Why is TTC so hard?

[Danielle713]

Just found out the friend who's been ttc along with me is pregnant. She started ttc after I did and I am soooo happy for her because I know how excited I would be if it were me, but I feel like the worst friend in the world because I got off the phone with her and I got home and started crying because it has been 6 months for me and nothing. Didn't get a period this month for the first time and I think it's because I didn't ovulate because I had a blood test on cd 40 and it was negative. My Dr. doest seem to concerned about it and thinks I just need to keep trying. My friend doesn't know I was crying about it but I feel like I'm such a bad friend. Sorry, just venting and I want this so bad and feel like everyone around me is getting something I want to bad and no one think that infertility could be an issue. They just keep telling me "you will get your chance." but what if I can't? What if i do have fertility problems? Why does everyone blow off that fear as irrational? Ugggg! I will just keep praying and hoping my time WILL come. Thanks for listening to my rant. Baby dust to all and hope some baby dust to me as well.

[gokuangel]

*hugs* dont get down! People never stop saying that its like they dont know what else to say so they just spit that out! its been 7 yrs for me and they are still saying its coming and i know better! Try not to stress though my SIL took 12 months for her 1st baby and 1 month for the 2nd one so it all depends just keep trying and if it is past 12 months get to your doc and demand tests! If i had insurance id be there screaming in there face right now but i cant! GL 2 U and SSBD! And yes your NOT a bad friend we deal the best we can in these situations!

[JoyRenee]

I've been there many times. *HUGS*

And you're NOT a bad friend whatsoever. You are happy for her but at the same time sad for yourself. That does not make you a bad friend. It is normal to feel alone and disappointed.

[julianovak]

Hi dear...... I know..... We have been trying also, since last oct/nov..... I have been putting off "getting emotional" about not getting a + on my test, and Ive been ignoring that feeling of getting upset, and now this past month all i do is worry and get upset over it.... The majority of my friends ARE pregnant-some its a "surprise baby"- that GETS TO ME!, Thank God i dont see them often bc im not so sure as to how i would react either. Its not bad of you to feel upset that she is pregn and your not. Actually i feel that sting of pain every time i either see a belly or an announcment, not that im "mad" at the person, but im sad for myself bc i want it so badly-as do you. And i think its all normal, I do have a 2 yr old, that helps pass time, but still, it is SO painful to watch someone elses "joy" when it is your "pain" (not being pregnant)..... It consumes my thoughts/prayers. Baby dust to you hunnnie!!! and to all the other ladies.

[Danielle713]

Thank you all so much. I went to bed last night and I got up this morning and I'm reading The Secret and it's all about positive thinking and not getting stuck in the negative and I have decided to adopt that approach. I find it's true that when I think negative the more negative thoughts come to me and the madder I get. So I'm hoping that if I think positive the more positive thoughts I will get. Everyone is right, I shouldn't worry there is a problem until there is a problem. I have stopped charting and checking and analyzing. I am now going to just try to bd every other day or as I feel like it and give it the next 6 months. And if it doesn't happen in the next 6 months I will go do the infertility class and see my options. Until then I am really going to keep my head up and stop complaining and make it happen through positive thinking and knowing I am doing everything I can do, no it's up to the powers that be to give me this gift. I have to be thankful for everything I have and not let thought like, "maybe god won't give me a child because he thinks I will be a bad mother" creep in. I have to remember everything happens for a reason and my time will come. I'm thankful that my time will come. I'm happy that I will be a mother and I'm thankful that with all of your help that this is the mindset I am not adopting. Baby dust to all.

[SantanL]

Aaarrrgggghhhhhh
My coworker just declared that her wife is pregnant.
this is too hard for me..... (he discussed about their health insurance/maternity covergae the other day.  when asked he said they'll begin their planning soon.... and now, here he is................)
GOD this is not FAIR!!!!

