Sharing the news (at work) that I'm pregnant--need advice please!

[Kimberleigh2208]

Well, since I work at a mostly male office where most of them, my 2 bosses included, are quite sexist, my husband and I originally decided I would not let them know I was PG until after the first trimester, especially because it took us so long to get PG (over 3 years) & we are not "out of the woods" yet.

However, today I am at my computer at work w/a different website pulled up to look up symptoms for week 8.  I was actually working on something work-related when one boss came up behind me & started telling me to put all this stuff in one of our Excel spreadsheets. I got a little nervous because I know the tab at the bottom of my screen where Internet Explorer is said "Pregnancy Calendar" and the Internet Explorer icon was RIGHT NEXT to the Excel icon!!!  I tried to waive him off & told him that I'd take care of it but apparently he wanted to make sure I did it (because they are both control freaks) so he stood there as I pulled up the Excel spreadsheet, staring at my computer until I put the info in.

Great, & judging by his inability to stop staring at my computer, I am nervous that he saw the icon that said "Pregnancy Calendar" not to mention I've had several doctors appointments in the last 2 months. On top of that, he walked straight into other boss' office right after that & I couldn't hear what they were saying (even though it's right across the hall from me.  

Also, later when I walked into other boss' office, I really felt like he was briefly staring at my chest (which normally there's not much to see) as if trying to "verify" what the first boss may have told him.

Okay, I know I am being a bit paranoid but for good reason.  These guys & this industry & this economy are not a good combination for me being pregnant.  I know they can't legally fire me or treat me differently because I'm PG but now I am just not sure when to tell them.  They are quite blunt & are the type of people to call you out on something when they think they are right.  I am a TERRIBLE liar & I don't want them to find out until I am ready to tell them & have a serious conversation.  I plan on coming back to work after giving birth (unless we win the lottery) & I can't take off more than 6 to 8 weeks for the birth so they don't have much to worry about.  I know all this worry is not good for the baby but I need some advice from those of you who have already been through this part.  Please help and sorry for the long journal!

[penswriter]

I'm happy for you that they took the news so well! Happy 2nd trimester!

[Kimberleigh2208]

I gave them the news today and I think they were more worried that I was quitting (which I'm not, I just started the conversation so seriously I think they thought I was going to)!!!  They actually looked relieved when I told them we were expecting our first child and that I'd be coming back to work after maternity leave and they even told me Congratulations!  All that worrying for nothing but I guess that's what we are used to doing, especially if you've TTC for a long time, you don't think about how stressful telling people you're pregnant might be.  Thanks for all your support ladies -- 28 weeks to go!

[wannabeamommy0124]

Hey i havent read all the comments but I am reading American Baby magazine right now and they have a really good article on how to make it "work" basicallly how to break it to your boss and planning for leaving and coming back... ill try to read the whole thing in a little bit and post any info i may think can help you!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Michele mentioned something that made me thing.  You also should ask about FMLA and labor laws based on the size of the company you work for.  Certain small companies are exempt from certain rules/laws.  Good luck!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

GA is right.  Texas is the same type state, but yet you can file for wrongful termination here.  I don't know why, since Texas is the same and you sign something when you get employed saying that you understand that, but there must be some gray areas because you CAN fight it.  I don't know how big the company is that you work for, but I would def look into the laws that there are to protect pregnant women.  Pretty much all states have something to help protect you.

[Kimberleigh2208]

Thanks for the advice so far!! Keep it coming though!  I really am not a big feminist (spelling?), I just know the kind of crap they say about their own wives so I can't imagine what they say about others that they aren't married to!  :S

LosingMyMindInGA -- good point, I think I have heard of that before and I'm not sure about Kansas' policies (I live in Missouri but work in Kansas).  If they are going to fire me for no reason then I guess they will. Would give me good reason to find something else but definitely don't want to switch employers right now if I don't have to.  THanks for the insight!

[sherrycoup]

I went through the exact same thing with me at work.  I actually had to tell my boss at 8 wks because he denied my dr's appt for that week saying becuase it was right before easter ong week and told me to reschedule -  well it was my 8 wk u/s so i couldnt rebook so i simply said to my boss - well do you want the good news or bad news and he said bad so i told him well i'll be leaving in the fall his response was what are you pregnant so i told him yes and that i was high risk so they need to monitor me.  So when it came time for my 12 wks u/s (which is next Thurs) i booked it right away with work just to leave for a couple hours while i did it and by chance  it falls right before the long weekend so he wanted me to reschedule that also and i told him no you cant reschedule that kind of stuff.  The tech's tell you when to have ot done so i went to see HR about it so if he gives me any grief then hr is gonna sit down with him.  But im happy i told him cause now he cant deny my appts and can't make me do any heavy lifting etc..

[LosingMyMindInGA]

If it were me, and I have worked places where my bosses and most of my coworkers were male, I would wait.  Atleast until after the first trimester.  At this point if you aren't suffering from any symptoms that would affect your work it's really none of their business.  Once you get far enough along you can tell them.  IF they were to bring it up  before hand just tell them "We wanted to make sure that everything was going smoothly before we broke the news, but oops, I guess the cat's out of the bag now!"

As for the looks and what not, I'm sure you get them from them anyway if they are sexist like you say, so just continue to brush them off as their piggish ways and go about your day.  

Now as you said they can NOT fire you for being pregnant.  BUT, depending on your state they could let you go for no reason.  Here in Georgia, it's an at-will state.  That means an employer can let an employee go without giving them a reason, at any time.  So, just check to see if you live in one of those states or not.  Your local dept of labor can help you with that.