Religious Woman keeping Miscarried baby

[Jary08]

I wonder if anyone on here has heard about it?

On a forum im a member of, someone posted a thread on a woman who had had a miscarriage and kept the baby. Sorry i dont have the link but it showed pictures of her with the baby and her chilren holding it....i think the baby was about 4/5 months gestational age.

Basically, everyone was saying how disgusting and sick it was and thought it funny that they had put a little hat on the babys head. Now i know the woman will need professional help as she sounds very upset by this and i completely understand, as will some of you on here, but i couldnt believe how some commenters were being so horrible about it. It seemed no-one understood tht this would have been a very traumatic time for her.

I just wondered what you ladies think of it...if i find the link again ill post it.

[loismwallace]

My oldest children seen their little brother born. I wanted them to bond with him since he was a half brother. And they have bonded very well. Neither being scared by what they saw, but inlightened. They were 10 and 12 yrs old then. Six months later my father passed away in a hospice hospital. We were able to see him before the funeral home came to pick him up. I think my children were more effected by that than they were a birth. Besides that, Grandpa still looked like Grandpa. That fetus didn't look human at all. I can see a child being confused and even frightened by the sight of it. Heck the sight of it startled most of us as adults. Look how disturbed a lot of us are about it. Imagine how a child must feel.

I can say that with my last baby, I didn't let my oldest children in the room (Now 13 & 15). My epidural didn't work and I was affraid of what they might witness. I feared something was going to go wrong. They were asleep in the lobby so that's where we left them. They were so mad at me because they missed it, but I didn't want to subject them to something going wrong even at their age. I didn't have that fear with their lil brother. And I think had something gone wrong they would have been old enough to make their own decision as to whether to see their sister. That lady's children were just babies themselves.

I don't know, VERY  controversal.....I guess it's up to each of us what we subject our children too and what WE think is best for them...This is just solely my opinion....

[AnitaRFrith]

every one thinks that sick but what about home births with a mid-wife?  People let their kids stay in the room!  I think that would be worse for a child to see.

[AnitaRFrith]

i think thats sick too to put the pics online.  But them showing the kids might, in some way, made it easier for them to explain what happened.  They might just be open with telling thir kids about death.  The kid may had wanted to see.  We are not talking about a kid thats in diapers.  They knew their mom was going to have a baby... maybe they explained that the baby went to heaven or some thing.  I can't judge her for that.  Thats got to be hard to expain to kids that are big an can ask questions.  I don't think I would had done that... but I don't have kids yet either.  

[LauraB78]

Just to clarify,

I dont think its weird to want to hold your child..

I DO think it is odd to expose small children to this as I feel it's inappropriate, and I think it is super disturbing to post photos in the intenet.. That is what I am outraged about..

I understand wanting to grieve.. That is normal. The way this is broadcasted... NOT Normal in my opinion...

[AnitaRFrith]

oh, an about the hat.  I put my baby to rest in a long gown.  I can't think of what its called.  Her head laid on a little barbie pillow, an she had 2 blankets.  She was my baby... an I treated her as that.  so again... don't judge

[AnitaRFrith]

http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/f149/religious-lady-has-miscarrage-keeps-9496/

that link works

[AnitaRFrith]

When I lost my baby girl at 20 weeks the nurse came in an asked me if I wanted to see her.  I said yes.  My husband an I held her for about 45 minouts.  We prayed for her then they came in an took her.  ( They let you keep them in there with you as long as you want.) The funeral home picked her up the next day.  We had a full funeral for her.  She looked liked my husband.  I have pics of her... but I don't show any one.  It was for my own grief... not for any one else.  I could not get the pics or her post to show up.  But no one should judge... its hard to let go.  I heard my babys heart beat minouts before she died.  Its some thing that you will NEVER for get.

[loismwallace]

My only question would be why post these pictures on the internet if it was so private and expect not to be judged by someone. Personaly, I think it is a perfectly natural healing process, but it should have been kept to themselves. I think it is very disrepectful to that child to be plastered all over the internet and for what purpose? Surely that was not part of her grieving process. I think the fact they are on the internet is what makes it so disturbing. I think there have been so many speculations as to why she did what she did, that I'm more confused about her actions than I was before.

Peace be with that angel..........

[Jary08]

Im not part of the community on that particular site, I got that link from another...i didnt read all the comments from bodybuilder but i got the jist of it.

So ive just left the topic on the other forum cause the message doesnt seem to get through to people. They just keep saying 'sick' 'weird' 'f****** messed up' etc.

I just want to say thank you for the comments, its nice to see that some people understand and dont judge her for the way she wants to deal with her grief. It did surprise me to see the pics up online but what shocked me was the responses most of all...it was like those people think grieving is not the norm when a woman loses a child.

Blessed be all.

[iwannabemommy]

Hm. Most seen this as disturbing. But, if it were me in that position.. I too probably would have taken pictures and put on a cap and things as a normal baby. Because it IS/WAS a normal baby. It just got cut short at life. It's not the normal color of a baby. But, it's a baby :) As far as keeping it.. I'm not sure how that's possible. But, I do know.. maybe she will treat it like a normal child and when it's time to let go.. she will. And KEEP it close to her heart. The children though, I don't think I would have shown them their brother/sister like that. Maybe a picture when they were older, but as far as holding it, im not sure how I would of handled holding a baby like that. Everyones got their opinions and differences and all that good stuff. I did not find this disturbing though. More along the lines as really sad and heart breaking. I can't imagine holding a baby that will no longer grow. I felt so down for her :( It is a good way to let things go. I would want to hold a baby I've been carrying for that while and feeding :) Watching TLC and women giving birth to their babies.. as soon as they come out they say I love you. Because it's love. So I'm sure she felt the same way for her child. It's just a sad sad thing she's going through.


