Pregnant & Unhappy

[purplecupcakeglitter]

Is it normal to be unhappy and depressed after finding out you are pregnant? I am now about 6 weeks pregnant and I am unhappy. My husband wanted another child ( my daughter is only 13 months), and I did not, he kept after me to have another baby and his mother kept hinting about it, and I kept telling him I am not ready. Well, I ended up pregnant! I am not completely happy about this, but I have a small thought that having another child might be okay. I am slightly depressed about this situation. I am just looking for some feedback & I just want to talk about it.

[Ashelen]

Not a problem feel free to talk to me whenever you need to about it...I went through it all with my 2nd pregnancy. Guilt, fear, anger, frustration....

we had NOT planned to be pregnant that soon. after my daughter was born, I had a very bad infection and they told me that I had so much scar tissue in my uterus that I would never conceive again. So when we started trying to get pregnant after my daughter's first birthday we thought it would take YEARS....IF we ever conceived. Well A month later I'm pregnant and the doctor doing the ultrasound goes "what scar tissue?" LOL...so..you just never know., life has odd plans for us sometimes that we don't get told about until it's already happening.

But my son is an ANGEL I am SO HAPPY we had him....he makes my life just as special and complete as my daughter does, and I wouldn't change what happened for the world.

But I won't lie, there were times during my pregnancy that I doubted myself, and got terribly depressed and frightened, and felt guilty because I was SURE my daughter would feel unloved...but it was all for nothing because our family is SO happy and loving and my kids are in love with each other so much...it's all been worth it!

let me know what your ultrasound says, OK? I'll be checking back for updates!

[sakazmi]

true as i said its a matter of time. when she will see a heartbeat of baby from her first scan she will actually feel very good. i have seen some women going for babies again and again because the love the feeling of 9 months and than holding a new born baby in there hands for the first time. and mostly excitement what will they be having either its boy or a girl.

all you need is support. God has created women to be very strong if she can go through blizzards of rough times. i think taking care of kids is piece of cake. however being a human being its become difficult when you actually want something for you self as well. so alot of women actually choose path where there kids lead them to.

Leave it God. and hope for best. and i am sure everything will turn out fine.. so take care of your self. stop stressing on nature's thing. :)

[Emily_MHManager]

Hi everyone -

Let's please remember that we are a support site, and we are here to support everyone.  Every woman in this community has a different situation, and comes from different places with different backgrounds, and will have different reactions to pregnancy as all of those things factor in.

It's tragic to lose a baby that was so wanted, but everyone who posts here is entitled to get the support they ask for.

To purplecupcakeglitter (and anyone else with a similar history), we also have an Abuse Community with some wonderful people who can help support you as you work through your past with a therapist.  You can find it here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Abuse-Support/show/147

Best of luck to you all,

Emily

[purplecupcakeglitter]

Thank You SO MUCH, It is much easier to hear from a mother currently in the situation I will be in. Before I got pregnant this time around I convinced myself that I was NOT having another child until my daughter was older and it made this reality much much harder to sort out in my head. I have a sonogram tomorrow and I believe that it will help me to feel better about it. I am also very curious as to how far along I am, (the doctor told me around 5 weeks) but I had a short/ lighter period last month so I could be farther along than that.

[Ashelen]

sorry by "it's tough, but easy" i mean that you WILL have more to do, that's just sheer math, but you will find that it comes more easily.

[stacey10]

yup totally agree about the husband thing :) I have 10 and 4 are teenagers the rest are from 11 down to a 7 month old, my life at the moment is my kids and thats the life I have chosen, for some, they have to go back to work, we are a low income family but are still better off with me staying at home verses childcare, maybe your sister in-law is suffering from abit of depression and feels abit trapped... we have no family support, husbands family live in another state and mine live in another country, its hard, but it can be done :)

[sakazmi]

it went down the drain :( i m sorry i m very lazy today and making so much typing mistakes please friends do not mind my spelling mistakes....

[sakazmi]

i know i have 5 sis in law. my 3rd is has three girls and they are year a apart. she tells me all the time she has no life of her own. as she has masters degree and she had a good job and she wanted to drive. i went down the drain. she has no time for work. she hardly changes her cloths. whenever i phone her or go to her house. all she i see her doing is taking care of kids.
but i think stacey if you have a supporting husband everything is possible. or even supporting family to take care or help with kids i think women can do just fine. :) thats why i recommended her that her husband should be involved in every step they make for babies sake. and its not only her responsibility to take care of kids but his too. so if he is helpful they can easily take care of kids..

[stacey10]

I have had lots of my babies close together and they have been just fine with the new arrival, it all depends on how you prepare your exisiting child/baby and if you involve them once baby is here, if you exclude them from holding or helping with baby and block them out, then yes they will  have   jeloust issues but if they feel involved in baby life they then accept bub and become very protective of bub as well

[sakazmi]

will not be able... God i am so dumb in typing i need tea... any way thats what i meant

[sakazmi]

babe i know its hard i am just bleeding my baby out. MC is very hard situation. sometimes it easy for one woman and hard for another to conceive. and i know what you mean by she should be happy. however i think she also needs space. having a first baby is happiness in itself. its not only hard on mother herself but on the child it self too. her baby girl will only be 2 and she will already be competing with another baby. which sometimes cause problems in children such as attention seeking, aggression, jealousy towards second child. its take time for them to grow out of it. i believe every woman and child has right to spend at least 3 yrs with there baby. when one baby is in school and other one is born its very easy for both mother and the first child. as one will be spending time in school mostly will be able to notice much split of love between second and mother has time to spend time with both kids.
i have done child psychology and i know how it effects kids and mother. :)

[Clysta]

You would be amazed at what you can do when you need to. I know many, many women who have had children close together and make it work and I'm sure they will comment on here as well. You'll find a pattern and a groove for how to do things, it will just take time. Important things to remember.

