When is it PPD vs. Blues?

[Cheesecake7]

I dont know what is going on with me, I feel like a terrible person.  My baby is a month old now, and my husband is back to work, and we are all alone and I have another 5 weeks at home.  To be honest, I am feeling like a horrible mother.  I love Corinne deeply, but I am not enjoying being here and taking  care of her, and I feel like I should be.  She is a month old now, and I am so drained because she wont lay by herself for more than like 20 minutes. Since DH is working now, I sleep with her on the couch because that is the only way she wont scream, which is far from restful, then I have her all day, and basically I sit on the couch because I cant do much since she wants to be held. Ive tried putting her in a sling but it doesnt work well and she wont lay in a crib or bouncer for more than20 minutes or so.  Anyway, Im not complaining, Im just wondering if it is just me.  I feel like I should be on Cloud 9, especialy considering how hard we tried to get her, but Im not.  Honestly I feel kind of depressed.  I think it is just because I have her all the time and all we do is sit on the couch, but I dont know what to do to fix that. I cant take her out because it is so cold outside and terribly windy. Im just wondering is this is normal, and what I can do to not feel this way, I want to enjoy this time. Like I said, I love her to death, but I feel a little disconnected from her....  I just feel in my soul that makes me the worlds worst mother....  what do you think?

[g8r grl]

You're not a horrible mother! We've all been there...I remember screaming at my husband to take my son away from me because I didn't want him and I didn't think he was cute anymore (he was about a week to 10 days old). Heck, I think I said that today and he's 2 1/2! (VERY different kind of frustration :)

Some of the other posters are right. Ask some friends/family to come over and get out more. Get away from your daughter for a couple of hours and you'll be ready to take care of her again when you get home. Take her to the mall in the morning and walk around with her in the stroller...there are TONS of moms there at that time and you can even get a little window/real shopping in (plus the exercise!).

Feel better :) It's tough work being a new mom!

[CYW]

your best bet is to see a dr immediately. i went through this too but it never hit me until when DS was 4-6 months or so..i had horrible dreams of hurting him and killing him and doing anything to him and then i would hurt myself..because my senses would take over.. i cried and cried wondering, i was soo scared i thought i was losing my mind...turns out i was fine.. i would never do anything unintentional to hurt my baby

[KellyA74]

I'd say you're normal...I feel the exact same way....My son is 5 weeks old and I feel like I'm a slave to a 5 week old......I love him more than life itself but it's overwhelming....

We have a Baby Bjorn and I plop him in that and then am able to do laundry, dishes, etc....even vacuum (you mentioned a sling, I'm not sure if it's the same..this is a front carrier)......If it weren't for that thing I'd never get anything done.

I also went and got my hair done last week..It sounds dumb but it made me feel human again....like a person rather than a run down looking old hag!  LOL.......Sounds like the movie helped some too!

Definately ask for meds to help you thru if you still feel like this at your next appt....I plan on it!  But I've found other tricks to help me feel more 'normal'......

You're not alone!  Lots of luck!!!  To all of you!

[Cheesecake7]

Thank you girls!  DH was home today and we went out to see a movie, real humanity is still out there!  I think that a lot of it is that we really dont have any friends, that is sad I know, but we dont, so when DH is at work that is it : (      I've worked on setting up a few things to do this week with my mother in law, so I am hoping that keeps my mood up.  I appreciate everyone sharing their stories, it helps more than anything to know that i am not alone.  This past week I was starting to shut down, not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything, but Im feeling better now that DH has been home and taking me out. Hopefully this week is better, we'll see.  I have a doctors appointment next week so I will talk to him if things arent feeling better.  Thank you to everyone!

[johannaviles]

Ohh my, hun, I know exactly how you feel.  My son is 8 weeks old and needs to be held all the time (day and night).  I think how you feel is normal due to lack of sleep and rest.  Sometimes I get frustrated because I dont have any time to do anything, but eventually the grow out of that stage and star beeing more independent (I sure wish this happens soon to me).  On top of everything, I am exclusively breastfeeding and my boy pulls so hard, that my nipples are cut and very sore, ouch!!!!
Hang in there honey, you're not alone...PM whenever you want to talk.

BIG HUGS

[heatherlynn22]

my boys are the same way. sometimes in order to get stuff done (and when i know they need their naps but won't take em) i just stick em in their bouncy chairs or cribs and let them cry it out. they're usually much more cooperative after a good nap.

when they were first born i couldn't do anything. they took up my entire day. i couldn't get any cleaning done and had to sneak off when they napped and greg was with them to take my shower. (they're total mommas boys). they're starting to get better now (they're almost 6 months old) and they just watch me while i clean, fold laundry or vacuum the floor. it gets better. i promise.

[JoyRenee]

Oh, and it's actually normal for babies to sit in a bouncer/swing for 20 minutes at a time. Use those moments to shower, clean up the dishes, exercise, etc. She's getting almost old enough to follow you with her eyes. If she sees you working out she might enjoy the movements you make! But get the okay to start a workout first, since you haven't had your postpartum visit yet.

You can also try calming music. And give her 5-10 minutes of tummytime. Get down on the floor with her and show her toys. She may just stare wide-eyed at everything and lick her lips but she'll work on strengthening her neck muscles and you won't be on the couch holding her.

