Some answers finally

So we went into the ultrasound today and I was really nervous. Had to do the stupid vaginal ultrasound. All that was seen was an irregular sac (looked like it was caving in) and a huge black mass of tissue and clots.

She wrote, "FETAL DEMISE" on my report when she thought I wasn't looking. I have a million things to say and nothing else to say at all. Thanks for the kind words and support. I'll probably be missing for the next few days but I'm not leaving.

[GRose]

Oh my gosh Joy I am so sorry, my heart fell when I read this. I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say. This is so sad.

[Mea426]

Joy keep your head up! God had a reason for this and it's so hard to understand him but I promise He knows what's going on! I'm so sorry! I will keep you in my prayers! :)

[jennymay]

I am so sorry Joy, my heart goes out to you and your family. I read this in a post somewhere, not long after my miscarriage. Though I am not generally a very religious person, it really gave me a different look at things.

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
                                                                                                  (author unknown)

[Kelly87]

Im so sorry for you loss Joy! God just didnt think it was the right time for you. He will find another time that is right and you will have a beautiful child again one day.

[sweetangel7]

Oh Joy...I'm sorry...I feel the same as you about having a million things to say and nothing to say...I don't feel like any words I could offer you would be the right ones!

I have been praying for you and I will continue to pray that your soul may heal more and more with each day.

Hugs!

[Mumita]

I am soo sorry, I know how that feels, your heart just sinks...I wish you the best, I know how bad you wanted this, but you know, there's always a reason and a plan, try to stay strong.  I don't know what else to say, I know how it feels and I am so sorry.  

[krushing]

Joy, I am so sorry!  You are in my thoughts and prayers!  You are a strong person and you will get through this!  Everything happens for a reason, at least that is what I told myself going through both of my m/c's.  I know how hard this is for you, take care of yourself!

[rdh1981]

Oh, Joy I am so sorry. I have been wondering how everything went. I know right now your heart is breaking so bad, but I promise you in time it will heal. Rest on those who give you comfort and strength.  I am sure my beautiful little angel Cooper will welcome your little one into Heaven.  

Jennymay- That quote is amazing, I am in tears right now.  It is amazing how something simple can bring so much comfort. Thank you for sharing that!

[justice6920]

Oh joy, I am so sorry....... just know that we are all praying for you and for comfort and piece of mind..... Everything gets easier with time

[JoyRenee]

Thanks everyone.

I've had a miscarriage before and I know time heals all and whatever.

[em0ti0nz1086]

I don't know if its my hormones but I am crying

[honeybear56]

wow...i dont even know what to say other then i am SO SO SO sorry. I know how bad you wanted this. My heart hurts for you darling. I dont know what else to say then i hope that in time the big man upstairs gives you another little bundle of joy. You are in my prayers as well as your family.

[holly_b]

I'm really sorry Joy, my heart goes out to you. I will be praying and thinking of you. Hugs to you.

[Mumita]

I totally understand what you are saying...

[Want2BeMama]

Joy...ive prayed all day for you and your little bean...im sorry...:(  but God has plans for all of us..

I know nothing I can say is going to make you feel any better. But if you ever need to talk, I am always here to listen....Hugss!!

[Brittny27]

I'm soo  sorry to hear... I was really hoping everything was going to work out.  


*hugs*

[laura1985]

im praying so hard for you. i dont think that there is anything else i can say. ive had 4 miscarriages and there were never any words that made things seem better.

did they ever get back to you about your beta results?

[sadiesmommy]

So sorry it turned out this way. I will be thinking of you in the coming days and months!!

[Latrice414]

You are in my prayers and thoughts, take care of yourself and im sure god has a plan for you and DH.

[leighanne143]

Oh Joy, i am so sorry.  it makes me think of how supportive you were to me through my 2 MC's and i want to be just as suportive to you.  I know there are no words right now to say to make you feel any better or change the pain but we are all here for you.  You are right, only time will heal these things.  Hang in there.  

