Trouble accepting gender

[4forme]

My DH and I had two boys and then a girl.  I just recently gave birth to our fourth child, and like the other three, we didn’t find out the gender until birth.  During my pregnancy I tried to prepare myself for either gender, but deep down I desperately wanted another girl.  Well, the baby is a boy and I was so devastated.  I thought the feeling would pass with time, but he’s two months old now and I’m still so disappointed.  Every time I look at him I feel a stab of pain that he’s not a girl.  At the same time I’m angry at myself for even having such feelings.  I feel like a horrible mom.  It’s not his fault he’s a boy and he didn’t ask to be born, and I should just be thankful to have such a beautiful healthy child.  I hold him and cuddle him and go through the actions like I did with my others, but my heart just isn’t in it.  Am I the only one who has ever felt this way?  Is this normal?  Does acceptance come with time?
Heartbroken and desperately wanting to love my son the way he deserves.

[4forme]

Thanks so much for all your help and encouragement.  I’ve never had PPD before and simply thought I was just dealing with intense, selfish disappointment.  I’m relieved to hear that something can be done about this.  I will definitely talk to my doctor and also check out those sites on gender disappointment.

Thanks for sharing your stories.  I don’t feel quite so alone now.  

[Atlantisea]

Definitely sounds like postnatal depression. Please tell your doctor. Your feelings toward your baby are not your fault and they CAN be solved!

[LACh1]

Hi, i am curretnly pregnant with baby number 2, first a girl and really wanted to have another girl but we found out we are having a little boy.  We didn't find out the sex of our first baby but decided to the second time around as i suffered from PND and wanted to illiminate any expectations or disapointments.  I know this sounds horrible because like you said, we should be happy we are having or have had a healthy baby (especially when you read about all the mothers on here you are desparate for a baby) but i really did want another girl.  I am now, after weeks of talking to my baby, watching other mothers with baby boys and thinking about all the happy boy things we can do together am feeling alot better about his gender.  I did go on the net and found some sites that deal with gender disappointment and found out it is really common and that with many people it goes away in it's own time - some when bub is born, others with the first smile others a little further along (maybe with some outside support).  I would try and find these sites as it may give you some relief to know you are not the only one and that you are not a horrible mother.  I would also talk to your doc about your feelings and tell them the truth as it is the only way to get all the help and support you need.  Remember your baby is recieveing love and attention from you and will not know the difference at this age so don't feel bad about bonding issues my doc used to tell me 'fake it until you make it' and then one say you will relise you are generally happy and proud and smiling at your little one through love and not just because you think you should.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree with the other posters.  I always get PPD after having my babies.  Please contact your doctor and keep us updated!!  I don't know if you are a religious person, but if you are, say a prayer.

[LauraB78]

I agree with the above posters. Please keep us posted and Good Luck. Don't be so had on yourself. Just get to your Dr. and see what you can do to make it better! =)

[JoyRenee]

I agree with BTS. This does sound like postpartum depression and guess what! With your doctor's help those feelings WILL go away!!! It's also normal to have feelings like yours and wonder if you'll ever bond with baby. You're not a bad mother!

[BTS1022]

Have you spoken to your doctor about this issue? It could be post partum depression making it hard to accept your babies gender. I am pregnant with my 4th child, My 1st child was a girl and she passed away after birth, and now I have 2 boys and pregnant with my 3rd boy, I too desperatley wanted a girl, and found it hard to accept the fact that I am having another boy. I eventually grew into the thought of having another boy, and even though I have not given birth yet I am already very attached to him.

I would suggest talking to your OB about it and see if you are going through any type of depression.