Pray for my SIL PLEASE!!!

[ashiepooh]

My SIL had her baby January 10, 2009.  Yesterday she woke to her beautiful little daughter not breathing.  Her heart had been stopped for 30 minutes before they got her revived!  She wouldn't and couln't breathe on her own.  They had her on the machines for 6 hours, while she sat there and bawl her eyes out with the only comfort I could give her was to cry with her!  They told her there was less than a 10% chance she would even make it.  Finally, after the 6 hours, she decided it was better for everyone if they pulled the plug.  She made it 15 minutes in my SIL's arms before she passed away!  

I sat there with her, trying in everyway to comfort her, and she held on for dear life to her little girl for 8 more hours!  And she finally let her go.  My heart is with her, and she isn't (my SIL) isn't doing good what so ever.  When her Grandma died 4 years ago, 4 days later she took an entire bottle of excedrin pm and ended up in the hospital not knowing where she was or how she got there.  The stupid hospital gave her percocets for the pain of losing her daughter.  And now we're all taking turns watching her.  She needs your prayers to get through this tragedy!  

I feel guilty about being around her since our babies would have been closer than anything, and so does my husband.  But if you guys have any advice that I could give her, or words of excouragement I would appreciate it!  

R.I.P. Sophia Joleen 1/10/09 - 1/18/09

[omobolanle fagbemi]

I wish i could meet your SIL. I had fever 2 weeks to my due date and considered an induction, but my MIL and DH refused. I eventually had her 20 days after, 5 days later than EDD, till today i still believe she would have lived if i had the induction. But the truth is she's gone forever. your SIL will only feel worse if she thinks it could have happened differently if she made the other decision, it's human to think that way but there's no guarnty things would have been better. What if she lived now and died later wouldn't it be worse for us everyone? I think i'll stick to alwhopeful short verses. All that's needed is prayer for courage to bear the loss. It's horrible, no need to sound pretty. the pain is excruciating. i'm sorry, i hope i'm helping.

[richeygirl]

My thoughts & prayers are with her & the entire family, may god bless you all.

[alwshopeful]

I am SO sorry for you SIL!!  I had a friend who went through the same scenario.  However, her baby angel Alexander did not make it out of the womb.  She was 32 weeks and woke up one morning and couldn't feel him move.  Much to our surprise, he had the cord wrapped.  Like most all have said, the most supportive thing you can do is just be there for her at her beck and call!!  I was there for my friend and just a sound board for her to vent.  My friend has just now come to terms, but still cries at the thought.  I will keep your SIL in my thoughts and prayers as long as she needs it!!

I recently made a picture frame for my friend with the following quote.  She hung it up above her bed as a reminder that her angel is always with her.  Maybe this may help your SIL a little bit, but I would wait a bit as I know how sensitive the subject is.  Hope this helps!

"An angel in the book of life,
wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book,
Too beautiful for earth."
-author unknown.

I actually got this quote from one of the members on here!  It worked wonders for her and has helped her immensely!!  It's a shadow so she has put little keepsakes in there as well.

[ashiepooh]

We're randomly popping in every few hours to see if she needs anything or wants to come with and all that.  She gave me a bunch of the clothes she had, and I put them in boxes.  She took a bunch of stuff back and returned it.  

Right now, she is self doubting.  She had to be induced because she had preclapsemia, she was in labor for 72 hours, and 4 hours of pushing and ended in a c-section, so now she is wondering if she waited the two weeks till her due date, if her daughter would have passed inside her, or been alright.  We still haven't gotten the sutopsy results, which makes it hard on her.  She wants to know there was a reason this happened.  

