Pregnancy 18-24 Community
abortion or keep baby
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to pregnancy and childbirth in women age 18 to 24.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

abortion or keep baby

Hello, I am about 10.5 weeks pregnant and I am highly debating whether to keep the baby or abort. I could not give me baby up for adoption and know someone else is raising my child so abortion and raising the baby are my two optionas. I am 20 yrs old and have been with my bf for almost 4 yrs.  I am scared to lose my youth and be tied down but I don't know if I could live with myself if I got rid of it. My bf says its my decision and is not much help in deciding....help! Any suggestions? ??
Related Discussions
54 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
DON'T ABORT!! I LOVE BEING A MOTHER. You will probably regret it. There comes a time in life where it is time to grow and expand the possibilitys of your life!! Embrace this amazing gift and go with the flow! start a family of your own!!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It's ur choice in the end but I had an abortion last year. Worst experience ever. & I'm still alil depressed about it I guess it didn't help that I looked up pics of abortion its horrible. I say have it ur youth won't fade if anything u'll be a young mother by the time u 30 ur kids will be half grown. Plenty of time to have fun plus u still can do many fun things with a bby. Find a sitter or daycare & enjoy being a mother., it's amazing.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Please, don't abort!!! I know you don't want to give it up for adoption, but I know at least 5 people, possibly more, who can't have children and would be FABULOUS parents. Please, don't destroy that little spirit growing in you. My cousin would love to help and be a mother!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I can get you my cousin's profile if you'd like.
Blank
2008858_tn?1343847641
It's only you who can decide. If you do chose to abort then make sure in future to use extra protection. Having sex protected or not runs the risk of pregnancy.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
In the end it's ur choice. But, u will regret an abortion, trust me. Don't be selfish. I say selfish bc by not wanting someone else to raise ur child ur not thinking of what's best for the baby, u are thinking what is best for u. I'm sorry for being so blunt, but u need a dose of reality. Go on youtube & look at an ultrasound of a10 week fetus.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I was never faced with your decision but we waited until we were in our early 30s to have our first child. I do not regret the decision one bit, despite comments that we won't be able to enjoy our grandkids, etc. The other thing I don't regret is making sure that I was with a partner who wanted to have our kids as much, if not more, than I did.

I know you said it's not an option, but I know a number of adopted children who were raised in loving homes and who now benefit from relationships with both their adoptive and biological mothers as adults. In each of the cases, the mothers were young, not in stable relationships and the adopted children are thankful that they were given all the opportunities they had with their adoptive parents.

