OT- PPD or just stresses of new parenthood?

[lin_z_ttc1]

I know this is a pregnancy forum, but most of you ladies already have atleast one child, and you are so knowledgable, I though maybe you could help me out..

I'm almost 8wks PP from my first, a beautiful litte girl named Marley. She was more than planned, DH and I TTC for 3 1/2 years, and did 6mo of fertility treatments to finally get pregnant with her. I want to start out by saying I LOVE HER VERY MUCH, and I WOULD NEVER HURT HER. With that said....

We've battled colic over the past month or so. We changed her formula, and got her some dr. browns bottles, which seemed to help, along with some tummy soother medicine. Some days are near perfect, others she cries inconsolably for hours on end. I get so frustrated I give her to DH and walk away. She never "works up to" a cry, she goes from fine, to the most shrill, ear ringing scream you will ever hear in 2 seconds flat. I never scream or yell directly at her, because I know its not her fault, but I have lost my temper and elevated my voice and said things like "what can I do?!?!" "HUSH!" etc.

I feel so guilty, because I'm afraid she picks up on the resentment and frustration I have at times. At night is when I'm so low on patience DH becomes the primary caregiver. I feel like she likes him more, that she will begin to start wanting him for everything, because mommy didn't comfort her, or tend to her needs as much as him. She already smiles at him way more than me. I feel bad for not being as patient and helping DH with the night feedings and changings. I feel like he thinks I'm a horrible mother (although he's never said it) because at times I can't even hold her, I'm on such an edge.

We both work so I feel bad that he's losing more sleep than me, however, I will make the bottle for him, and sometimes sit up and talk to him while he tends to her. I feel bad for not feeling bad about leaving her during the day while I work. I haven't had much, if any seperation anxiety. I can't really tell if we've "bonded" yet, but I do love her. I can sit and hold her for hours while she sleeps or when she just looks around contently. I just sometimes feel like such a failure because I'm not as nurturing, or compassionate, or patient as I thought I should be as a mom.

I prayed to God for months and months to give me a child, but now I question if I was ready or good enough to have one?

Sorry its soo long, I would just like to know if this is normal or not...

[Heatherm4]

I feel for you. I too have a very demanding child. For 2 months I have been online and spending most of my free time trying to find out what has been wrong with my son.

I felt exactly like you only I'm home with him all day so by the end of the day when DH gets home I'm finished. I have to hand him over because I'm so terribly physically and mentally exhausted. I also have had to walk away, get out of the house or just have a total breakdown. My son can also go from content to screaming in a few seconds flat! I too thought PDD because it's sounds so terrible but you know how those parents feel that get to that breaking point. You are not alone and it's soo great you have such a supportive DH. You are NOT a bad Mom!!
My son is also quite demanding....for the first 2 months he was so laid back and I could leave him be so I could even go shower but after that he just wants me constantly around or at least someone around. I am buying a sling this week so I can get more things done around my house!
One thing that I've done differently is actually taking the milk out of my diet because I breastfeed. It's only been a week but I've noticed quite a change in the last few days! Hopefully he keeps it up. He's still quite demanding in attention but cries and screams much less!! Have you changed her diet to a formula without milk proteins?
Things will get better, I promise!! They say colicky babies will grow out of it as well!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

PPD is very tricky and can manifest itself differently.  Even in the same woman but different pregnancies.  

Your feelings/actions do not make you broken or make you a bad mom.  It makes you human.  As a mother of Five...yes FIVE, I can tell you that it is COMPLETELY normal to feel overwhelmed, even with just one...especially with your first.  You are still learning how to be a parent.  Lack of sleep, constant fussiness in the baby, inability to soothe the baby, all of that takes it's toll on you.  

It's hard to say whether or not it's PPD or just frusteration, but it wouldn't hurt to speak with your doctor.  

Joy has some very good advice in her reply.  I would just further it by saying that if you feel your behavior is uncharacteristic of you, even under stress, that a conversation with your doctor about your options could be beneficial.

