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1052305 tn?1254950976

Right or Wrong?

All right. Question for you all! This is an opinion question, please no rude comments.. Just a question.

Heres the situation:


I'm almost 19 years old. Steady job, steady relationship, apartment, etc. I have been with my significant other for nearly four years now and have loved every minute of it. There's no doubt I want to be the mother of his children. However, I'm only 18 still. We both have graduated high school, have jobs, etc. He will be 21 this May. I find myself really wanting a child for the past 6 months or so, and he too. Is it wrong to have a child this young if you can support one and have been in a secure relationship for almost four years? I would really like one and think we'd both make excellent parents. But the age thing is really an issue, which it should be. But I'm sure this is what I want and I'm sure we could take care of a child. Is it wrong to try to conceive a baby this young, even if I know we can take care of one?
24 Responses
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2062815 tn?1342885289
I would definitely get married first.
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Avatar universal
Hi I had my son at 17 now I'm 48 and if I could do it all again I would never  change that choice:))) I cannot say life was always easy but really Life challenges us all and I am and have always strived for success in all areas of my life it depends on your strength & determination!! I have the attitude that life give back what you give. If you are ready to give up the party nights out and nurture a child i say go for it but ensure you both be great parents. You can still work buy a home and create a loving environment no matter your age it's about your attitude. Make a well informed decision because that little person needs to  depend on you for along time :)
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363110 tn?1340920419
I got married shortly after graduation (we were almost 19) and at 21 got pregnant. I'm happy we had our first child then, because it took us a little while to have steady income and everything.
When TJ was 6 months old we TTC for #2 and now have 3 month old Mason. I think if you can care for the baby financially, emotionally and physically AND also make sure you know to care for yourselves (it takes balance) that you can do it.
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Avatar universal
Everyone has left great, encouraging information and feedback!

My personal take is this: what is your motivation for wanting children?

If you want children now so your boyfriend doesn't leave you, for example, then that probably isn't a good reason. LOL!

But if you want children because all you've ever dreamed of is becoming a mother then that's a good reason (and my own personal reason for having babies!).
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You sound very grown up for your age.
Age isnt the biggest factor when considering to have a baby, its whether or not you can be a good parent, by sacraficing your own needs sometimes for your baby.
I met my other half when I was 19, he was 18. I was with him for 4 months when we moved in together, got engaged and fell pregnant. Now almost 4yrs down the line, we are going strong, plan to be married in July, and planning a 2nd child. Im 23 now and he is 22.
A lot of people doubted us because of our age, but we proved them wrong.
If you feel you can handle the responsibility and understand that there will always be that extra person to think of then go for it. You dont need anyone ele's advice on this, you and your partner need to do what you feel is best.
By asking other peoples advice, im not convinced you are 100% ready.
When you get to a stage where you know you dont need anyones advice or opinion, thats when your ready.
Best of Luck to you
Helpful - 0
1052305 tn?1254950976
Thanks! :) I'll definately look into some more things before we make a decision. And katlynruth good luck! :)
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1173687 tn?1308073391
You present yourself as a very responsible person and seem to be mature for your age which is saying a lot. If you believe that you and your SO can handle a child I believe you can. I would suggest however that you do some research first, take some classes. Also, look into insurance and possible charities in your area, hospital bills for your pregnancy can really take a chunk out of your income. Good luck!
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1124001 tn?1268082590
Honestly I dont think that there is an "age" where you are ready to have kids. Some are ready at 18 and some wont be ready even by the time theyre 40. It all depends on the person. I would recomend that you get married first only because of a few things. One, it makes your love that much more official and binding. Two, it makes legal matters easier. Three, wouldnt you love to tell your baby that you got what everyone wanted, a man to sweep her off her feet and get married young in a marriage that lasted forever. its romantic to be married young. And lastly, I think that if you ended up with a honeymoon baby it would make all your dreams come true at once. marrying the man of your dreams and have the baby you knew you wanted from the start.