But ultimately, it's your choice. I am sure it is an extremely hard one to make but when faced with a potential pregnancy at a younger age (prior to meeting my husband), I decided adoption would be my preferred route.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Its truely your choice...i got an abortion about 20 years ago as a teen and it still weighs on me...it doesnt make you a bad person if thats what you choose...but on the other side of it...i have two adopted people in my family that we love as our own and are truely thankful for.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
i had my first baby when i was 20... if my husband and i could not afford to have him at that time, i would have chosen adoption... i know many who had an abortion and they regret it for life. in the end it should not be your choice to end someone's life. giving a child up for adoption is the most selfless thing anyone could do.. that way you still get to enjoy your youth.. but at the same time, i am now 22 and i appreciate my little boy.. never regret having him one bit
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
U have to make the best decision for u but i had a missed miscarriage in october.. went for my 12week scan and no heartbeat as my bidy wadnt miscarryin its self i had to go through a dnc type procedure tht u would if u were havin an abortion. such a horrible time n thing to go through u will regret it and will always play on ur mind. i had my 3yr old when i was 18 and shes best thing in my life.
Blank
2008858_tn?1343847641
I'd rather regret an abortion than a child. There are already thousands of in wanted children in the world that would love a home so people who say they would love a child should simply look harder. It's a hard and long process but so is pregnancy. You need to really think about what your going to do as simply not wanting to lose your youth is pretty selfish as you should know the risks of having sex
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Thank you all for your responses.I know I would probably regret abortion so that's why I wanted to get other peoples opinions.I have to make my decision asap because it is getting close to the cut off time. I lean one way one day and the other the nexti just feel like abortion would make everything go back to.normal but I know I would be an awesome mother as well.I just don't want to be the girl that has kids by multiple guys if me and my longtime bf don't work out...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
When i met my hubby 9yrs ago i was with him for one month when i got pregnant. I was 17 and had no ties with my family at all. I hated them. I was so scared to tell him i was pregnant. But what could i do? i couldn't hide it from him. He said the same thing. It was up to me. I was honestly scared ********! ! we had no money, i had no family to help, and his family was supportive but were low on money as well. I only knew this guy for a month!! and i was only 17. when i was going to school one of the teachers showed us videos of abortion babies and i couldn't even watch them. They were heartbreaking. We decided to buckle down fast and we both started working. We found a tiny house to move into. I couldn't bear to think of abortion. Adoption would be too hard after 9 months of carrying a baby and seeing it go. We kept her. She is now 7yrs old and we are married 8yrs now and baby #2 on the way. I never regret my decision. I am so proud of my life now. I wish you luck hun.
Blank
1901977_tn?1333995326
Life rarely works according to plan...I gave up a ph.d. for this baby, was literally less than a year away in a 10-year program, and did it happily because after all that achievement, none of it mattered if I had to give up my child or miss one minute of her childhood in the pursuit of another credential. But I honestly don't know what decision I would have made at your age. The people I do know personally who had an abortion and have shared that with me always regret it, but I know that there are women out there who do not. Whatever decision you make, just try to take things through, figure out what's best for you in your life, what's important to you and what type of person you want to be. There are moments in our life where we set the trajectory for our future, decide our priorities, and only you can really tell you what is the best answer here.
Blank
1020256_tn?1332100083
Just wanted to say that it is your decision but if this baby wasn't suppose to be born you never would have gotten pregnant. With my second child I was told to get an abortion or the guy would leave me. I actually went to a clinic against what my feelings and morales were telling me. I watched a couple come out of that clinic, the girl about fell to her knees crying when she got to her car. Very sad to see, i know she was regreting it. I went in, they have you watch a video of how it is performed, i got up and left. It's now 16 years later and i am so glad that i left that clinic. I have a great son who i love very much. I don't know what i would do without him.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Do all clinics have you watch a video of the.procedure??
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I could never get an abortion or give my child up for adoption. It's your choice and don't let people pressure you with their, "you are killing it" and "you'll regret it.", raising a child is a big commitment but doesn't mean you will lose your youth. You will have more energy to keep up with your baby. Think of the pros and cons. Keeping it would take time and money but its money and time well spent. I can't think of any cons for having a baby. Yet, I can't think of any pros for abortion . You have to do what's right for you, not what people think is right for everyone. Would you jump off a bridge because it was legal and some people said it was a good choice? Think about each possibility and use a pros and cons list to help you decide.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Most do make you watch a video to make you aware of what happens and thw decision you are making.  Also, some states have made it mandatory to do a sonogram and make you view it, again to make sure you are completely set on your decision.
Blank
1951991_tn?1329994307
I have been with my husband for 10 years this year been married 1. When we had our first (4 years ago) I was only 17 had Our son at 18, I can't say I was much of a party girl but being the youngest I wasn't let off with as much as my older brother and sister was, looking back I can honesty say I didn't miss out on anything, once your baby is here you won't care who is at what party only thing you will think of is making sure you have a happy and healthy baby, I am 23 this year and since my son was born I have had a few nights out but they are more fun and more special because they are not often, I am almost 11 weeks with our second and wouldn't change a thing. Only you can make the decision hopefully you do what you think is right I bet you will do great though x
Blank
1950518_tn?1333223465
U wont have to watch or look at anything!. if u dont want to u dont have to..not that theyd try. I agree with nicolecherie.. And dont let anyone make u feel bad.. Its.entirely ur choice.. Just wanted to say youd prob make a brilliant mum.. Im 20 and pregnant and felt like u do at thd start but now I couldnt be happier!! So excited x
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I didnt have to wstch a video...but they did sit me down and expkain the procedure...but like i said earlier...that was 20 yrs ago
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I had my baby girl at 21 and couldn't imagine my life without her.its hard at first but you really learn about what matters in life. I'm now 25 and we are expecting #2.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Would just like to say her choice is abortion or raising her child, she is not considering adoption. I have to say I would never have an abortion or adoption. Abortion is nothing I could live with. Adoption yes sometimes turns out to be great but then you have cases where the child is abused or used. I had my daughter at 20 and she is now 8 and the best decision I ever made in my life. She made me a better person. Think hard and long about this choice you have. You may regret abortion for the rest of your life and your bf might too.
Blank
694164_tn?1333149588
I'm not going to tell you what to do-its not my place but please don't end up with regrets-truly ask yourself, could you live with yourself if you went ahead with an abortion-only you know the answer to that-I just don't want you to feel regret.