One thing I HIGHLY recommend aside from taking time to yourself is to get out in the sunlight.  It helps IMMENSLY with your mood.  If you have to, nap when your baby is napping-so what if the dusting or sweeping doesn't get done., if the clothes are clean but not folded and put away, who cares.  What matters is that you and your baby are happy and healthy...the rest can wait.  Like my mom used to tell me...the dirt isn't going anywhere, it'll still be there waiting for you to clean it when you are rested and have time :)



I remember with my 2nd child, she was never colicy but she was very demanding and NEVER happy. I spent MOST nights pacing the floors with her as she screamed her head off.  I was so sleep deprived I was physically ill most days.  I yelled at everyone, I was always pissed off.  I was later (about 3 years later) diagnosed with general depression so I think that I had the underlying condition but it was exacerbated by the cirucmstances.  

[lin_z_ttc1]

Thanks you I really appreciate your insight and your support! I feel some better, Marley has slept 6 hours a night for the past 3 nights, and I can honestly tell you that rest has made a world of difference. She's not nearly as fussy, I feel I can cope a little better when she gets upset. I still feel kind of jealous, I guess you could call it that, at the fact that she is so mesmorized by DH. I mean I do think its cute, she's such a daddy's girl, but the fact that she always follows him with her eyes when he's walking around, and stares so intently at him constantly, when I can't hold her focus for more than 10 seconds at a time, is kind of painful. In my mind, the reason she clings so much to him now, is because I haven't been as emotionally, or physically available when she gets upset.

I keep telling myself that it takes a LOT of work to be a parent, and this too shall pass. I've got back into going to the gym after work, and that too helps alot. I get to burn some stress and focus on me for an hour before I pick her up. DH continues to be supportive, and more than helpful, and while I don't think I'm suffering from PPD (or maybe I just don't want to admit it yet) I am keeping a close eye on it. If it doesn't continue to improve or gets worse I will be making a call to my doctor very soon.

Again, thank you soo much for your kind words of wisedom, I really needed to hear it! :0)

[JoyRenee]

First - you are NOT broken! I cannot tell you how many times I raise my voice in frustration with myself and feel inadequate. Seriously read my blog. About every week I post something about how I have NO CLUE what I am doing. None of us are prepared for this, there's no manual for babies and even those who are seemingly blessed with this deep 'mother's intuition' have their moments.

It's hard, really hard, to take care of a demanding baby. It wears you out, you lose your patience, you get frustrated, etc. You wonder if there's something you did wrong or if there is something wrong with them. And it is so so so easy to care and bond for a baby that is just content with the world and never seems to get upset (that would be my second born; my other two daughters are VERY demanding).

I do not know if this is a part of PPD or just a part of learning the ropes as a new mom. I would think it is more the latter. PPD is more or less feelings of hopelessness and wanting to harm yourself or baby (that is an extreme; not everyone with PPD feels that extreme).

My first daughter would never let me put her down. Ever. It was bloodcurdling screaming until she was hyperventilating if I put her down. She slept in bed with me (though I do strongly support co-sleeping so that's not a huge deal to me), I held her while I peed, held her while I cooked. I snuck in showers so long as Daddy was home to hold her (she hated him, or anyone else, holding her until she was older). At the time I didn't really think about it but a sling or a baby carrier of some type would have been PERFECT for us.

I would invest in a wrap, sling or other baby carrier. The effects of using one are so beneficial for baby that it may help with the colic or tummy issues (the pressure of your tummies pushing together and her being able to rock to sleep while in a sitting position rather than laying down). She MAY hate it at first so keep trying. My youngest also loves to be held constantly so I got a wrap. The first time I put her in it she yelled for a few minutes and then grew content to look around and then babbled, chewed on the wrap and eventually would rock to sleep as I swayed and moved about the house.

One other thing is you HAVE to stop beating yourself up. I'm definitely not as nurturing or patient as I expected to be either. And I'm not saying I'm a horrible mom. I'm just saying that I get frustrated far more easily than I ever expected having worked with children all my life. Instead of beating yourself up you should post up notes to your mirror with positive qualities about yourself.