(I am sorry I am venting in your thread)

[ng15]

You are not a bad friend! It's very hard when you are trying to get pregnant to watch others around you get pregnant. My husband and I started trying in September of last year and as the months passed without succeeding, it seemed like everyone and their neighbor was announcing their pregnancy. One of my coworkers got married in May and ended up pregnant on her wedding night. So I totally get your frustration! To top that off, my last period was May 1st, by the end of the month, I was so hopeful, but kept getting negative HPTs. Finally went to the midwife and had a blood test the end of June, also negative. All of this really made me start thinking there was something wrong! But then last week, I thought my period was finally coming, had 3 days of spotting, then nothing. I thought I'd take the last HPT I had in the house on Sunday, fully preparing myself that it would be negative. Boy was I shocked to see 2 pink lines! So hang in there, everyone says when you stop trying it will happen and I was always like how do you stop trying?? It is normal for it to take up to a year to conceive. A friend of mine tried for 2 years and as soon as she "stopped trying" she got pregnant. It happens! One thing I told myself was each month it didn't happen was just one more month to prepare, one more month to save money, to get the house in order, to save up vacation time. Most of all, don't beat yourself up for your reaction to others' news. One thing I've learned from this is that many women who can't get pregnant right away have felt the same way. We're only human!

[SantanL]

(Mean but) glad to know I am not the only one who feels this way.
My good friend planned to begin TTC sometime this year, and guess what? she fell pregnant.  Its like, people around me are falling pregnant just by the thought of it.
I am sooooooo jealous, that I started to think it'll never happen to me naturally..

but then, I looked around. there are so many of us in this world.  and ALL our moms conceived. when soooooo many moms give birth, I should too.
so I concluded, I'll get my chance, sooner than later.  I shouldnt worry about it too much.

I know its silly, but somehow tht rationale helps me from stressing out.

[Spiket77]

Hi Dear,

I have been in your shoes. It took us 10 months to conceive. I remember at about the 6 month mark I really was feeling way down. I think you have to let yourself go there before you can realize how out of our hands conceiving really is.
A friend of mine said this to me when I was TTC: You can prepare the soil, plant the seed, give it water and light but, you cannot give the seed the breath of life. The friend that said this to me has never conceived and has been trying for 4 years. It was a very humbling message to hear from her.
I thought about this often. It was freeing to know that I wasn't in control. Before...it was just frustrating that I couldn't make it happen.
I also remember watching friends have babies and having joy for them but sorrow for myself. It's ok and I bet your buddy knows what you are feeling right now. Soon you are going to be on the other side of that coin. When I finally did conceive I found it so hard to tell my friends that have been struggling with TTC. I know they are happy for me but I also know that they have sorrow and longing. It's okay. It doesn't make you a bad friend.
I'm not going to tell you something canned like 'It will happen when it happens'. People told me that all of the time and it just upset me.
I'll be thinking about you. Keep us up to date.

[Freds_Baby]

Trust me I know how you feel. It seems like everyone is getting pregnant but me. I know I will have my day. We've been TTC for 7 months now. It is hard but one day we will have ours.I know it is easier said than done but just keep your head up.

[tsie]

trust in God. He is faithful. You will get your bfp!
God bless and don't stress.

[palla83]

Hey Danielle- am sorry mann that u feeling the same way that i am feeling. But they always say, it will come in God's time....i don't say it bad to say that but to be honest, when u want something, u need it immediately.

Well i hope for the best for yu and just to keep waiting as i am till it comes.

Morre Baby Dust To You

Take Care

[confusedmanda]

nobody ever said it was going to be easy. when times right It will happen. maybe you should stop trying and being so stressed about it. and nature will take it's course. you here more stories of not trying and becoming then trying and becoming. i think you're trying to hard and too stressed. relax it will happen when time is right. good luck

[Danielle713]

Thanks. I hope you get your bfp soon as well. I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. It isn't fair. Thank you again for your kind words. :)

[gillianl]

i know exactly how you feel, i've been ttc for 3 years with no joy.  I've watched my sister conceive and have her little boy and she and my other sister are now 6-8 weeks pregnant.  I've had aunts, cousins, friends all conceive within the 3 years i've been ttc and i've been emotionally upset at them all.  To make things worse i have now been told i have a 5% chance of conceiving on my own, i am now on a 3 year waiting list for IVF as i had adhesions in my tubes, right tube was twisted and i have slight endometriosis.  All women in my family you just have to touch them and they conceive so i know how you feel.

6months isn't long to have been ttc, it does take a healthy couple up to 2 years to conceive.  A doctor in the UK won't check fertility problems until you have been ttc for at least 2 years.  I wish you all the best of luck and hopefully you won't be to far away from your BFP!!!