I'm sorry you feel you may not be able to devote your time to being a mother yet-I'm not going to lie it is hard work but its AMAZING & rewarding!!

Whatever you decide don't let ANYONE tell you what to do-your body, your baby.

I personally don't agree with abortion-However I agree with freedom of choice-good luck & I pray it works out for you!
Blank
1714215_tn?1334717469
I am 21 and just had my daughter. I love being a mother. I can still go do things I wanna do. And I still have my youth. I'm glad I am a young parent because I will be able to bond better with Aubrey. And not be old when she's my age. But all you can do is decided what's best for you and your baby. Best of luck to you.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Thank you all.I am thinking about this decision constantly.it is really wearing on me and I feel like crying every.minute of everyday.such a hard decision
Thank you for your support.I will continue to read these and let you know what my decision is!
Blank
689528_tn?1364139441
Your body is doing something amazing right now, you are in a serious relationship and could be an amazing mother. You can still do great things with your life but nothing is more amazing then being a mother and knowing that you're growing a human life. Look up 11 weeks pregnant and see what your baby is doing right now as far as development.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
don't have an abortion. As everyone else mentioned you will most likely regret it later.  I too had got pregnant at 19 and was contemplating abortion. I even called up a friend to ask she had done hers. The next morning I woke up with a change of heart.  I am not turning 30 and my son is turning 10 and I must admit it waas the best decision i ever made by keeping him. It was not an easy job being a young mom but being a mom made me accomplish so much more that I though I would have.

There are alot of people out there that cannot have kids so count yourself as being blessed and accept the blessing that God has bistowed upon you.

If you have questions and want to speak to me directly please send me our email address and I will be happy to share my experience with you or answer any question you may have.

Stay strong
Allison
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
How about you go to the Dr and hear that precious heartbeat and then try to decide.  That baby is a gift.
Blank
1936698_tn?1333918793
The choice is completely up to you, although I do hope you choose to keep the baby, but like I said, it is 100% up to you. I am 19 and having a baby. I don't see it as losing my youth, but yet gaining a new experience and being able to make my youth different than everyone else's. I'm living out of my boyrfriends parents house because I got thrown out of my parents house, I have no job, he has no job. We are barely getting by and through all the drama and mayhem, I always keep thinking that I am soon going to have another live to love and care for. A lot of people told me that I will never be able to experience my youth years like I "should", but I tell them so what. It's my youth and I want to experience it with my baby by my side. I know whatever choice you make will be the best choice for you, no matter what others say.
Blank
1936698_tn?1333918793
I also like to add, if you think you are going to regret an abortion, please don't have one. It would just haunt you. Good luck on your decision and keep us posted with what you decide.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Don't Abort :( once you see your precious little baby you will be so thankful you didn't do such a thing. Im 23 and have been with my husband for 5 years and growing up seems scary but there are plenty of parents that enjoy life and going out while caring for their children. Your baby is depending on you don't let your child down because that decision will rest heavy on your shoulders the rest of your life while you think to yourself that you sent your baby to heaven by your own choices
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Keep the baby. They are the most amazing thing that can happen to you. I have one with a second one on the way. I'm so excited and I wouldn't change having my kids for the world. Plus the way your child loves you makes you a better person, I promise you won't regret it. Good luck hun.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I would really look at the pros and cons of  what you are doing. I feel weather a woman plans a pregancy  or not. We should deal with the  consequences. I know you are worried about your future but the world has so much so support to help you along the way. Have you tried to talk to various health care professionals such as counslors and social workers. They might be able to provide you with advice as well. Kee p faith!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Iknow youwill make a great mommmmyyy
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I aborted when I was 20.  Def regreted it and still do cuz there will always be that what if.    I'm not 17 weeks and single and going to do it all by myself. It doesn't mean you have to lay down and for. You need to grow up and make plans ahead of time and not last minute and get a sitter. My friends all have kids and we still go out all the time.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Im 18, almost twenty weeks with my first baby. I just turned eighteen in october so i was a a bit overwhelmed when i found out. Two weeks ago me and my babys father hit our one yr mark together.im not on speaking terms with my family and he has no family except his sister, tey were raised in foster care cuz there parrents couldnt provide. We   live with roomates and dnt have out own car. we barely get by with it just being me n him. Our first thought wa abortion,  we didnt want our lil baby to have th life he did. My bf didnt want the baby at all, he didnt want to give it a bad life or to get attached and us loose it. We wanted kids just not now. I graduated   early and was about to start med school. we made the apt for the abortion, did the consultation and planned to go through with it. The nite before i had such a bad pain in my side, went to the er. First thing they did was pull out a dopler and within secs they found my babys heartbeat. I knew at that moment i couldnt do it. My bf was mad at first but he didnt try to force me to do it. He said we cant afford and were ruinin our lives. I didnt listen. 2 weeks later we had a dr apt and they did an ultrasound to find out how far  i was, i was 16 weeks and were having a healthy baby boy. From that point on this lil boy i my bf world! E is so excited and i am to. I understand where ur at rite now but plz know hving a baby is the most beautiful thing a women can do. But ill be here to support u even if u go through with it.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
You wont be tied down. I had my son at age 17 & i would never have it any other way..  i live my life with him.. never would give that up.  Now im 21 & about 6 weeks away from having my baby girl..
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I had an abortion when I was 16 which was 10 years ago. My mom forced me to and im very happy with that decision. Im now 24 weeks pregnant. Im so excited and ready now. I never watched a video! They asked me if it was what I wanted to do and did I get pressured. They did a u/s to see how far along you are. I didnt look but heard them. I was put under during mine then woke up and went home. I had bad pain from it the rest of the day but no regrets. Dont let anyone influence you. You know what you want so dont hesitate much longer. Either way it goes your an adult and you have to live with whatever. If you have any questions or want to talk please message me anytime.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I had an aborrion 2 years ago and i was 9 weeks. Had to take the pill. It was a terrible experience but i know the time wasnt right for me to have a baby. Realistically analyse your situation, if your bf is not helping much now he may not help much when the baby comes?!?!. Abortion is a selfish thing but wouldnt you like to bring a child in into this world when youre at least a little prepared and ready? If you do abort id say be extra careful when having sex in the future aa its not something youd want to go through twice xxx
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I had an abortion when i was 17 i do regret it it was the worst experience of my life, a year after my abortion i fell pregnant with my first daughter she was the best thing to ever happen to my life she made me grow into a mature woman and now i have 3 children and 1 on the way im 24 and can.honestly say i love being a mom, im not bothered about going out or anything my kids are my world.....