I am biased though because i am a young wife (im only 20) and i think its wonderful. i wouldnt trade my husband for anything in the world.

cross your fingers we are TTC :)
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1052305 tn?1254950976
Again, thanks for all of the advice and comments! :) That's why I wanted to get all of your opinions just so I was given more to think about before making a decision! I'm not the type of person at all who goes out with friends a lot or whatever. For the most part, me and the boy just stay at home and maybe watch some movies. As for our family values, we've talked about that many times and what we each want for our children. Me and him are very much alike in our habits and values. I try to babysit as much as I can but most of the mothers I know you have to pry the kid out of their hands just to get them for a few hours! Lol.
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1173250 tn?1292261634
There are some people that do good with starting young and there are those that do not so good.Different strokes for different folks. You seem pretty mature to me due to the fact that you are thinking about it before doing it, and not many young people do it. With that being said I say only YOU truly know what you are ready for and NONE of us. Good luck to you and God bless!
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1056865 tn?1325808785
IMO u have to have more than a strong relationship and steady job to raise a child. I'm 30 and having my first and I wish I wouldve had a nice nest egg among some other things. I think u need to experience what its like by keeping a friends young baby for a while. See what u two have in common as far as your family values and how u want to raise ur children.  The WANT for children is wonderful but its a lot to plan for. just make sure that you know what to expect and try to be more future goal minded for your childs best interest and upbringing. You'll be great parents!!
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1083673 tn?1388888638
I am the same age as you and I got married the week after graduation and I am now expecting my first baby. Lots of people told me I was too young to get married or have a baby but its what my husband and I wanted. If you are in a commited relationship and think and feel you are ready go for it. Your parents may be mad about it in the beginning but they will grow to love that baby I promise. I know from experiance. I hope that you get your baby since that is what you want. There is nothing wrong with wanting a baby if you are ready for the responsibility. I had the same feeling for the past few months and now I am pregnant. I am praying for you that you get your baby.
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730826 tn?1317943334
I felt the same way but we didnt have our own place yet. I knew we would get married and I didnt want to have our child as our ring bearer or flower girl. There is something special about doing it in the "right" order. We waited, got married in august and in october we decided we were ready. Hubby was away for the whole month minus weekends so conception didnt happen till november. Its nice to have done it like this and have so much support in doing so. It is your decision and I dont think it would be a really bad thing to have one now, but waiting seems so special. All the best in whatever you decided! xo
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1197637 tn?1331558833
Hiya I'm 17 and pregnant I feel that if u won't a baby will be able to look after him/her and will do the best for him/her then why feel bad of what people think or will say your the one bringing a baby in this world and is going to do everything in ur power to look after him/her not them so go with your heart good luck and talk with your partner and see if he defo wonts this and think of what ur getting in to and what ur gunna do when baby here then if u still no what u won't then go for it x  
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1055658 tn?1300845290
I say you should go for it. If you feel that you are a place in your life that you feel you can financially and emotionally take care of a baby then you are a huge step closer than a ton of girls your age that want a baby because it's cute or to try to keep their man. IMO the younger you are the easier it is to deal with those restless nights. I don't think a trial run with someone else's baby or even a puppy is anything close to what it's like to care for your own child. When I was younger I hated babysitting...actually even to this day I don't like to babysit. I am a good mom though and my children are well taken care of.

I think you'll be a great mother. In all honesty your mom will probably be mad at first but just like all moms she loves you and she will love your baby too.

Good luck hun and keep us posted on what happens.
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126454 tn?1328019022
If you think that you are ready for a child then you are ready to put your needs and desires aside and think about what is best for your child.  That doesn't start when the baby is born, that starts now.  Are you the best person you can be now and in a place in your life that it would benefit a child?  If you can answer yes to both of those, then go for it.  Ultimately, being a good parent means wanting the best for your baby.  If you feel you are at your best, then you know the answer.  Good luck!  
Helpful - 0
1225045 tn?1282230269
No judging..I have wanted kids since I can remember.  I will tell you one thing though.  I didn't have our first child until I was 29 and I am very glad that we waited to have a child.  No one can prepare you for how hard it is when youv'e slept 2 hours and have to get up and go to work at 6am.  No one can prepare you for the fact that nothing is about you anymore, your child will always, always come first.  All the trips you want to take and all the cool things you want to have all become 2nd, 4th, 5th to what your child needs.  You have probably thought about all of this and I did too when I first found out I was preggo with her, but when she is here and you look in her little face and know that you are solely responsible for her for the rest of her life it becomes reality not just a dream.  

