What is the best way to tell someone about a miscarriage?

[armywife2806]

Ok, so i had a miscarriage about a month ago and there are some people between my husband's family that are still asking how i am doing and how big i am getting. my husband and i desided to wait to tell our family about the miscarriage because this is my second one and i am still grieving over it. Telling people about my miscarriage is very hard and often times i have a huge emotional break-down. The other day my mother-in-law was telling me how she wants to come to visit us (in nc where we live) when i have the baby and help around the house for a few weeks. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for us as i know its part of life. My question is: what is the best way for me to tell my husband's family about the miscarriage and not get all emotional about it?  

[dej69]

i agree with fille. although it is very difficult, talking about it will help. i had an ectopic pregnancy rupture about a month ago, and my tube had to be removed. i cried everyday for the first couple of weeks, but now it is a little easier. telling people was one of the most difficult things to deal with, but if you don't tell them, they will just keep asking about the baby. doesn't that feel worse? you need to be truthful with your family. they might actually be able to help you. i discovered that a lot of my friends and family have been through miscarriages and ectopics, so most of them understood what i was going through and respected my grieving period. they don't bring it up anymore.  don't worry you will get throught this. and if you need to talk anymore, we are all here for you. take care.

[Fille]

My dear, I'm every sorry! This is the most difficult part. I just miscarried on the 8th of this month and had a major surgery on the 9th (a day after). My right tube and ovary were removed. It's crazy because when I had a miscarriage in June and had an ultrasound done the dr. didn't see anytthing. And all sudden on the 8th when I went the dr. told me that he saw a 8 cm dermoid cyst twisted on the overy. I had to deal with the lost of the pregnancy, surgery, and lost of the my right tube & overy.
I know what you are going through. It's horrible. My advice to you is talk about it and noone will ask you about the pregnancy anymore. If you feel emotional, just let it be, it's normal. I have days that I just cry all day and if it happens that someone call that day wondering about the pregnancy, I let my husband talk to them because I can't help it but cry. I can't even get one word out of my mouth. Talking might make you heal. You don't have to call them, you can let your husband talk to them and let them know that you are not ready to talk about it now and that will solve the problem of people asking about how you and the baby are doing.
My dear be strong! It's hard to say it, but what can I say? We have no control over the all situation. Only God has control and let Him heal such broken heart.

[chantal21]

Yes, it would be a good idea to at least let her know before she purchases the tickets. If there is anyone else who needs to know ask her if she would be willing to tell them.  I wish the best for you and don't give up! It will happen when it's the right time sweetie! <3

[armywife2806]

thanks, i'll try using "yes it happened, I know you are sorry, thank you, but I really do not want to discuss it anymore." when i tell my mother in law...she calls just about every day wanting to know how im doing...i guess i better tell her before she starts looking at the prices for plane tickets for may.

[chantal21]

It hard for to tell anyone! I mean you have every reason to be sad and upset. You just lost a child. I understand what you are going through. My husband's parents want nothing to do with me either, and were very upset that we ever got married (well it's more his father who feels that way). And I know he would not be happy about me being pregnant. We had told his mother and she was so excited at first then we told her about the miscarriage and she was so hurt and was very sympathetic toward us. (his father never even found out I was pregnant, thankfully). such a horrible situation!  I would make it clear to family members that "yes it happened, I know you are sorry, thank you, but I really do not want to discuss it anymore." They have to understand that and consider what you are going through! I am sure they mean well and don't mean to hurt you anymore by bringing it up. Losing a child is not an easy thing to talk about. When you feel strong enough, tell them. You don't have to right now. Or maybe your husband could do it for you. Also, I would try to only be around those who support you. Those are the people you NEED right now. They are going to help you more than you could imagine. Try to steer clear of the negativity. Also, remember that God has everything happen for a reason, and he always knows whats best for us even though we may not like it now.

[armywife2806]

when i first found out that i had miscarried the second time, my husband wanted to tell a few close friends right away, i practiaclly begged him not to unless he told them not to talk to me about it. and then once i got comfortable telling my friends about it, they helped me too. for me it's going to be hard telling my husband's family b/c i know they'll say something to me and i dont want that. every time someone close to me talks about it, i just want to punch them in the face. it's wierd, i can talk to complete strangers about it, but for some reason i have a hard time telling family. why is that?

[armywife2806]

i think my last big break-down was nov 2-4 when my husband and i went to a marriage retreat that the army sent us on. we were at the this really nice hotel along the beach and we were there with a few of my husband's buddies from his unit along with their wives. i was crying my heart out when i was talking to one of the wives about her being preggers and she knew i had miscarried. talking to her kinda made me feel better but i'm really nervious about telling my husband's family about it since they werent real happy about it from the beginning but not it seems like that's all they can talk about. my husband is their oldest son/child and i'm just not sure how i could stand listening to them tell me how sorry they are and all that kind of stuff. this might make me seem like a little kid and getting my husband to do but i just dont want more stress from all of this. i was fine when i told my family, i just dont know why its so hard to tell his family. i think that might have something to do with the fact that when my husband told his family that we were going to get married, they wanted nothing to do with me.

[chantal21]

First of all I am so sorry you have to go through this again! You will be in my prayers. When I had my 2nd miscarriage I didn't tell too many people, mostly just family and a few close friends. So when it happened, I couldn't tell anyone. My husband and I were so hurt. So my mother offered to tell everyone for me and told them not to say anything to me about it. My mom took care of everything for me and I was very thankful for that. But either way, it was still not easy.  I wish you the best. <3

[Jame0223]

Its going to be hard. You may just have to bear with your emotions. That's what I did. I just cried whenever I said it because it was natural to me. Youre supposed to be upset when you lose someone precious to you, this is no different. Now I'm at the point where I can say it and talk about it without getting upset, but I couldnt right when it happened. Unless you want to wait until you feel stronger about it, there's really know other way then to just tell them. If they're good loving family, then they will understand and of course you're going to hear the "oh im so sorry!"'s, but maybe its what you need. My doctor kept telling me to be around family and loved ones because they make you feel better. Maybe you should just tell them? If you start crying then so be it. You're a woman who has lost a child. There's no reason why you can't cry. When I lost mine and my family was like how are you? I was just like..not so good...I lost the baby..and I'd get upset but held back as much as possible, but they couldnt expect me to just be okay with it. Its normal. Good luck!

[mamaofonetrying42]

I really dont think there is a way with out getting emotional. You could just have your hb tell everyone? Im so sorry for your loss.