The whole world is messed up, so seeing something like this on the internet will definetly get something mixed up somehow. But, all -n- all... its life. I learn to take it as it comes.. and hope for the best for that family.

[alaysha]

I can't even imagine how it would feel to loose my baby in that way. I dont think her grieving and taking pictures are wrong at all and I think that it is very healthy to be able to say goodbye in that way. My sisters best friend gave birth to her child pre-term and they dressed the baby in the hospital and then she took her home buried her in the backyard and planted a tree on top of it. Even though it isn't fully developed it is a baby! Even in the first weeks of a pregnancy you love your child unconditionally and to loose it half way through would make anyone devastated.

[LittleBit310]

I will never look at that site again. Not a one of those guys have a heart and the will all have to answer to God on judgement day.

[spade22]

Jary,

I would consider leaving a community where such hateful and thoughtless comments are made REGARDLESS of what one may think of such a situation.  To call some a "gay censor censor" is well....... dont even get me started.

[LittleBit310]

I was on google and I found photos of a baby that was even smaller and I am starting to wonder if the photos of the baby in the pictures on the other site are real.

[Linzola1]

Its sad! I would think  it would be tramutizing to the kids! I would want to hold my baby too. Its not wierd arall

[LittleBit310]

I feel that the woman had every right to say goodbye to her child. I read throw the post and that bodybuilder site and i wanted to hit everyone that was on there making fun of the lady. I feel that she did what was best for her family in letting them all say goodbye.

[BTS1022]

I didn't know that hospitals and places were actually set up for this kind of stuff. I know with my daughter the nurses made me a little memory box, with her clothes from birth, the measuring tape, lock of hair, feet prints and so forth, she even had a birth and death certificate. I don't see anything wrong with what people do for loved ones who have passed away. I don't think I would take the baby home, if thats what she did, or kept it. I can see spending as much time with the baby as it helps you grieve. I also didn't see an issue with the children being apart of it, children need to learn the crcle of life on way or another, and everyone has their own ways in teaching that.

My comments were mainly about the website that was posted on here by the original poster. How a lot of people were cruel with cruel remarks...it's going to happen no matter where you put the pictures. My daughter passed away from a genetic disorder, and I had a blog once with her pic on it, and I recieved the same hatred and nasty comments because she didn't look normal.

After that I have chosen to NEVER put her pics up online, and I only show select people her pictures because im fearful of the reactions.

If she did bring it home, or keep it then yes I do think it is a bit weird, but I don't think it's weird at all to hold, love, and say goodbye to your baby.

[g8r grl]

OK...I really don't think she "kept" it. This is SO COMMON for people to hold and care for their miscarried babies. Haven't you guys seen this before?

Years ago (70's and 80's) they did not even recommend that you saw your baby if this happened to you. My mom's friend lost her baby at 8 1/2 months and had to carry it for 5 more days before she finally had it. She never got to lay eyes on the baby and they told her that she should not.

Now...in the 90's they decided that this was not the way to go. People needed time to grieve and they will give you upwards of 24-36 hours in a room with your baby after they have passed. There are special rooms in hospitals that are specially set up for these situations. There are also volunteers (usually cute little old ladies) who knit and sew clothes for VERY small babies that are miscarried. There are professional photographers that come in an do custom photos of the baby with the parents to keep as momentos....you guys seriously haven't seen this?!? They even let you give the baby it's first/last bath and dress them. You're whole family comes everyone has a chance to hold the baby and grieve.

I think it was fine that the kids were there. They were part of the whole process and it will help them understand what happened and give them a chance to grieve.

Maybe I missed a part of the link, but nowhere did I see where she "kept" the baby as in brought it home with her and kept it somewhere. Did I miss something?

Go to www.memory-of  .com and you can see THOUSANDS of memorials for babies who did not make it...whether 5 months or full-term. It's not weird...it's what's considered "normal" these days. The professional pictures that people have done are absolutely beautiful...

[BTS1022]

I have to agree with your comment peek. It really isn't our business, but it's hard not to make it our business when she has a website on the world wide web distributing her business. It's like I try and tell hubby, if you dont want anyone in your personal business...don't broadcast it.

I don't think it's sick or twisted either, but I dont see how she can emotionally be capable of doing it. I guess all I can say is more power to her!

[peekawho]

Hmmm...All I looked at where the first ones.

I don't know.  Actually...its none of our business, its their baby, there is nothing sick or twisted about it, I don't care if they took the baby home or anywhere else.

[BTS1022]

they had pics of her in a hospital, with gown and all, then pics of her in normal clothing in what appeared to be a bedroom.

[mim181]

Could she be at home with a midwife?

[Jary08]

Also, on the other forum, someone took the pic where the baby has the hat on and they used photoshop to write: 'HAT- I haz one'.....i thought it was quite disrespectful to say the least.

[BTS1022]

The link shows her in a queen sized bed, with red satin sheets, curtain and so forth. It def. looks like a master bedroom to me. Hospitals will allow you to take a deceased baby home. I was asked if I wanted to take my daughter home to grieve in private.