My husband is a wonderful man who works hard and does everything in his power to take care of us, emotionally and financially.  Even with two devoted parents in the home it is still hard.  I always worry about her.  We are fortunate enough to have my mom to take care of her while I am at work, but there is still not a minute that goes by that I don't wonder if she is ok, if I am doing the right things by her, if I am going to screw her up somehow.  She will be one in a few days and she is already starting to test me, push her limits, see what she can get away with.  

I am not trying to discourage you by any means.  I know how strong the desire is to become a mom.  The only piece of advice that I can offer is to really think long and hard about everything that comes along with parenthood.   Money, time, what you are giving up in your life and if you are ready for that.  Because at 29 there were things that I let go.  I think it is great that you want to be a mother.  I am just saying think about EVERYTHING..  I wish you the best and whether it is now or later, I am sure you will be a great mom.    

PS...I would tell you the same thing if you were 28 not 18 so your age has nothing to do with it.  I know some women who are having children at 30 that really shouldn't be allowed to be parents.  
Helpful - 0
1052305 tn?1254950976
Thanks for all the advice! :) I have babysat children over night, I'm good with that one anyway! Lol. Lil bugger was a bed hog! Haha.
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1026926 tn?1292113815
I think the decision is up to you and if you really feel you are ready to always put someone elses needs before yours then go for it. The only recommendation I would make is if either of you pln to go to college then you should do that first its just easier. I went through college with 3 kids so it can be done it is just very hard. Good luck and god bless
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Avatar universal
Personally, I don't see a problem, if you're both ready,and willing, and have been fairing well, and are financially secure.... I don't see why not. If I weren't having issues with infertility, I would be pregnant myself! Haha. Just be 100% Positive!
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676912 tn?1332812551
Do you know anyone with a baby? Ask if the two of you may watch the baby for a few hours one day, or even over night. See how the two of you react and how you are together with a baby, or get a puppy. You are young, and I'm not going to tell you don't do it yet. That is up to you and your significant other, that's no one else's choice. But you need to make sure you're 100% ready, and if you do "trial run" with a puppy or someone else's baby, then you'll get an idea of how ready you are. I was 21 when I got pregnant, a month after I got married. It can take a healthy couple up to a year or more to get pregnant. Just because you decide to start trying doesn't mean you'll get pregnant right away like I did. I've been trying for my second for almost 6 months now. I was the same way you are, I was so ready to be a mom when I was younger. Just enjoy the time you do have before you get pregnant, because once you do have a baby it changes a lot, not just your life but your relationship too. Talk to moms you know, see how their lives may have changed, and make go through all the pros and cons first. Do you want to go to college? Look up the necessities of having a baby, go to the store and look at prices of everything you'd have to buy. If you can afford everything you'd need and you think you can handle it, I say go for it. I don't think age matters too much, and if you're ready, you're ready.
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1052305 tn?1254950976
Yes, we talked about getting married first but don't feel it's absolutely necessary right now. I've always wanted to be a mother and it's all I've been able to think about in the past few months. I just feel ready to start a family, but just am afraid of what my parents may think. I'm always talking about babies and my mom is like "You're too young! Don't even think about it!" I just don't feel like my age should be a factor. Yes, I'm young - but compared to what? My parents, aunts, cousins, grandparents all had their first children when they were very much younger than I am now. By no means do I think it will be easy, but I think we could handle it for sure. It's just an uncontrollable desire to start a family of my own.. I don't know what to do. I know what I WANT to do..
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1223218 tn?1268327014
I believe that there is no age for raising a little one... if you believe you are ready then i say go for it... there are women older than you that have no business having babies and still do so why not if its something you desire!!
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Avatar universal
That's great you're in a loving relationship and very happy. Now for my opinion. You're so young, would you want to get married first?
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