Walk around the house with her and talk in a high-pitch singsongy voice about the colors and the rooms. She won't care what you're saying so long as you practically sing it. And singing is great too.

Some favorites were Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, ABCs with my girls.

Otherwise, try to enjoy the time, even if it is spent on the couch! Being a SAHM isn't for everyone and it can get daunting and boring pretty quickly. Don't feel bad for it!

[JoyRenee]

Post Partum Depression and Baby Blues are very different, one more serious than the other. Usually people with PPD have thoughts of harming themselves or their babies and/or they have a feeling of not wanting to get up and they're not really motivated. And usually with PPD the woman has serious depression that keeps her from doing the things she wants/loves.

I cannot diagnose you and don't have all the information on what you're feeling and going through. It's always best to speak to your doctor about it. I don't think you have PPD. I think you are just experiencing the Baby Blues. But that's just my opinion based on what you told us.

As for the other stuff--- what you're feeling is normal in the sense that you're getting frustrated. I love my girls but I do get frustrated with them, almost on a daily basis about something. My firstborn reminds me of your baby--- I had to hold her constantly. I became a one-armed cook, a one-armed cleaner, and had to wait for DH to get home to take a shower.

I know you want to enjoy this time! I completely understand. There are moments where I'm ready for time to speed up and others where I want to just stare at my kids forever. I don't know anyone who is on Cloud9 after their baby is born. There's always some emotional rollercoaster you're on and most of it is a learning process as you try to figure out what will work for you and what won't.

Know that you're not alone! When you go back to work you'll miss her like crazy and cherish the moments you have with her. Absense truly does make the heart grow fonder!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree that it sounds like PPD.  I have had 5 kids and am currently pregnant w/ #6.  I get PPD after giving birth every time.  So, now that I know this, I leave the hospital with a prescription in hand, and we stop off at the pharmacy before we ever go home.  I take it as quickly as possible.  I still get depressed and cry for a while, but I think that it doesn't last as long since I get on the anti-depressant.  

I urge you to talk to your doctor about this.  He/she may not even make you come in.  The first time I spoke up about it, my doc called me in a prescription right away.

[Diane1003]

Know too that you have support on this forum!  My son was similar in that he didn't sleep in his crib during the day at all- he would cat nap on either myself or my husband. I didn't return phone calls or want to have anyone come over. I became like a hermit b/c I didn't want to go out either.  He never met the definition for 'colic' but he was pretty darn fussy...  'The Happiest Baby on the Block' by Harvey Karp (sp?) really helped - it talked about the 5 S's - swaddling, shusshing, swinging/rocking, side/stomach, sucking.  If your baby is 5 weeks you should be going to your dr pretty soon for your postpartum check up - talk with your dr about what's going on for you and how you're feeling.  Keep your head up girl - my son is now almost 7 mos and he's doing much better with naps during the day and sleeping over night - it does get better. A friend gave me the best advice ever, 'this too shall pass'- and it's totally true!

[Atlantisea]

Sounds like PPD to me too. Get someone over to keep you company and give you a break. It will get worse if you don't do anything...

[sadiesmommy]

Sounds as though you are experiencing some PPD and like your daughter may be a little colicky. I went through the same thing with my son, I was home alone with him all the time and he never slept more than 20 minutes at a time and I got to the point where I no longer enjoyed taking care of him. I felt awful about it but everytime he cried I felt more and more incompetent as a mother, like I should be able to make him stop crying and I couldn't. I remember once he was  crying in his crib probably 3 months old and I was bawling in the shower. I tried to ignore it and even stopped breastfeeding him at six months thinking it would make me feel better to have a little more freedom. I was quite insane with the idea of him having a drop of formula which meant I rarely left the house epsecially if I had no breastmilk supply at home. Anyways that made things even worse i felt like such a failure, finally my husband sat me down looked me straight in the eye after the umpteenth day in a row I was in tears about nothing and begged me to go back to my OB. I finally relented and was put on a mild antidepressant and things got much better. I did some heart to hearts with my friends who have had children and one in particular who has had ppd and it was a huge relief just to know that I was not alone and the feelings I had even though they seemed awful were all a part of it. I agree with the above poster - get out of the house if you can and let some other people do the holding and try not to beat yourself up about it. PM me if you want to talk more personally, I just had twins but I do make it on here every three days or so!!!!
Really, talk to any of us or someone you feel comfortable with - you are NOT alone and you are okay!!!!

[alaysha]

I think what you are going through is completely normal. I know that after I had Aspen I had that depressed feeling as well and lack of stress and sleep didnt make it any better. Don't worry its normal. It becomes PPD and not blues as soon as you dont want to take care of your baby and find that you can't bring yourself to do normal things for her feeding, changing and in general just giving love. Its also when you feel like you don't want to wake up in the morning or doing anything. Blues goes away though, it took me like 3 months to start feeling better and a whole year to be completely back to myself. Your hormone balance is going to be out of wack for a while. Maybe try going shopping with her or taking her to friends houses. That is what I did in the beginning so that I could get a little me time in but also have other people around who were dying to be able to hold here.