She has a meeting tonight with a support group, so my husband will inform me on how that goes.  =)

[omobolanle fagbemi]

I just lost my baby girl last November, she was two days old and i never had the chance to hold her once. I don't have to imagine what your SIL is going through. When i returned from the hosp, my MIL had removed everything we bot for the baby, which was the best. i would have trashed them myself in anger. so sorry, please make sure you or a loved one is always around not necessarily beside her always, it could be very annoying. it's been months and it still feel like yesterday. lol

[daisymomlove]

wow that brings back so many haunting memories.  I never had the choice to pull the plug on my lilttle girl, but I know what she is going through.  My daughter was just playing and I thought that she was takeing a nap with her being the only child at the time so I let it go for about half an hour and so during that whole half an hour she really wasn't breathing.  The ambulance took their good ole time and did the SPEED LIMIT going to the hospital.  I stood there in the ER for about a half an hour while they shoved ivs in her and did CPR.  Haveing to make the decision on pulling the plug would have made me insane.  But I still blame the hospital to this day cause if they would have got there faster then they could have done something more.  But takeing the clothes and diapers for now would probably be the best thing.  I would leave alittle something behing though.  Just put them away and don't use them and when the day comes that she has enough courage.....offer them back to her maybe after the support group thing and some of the things just might help her through her hard life.  It did me.  I keep a little bit of stuff then once I learned to cope alittle I got very depressed because I gave it all to my sisters.  Now it would have made me feel better if they still had the things to offer back to me what I wanted.  There really isn't anything that you can say to comfort or even say "i know" because that makes people more upset when they say I know how you feel.  I agree with everyone if she wants her space give it to her but secretely watch her somehow.  I tried to od on pills as well and at that time nothing was going through my head.  But if it wasn't for my best friend, my lover, and my life (my boyfriend her step dad) I woldn't be here today with my second daughter and the on e I' preggo with today.  You're a good friend and SIL to her I can tell and one day shell thank you although it seems like she hates the world right now but shell be like that for a while.  Just keeping doing what you're doing but indeed somehow still keep an eye out for her.

[PENNY1705]

i am so sorry.

[JoyRenee]

Oh ashiepooh, I'm so very sorry. Funerals are never ever easy, especially when it is for a baby or child. My heart really does ache reading about this and even I am crying, and I don't know you IRL.

Take it easy. Sounds like your SIL is doing good so far but there are going to be days where she is inconsolable, angry, or downright depressed. It is a very long road. She will never get over this but with time the pain WILL lessen. It's very hard to see loved ones hurting while you stand by powerless to help them.

Just be there for her. That's all we can ever do. I love that she'll have a memory box for her little girl. And I just wanted to say, again, how very sorry I am! I was about to make a post to ask for an update before I found this. Please know I've been thinking of you and your niece for the past few days!

[ashiepooh]

As far as we know there was no problems with the little girl.  BUT on the dads side of the family, there is a huge history of lung problems.  In a way, I hope they can tell us it was something with the lungs, so there was physically a reason she had to be taken.  But we still don't know the results.

I have to tell you ladies today was one of the hardest days i've ever had to deal with.  Trying to not cry and keep it together worked for an hour, and then I couldn't stop!  I couldn't bare to actually go and look at her in the casket either.  But everyone had beautiful things to say!  

Thank you ladies for all your prayers!  I did have her read all this too, and she said it is comfort

[Mea426]

Will be praying for her...hope all goes well! :)

[utchick]

omg i so cried while reading this post thats the worst thing that could happen to a person and if i was you id stay by her side and be there no matter what its all you con do and shes in my prayers just help her keep it together and keep her safe from harm

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

that is so horrible, for a parent to loose their child it is the worst thing in the world. i cant even imagion the pain she is going through, that is my biggest fear. i dont understand why this would happen to people, was she a healthy baby? im so sorry i will keep her in my prayers, i hope she will pull through my moms brother lost their son at 7 months due to a hole in the heart. its horrible!

[LIL_LADY24]

OMG my prayers are with ur family and ur SIL.........Lord give her strength and carry her burdens.....Lord keep her and let her know that you are with her.. Lord heal her and protect her from unseen harm and danger while she mourn...Lord we know that you are the one that births us and the one that taketh us so Lord let her know that her sweet baby is in your arms, protected and safe......Lord bring as many sunny days her way and hide the darkest.......and Lord most of all let her keep her faith in you and continue to shed your blessings and love on this family and this mother...........AMEN!!!!!!!!!!

