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Way OT: Sex after baby/babies
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Way OT: Sex after baby/babies

I want to get an Idea of what a "normal" sex life is. My DH is always complaining is doesnt get it enough....I can def say that our sex life has changed A LOT in the last 10years we have been together. When we first started dating I can say we were "doing" it like every day but we were young! (lol 17&20) And we didnt have any kids.... It then switch to maybe everyother day to every two days( a few yr's in). Once we had our first son I dont remember what our sex life was like after that But fast foward to now, We are like having sex like on average once a week..Some weeks more and some weeks I can say we dont even make that once a week mark. But hey, I have 3 babies and I work almost full time. I AM TIRED!

Now I want to hear from the women who have been in a long term relationship, Not someone who only have been dating someone for like a year..since that 1st year of dating is new and you are prob doing it a lot more then someone who has been in a longer relationship

Also Not when your TTC

Thanks, girl!
0%
 (0) 
Still going strong> Everyday
45%
 (14) 
Slowing down> EveryOther day (3-4x a week)
6%
 (2) 
Creeping along> 2x a week
19%
 (6) 
Crawling> Once a week
22%
 (7) 
Downfall> Once every two weeks
6%
 (2) 
Sad to say> Once a month
31 Members voted
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31 Comments Post a Comment
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1035252_tn?1371343440
I voted 3-4x a week (even though right now all of our sexual activity is..ah...not..."intercourse" because I'm only3wks post-partum...sorry WAY TMI I know, lol).

My husband and I are coming up on 8 years together, 3 years of marriage...and we used to be sex fiends not only every day but several times a day...anywhere...anytime...room full of people under a blanket, no big deal (yeah I still can't believe i did that and no one had any idea! anywho...)

after I tore with my daughter's birth our sex life slowed down because things were so painful....well when my son was born on July 14th the OB noticed that there was a ring of cartilage around my vagina that had some reinforcement mesh sewn into it..apparently when i tore I was so completely mutilated that the doctor had to use some medical meshing in order to piece me back together..and he actually made the ring too tight so I required an episiotomy to deliver because it wouldn't stretch (obviously, it was made of some sort of plasticy metal thing) but it also explains the pain...

so long story short (not too short and i apologize for that LOL) our sex life slowed down between baby 1 and baby 2...but I'm hoping to get things going again now. I'm pretty exhausted too but I've noticed that my sleep qualify and general mood are better when our sex is regular and frequent.

sorry for the ramble!
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1194973_tn?1385507504
I personally voted for once a month. Me and DF just aren't terribly interested in it. In the first few months when we started to date it was a little more frequently, but after about 6 months dropped. We actually noticed we fought more when our sex drive was higher. (Weird) Overall it works well for us. We just never felt it was important in our relationship.
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287246_tn?1318573663
I voted for once a week.  With 6 kids, I think that is about as much as I can handle.  Every once in a while, it will be twice, but I am tired too and our schedules are way off.  My DH works 2 jobs and goes to bed much earlier than I do.  I am at my baby's mercy, so I go to sleep when she lets me.  It just can't be helped and it took a lot of arguing, but I think my husband finally gets it.  We have been together 10 years and we were like rabbits at first too, but things do change over time.  It's not that you don't love each other or aren't attracted to each other, it's just the life changes so it just seems natural that that would also change.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Well I voted 3-4x a week because I know that my fiance loves sex.  I can go with about 2x a week and be satisfied.  I'm tired and frankly I get bored if it's everyday.  But I think sex is very important as long as there is a healthy balance.  I know Ashelen and I have similar issues when it comes to this topic...lol.
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419158_tn?1316575204
I voted sad to say once a month, lol. After almost 13 years and 4 babies we have declined. I am completly uninterested. I know its because I am at my highest weight and I feel unattractive. DH works long hours and usually falls asleep before I even get to sit down at night so I sneak in the bed hoping I dont wake him becasue Im soooooo tired. I am looking forward to the day when I have more energy and I want it more..............poor DH:~( I do think its very important and is something that needs to be worked on in every realationship, unless your sex life is great, lol. But men tend to "need" it more than woman and it has alot to do with how strong your realationship is.
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202436_tn?1326477933
I didn't vote becuase it just depends on what's going on.  In the beginning it was ALL The time, then after our first son (the stillbirth) we continued to have a great sex life..partly becuase we needed the comfort of each other.  Then it went down hill becuase he wasn't handling the loss well.  We actually seperated for a efw months becuase of it, then when we got back together it was all the time again.  AFter my next child was born it might as well have been non existant.  I'm surprised I got pregnant with my next child as little has we did anything.  After #4 was born it was still pretty well non existent.  

