Not to be rude but....

[tobbeyj]

I am noticing ALOT of AM I PREGNANT QUESTIONS. If you think you might be pregnant, the only way of knowing for sure is to test with a urine test (which can be purchased at a local drug store) or a blood test which your doctor can arrange for you.

If you are late for your period, this does not mean that for sure you are preg. There are many reasons why a period can be delayed. Some which include change of diet, working out, stress, new birth control or coming off the pill...and the list goes on and on.

I think that these AM I PREGNANT questions are starting to get a little out of hand, and unfortunately no one on this site can tell anyone for sure whether or not they are pregnant, although I am sure we all wish we had the power to do so.

The best way to know if you are preg when TTC is to wait for a period and if and when it is late to test. Other than that, sometimes when we want to be preg sooooo badly our bodies can trick us into thinking we have the symptoms such as nausea and tender bbs...and this causes alot of stress and disappointment if and when AF arrives.

TTC is a gift that women are blessed with. We need to be patient and enjoy the moment, remain stress free and not make TTC 100% of our focus, or it seems that it does not happen as quickly.

Please do not take this post as being rude, as it it completely meant to be helpful and not hurtful.

[Limonada]

I just thought I'd add that it goes both ways, too....

I continue to read the TWW posts even though I haven't been in that "group" for awhile.  I rarely post because I'm conscious about not appearing to be "rubbing it in" or something.  I'm the first one to admit that I don't know what it's like to TTC for months and months, but I still empathize with you and I always feel disappointed for you when I see that you've gotten another BFN.  I really do pray that 2010 will be your year!!

As excited as I was, it was hard for me to post that I'd gotten a BFP back in May, during my second cycle trying, knowing that there'd be some women out there thinking "she's been trying for a month and she's already pregnant...it's NOT FAIR!"  I agree - it ISN'T fair:  if I had my way, it would be like that for everyone TTC.

[mami1323]

I think that what is perceived at rudeness is just the fact that the question is asked all the time all day.  I don't feel like it is so much cliqueness on here but the fact that long term members, like myself, move past those questions because we see it all too often and constantly answer it the same way "take a test".  I know if a member on here that has been a long standing member asks a question, I will answer it because I know that person.  There are just too many of the same questions daily.  You can visit the archives and look up those questions.  I'm sure at some point someone has asked the very same thing.  What frustrates me more is the ones who test negative over and over and keep saying could they be pregnant, when they receive an answer they keep insisting that they must be.  Those are the ones that are annoying to me.  But I have answered some of the "am I pregnant" posts but I tend to skip a lot because of the frequency of all of them.

[mrspookie]

I agree it is frustrating to see these posts that ask the "am I pregnant" question but honestly it is your right to refuse to read and answer or to answer these.  I think that this site is a GREAT site and that people are warm and comforting and sharing but at the same time you have to understand not everyone knows what you know.  I googled my issue many times about my brown discharge thingy and still wanted to know other's opinions.  It's not so silly to keep asking the am I pregnant or other repetitive questions b/c what someone else may have answered to a previous post might not be as reassuring to the next person.  I say, just pass the post if you don't care to read it and keep it moving... lol

Just my opinion.

[JoyRenee]

LOL- Atia, I know what you mean. And that's part of the educating process, too, to share information to those who also give seemingly false information. I know when I first joined MedHelp (under a different username) I gave SO MUCH false information. People helped correct me and educate me (like tarajanes, for instance) and now I try to only answer if I know the correct information in complete certainty. Very well said!

[Atia_Julii]

I also see both sides. Like Joy said. . . It is frustrating at times to see the same things asked over and over, but I guess that is the nature of the message board.  I also get frustrated seeing some of the answers to the questions people ask are just blatantly incorrect.  I was TTC for quite some time, so I feel knowledgeable on the subject. I get frustrated when people answer with such incorrect information.  I mean, where do people get this information?

I guess we just all need to realize that these aren't doctor's opinions.  They are opinions of people who come from all different levels of education and experience.  

And if all else fails. . . ask your doctor.  That's where the majority of the answers are.

[Ker84]

Hiya Gillianl,

I totally agree, it seems that whilst were in the same boat as others TTC that were all a rock of support for one another but then the moment someone gets the BFP were forgotten as they go onto other forums! It would be nice that the lucky ladies that do fall pregnant dont forget us and share their knowledge and info with us!!! I can imagine some may just want to put their difficult times behind them and i appreciate that and understand that but just thought would show that i share the same opinion as Gillianl.

Good luck to all pregnant and TTC xxx

[gillianl]

I understand these comments from both points also.  I have never conceived but have been ttc for 30 months, at the start when i was ttc every symptom i had i posted online and every month i got a BFN i was devastated and still am at times.  But after ttc for so long i've now given up on looking for signs, yes i still put the odd " i have brown discharge is there a chance?" on as you read some posts and some women who are pregnant get these symptoms, i always pray there is a chance.  The only thing i will criticise on is when some women who are ttc become pregnant it's like the rest of us don't exist, it's like they've forgotten what it feels like to ttc for so long so our comments are ignored.