[ashiepooh]

Thank you Ladies!  My SIL set the funeral for tomorrow, so she says she can handle it, me not so much.  I think i'm going to be the worst emotional wreck in the world!  I've been trying my ahrdest not to cry because I've been around my SIL all week, and I told her, tomorrow I may not beable to shut the waterworks off!  

We all believe she has reached a bit of a milestone, she can talk about her and not cry the entire time!  I know this will be a super long process!  But she wrote out beautiful letters about how she is feeling, which will go in her Sophia box.

I was going through the store and I saw this picture frame that I am going to give to her.  It actually holds a SSN Birth certificate, and has room for all the Hospital Keepsake pics she had taken.  Which she gets in 8 weeks!  And on the frame it has a nice poem about Loving those who you've lost.  

I've let her know there is so many people praying for her, and my husband let her know about the support group, and she actually had us set it up and wants him to go to the first one with her.  But I wanted to update you all, and now I am off to get clothes for tomorrow.

[zakanunu]

This is the most saddest news i have heard all day. I am so sorry that this had to happen to your SIL. Be strong and be there for her. I know its difficult but she is going to need all the love and attention in the world.  Keep the baby's things with its tags and receipts.  She might want to keep it or she might want to return it sooner or later.  May God be with you and your family at this time.

[smileluvr]

I just shared your story with my fiance. His son died in his arms and he told me to tell you that you should keep the clothes and items she gives you, because sometimes they help in the grieving process.

I am so sorry for your family's loss. This is heartbreaking. I will keep you and your SIL in my prayers.

[keepurfaith]

My heart just sank to my stomach! I want to cry! I can't believe someone has to go through this. I feel for all of you and I'll keep you in my thoughts. It certainly makes me thankful for the things I do have and to never take life for granted. Omg, I just don't know what to say. I'm a loss for words. It's just so sad! I.... I don't know what you can tell her other than show how much support you have for her. I can't imagine how I would ever pull through something like this if it weren't for my supporters. So just be there for her and let her know that MANY people are praying for her.

[kimbole2]

Your family is in my prayers.

[babypooh]

I am sooooooo truly sorry for her loss. I cannot imagine a greater pain than losing our child. This made me cry. I'm just so saddened. I'm very sorry. I just can't imagine anything making her feel better right now, honey. Just offer a ton of hugs and kisses. Let her know we're all praying for her and for Sophia Joleen. That little angel.  May God keep her soul.

[Diane1003]

I remember reading an arcticle a few years ago that there is no word for a parent that looses their child - it's too painful to even have a term for such a concept.  My condolences to you and your family.

[Latrice414]

That is such a tragedy, there are no words to comfort one who has suffered a loss, the important thing is for her to lean on God as much as possible in this time of tragedy. Having a good  strong support system of her family and friends to be there for her is needed at this time.

My son who is 13 lost his best friend last june(he was 15) same time i had a m/c, it was an awful month for me, for i had to be strong and put my greiving of my m/c to the side to be there for my son for this was his first time experiencing death of a loved one, and we both prayed everyday and we was thankful to have such a good support system. To this day my son still have episodes of sadness and i feel like such a bad parent at times bcuz i cant take his pain away, but i am there to listen and hold him.

I will keep you SIL in my prayers that God gives her the strength and power to make it threw such a tragic time and that eventually she will have a piece of mind after greiving.

XOXO; my heart goes to her entire family.

[amy0013]

What an awful awful nightmare.  I am so sorry that she (and your family) has to endure this.  :(  I have been wondering how you have been, too.  I hadn't seen many recent posts from you.  

[fungirl1011]

I am so very sorry that your sil and your family has to go through such a terrible tragedy.  I will be praying for all of you.

[martikadragoon]

Thats so sad. It always makes me tear up when I hear about a baby, parent, or family member who's had this happen to them.