For us it kind of goes back and forth.  When things are hectic it's like every 2 weeks and sometimes as long as every 4. Especially in the beginning after having a baby.  But during pregnancy its more often except in the first trimester.

"Normal" is too general of a term....every couple is different and having kids changes people in different ways.  DH complains that he doesn't get it enough, but I know that for him if he's not "getting it" 10 times a day every day it'll never be enough LOL.  But he also understands (more so now than ever before) that even tho I stay home with the kids, I get exhausted.  You have to find that happy medium, what works for you. Perhaps your DH could help you get the kids in bed and do the typical nightly household stuff one night a week while you go take a long hot relaxing bath and "get in the mood" It's taken 11 years but my DH now realizes that when he helps ease my load and I get to relax he's more likely to get what he wants
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285793_tn?1330368544
Thats me, I am completly uninterested...I have no Idea why...Maybe its the weight gain? IDK...I just dont need it..This is so BAD for me to say, But it was nice when my hubby was on his High blood pressure meds, he totally had no sex drive....His needs to get back on it! LOL jk ;)

I dont know what to do...I can say this is the #1 thing we fight about....
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184674_tn?1360864093
I voted once a week. Although, sometimes we manage up to three times a week. We've been together for three years, and married for one year a month from tomorrow. However, even when we were dating, our sex life wasn't much more than once a week because we didn't live together; we only spent one or occasionally two nights a week together because we lived 45 minutes apart, he was/still is a full time college student with a full time job, and I was a single mom with a full time job during our dating years.
We moved in together last August, but I was already pregnant (about 15-ish weeks), and at that time, sex was just not that appealing for me because of the pregnancy.
Then I was on bed rest for 5 weeks and then had to make my post partum recovery, so we couldn't have sex for almost three months, lol.
Anywho...I guess my point is that our frequency now is basically the same as it's been from the very beginning. Can't complain, as this is our norm.

@Ashelen-- several times a day...anywhere...anytime...room full of people under a blanket, no big deal (yeah I still can't believe i did that and no one had any idea!)
LMAO!
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1303813_tn?1303162962
I dont know what to put, my bf and I have been together for nearly 2 and a half years and now we only see eachother at the weekends because he lives 20 mins away and works 6 days a week...
and its always been that way.. When we lived together before I had to leave it was probably every other day, everyday maybe? depends.....

I duno what to put...
I will tell you once I have had my little one and we live together. :)

xx
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800427_tn?1324949319
DF and I have been together for 6 years this month and we are having sex or some kind of sexual activity (sorry if thats TMI) every other day. its been pretty much consistent that way after the birth of our son. I really think having a baby together has brought us much closer together sexually...now we'll see how it lasts when he grows and things get complicated lol!
he is 3 months old by the way.
but i think as long as you are still trying to steal some intamit time together here and there and that u are still sexually interested in eachother than i dont think the number (being how many times a month u have sex) actually even matters'. Life happens, as long as the love is strong it really shouldnt matter. I mean i know its healthy to have sex in a relationship but if youre taking time to spend time with eachother and to say "i love you" then ur husband should quit hounding you! i think u guys are doing pretty damn good for having 3 kids and working!
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800427_tn?1324949319
LOL i meant intimate hahaha sorry! that was ridiculous!
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1303813_tn?1303162962
Wooo, go ashelen.. I kinda am still like that... LOL...
But not whilst people are in the room, if he was in the mood and I am, we willl sneak off LOL.. Or on the walk home if its dark! LOL!.. why not??? You're young once, and its an adrenaline (Cant spell it sorry) rush haha,. And if you're in the mood you gotta deal with it.. LOL...