[babydreams9]

You are in my prayers....

[Megz101]

My heart goes out to you and your family.  I know how hard of a time this is and I'm thinking of you!  Take care of yourself!  Like Leighanne said we're all here for you :)

[Atia_Julii]

I'm so sorry joy.  Hang in there and we'll all be praying for you!

[FirstCub4Bear]

I'm sorry Joy. You are in my thoughts.

[Avanaar]

Hey Joy  **big hugs**  I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you and your family!

[kazwel]

I'm so sorry for your loss,  there are no words to describe the loss that you feel, and it is even harder for people to understand what you are dealing with.

Please just remember that we are all here for you!

[mamaof6]

Joy, just wanted to say you and your family are in my prayers. I know with my 3, the only thing that kept me strong was my faith. I listened to Casting Crowns song "Praise you in this Storm" and bawled my eyeballs out, but I knew in my heart that God was in control. It is a terrible heartache, I know that. Again, I am sorry you have to go through this again also :(  Take care my friend, and I will pray for God to comfort you in this time. God bless you!

[kikicoates78]

There are no words that can comfort :(....  ((HUGS))

[asher01]

i'm so sorry to hear that. u'll be in my thoughts and prayers! i know how hard this is on you and i wish there was something any one of us could do to ease your pain. if you need anything i'm here for you.

[Linzola1]

Oh my Joy I am so sorry about all of this! God has a plan for you dear! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

[hkenny]

Joy my heart goes out to you, I cant imagine how you are feeling. Nothing we can say will help but please know we are all here thinking of you and praying for you.

mamaof6-great song, may I also suggest 3rd day "mountain of God"

[jdamico]

iam so sorry  for u and  ur family   you guys  are in my prayers.

[alaysha]

Joy I'm sorry. :( I was really, really hoping that this was going to be a good update. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Don't worry though I'm sure you'll get pregnant again soon.

[JoyRenee]

Again, thank you everyone! I am sitting here on the computer even though I'm so tired and my eyes are so swollen because I know I won't be able to sleep and I'm just needing contact with other people.

So many of you have touched my heart with your kind comments and caused more tears to flow (in gratitude for your kindness).

I'm just at a loss right now. We tried SO HARD and for so long. I just don't understand WHY this had to happen. Why was I allowed to get pregnant only to have it stolen away? Even now I'm sitting here waiting for the bleeding to start and I keep yelling at myself to just start already and get it over with.

I don't want to try anymore. I don't want another baby, not at this point. The fear, the confusion, the worrying during these first weeks is just too much for me to bear anytime soon. I was willing and ready to try immediately after my first loss and I have a gorgeous daughter because of that. But as for right now... I'm just going to wait. If it happens, it happens. Otherwise I'm content with the two children I am very blessed to have.

The worst part in this is having to tell my 3-year-old. That is what really caused my emotional breakdown earlier, more than losing the baby itself. She was SO excited. The other day when I had to get blood drawn she said, matter-o-factly, "Momma has to go to hospital to see if baby is okay."

My plan is to tell her that the baby is sick and Jesus had to take him away for a little while to make him feel better. What else can I say? It's not exactly a lie and she doesn't understand death yet. It's all so confusing. No matter what I end up having to say it's going to break her sweet, innocent heart.

I will probably ramble more and off-and-on. I can't seem to stay off the forum now. I keep checking in here but not really saying anything. Hubby wants to cuddle and watch a movie, though I know we both won't be focused on it. So I'm going to get off and spend time with him. I just have this strong desire to talk it all out. Please bear with me!

[sweetangel7]

Take care of yourself, Daniel and the girls...cuddle and try to relax...it will be good for him and you!  We're all here to listen and ramble with you =)  HUGS

[Grandmatobe]

Oh Joy - - - I am devastated for you and your family.  You have been trying so hard and it just isn't fair....... I will keep you all in my thoughts as you work through this.