[Danielle713]

Your right. I read The Secret before. And the idea of thinking positively will send positive things back to you. I went out tonight and got it to reread it and get back in that mindset and out of this negative mindset. Thank you. :)

[Clysta]

It seems like you're just stressing yourself. Those alone can also make it harder. It's hard to not wonder, but your doctor does have good advice. You don't have any reason yet to worry if you have fertility issues. (I know you probably don't want to hear that) Its completely normal that it can take a long time. When you start TTC, you should never go into it expecting that it will happen asap. Doing that can set yourself up for far more disappointment and stress than if you go into knowing many women (with no problems) spend upwards of 2 years and more trying. Just remember. The more you obsess and the more you worrry, the harder and harder it will get. Many, many women on here will tell you that when they stopped stressing out about it they fell pregnant. Don't think negative 'what ifs' until you have a reason to even consider them.

[Danielle713]

Rccresswell- Thanks. I think being on here makes me more concerned with fertility. lol I think I am becoming a hypochondriac. lol My Dr. seems like she doesn't think fertility issues are the reason. She seems to think that sometimes it just takes longer. Im not sure if that has to do with my medical history, or if I am bugging her by asking these questions, but she thinks that I should quit looking on infertility blogs and websites and just track my period. So I don't know. One side of me thinks I am fine and it will happen, and the other side thinks waiting a year is a long time to waste if there is a problem. I of course don't want there to be a problem. Then I try to make myself feel better by thinking that well I was on BC for 10 years and that even though I have been TTC for 6 months that the first 2-3 could have been not able to get pregnant due to my body getting back into a real cycle after BC. So not sure if I should even count those or not. Ugg, I need to stop thinking about it. Wish I wasn't so obsessive. Driving me crazy. Thanks aging for your support. :)

[rccresswell]

I don't know how you can say your not trying hard enough lol that is funny!!!  you should say to them what should I do to try harder??  My sis was 15 when she fellpregnant after losing her virginity lolso I guess that does happen a lot.

My sister in law it took my bro and her 3 years to fall pregnant and they had been trying since having their son and have given up 4 years later.  I guess for some reason it happens to those that desperately want children yet women than abuse themselves fall pregnant straight away.

I think if you are at all concerned you could see if you have any fertility problems.  I know there are pills that you could possible try like elevit and menevin, you could always try those, they prepare you for ovulation.

I wouldn't be too concerned about moaning on here because that's what we all do lol.  I know I haven't had any problems with fertilty but if you want to vent out I'mhere to listen.

[Danielle713]

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. It's just an emotional process. And I feel like all I ever do is come on here and complain. Thanks for being so supportive. :)

[moonshine323]

Aww Im sorry .. I know excatly how you feel..im going through the same thing.. I wanna scream everytime someone tells me "just keep trying.it will happen" or "maybe your not trying hard enough" wth!!!  I was watching the Lifetime Movie Network a few weeks ago and there was a movie about a teenager who got pregnant the first time she had sex...I wanted to throw the tv!! Lol..  Good luck!!!!

[rccresswell]

Hi

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Sometimes it can be difficult for women to fall pregnant for all sorts of reasons.  With my first two pregnancies it took me 6 months of really trying to fall pregnant.  Between my first and second I used no protection and I fell pregnant when my son was 14 months old.  Since we didn't use protection and were but weren't trying you could safely say it took us 14 months.  I always say 6 months because that's when we really started - I hope that makes sense.  

When I had my second child my husband and I never used protection, we were unsure on whether we wanted anymore and were going to give it a year and if it happened it happened.  Well when my daughter was 9 months we decided to really start trying and I fell pregnant straight away.  I lost that baby at 14 weeks and after my first period we decided to try again and I fell pegnant straight away.

When my husband and I were trying I always thought I ovulated between day 10 and 14.  After taking opk's I realised I ovulated on day 18/19.  Prior to falling pregnant and stupid as it sounds I thought the egg white mucus was the egg that had died (I know it sounds sily lol).  Anyways with my two ast pregnancies we had sex the days prior and duing the egg white cevical mucus.  Once we bd I have to lie in bed and sometimes put my bottom on a pillow for about 20 minutes.  I think all of these things helped me to fall pregnant faster.

Stress is also a major factor when ttc.  Maybe you could go for a holiday or go away for the weekend when trying to fall pregnant.

Goodluck