Although once I was walking out of my local shopping centre and on the bank of grass was this girl giving her BF a B'job. Lovely, not something I wanna see before breakfast. Clear as day in daylight Obviously when else would it be clear as day?, yeah I have had sexyytime outside, but it was like 1am. and PITCH black and we made sure we wasnt seen LOL....
x
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Avatar_f_tn
I didn't vote...lol BUT, I was married 6 years to an idiot, as we all know lol. At first, we were going like rabbits!!! But by our 1 yr anniversary he went down to like once every 2 weeks. Then it picked up to about once a week...and dropped down to like every other month. In our last year of marriage, I think we had sex once that year.

But, I have to put in consideration, that it was a miserable 6 years of marriage, and compared to my sex life now..which you said doesn't count cause it's only been a yr and a half...it was crappy lol. My sex life now is about 3-4x a week, depending on how i feel since i'm preggers.
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470885_tn?1326332637
I voted for once a week as well.  Sometimes it's once every couple of weeks, but we usually make sure we "connect" in that way once a week.  It's not that it's not important to us, but I think we're both comfortable with that frequency....and having 2 kids has definitely changed that frequency (we used to be more like 3-4 times a week.  

We've been together for 8 years, married for 5.  Our oldest son is almost 4 and our youngest is 6 months.

One thing I will say, is that sex was definitely better wayyyy sooner after having our second son than it was after having our first!  I tore (albeit a minor tear) when I delivered our oldest, and it took awhile to be comfortable again.  This last time, I didn't tear AT ALL and we were going strong again at 6 weeks post-partum.  

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304970_tn?1331429594
I also have to add that I think this is an age issue too.. Younger couples, even with children, still "do it" a LOT.. At least in my opinion.. We have sex 1-2 per month.. Ken would be happier if it was more often, but I am too dam n tired.. I think that since we are a little older (I'm 32, and K is 45) it isnt really THAT important anymore.. I mean, we definitely "NEED" it sometimes, but 4-5 times a week would bore me, and I would be sore.. No thanks!! =D
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1012334_tn?1283706579
I voted for 3-4x a week, DH and i have been together for 8 years next month and have been married for 6 1/2. I do have to say that when we first got together I wanted more sex than he did and that has definitely changed! when we first got together we probably had sex 2-3 times a day, but after having kid' it did get less frequent, I am currently 9 months pregnant with baby #4, so I am  getting more than enough with it being 3-4x a week! I would probably be fine with twice a week simply, because with everything else I am usually to tired to really enjoy it as much as I use to. Dh thinks he does'nt get enough eithier, but he would still want more if he got it 4 times a day! you would think after 8 years it would go down instead of up , but he actually wants more now! I think he's going to go crazy when I have the baby and he has to wait for the first few weeks postartum!  
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1123420_tn?1350564758
Me and My ex/boyufriend/lover, whatever u wanna call him, baby daddy. lol. met when we were 12 and 14.  its been 9 years.  we used to have sex like 5 times a day. it was crazy! then right before i got pregnant we had sex like everyday sometimes more then once.  then i got pregnant and we literally only had sex maybe 12 times the whole pregnancy. lol.. i was not feeling it at all!!!! I hated sex when i was pregnant I didnt even wanna be touched.  So lets just say there was alot of other things going on lol.. but now we have a 3 month old son. and we try to do it everyday, but it dont work. i swear we put cole to bed and try to make love and hes right back up.  But i do have to say, i love sex alot more now after the baby!!!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
I dont think there is a normal. I voted every other day but thats subject to change too. At the moment our relationship is very strong and we are feeling very bonded with this pregnancy. Ask me again with a post-pardum body and it may be never again until I tone up and get some decent birth control. Our youngest is 20 months and although we were back at it quite quickly it took a few months for me to want more than obligatory sex.

Now its nothing out of the ordinary for me to steel him away for a mummy and daddy nap 2-3 times on a sunday. ha ha. Sexy beast he is.
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470885_tn?1326332637
Age....good point!

I'm 32 and my husband is 42.  It definitely does make a difference.....energy levels and whatnot!!  Especially when you've got little ones....
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470885_tn?1326332637
Ahhhhhh.....I remember daytime sex - vaguely, LOL.

Once our oldest (now almost 4) was sleeping in a big boy bed and could run into our room first thing in the morning when he woke up and started no longer napping, that pretty much killed that!  Now we have to wait until both kids are in bed.....I miss morning sex especially.....!!!
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1303813_tn?1303162962
Morning sex has to be the bestish... but it does get ruined with morning breath.. LOL....

