Aa
WTF?!?!?!?!
So, my husband just told me that since his mother can't be in the delivery room, HE refuses to be in there. Are you f*cking kidding me?!?! I'm so p*ssed right now. His mother understands that I don't want her in there, only because I'm not comfortable with her like that. Why can't he??? I've literally just narrowed it down to my husband and my own mother, but the fact that he won't be in there no makes me want to reconsider a lot of things. Ex: my marital status. Am I wrong in not wanting her in there? Am I being selfish? Is this just my hormones or is this a serious issue. I don't want to fight for a cause that IS caused by pregnancy hormones. :'(
I personally wouldn't want my MIL in the room neither do I want my mom. But that's cause I'm very uncomfortable with anybody looking down there so I rather have just my boyfriend and I and my boyfriend mom understands why I don't want her in the room cause shell feel the same way if it was her. I'm close to his mom but not that close and they well share in that beautiful moment by supporting me outside the room.
I don't want my mil in the room either I want to feel comfortable with just my husband and my mom. And the worst part is she invited herself and hasn't even talked to me about it she told my mom and sisiters instead of me! So disrespectful! My husband and her are going to have to accept that I don't want her in there she makes me feel uncomfortable she's loud and she will just be a distraction and I do not want to deal with her or her attitude at that special happy moment for me! So I don't think you are wrong it's our decision of who we want in there so you stand your ground! Keep us posted on What happens: )
This is really interesting. I don't understand anyone's mother in the room unless she's a doc or nurse or something but it sounds like a lot of people on the forum want their mothers present at delivery. We called family the day of & they came to visit later. It sounds like this case is a power struggle and not really about the grandmas though. I think the two of you need to establish healthy boundaries together for both sides of the family or this struggle will come up at every holiday, Mother's Day, birthday, etc.
It may be his experience too but unless you want his mum in there he doesn't have a say. It's an incredibly personal experience and you really don't need someone you're uncomfortable with in there. I wouldn't have mine in there but she has unfortunately passed on. I had my mum and sister and hubby with the first birth and this time round it's just hubby and I. And it's not of your mum goes so should his. Your mum is your support and she's seen all of you. Hell she had this experience for you. You laying there with it all hanging out (and it all hangs out!!) Is not for her to see unless like I said you're incredibly close! Your choice hun. Stick to your guns
He came back. We're talking now, and I'm trying to be calm and listen to him while also trying to get my point across. Thank you for listening and for your kind words ladies. Tonight has been a rollercoaster and eye opening.
And i definitely agree with you on this last comment, everyone should do whats best for them, congrats ladies on all of your journies, have a good night everyone
Very true. It's really all about the poster and how she feels and I'm sorry that this turned into such a big fight. I hope they work it out. And all women should do what is best for them. I found having a child a humbling experience. My doctor never actually asked my husband to leave nor did the nurses. They checked me and did all their 'things' right in front of him. I just wouldn't want to go through the birth with hard feelings between myself and my husband. That would take away from what we were doing together. But the poster needs to work with her own comfort level and what works best for her. peace
And your first sentence was very clear and yes we all have our own opinions and i disagree but to the person who initiated the post i hope things work out for you
It should be important to him as well, but in my opinion it's not equally his experience , it's his baby not his body or privacy, usually when nurses or doctors come into the room to ask certain questions or sometimes check you that ask everyone else to step out, i would like to think reason being it's personal
There are so many interesting conversations that happen here on MedHelp for the public.
Prayers for you, Beaz, this has been an educational thread.
Prayers for you, Beaz, this has been an educational thread.
My first sentence wasn't super clear--- I am meaning to say that I do believe that the experience of birth is important to the male as well and about them too. In my opinion any way. After my husband's reaction to the birth of our children, I can't imagine it as being just 'my' experience. It was so important to him as well.
Well, that is a difference of opinion regarding it being 'his' experience too. My husband describes the birth of our first child as almost a 'holy' experience that was the most moving of his entire life.