--your house doesn't need to be perfect. Clothing, dishes, dusting.. These can all wait. You will always have housework.
--nap when they do and get all the sleep you can. Everything is easier to do when you're not sleep deprived.
--accept any and all help, and don't hesitate to ask others for help.
--take it a day at a time. Don't freak out about how you will do things later down the road.

[stacey10]

I should have said common rather than normal, sorry :)

[stacey10]

depression in pregnancy is quite normal, it will help to talk your feelings thry with someon, alot of it is to do with the hormones but some will be to you probably feeling as though you werent quite ready for this next step, and I would say alot has to do with what you have been through, you husband wouldnt have any idea of how your feeling unless he had been through something similar, we can all try and say we understand but unless we have been in your shoes we really cant. Going to your ob is a great start, also I do think once you've got used to the idea and your hormones have settled you will get used to the idea of having another baby, you should sit down with your husband and explain to him that you didnt feel quite ready and will need more help from him as well :) as for you being able to cope, I have no doubt that you will, it may seem daunting but two babies close together are quite easy, just involved your little one in everything, hearing baby heartbeat, going to app if you can so that they are aware that mum has another bub in her tummy, I used to get mine to rub in moisturiser on my tummy (haha) great when your big and they can feel baby move, they actually keep each other company and its not as much work as one :) good luck and I'm sure you will be fine

[sakazmi]

i can understand 18 months baby and than another its pretty hard  to handle. being a woman if you have one baby after another you kind of get into depression mode. but i think you will be fine. by the time you will have this baby you other child will turn 2 years. i have a sister in law who had baby girl and when she was about 5 months she found out she is pregnant again. and she had a baby boy. they both are year a part. i know how she feels because for her all she remembers is taking care of kids ALL THE TIME. she still have no time for her she got 4 kids. and everytime she decides she wants to make something out of her life she end up with another baby.
but now you are pregnant you have no choice but to carry on as far as i think. all you can do is that you can ask you husband to promise you to be on your side all the time when you need help with kids he should also be prepared to give his time too. he has some responsibilities too you know. you should discuss this matter with him. while taking care of kids he should help you as much as he can. and should also provide you with enough space once in a while.
second tell you what when you will be holding this baby in few months time. you will not even remember this day. you are complaining at this stage because you are not prepared. but in few months time you will actually feel connected. so give it a time. and think blessed. :)

[kimmery]

Hey there, don't feel badly -- it is sad what happened to PriceFamily, I have also had miscarriages and know how hard it can be, but she shouldn't make you feel badly, that's just not fair for her to post.

In my experience sometimes depression at the beginning of a pregnancy is hormonal as well as situational -- I had it pretty bad with my first pregnancy. Even though I desperately wanted my daughter I was also scared (didn't have a job, wasn't done school, was only 23). People shouldn't judge you for how you feel -- this site is about supporting each other. Seeking out the help you need should help -- good luck.

[purplecupcakeglitter]

I have a sonogram tomorrow and I am sure after the sonogram I will feel better about being pregnant again. I have a 1 year old and I am just wondering how I will handle everything with her and a newborn when I come home and still have to heal.

[purplecupcakeglitter]

I am sorry I should not have replied to you like that. I am sorry for your loss. I am just depressed and having a hard time. I went through abuse as a child and a lot of other factors in my life are an addition to my current feelings.

[Clysta]

Remember that while many people are TTC or have experienced a loss, we give support to everyone. Not everyone is ready for a pregnancy, or even likes being pregnancy and we don't know the circumstances of their past or current situation.

[Kendraerika]

I felt the same way. I have a two year old, and my husband and I found out we were having another 2 days after our wedding. Seeing baby on ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat helped change it, tho i still have doubt at times. It is normal, and i know many mothwrs tjay went thru the same thing with their second.

[purplecupcakeglitter]

Thank you, and I am thinking that that is the reason for the way I feel, I am going to discuss this with my doctor on friday at my next OB appointment & maybe even seek counseling, because I also have a history of sexual abuse and molestation. I haven't had the best life and my husband doesn't understand how i feel about things, and even I don't know all about how i even feel because i have suppressed most of it.

[purplecupcakeglitter]

I would NEVER have an abortion just for my own selfish reasons, Its not that I don't really want the baby, its more that I am stressed and worried about how I am going to do it. I am depressed about it because I don't feel I am ready to do this all over again.

[MsKitty84]

Totally normal, especially early on. Your hormones are surging. We all worry about things like our financial situations, medical coverage, how you'll cope with being pregnant and dealing with other family responsibilities, how other family members will react, personal health, vanity, whether you really want this child, your relationship with your partner, all of it.

Give yourself a few weeks to adjust and get used to the hormones and the idea of being pregnant again. It should get better with time, but if you need it, now might be a good time to have lunch with a good friend or look for a professional counselor.