If I am looking after my brother and sister.. and my boyf is round we sneak off.... say we are making food or cleaning out the animals (We have a zoo) LOL....
But morning sex, I do miss, because I wake up and have to get up because I duno LOL... just an energy burts LOL.. and sometimes we do sometimes we dont LOL..

x
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1035252_tn?1371343440
I think the topic was originally sex after babies? not just sex? maybe I read it wrong..??

it does stink when the kiddos are waking up before you...although today I was up before my daughter, which is RARE usually she's crawling into bed, prying my eyes open, and saying "morning!" like "oh hey you're up how'd that happen?' duh, lol.

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676912_tn?1332816151
Sex? What's that? LOL! DH and I have been married for 3 years Sept 13, and I got pregnant the month after we got married with our first. To begin with it was at least every day, sometimes more than once, and the rarely a long stretch of every other day. Around 6-7 months pregnant, DH got grossed out, and no more sex til after baby was what he wanted...which S*cked! It's all I wanted when I was pregnant with DS, lol. Then DH got sent to Korea (Army), and for 8 months I didn't see him but for two weeks right after DS was born. So when DS was 6 months we were together again, and DS was freaked out cause there was a baby in the house, so again no sex...we started trying for number two and the only time we had sex was MAYBE every other day in my fertile time. Now that I'm pregnant with number two, and conceived in March it's back to once every two weeks, maybe once a week if I'm lucky...

And I agree that age CAN have something to do with it...but I'm only 24 and DH is only 27. He says he's too mature to think about it anymore, and it's not something he needs...(insert an "are you crazy" face) OH! AND we can ONLY have sex at night when DH is ready to go to sleep right after...no sex during nap time...nothing. DH wants to get in bed, get it on, get finished, and go to sleep...I'm starting to feel like a maid, nanny, and prostitute that doesn't get paid!
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1035252_tn?1371343440
Oh, Sab..I can totally relate to the prostitute...only WHERE'S MY MONEY BIATCH!?!?!?!??! because he'll butter me up...say sweet nothings...treat me like a queen..."get some", roll over, go to sleep, and whine and b*tch the whole next day. uh...."good job, ho, now make me a sammich" is how I feel sometimes LOL. not all the time..but I can definitely relate.
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676912_tn?1332816151
LOL!!! Exactly! The only difference is there's no buttering up, sweet nothings, queen-like treatment...it's just get in bed, give me more than one little peck on the lips, drag me on top, wipe off, roll over and pass out...and that straight-out-of-a-romance-novel act is all over in 10 min tops...I can't complain about the time just cause, if it goes much longer I get bored, lol. My ex was an everyday, twice, maybe three times a day, at least 30 min type of person, and I got sick of it...maybe I shouldn't be complaining from a lack of sex with DH...but then again...I am pregnant again and the hormones are through the roof! Even tried last night after not seeing each other for four weeks and I got an "I'm exhausted, this weekend I promise"...I'm 6 months pregnant chasing a two year old and four dogs and a cat around all day...I don't think he even begins to comprehend the word "exhaustion".
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1123420_tn?1350564758
Omg smjmekg and ashelen that was freaking hillarious!!!!!! that cracks me up, im in the crappiest mood right now, and that made me laugh!!!  but i totaly relate My ex always fell to sleep within a minute after sex.  its like wth!!!! lol but wow thats hillarious i cant stop giggling!
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676912_tn?1332816151
Glad I could brighten your day! It makes me laugh too sometimes, and others I just want to scream, or smack DH on the head with a sex stick, lol.
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1035252_tn?1371343440
oh hey there's an idea...at the novelty sex shops they could sell a d*ldo that reads "not for sex. for whacking your husband on the head with when he's being inconsiderate in bed. use sparingly so you don't cause brain damage". it could even squeak when you hit him....
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676912_tn?1332816151
LOL!!! I like the squeak part...hey, we should so make one, get a patent, and start selling them...could you imagine how much money we would make? Bill Gates would be lower class!
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285793_tn?1330368544
OH you girls are so funny....Thanks everyone who voted.
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1123420_tn?1350564758
Hahah i would so invest in one of those sticks lol!  wow this is the funniest thing I have read on this site. who woulda thunk it!!! lol
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