[MIMIGIGGLEZ]

joy ...my heart goes out to you I will be praying and thinking of you i know how u feel i've been there i've had 5 miscarriages!!...im sorry for your loss!! take care

[daisymomlove]

I'm sorry to hear that Joy.  I read all your posts allthough I don't post to most of them, but I try to stay updated.   I was wanting to see how everything had went.  We all have lost our children.  I lost my first daughter at 1 and a half years old.  I lost her about 3 years ago and that was the worst pain ever.  I never would want god to take a child from me, but I'd rather me not know them than to take some one that I bonded with.  I never wanted anymore kids after she passed, but as time went on my heart was sooooo empty.  All I knew was how to raise a child and here I didn't have a child to raise.  So I tried again and had a misscarry, I had two after my daughter passed and I just gave up.  I didn't want anymore.  Then DH and I stopped trying but still had some what faith.  Then when I didn't expect it our daughter came.  We named her faith cause that's what got me through all of this and she truely was faith.  It may sound weird but something just told me to post and tell you exactly this.........we have our losses, our hearts pour pain, maybe in the end well be blessed with the happiness that's within.  My inspiration came from Faith, which I have now.....so I'm passing down my babies faith that you'll be able to find some comfort and god will give you your faith that you need and want.  So untill that time hold on to them two beautiful babies, life is too short, spend all your time with them.  Hope you get better

[martikadragoon]

My heart hurts for you. I know nothing can make it better, and tho your not ready just now or even anytime soon, you will be again. and god WILL give you a beautiful child for what he's taken away.

Remember the book of Job: (I won't quote right now.) He was tested and all was taken from him, and then all was restored and then some.  

I believe fully that the same can and will happen to you. Stay strong in your faith, it'll keep you going.

Cindie

[PJ466]

Hi Joy, here's a little something I wrote. May God be with you.

Excitement and happiness stolen from her heart
A prayer answered of a baby child to bear
Joy like her name and in her heart she felt
Preparing for parenthood once again
A reason for everything, what does that mean?
What’s the reason for her pain?
It was hers, her gift why did you take it back
Comfort her O God and gently alleviate her pain
Faith hope courage is all she needs right now
This too will one day be an element to strengthen her heart

[PENNY1705]

im so sorry Joy.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Oh Joy......I am sitting here at my desk in tears.  You have been in my thoughts so much lately.  I wish there was something that I could say or do to help you and to take the pain away.  But I know, like so many things in life, that only time will help this.  I hope you take comfort in the fact that so many people are thinking of you and praying for you.

My prayer for you is that God will give you enlightenment and strength.  And I pray that He will help you to heal as quickly as possible.  And I pray that God is there for you when you talk to Elaina and that He will give you strength during that time and the words that you are looking for.

I'm sorry.....I'm not very good at this, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you and that you are cared about by many.  Please remember that.  Please take comfort in that.  And please remember that we are all here if and when you need us.  ***HUGS***

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Joy...you know my story and you know that i've been where you are now...my heart goes out to you.  I know that you went through quite a bit while you were ttc.  Perhaps now you atleast know that your body has been regulated and you can get pregnant if you decide to try again.  You're a strong, level headed woman and though I know its hard, I have every confidence that you will make it through this and be a stronger person for it.  I'm not on much these days, but you know you can PM me if you need to.  

Cassie

[LauraB78]

I am at a loss as to what to say. I don't think there are any "right" words.

I am very sorry to you, Daniel, and the girls. If I can offer any help, I am here for you! We all are.

((Hugs)) and I am sorry I don't have any magical words to heal your pain. I wish I did.

[Lance06]

Joy,

When I had my miscarriage, i was told by people that there are so many women in the world who go through it. I didnt want to believe it. What I was feeling was the worst feeling ever and I couldnt imagine it happening to so many women.

I have learned from this site that there are SO MANY WOMEN who go through this. Its unbelievable and sad.