Im not saying dont get an abortion but you really need to think about it as once its done regardless of your decision there is no going back, and the choices you make can affect you for the rest of your life.....
Blank
1950518_tn?1333223465
DO NOT even go onto that site... that is completley uncalled for like.. im pretty sure she wont want to look at pictures of fetus's. if she would shed do it herself
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Do not go to that sight and it is definitely out of line.
Blank
1752977_tn?1346094641
Wow, please don't go to that website. A post like that is uncalled for.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Please have your little angel. I'm 23 and I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with twins!! I was in the same position you was in when I first found out I was pregnant. It made me so depressed. I made an appointment to have an abortion but I didn't go. Instead I made a prenatal appointment and when I found out I was not only carrying one but two I was so scared but happy and relieved that I've decided not to abort. You won't be tired down of you do decided to have tired baby. You're still young and have time to go back to school go out with friends whatever it is you want to do while caring and loving your bundle of joy. Good luck .. You'll be a great mom :-)
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
My experience, me and my partner had only been together 6 months, I was on the pill, we didn't live together etc, then we found out I was pregnant by 7 weeks, we were so shocked, we had q chat and decided that we couldn't bring a baby into the world at that point, I had an abortion at 9 weeks. That is the worst and most biggest mistake we made and theres not q day goes by when I don't think about it, I hate myself for it, me and my partner got through it but it made me depressed for q very long time, we have been together for nearly 3 yrs now and. We starting trying for a baby in may last year and here we are expecting a baby girl in 8 days, we are so excited, please don't make the mistake we made I know it's ur decision but its a very traumatic and horrible thing to go through, ul make a lovely mummy and daddy, just think it may never happen again
Blank
707563_tn?1395081210
Hi everyone -

Please remember this is a support site, and if your personal feelings about abortion render you incapable of offering support, then it's probably better for you to not respond at all to abortion questions. This is obviously a hard time for hnicole6, and we are here to help her, not hurt her.