I do like this site as a lot of the women are very helpful but i just feel everyone needs to take a step back and think of how the person at the other end of the message is feeling especially if you've never been in their shoes, like me ttc for 30 months with no joy.

I wish everyone all the luck and best wishes in the world either ttc or a happy healthy 9 months!!

[gokuangel]

I understand both points of view! The am i ?'s are annoying but i do also see what people are saying about some people really not knowing! i just think maybe there should be a sticky post put up with info to help those instead of the whole forum being taken up with these questions! with a sticky post every1 who does have some good advice can stick it there and when some1 needs it they can go through it!

[AngellaHas2]

Wow! I have had to take a step back from this post, befor I said something that would hurt someones feeling.

I like many get upset with seeing all the "am I questions"! But that is how I came across this site. And had I not googled it when I did, I wouldent be here.

Weather or not people get let down or false hope, we are in this together. Like a internet family. Its so nice being able to log online and talk with real woman who struggle with all the questions and concerns that I do.

I think I have posted atleast 20 or more times about think I was, and it turns out I was not. Yes I was hurt, but I had my friends on this site to incourage me to keep trying, and not give up. And that their is hope for everyone. Just like the woman in here that was getting ready to adopt, and had been trying for a child for over 10 years. And just found out she was having a baby.

I'm kind of affended by this thread. And if I was new to the site and seen this thread, just reading it, would make me not even want to join.

I thought this form was to help people, not push them away. We may not be doctors or a EPT test, but we share are experiances, or see if we are feeling something someone else has.

Sorry.. Its ur opinion, I just don"t agree with how u said it!

I am sounding bad right now, and I am sorry if I come across wrong. But I'm just bothered by this.

[ziggysgrl0724]

Here is my opinion for what its worth, even though I know some of it may have already been said.  Certain times call for giving people hope, certain times call for honesty.  When someone who is getting negative tests(with or without symptoms) or hasn't even tested yet comes on here asking about it, it is my firm believe that telling them that they do in fact "sound pregnant" is giving them a great injustice.  You cannot tell someone they sound pregnant based on symptoms.  All three of my pregnancies where symptomless until I got a BFP.....the early pregnancy symptoms can mean ANYTHING and for someone who wishes more then anything to be pregnant....telling them you think they are when you have no possible idea is, in my opinion, naive.  It gets hopes up..and when the true BFN comes it makes handling it all the more harder.

Now for the time when giving hope is good.  When women come on here that have legitimate BFP's that are spotting, or not feeling right, or has a bad ultrasound or something like that.  These are the women that need the hope and the encouraging words..I myself sought these many times during my last pregnancy when I was almost sure I was miscarrying(but didn't).

Basically what I am trying to get at, is that there is a line.  When woman are TTC, they need hope and encouragement that IT WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY....but they don't need people telling them it has happened with no justifiable proof.  Sorry if this is rantish, just my opinion.

[JoyRenee]

I see both points- yes it gets very tiring seeing the same questions over and over. But I also believe in educating women b/c they aren't always knowledgeable in this area. I remember being 16 and wondering if I was pregnant after messing around (no penetration) so I can see myself asking many of these questions, not as an adult, but as an uneducated 16-yr-old. Obviously I've really studied pregnancy, childbirth, conception the past several years or I wouldn't be here.

Many of my responses lately are quite short and blunt b/c I nurse the baby while I type so I can only type w/ one hand (like right now- this is taking forever to type out!!!). I appreciate all that you guys do in answering questions or even responding to tell someone "I don't know but we're here for you!" Keep it up ladies!

[CA25]

I really like this forum but it seems to me that some people answer people questions with such rudeness at times. I do agree that some posters may write things to hype things up and get people mad to write on the post because they have nothing better to do. I have seen this happen since i have been on here. I myself too have posted quesrions and have not recieved answers. Everyone body is different so of course people will have questions about "Do you think I might be pregnant". Especially when you missed a period for so long and with symptoms.

[smjmekg]

I agree, I hate seeing someone get there hopes up only to have them smashed. It is heartbreaking, I myself had a short little cry the other day when AF showed. I can't begin to imagine how these women who have been TTC for 20 something + months feel...glad you weren't offended. I've seen some jump all over others not understanding where they're coming from. It's hard to tell in writing how someone's really feeling. Good to know we're on the same page though, I wish there were more people out there who were interested in teaching these young women/women in general...it's actually kind of sad how little some know.

[tobbeyj]

I guess that is one way of looking at it....hence why I try to be supportive and answer them in ways that will not get anyone's hopes up you know.

[tobbeyj]

I did not take it personally - don't worry and don't feel badly. I, as you know can understand that sometimes when we try to explain something in writing, it is difficult to say it in a non-offensive way. No offense taken at all.

