling her you are beyond thrilled and want to help in every way that you can should be enough with the given circumstances! =) Just tell her you arent sure what to expect in terms of anything else, so you will be at everything you are physically comfortable to be at!
Let us know what she says, and I would definitetly talk to her ASAP!
You can still help plan the shower, and go to the bachelorette party, and even go to the wedding for a couple hours if you feel up to it.. I just think telling her you are beyond thrilled and want to help in every way that you can should be enough with the given circumstances! =) Just tell her you arent sure what to expect in terms of anything else, so you will be at everything you are physically comfortable to be at!
Let us know what she says, and I would definitetly talk to her ASAP!
Thanks Laura. Yea...i mean, now that I look at it...I think..."I dont know how I could even leave the baby that soon to go to the wedding". Its one thing if I had the baby like next week..then it could be possible...but its just not going to be managaeable.
Being that I am breastfeeding....cant really leave the baby for a FULL day for that...and then theres the bachelorette party and bridal shower that would just be WAY too much for me right now. I want to enjoy my little girl when she comes..not feel like I am trying to find time to spend with her.
I have to talk to her about all of this..and let her know NOW since all the planning is pretty much being put on a speed train to get done.
Being that I am breastfeeding....cant really leave the baby for a FULL day for that...and then theres the bachelorette party and bridal shower that would just be WAY too much for me right now. I want to enjoy my little girl when she comes..not feel like I am trying to find time to spend with her.
I have to talk to her about all of this..and let her know NOW since all the planning is pretty much being put on a speed train to get done.
I think you should talk to your friend.
I personally would tell her I was honered and want to be involved as MUCH as possible, but I dont think I would commit to being IN The wedding party. It's too much sweetie!
I understand your friends fiance' is a military guy thus they kinda have to get married when his schedule alots, but I think she will understand that you ARE HAVING A BABY!! =)
Best of luck and just talk to her. I am sure it will all work out just fine!
I personally would tell her I was honered and want to be involved as MUCH as possible, but I dont think I would commit to being IN The wedding party. It's too much sweetie!
I understand your friends fiance' is a military guy thus they kinda have to get married when his schedule alots, but I think she will understand that you ARE HAVING A BABY!! =)
Best of luck and just talk to her. I am sure it will all work out just fine!
Yea, the reason she is getting married in February is because that is when her fiancee will be home...and then he goes back to CA..and they are planning on getting a place together. They already had a trip planned for 2 weeks at the end of february, which is turning into their honeymoon now.
I guess I am really excited for her and I want to be there for her..I just dont know if I will be able to leave her....and go for an all day affair being matron of honor....
And I do plan on breast feeding so how does that come into play?
I guess I have to talk to her about all of this.
I guess I am really excited for her and I want to be there for her..I just dont know if I will be able to leave her....and go for an all day affair being matron of honor....
And I do plan on breast feeding so how does that come into play?
I guess I have to talk to her about all of this.
is there any chance she forgot you are due in February? I dont want this to sound rude but if its really important for her to have you up there with her why would she make the wedding so close to your due date?
My concern would be what if you are late and are not able to make it to the wedding b/c your having a baby!? and if you have already had her, I would think as a new mom it would be hard to leave her for that day? and are you breast feeding?
i think you should sit down with your friend and tell her how you feel, you do have some pretty major concerns and since you guys are so close talk them though, she might have some ways to make it easier for you! The best thing is to talk with her! She is probably so excited about getting engaged and planning a wedding she isnt realizing your situation and i dont mean that in a bad way at all. Talk with her! I am sure you can both work it all out and feel good about the coming baby and wedding!
Cheers!
My concern would be what if you are late and are not able to make it to the wedding b/c your having a baby!? and if you have already had her, I would think as a new mom it would be hard to leave her for that day? and are you breast feeding?
i think you should sit down with your friend and tell her how you feel, you do have some pretty major concerns and since you guys are so close talk them though, she might have some ways to make it easier for you! The best thing is to talk with her! She is probably so excited about getting engaged and planning a wedding she isnt realizing your situation and i dont mean that in a bad way at all. Talk with her! I am sure you can both work it all out and feel good about the coming baby and wedding!
Cheers!
I think that that is asking a lot of you. You'll either be very overdue and uncomfortable, not to mention finishing your own preparations for your baby, or you'll have a brand new baby and a body that is in a strange in-between stage.
I think you should reconsider, but that is my personal opinion. She should understand, especially if you're so close and have been friends for so long!
You have a bachelorette party to plan, a bridal shower, not to mention many other details for her wedding (making sure she has her hair appointment, etc.). You'll also have to be at fittings and things of that nature.
I think you should reconsider, but that is my personal opinion. She should understand, especially if you're so close and have been friends for so long!
You have a bachelorette party to plan, a bridal shower, not to mention many other details for her wedding (making sure she has her hair appointment, etc.). You'll also have to be at fittings and things of that nature.
Yea...I dont know what to do...because I dont want things to come down to a last minute delivery and for some reason not be able to make it and leave her down one person..... I think her future MIL to be is going to help out..or pretty much plan the shower.so, that is the npart I am not really too worried about...
I guess Im just worried...because I want to do everything I can for her...and dont want to be a disappointment in the end.
I guess Im just worried...because I want to do everything I can for her...and dont want to be a disappointment in the end.
That is a hard questionj. I dont know that is cutting it very close. Is there anyone else in the wedding that can help you with the duties like a shower and such, and maybe even step in if needed????? then i would think you should be fine besides leaving her already.
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