Stress, Lack of Sleep, and Extreme Worry

[jcooksy]

I have strong suspicions that my step daughter is being abused, in more ways than one, and me and my fiance have reported it to all the proper authorities.  When the mother found out that CPS was doing an investigation, she got all sorts of p*ssed, mostly because CPS interviewed her daughter at school without the mother present.  She told my fiance, when they were called by the CPS worker to come to the local police station for an interview with both of them and a follow-up with the daughter, that when she finds out who turned her in she will be going to jail (meaning she was going to attack the person who turned her in). I see a counselor because of other problems that I suffer from and in my latest session I told her all about what was going on, that my fiance and I had gone to the police and initiated the CPS investigation (which as of now the mother still does not know it was us who started this all) because of bruises left on my step-daughter after a beating from her mother, which I also took photos of to show when we first filed our reports.  I told my counselor about things that my step-daughter has been exhibiting over the past 3 - 4 weeks which she had never done before at all, she's suddenly become terrified of sleeping in the dark, soiling her pants, among a few other things, so that I could get her professional input on what she thought might be the cause or reason behind it all and also told her that my fiance had tried getting ahold of the CPS case worker who was supposed to be handling the investigation to offer the photos from the day the bruises had formed and still had not heard back from the case worker (and it's been a 2 or 3 weeks since he's called and left her a message about it).  My counselor gave me her professional opinion on what the new behavior and such from my step-daughter seemed like and sent an e-mail to the case worker about her suspicions of abuse and psychological torture being done on my step-daughter.  The case worker responded to my counselor's e-mail and said that she would do everything she could to get to the bottom of what was going on.  Now after the previous threat my fiance's ex had made about *going to jail when she finds out who turned her in* and what I have done with the help of my counselor, I have been stressing out over retaliation from his ex because she will blame me for all of this (regardless the fact that she abused her child) and she will come after me in some way.  I am just fixing to be 29 weeks along, and have already been under tremendous stress worrying about my step-daughter and her safety and now with what I have done with the help of my counselor I am even more stressed and even scared and worried about my own safety (as well as the safety of my unborn son).  I had already been not getting sleep just with worrying about my step-daughter and now I am getting even less sleep with my new added worry (of myself and unborn son too).  Can the worry and stress and fact that I am not sleeping hardly any (if at all) cause me to go into labor early?  I am also concerned about the effects this all (my extreme worrying, lack of sleep, and massive stress) might have on my unborn son.  

[trying43]

Do you have a child counciling place?  We have something here that is strictly for children of abuse/violent crime and they have councilors trained for kids that have been abused and that is all they deal with.  And since it was reported as a crime you can contact your local victims assistance and they will send your step daughter there free of charge.  The bad thing about most cps is if you don't stay on them your case gets lost in the shuffle because they have so many cases.  Its the old squeaky wheel gets the grease, so if u pester cps with calls all the time they have to do something. I can't believe there has been no safety plan.  Contact the cps supervisor and find out why since there are physical signs of abuse and new signs. I hate you are dealing with this.  I know a lot about cps because my mil was a cps caseworker for 15 years and my dh is in law enforcement. (16 years)I would notify the law enforcement in your area about her threats, don't leave it up to the city police department.  You want this new info to be on file even if its just a report, you will have a record of it.  (And it will help you in court too)Good luck and again take care of yourself, y'all are doing everything you can do.  Good luck.

[jcooksy]

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice on this all.  I know that CPS can't tell his ex who turned her in but the original complaint was filed with the City Police, who in turn got CPS involved (which was going to be our next call after the Police Station anyways).  My concern was if she figured out that it all originated with the police station then she might request a copy of the original complaint from them which might give our names.  With the information and concerns that I had spoken to my counselor about, who then relayed her professional opinions and thoughts on the matter to the CPS worker in charge of the investigation, I was worried that his ex would start getting an idea of who reported her (even though my counselor didn't give my name and CPS can't give our names) and with the stress and worrying I have been doing, and being high risk anyways, I was mostly concerned that it would all throw me into early labor.  As of today his ex still doesn't seem to have any idea as to who reported her and she even seems to be blowing it all off now, almost like she isn't even worried that they are going to do anything.  My fiance and I are going to try and get his daughter in to see a child psychologist who has done a lot of work with abused children and see if that helps any, if nothing else his ex will find out about that and throw her drama-fit and start withholding his visitations (again, which would make 3 times) and the last time she was found in contempt over it and seeing as we are doing what is in the best interest for his daughter and her well being I see the judge (if we have to take it back to court again) seeing things our way, and we are also working with a lawyer on setting up a Change of Custody motion since we found evidence of physical abuse and my counselor had told me that based on what I had described to her of my step-daughter's life and new sudden fears and behaviors that she is definitely being psychologically tortured so we are hoping that getting her into a child psychologist will help her since she is scared now to even talk to us.  Thank you all so very much for all of the advice and the prayers.