[izttc]

i think that you can read all the facts that you want. it's not necessarily about someone else foretelling if you're pregnant or not. i don't think that person always wants an answer to "Am I Pregnant?" so much as support. it's more like you just want support from others in the same situation. you want to see if you can relate to someone else. reading a website with signs, symptoms, and facts is completely different than relating to actual human beings offering to support you. that's how i see it.

[tobbeyj]

Thanks for clarifying. I also try to say the same thing...hang in there and the best thing you can do is test when AF is late. Not all of us reply like that giving false hope to these ladies. I have been in the fasle hope shoes and it was HORRIBLE and STRESSFUL and HEARTBREAKING and I guess what I was trying to suggest is maybe that we should be careful how we answer these q's. :)

[smjmekg]

BTW the post on you being pregnant wasn't to attack you or anything, it was simply to point out it's a similar situation, of repeated questions. You may get to the point where you want to write this same type of post to the "is this a sign of labor" posts. There's always going to be these kinds of questions no matter what we do...I apologize if that post was rude, as I look back on it, it may have been taken the wrong way. BUT I meant absolutely NO harm in it whatsoever.

[tobbeyj]

Thanks for your understanding. I also get frustrated at the ppl who are not teaching their kids but as an educator, I have patience for that and a heart to help them. Anyhow I will not say anymore. I dont quite get what you mean by "Nah I think more of us feel like you do sometimes than we care to admit.."  can u explain. I try to reply to as many posts as I can as I also appreciate when ppl reply to mine, and find it helpful. I am thankful to be blessed to be preg again, but like many of the women on this site, it has been a long and emotional journey for my hubby and I too.

[smjmekg]

I hope you don't think I was offended, or hurt. I was just pointing out different ways of looking at it. I'm glad you thought of posting it, like I said in my original post not everyone will see your post, or the q & a about pregnancy that's on the forum. I don't always answer these questions, because I do sometimes get tired of typing the same thing, over and over, but when I answer I almost always say the exact same thing...to "wait until you miss your period and test with FMU" or something along those lines, and add in to see the doctor if it's neg and they don't get AF still...I try not to give false hope, so when they ask about specific symptoms I say yes, but it's also PMS too. I hope also that I'm not giving any other ladies a false sense of my opinion of either your post or these posters. They do need a reality check and the cold hard truth once in a while, but we still do need to be sympathetic to them, and helpful. That's what this site is all about.

[Ashelen]

Nah I think more of us feel like you do sometimes than we care to admit..it does get frustrating, but I get angry at the people who are not educating their children (no matter how old the child with the question...14....24...40..) and not the poster. I understand what you mean about sometimes the only answer being "Duh take an HPT" but even that helps sometimes I think :) they just want to hear it from women who have been there, since doctors make themselves so generally inaccessible :)

[tobbeyj]

WOW! Quite the response. Thanks for the responses ladies. LIke some of you have said, this is an open forum and we all have the right to ask questions and get answers. I just feel sooo bad for some of these ladies who get their hopes up every month because they have some symptoms and then feel terribly hurt when AF arrives. I was in their shoes too and quite honestly the only way to answer these posts is to simply suggest these women take tests. I hate to tell someone that it sounds likely that they are preg and then only to see that AF arrives....how heatbreaking. I have been through enough with two losses including one at 20 weeks and TTC etc. and I think that it is important to enjoy the journey and simply wait for the test to tell you whether or not you are preg. I am firm believer that the more you focus on the job, when it comes to TTC of course, the harder the task is. Again thanks for your responses...I do choose to answer some q's and not others, and I do not belong to any cliques on this site. I talk to no one 1:1 and nor have I ever even noticed cliques in the past. Interesting though. Again like I said in my original post, I did not mean to make it hurtful, but simple helpful....but as I can tell now, some ppl decided to take it personally. Sorry for offending anyone, Good luck TTC and with your pregs :)

[Ashelen]

That's exactly why I posted the "Am I pregnant?" list of questions and answers....soooo many times "new" posters don't get responses because the site is a bit cliquey....I've posted several times and not gotten responses, and I try not to take it personally but I start to get irritated when non-important questions from more popular posters get answered right away.....but I'm pretty passive so I just pass it off and let it roll off my shoulders and try to find an answer elsewhere. But if I were having a pregnancy scare and people refused to answer me because I wasn't a "regular poster" I would be hurt and upset, and even more scared because no one would help me.....so if you're tired of responding to the "am i pregnant" posts it's most likely because you're one of the rare and wonderful women who read ALL posts and try your best to help everyone who comes here....don't give up, keep at it! everyone deserves a response :)

[isthisnormal]

I agree with the comments about the cliques. Especially when certain women post questions/comments - they're the first to get answers/replies. One person who posts that she's pregnant or has had her baby could get dozens of congratulations, whereas another woman could post the same news and get two or three. It doesn't seem to fair.

But I do agree with the fact that no one on this site can confirm for sure whether or not anyone is pregnant.