Emily

Blank
1816154_tn?1386892685
im 20 years old too=) im currently 14w2d and already have 2 kids a 3year old and a 18 month old. when i first got pregnant i felt like you did, i didnt want someone else raising my child and i didnt want to abort my baby not only that but when i found out i was pregnant i was 10 weeks along already and when i had my ultrasound i just knew i could not give up on my baby so i did keep him. i also known girls who got abortions and they all regret having them a month or so after having it and they got depressed for it. if he tells you its your choice then keep the baby. to me it sounds like he will be with you no matter what your choice is but thats what it sounds like to me. i know alot of young mothers where i live and they kept their babies too and even though it migh be hard its so worth having a child. you can still have fun if you can find a baby sitter that could baby sit for you hun. i think you would be a great mom because it does sound like you care alot so my suggestion is dont abort your baby keep it, i just know you will be a great mother=).
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
What website was everyone talking about? I have an appt on the 23rd but I hate waiting that long for an ultrasound I really want to try and get one now so that I can see how far along I am and if its too late to decide or not.and I am leaning towards keeping it, but I just freak myself out thinking that ill be stuck ahh this is so hard .I hope I never have to make this decision again because I never planned on this happening because I was on the pill and took it everyday like I was supposed to...
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I'm 18 years having my first baby. I never once questioned adoption or abortion. But I understand where you are coming from because I have questioned myself asking if I'm ready for this, if my boyfriend is ready for this also. I've came to the conclusion that my youth isn't going to be taken away from me, now its time to open up my options to other things ill be able to do on the weekends besides party. The zoo, a kids movie, a museum, football practice. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and already feel this mad love for the baby growing inside. I find out tomorrow if I'm having a boy or a girl. Idk what the gender is and i already would give my own life for my child. Every kick, every move, hearing the heartbeat, seeing baby on an ultrasound is worth everything i may have to give up. Having a baby isn't easy, but I believe its worth it. I've always said if I believe I'm ready for sex I should also prepare myself for a baby, especially if I'm not being protective. You'll do what's right for you and your baby. Is look more into adoption, maybe you'll find its not as bad as it seems. Good luck!
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
To all: I don't know why I did this but I watched an abortion video on youtube and balled my eyes out.it was the most horrible thing id watched ever.
Blank
689528_tn?1364139441
Awww, Stacey, you made me tear up! It's totally true!
By the sounds of it hnicole6, you want this baby. And to me it seems like it was something that was meant to be. That baby wasn't supposed to be around because you were taking precautions but somehow, here it is!
Things happen to us for a reason and they might change our plans around completely but they are usually for the best or better.
No one is ever really ready to have a baby, financially or emotionally but when it happens, they do everything in their power to take care of that baby and can never see life without them!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I'm 18 and I am pretty ready for my lil one. We both have good jobs and live on our own. I say unless u are not financially stable to have ur child then that would be a reason to abort or adopt. I think that this would be a good experience for u u never know if god will bless u with another one in the future. If u go thru with raising this child one day u will look back and think what would I do without em. And if u wanna still live ur young life their are always babysitters
Blank
1422615_tn?1334067834
It sounds to me like you want your little one. I am proud of u for watching the video and at least knowing what it entails before u decide.  I can tell u it is never too late so dont rush things for that reason.  If u hit 5 months pregnant or the baby is 5 months old and u decide u just cant do this then there are adoption agencies that let u read the parents profiles, see pictures, family events, even meet them before u decide. U can also do what is called an open adoption where u see the child and visit it. there are many people out there open to this.  You are called the tummy mommy.  I am telling u this because i wanted u to know that adoption has several options now.

WE have two adopted little boys and they are loved more any thing!!! Our familys just embraced them.  I could not imagine my life without them. they are our worlds!!! I loved them as though i birth them myself!!!

I hope this helps. I cant wait to hear how u feel after u get to see your little ones heart beat for the first time. It is  a very special thing!!!!
Blank
707563_tn?1395081210
Hi everyone -

Let's leave the judgmental statements out of this.  She is asking for support, not statements about murder, etc.

Everyone is absolutely entitled to their own beliefs about abortion, but let's remember that we are first and foremost, a support site.

Thanks,

Emily
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Pregnancy 18-24 Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Pregnancy Answerers
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
knufrio
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
proudFTMTeTe
milwaukee, WI
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
loveontop2014
9442948_tn?1406820051
Blank
babyberry000
9121436_tn?1407983102
Blank
showard022
8377023_tn?1399512760
Blank
Allocate