[jcooksy]

Thank you for your advice, me and my fiance have both already been to the police and they are who got cps involved after we both filled out witness statements to the original incident which is what all of this is stemming from.  When CPS and the officer did an interview with my fiance he told them both about the threat his ex had made and they said that IF she finds/figures out who it was that turned her in to let them know and they would inform our local Town Marshall and local Sheriff's Dept. because we live outside of City Police jurisdiction (but his ex and child do not) and I have had a Protection Order against her in the past after she had caused injury to my (now) 5 yr old son and had threatened me directly, but it was a few years ago but I am sure they still have records on it all.  I see my OB this coming up Wednesday and I am going to inform him of everything and I also see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I plan on talking to him about it all as well.  

[trying43]

Also because of her threats you may qualify for a protective order.  

[trying43]

As far as regarding the cps case you need to have your finance call cps and ask to speak directly to the cps supervisor especially since the caseworker wont contact you.  Your finance needs to find out why she hasn't been removed from mothers care and why there is no safety plan in place.  Let him handle it because you need to d-stress.  As far as the exes threats cps cannot by law tell them who turned her in.  However, when your finance call the supervisor those threats need to be made known.  As far as you, you have done all the right things, worrying yourself to death over this is only going to put undue stress on you and your baby and that can cause preterm labor and low birthweight.  I hope things get better in your situation.  Good luck.

[mrssandefur]

Also you are worried the stress can harm your.baby? Well it can definitely result in a very unhappy baby. Just an fyi

[mrssandefur]

Well my mother was a social worker for.many years and I was in Foster care for many years (before my.mother adopted me and my four younger siblings) I also know this from experience myself (my ex calling on me trying to get my kids taken away because he didn't like the fact I had cut my family out of my life) and from me calling CPS on a couple of different people. Anyway what I'm getting at is CPS is always busy, they never get a rest so the social worker probably isn't ignoring you she just hasn't.had a chance to return a phone call. Also where do y'all live? I know in Texas after all that stuff with the polygamist a few years ago in sounth Texas, Texas CPS has now been required to.do a deeper investigation before removing children. In some cases that's good in others its not. Also I'm sure you know, CPS cannot tell the child's mother who turned her in, that doesn't mean she can't figure it.put but still. I am so sorry for y'all are experiencing I know its a terrible things. Best wishes and I'll keep y'all in my prayers, please keep us informed of any changes.

[Crystal215]

If she has threatened you directly you can get a restraining order but cps is not allowed to give any information to her regarding who made the call so she will not find out it was you anyway try to stay calm stress is not good for you or your baby. You did the right thing

[Ginger077]

You did the right thing turning To cps but you need to have a police report filed in case she does try and retaliate against you or your husband. Documententation of all events is extremely important. I would go to the station with your husband and file that report to protect everyone's safety. You shoul also contact your ob and let him know about your extreme stress and lack of sleep. It's important that you not be so stressed out.
It's not good for you or the baby. I will pray for a good outcome for you!
Ginged

[louisekirby]

im soo glad you have reported this as i myself was a child that got abused by my step dad sexually and my mum didnt belive me and to this day still dont n she chucked me out 5 years ago. im so glad your step daughter has someone to turn to. i have two brothers and one sister who still live with my mum n him (step dad) i am scared for my sisters saftey and social services know this and do go to there house regularly to check this out. but what i think is that i was too scared to tell anyone when it was happining to me and that my sister could be to. i have tryed everything in my power to get him away but nothing worked. and my mums not even bothered of the fact that i got sexually abused by him n that it could happen to her other daughter too. shes is actually his kid tho and i wasnt. i just feel so helpless. and i recommend if your scared for u and your children u tell the police u want to have some sort of protection. i hope things r ok for your step daughter and this gets sorted sooner rather than later. x

[AnnieBrooke]

It might be time to leave your fiance and move to stay with relatives in a more distant location for a while, if you are this terrified.  Either that, or figure a way to feel safer while staying.  I'm sorry, but there really aren't other alternatives.  Talk it over with your counselor.