I am so so so sorry for your loss.

Hang in there and know that we are all here for you!
xxoo

[Jonelle143]

Joy,


I am so so sorry to hear of your sad news. And even more sorry that you have to try to explain this to your little girls. I don't blame you for not wanting to try again for another little one. I am a huge believer of things happen for a reason and whats meant to be will come. I truly i am sorry for yours and your family's loss.

Hang in there. And i hope with time things will be and feel better.

xoxo

[pinkbelle]

Joy...

I am so sorry!!! But when I first found out I was pregnant with Aubree.. they did an ultrasound and they saw nothing but the sac.. so they thought that I was miscarrying but nope went back the next week and a fetal pole and a yok sac was seen...  and my hcg rose very very slowly in the beginning.. and I am sitting here looking at my beautiful baby girl so miracles do happen hun :o)... I would request another ultrsound just too be sure..


On another note I miscarried at the end of August I was 7 weeks pregnant and I started bleeding and nothing showed on the ultrasound..  I made them do anyother ultrasound the next week just to make sure..

[Jen133]

I just logged in and read your post.  I am so sorry sweetie.  I know this is a really hard time for you.  And all of us here understand your pain because we went through that.  I know right now no words will make you feel better, but just know that you are very well loved by all of us here, even though we only know each other through pictures, but we have a special bond that no one can break.   I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Stay strong for your two little girls, they need you.

God bless you and your family

Love
Jenny

[neasyc]

oh joy i relly relly dont know what to say its so unfair that these things should happenknow what god is with you and your 2 wee ones are together and i believe you will be with them again someday that is what i told my self over and over again after i lost my baby

[kuchis]

Big Hugs all the way round for you and your family .. time heals all, place in your faith in God and he will give you the strength to carry on.

[JoyRenee]

Thank you, pinkbelle, but I am truly miscarrying. The pain right now is almost unbearable (not quite like labor pain, not as intense, but still just as painful). And I already passed what I think may have been the baby. The progesterone I was taking was slowing the process down. Once I stopped taking the pills the miscarriage started.

PJ, thank you for that poem!

And Martika, thank you for reminding me of Job. I've been having one huge pity party. My MIL keeps wanting to come over and help or clean or cook something and I just keep texting her, "No" because I just don't want to see anyone. And I've been pretty PO with God right now but reminding me of Job helped. Right now I'm only seeing through the perspective of my pain and I want to lash out at someone.

Today I'm cleaning and working on some things to get my focus off the pain (physical and emotional). I had dragged all of our baby stuff from our 3rd story to go through a couple of weeks ago. Today I'm going to go pack it all back up and put it away for another day.

[martikadragoon]

Joy I PM'd you because I wanted to write you privately and not in the open forum. :)

[Rosa20]

hun im so sorry this had to happen!! I know that no words can help you right now..your going to need your time to grieve!! But you know were hear to listen to whatever you are facing so we can all face it together! (if that is what you choose) I wish you the best luck and hope that you change your mind some day and dont give up!! Miracles do happen to the best of us..most of us just have to wait for them!! :) If you need to vent go for it and cry if you want to..yell if you want to....do what you need to do to make you feel better hun!! Keep us posted...i am truly sorry you are having to go through this right now! I wish your pain will go away too!! Is there anything you can take for the physical pain...i know the emotional pain is just as unbearable but if you could rid the physical maby you may feel a little more relaxed??! Just a thought hun! Im trying to say all the right things and i hope i didnt make you feel worse!

[AHP84]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for your peace and comfort.

[michelle148]

Joy im so so sorry to hear your sad news. I am thinking of you and your family at this hard time. Reading back on the posts others have left you shows what great friends and support you have had through this tough time and we are all here for you just like you are always here for us when we need you. I know its a hard time for you all but like you say time is a very good healer and i can truly relate to that and say hand on my heart it is, you never forget but the pain does ease over time. Take care Joy
xxxx