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2177836 tn?1355173877

dad not in the picture

This is in regards to my older sister, she has a 5 year old son and his dad has never been in the picture, last time he saw my nephew was when we ran into them at the store. My nephew is starting to ask questions, why he only has one parent, how come he doesn't have a dad and where is his dad at. My sister asked me what she should say but I honestly have no idea, im fortunate to have my sons father in his life so I wouldn't even know what to say. What do u ladies suggest her saying to a 5 year old who wants to know why he doesn't have somebody to call dad??
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3763041 tn?1354906251
I also think you should suggest to take him to the park or bowling shortly (like an hour) after you're sister and nephew speak about it, encase he has questions he couldn't ask his mom, then him and his auntie (you) can discuss it and clear up any confusion and talk about how it made him feel
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3763041 tn?1354906251
I agree with not talking down about him. My daughter had 2 daddys, her biological and my boyfriend who she called Daddy all on her own since she learned how to speak. Her biological father beat her shortly after her 2nd birthday, and now she only has one Daddy (my bf). She doesn't remember her biological father anymore, but eventually will know my bf isn't her real Daddy. I dread the day I will have to explain it to her, because he does everything for her that a real Daddy should. But I know that even though I will have to tell her she has a biological father who isn't around, I will NOT be telling her that she was beaten. I don't want her to know, simply so that she doesn't think it is her fault. if when she is older she decides to find her biological father I will then explain to her what happened, just so that she doesn't go into the situation blind. All of this said, she should just tell him the truth, but spare him the dirty details, and I would advise her not to incorporate personal feelings towards the situation into it when she tells him. Hope it helps and good luck to your sister with this difficult situation
Helpful - 0
3178444 tn?1348441829
Bri_1985 pretty much said it perfectly.. Be as honest as possible, just put it in 5yr old language.. I have a 5yr old daughter and am sorta going through the same thing, but he was in her life everyday for the first 4 years and then nothing he is the definition of 'deadbeat dad'. Kids that age actually have an amazing understanding of things all you have to do is explain.. Also like the lady above stated never talk down about their absent parent all it does it hurt the kid, and they are the only ones who truly matter in these situations.
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Avatar universal
I'm going to be having this discussion with my child a few years from now, and I'm still pregnant. But like the other girl said, tell the truth, not too much detail because my baby doesn't really need to know that daddy was beating mommy, and a photograph would be nice.
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2177836 tn?1355173877
Bump
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2177836 tn?1355173877
Wow that's crazy, at least your son still has you to play both roles. Any other suggestions ladies?
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Avatar universal
I feel her pain. My 5 yr old - he hasnt started questioning yet - father doesnt have anything to do with him but he has no qualms with taking our daughter out and about when shes visiting his parents. Hes my ex obviously. But he blames his lack of attention on my 5 yr old on me because I have certain concerns for him due to being diagnosed with high functioning autism that I dont with my daughter because she doesnt have the same trouble as my son.

Also my ex blames me for his autism too
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2177836 tn?1355173877
Thanks, I just feel so bad. She says he comes home from school saying mommy why don't I have 2 parents? I would be just as clueless as to what to say. He hears everybody calling somebody daddy but he only has his mommy.
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Avatar universal
Oh wow... yeah Im going to be dreading a similar talk eventually. The only advice I csn honestly give is for her not to lie but not go entirely into details either. In fact I encourage her even showing him a picture. I say this because later down the road he could come to resent her if she lies.

Also, do not talk the Father down. Sure hes an arse for deserting his child but her son does not need anyone telling him to not like his Father. He will decide upon that himself.
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