Anyway, I'm sorry he's walked out. I guess he's just mad. Hopefully he will cool off and you two can talk about this rationally. Relationships are not supposed to be fighting and storming off and volatile. You two are supposed to be partners. Where you try to see where he is coming from and he tries to see where you are coming from. We ARE supposed to work to please our partners as much as ourselves. Him pleasing you and you pleasing him. That's how compromise happens.
Anyway, hopefully he'll be back son and you two can work this out. peace
Anyway, I'm sorry he's walked out. I guess he's just mad. Hopefully he will cool off and you two can talk about this rationally. Relationships are not supposed to be fighting and storming off and volatile. You two are supposed to be partners. Where you try to see where he is coming from and he tries to see where you are coming from. We ARE supposed to work to please our partners as much as ourselves. Him pleasing you and you pleasing him. That's how compromise happens.
Anyway, hopefully he'll be back son and you two can work this out. peace
If he left you because of that i agree with the comment above about something being wrong with him he's trying to be too damn controlling, tell him to get naked lay in the bed, spread eagle, while your dad and mom stand there looking in his ***, sorry but this is rediculous, and everybody saying this is his experience as well as yours, ITS NOT, all he did was insert the sperm and sit back and wait on you to deliver, as far as im concerned he better be happy he has a spot in the room
No real man leaves their babies mother right before the delivery of their child, especially over something that's your choice... Not his. Its his loss really. You shouldn't be forced into something you don't want, ever.
My mother in law and mother both were in the room with me. Trust me they aren't focused on your vagina they get very emotional when it's baby time all they want to see is their precious grandchild being born. His mom never seen my vagina either and I honestly didn't look at it like that. It was nice to have my mom and his mom there because when I got tired of pushing they stepped in grabbed my feet and pushed my legs forward which made it easier when I pushed and labor went by faster and a lot easier for me. Having all three of them there was what made delivery easier.
I invited my mom and mother in law for my daughter. With my son I had an incredibly long labor and my husband wasn't even able to be there. It was just my mom and I wish I had been able to have my husband and mil there. It's just a personal choice on what you're comfortable with.
By the way, I didn't have my mother in law in the delivery room. She didn't ask, my husband didn't ask, I didn't have my mom. Just the two of us and a delivery nurse and doctor. But I try to think what I'd have done if my husband really wanted her there. It wouldn't seem fair to me to have my mom and not his.
That's just how I feel about it. I think the group that has chimed in has been pretty split but it is entirely up to you what you ultimately do. I just wouldn't want bad feelings to hang over the birth. Best of luck to you and may it all go smoothly.
That's just how I feel about it. I think the group that has chimed in has been pretty split but it is entirely up to you what you ultimately do. I just wouldn't want bad feelings to hang over the birth. Best of luck to you and may it all go smoothly.
If you guys are having boys . . . get ready to be the ousted mom some day. Good luck
Nope! My fiance and I argued about this for over a 2 month period. My vagina is NOT for my future mother in law to see, ever! I don't care how much support he thinks he needs, its not happening. Plus he isn't the one in labor or completely exposed for everyone to see. So he can bite it! He also was not the one with morning sickness, muscle aches and cramps, constipation, diarrhea, braxton Hicks, inability to get comfortable to sleep, all while making this baby. Not his choice. He will get over it.
I think these kinds of squabbles will ruin your entire experience. Not having her there but fighting with your partner about it. That wouldn't be worth it to me.
I agree with you, I would be pissed off myself. And yeah its a beautiful thing to be shared. But, he isn't the one giving birth, going through the pain, being exsposed. So, really even though it is both your child, I think the only people who should be in the room with you are the ones your are comfortable with. My man friends family lives in NY, and we are in NC. So, I doubt I will have to worry about his mom being here. But! If I did, I'm more than confident in saying that I would definitely not have her in the room. She can come in and share the joy with everyone else after the baby is born.
And personally, I would rather it just be my man friend and I when I give birth. Because, I feel like its to be shared between us two and not everyone in life. Lol .
And personally, I would rather it just be my man friend and I when I give birth. Because, I feel like its to be shared between us two and not everyone in life. Lol .
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
