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had to split with my boyfriend
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had to split with my boyfriend

Me and my other half have been together for three years. We have a one year old and I'm 19weeks pregnant. Over these years he's hurt me on numerous occasions. I don't agree with porn and he promised.he'd respect that and not watch it..he didn't stick to this promise a few times but the past year no.issues. last week I found porn and broke down as I'm very insecure as it is. He wouldny come to bed with me instead watch porn. Now today I find he's been looking at girls from our area on facebook. Like slaggy girls photos. I had to break up with him. Cant cope anymore. Evertome yhe says is the last time and its me who keeps getting hurt. He knows I'm insecure have no confidence after a violent relationship years ago. And that when om pregnant I feel even more insecure. It's even worse because he's not having sex with me or even coming to bed with me..staying up doing that instead. Am I being reasonable?
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My husband watched porn all the time before we were together then when he knew it bothered me its like he would watch it more secretively like its a lot more fun now... But now that im 28 weeks i just dont care what he does and he stopped all together.. We had an issue with facebook but its open to either of us to look at each others measages etc.. Nothing is a secret and we are young both 21 years.old.. good Communication can save any relationship..
22 Comments Post a Comment
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2189208_tn?1339576301
Well he lost a good thing he'll realize that soon:) stay up momma ull b ok
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2195822_tn?1341060511
I'm so.scared to raise two babies alone and as much as I hate him I miss him too. :/
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1911870_tn?1345422609
I think if he has repeatadly hurt you over and over then he doesn't deserve you. He knows how you feel about what he does and yet he continues. I would understand if he was addicted or something. He could atleast try to change then. You can and will be strong for your babies. My mom was a single mother to my sister and I. I love her more than anything in this world. She worked so hard to take care of us. You can too, and your kids will love and respect you that much more for it. Stay positive momma, things will get better!
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2189208_tn?1339576301
Im sure it will b hard n scary but being more hurt with him there isn't worth it n u have a bond with him u hav kids its always gonna b there maybe u breakin up with him will mak him snap n change his ways
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I sufferd emotional abuse from a ex left me insurcure and anxious till now , I then found peace in finding my religon and met a loving man now my husband who wouldn't dream of even looking at another women n does everything he can to make me sercure also our religon dobt permit for mixing with other sex unless family or looking at women intentionally , now I have peace if he loves u he will give u peace n security if he dosnt change for u n hea kids then sorry he not worth it n there b q man out there who will give u that

But try work it out if u love him n he's ur baby father it worth a try
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3138931_tn?1350943918
you and i sound a lot alike, however yes Porn was an issue....but you should just maybe watch porn with him..i know its soooooooo weird!!! hah TRUST ME, but maybe watch it and then maybe he could be turned on and you guys could have awesome sex? the whole facebook thing?  i say both of ya should delete any social network you have, my bf and i have done that so we can focus on each other rather than facebook.......

i have a 3yr old and im 17wks 4 days with baby number two.....the porn part, i complained about that stuff and everyone told me to get over it....but what was his reaction after the breakup? it would tell alot about him....

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Avatar_f_tn
Stay strong momma! I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope that he realizes soon that he needs to change, but if he doesn't you'll be just fine. I know a lot of single mom's & sure there are days that are hard, but there are days that are hard when you are with a spouse.
I'm here if you want to talk. Good luck!
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2020005_tn?1404435525
Not at all, porn can be a big issue in a relationship, and it drives me up the wall when women say ohh it's not a big deal..but it's progressing to looking up women in his area, that is a problem. I hope things get better for you hun!!
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Its not really his fault that you were in a crappy relationship before him or that he likes to look at porn, its a guy thing, don't take it personally. If he thought you were unattractive he probably wouldn't be with you. I bet if you stepped it up and tried your best to be sexy for him he wouldnt watch porn as much. I do think he's being a bit rude to keep watching porn so much when he knows it hurts you. I think you should think of all the reasons why you are beautiful, put on some makeup, do your hair, and feel pretty. Find your inner confidence and work it, guys love chicks with confidence. I know how hard it is when you're pregnant, I'm 32 weeks but I would never let my fiance know that I feel a bit crappy about myself sometimes, and he's still attracted to me as ever! He watches porn sometimes but he tells me about it and I don't care because those are just trashy bimbos and he thinks I'm Superwoman anyway!  Lol. Best of luck to you.
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I agree about deleting your facebooks my husband who was still.my fiance then has been completely different since
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My husband watched porn all the time before we were together then when he knew it bothered me its like he would watch it more secretively like its a lot more fun now... But now that im 28 weeks i just dont care what he does and he stopped all together.. We had an issue with facebook but its open to either of us to look at each others measages etc.. Nothing is a secret and we are young both 21 years.old.. good Communication can save any relationship..
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971074_tn?1362763366
I don't think the porn is the issue as much as the secrecy. Porn can be used in a 'healthy' way but it can also be a symptom of something bigger. The secrecy is the issue and I think you made a good decision. The whole picture looks funny with the secret porn and secret facebook lurking. I would feel like something was off too. And I understand how a man behaving like this could make you feel insecure but I assure you...it is his problem. His record of not holding his word isn't helping either. I know you miss him and this horrible timing but don't rush back in to things because you think it will be easier. Really give it some thought. He needs to address whatever is making him sneeky and grow up.
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You have to do what's best for you. If you think you'll be better off in the long run without him... then that's what you have to do. Its going to be hard to be on your own. I do wish you all the luck in the world.
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I can understand, me an hubby had issue like that few years ago but agreed porn does not need to be in our house.  If your guy knows how you feel about it, wouldn't hurt to stop watching it. The fact instead of coming to bed with you making your own porn, he watches porn instead would have pissed me off. But, really got me is the fact he looking up locals in your area off Facebook means he's got other intentions in mind. You don't deserve that, you did right thing.  Your gonna be fine us women are soo much stronger then we give ourselves credit for! Your going to be fine because your a strong woman an have to remain that way for your children.  It's going to be hard but you gonna make it. Trust me I been there!!
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2195822_tn?1341060511
Thanks. And sorry I have to disagree glittergirl88 not in an argumentative way just a difference of opinion. I know its not his fault I was in an abusive relationship before but he should be sensitive to it. And I told him when I met him I disagreed with porn and if he didn't like it to be with someone who didn't mind. But he promised me he didn't care giving it up etc. I do make myself as presentable as I can but he still does it. Plus I shouldny feel I have to tart myself up for him to sleep with me. It's not really the whole porn thing that's the issue here its the constant breaking of the trust and the fact he was looking at this girl's photos who lives near us. Plus I feel its a woman's choice if she agrees with porn or not and I just personally don't. He knows it. He knew it three years ago and still hurts me. he also has been doing it instead of spending time with or sleeping with me. We have a one year old and I'm half way through this pregnancy and exhausted. And as Mich as I'd love to be confident you cant just be confident. Especially after a traumatic and abusive relationship. I'm aware only therapy will fix that. My mother is watching our daughter tonight so we can talk. Thanks to all who took the time to comment but I just can't justify porn in my relationship let alone photos of random women replacing time he could spend with me.
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2020005_tn?1404435525
I hope it all works out for you hun!
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2195822_tn?1341060511
Thankyou hun me too..we have our 20week scan on the 8th and hopefully finding out gender and have a holiday in France booked in September so I hope he can wise up so we.can share these possibly amazing memories together x
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3058745_tn?1351116328
Me n my fiance have a very active sex life, im 10w1d, n I let him watch pron when everbhe wants. The girls they choose for that are all fake, or picked BC they r perfect. Dont let it bother you. If hes still with you, then hes not comparing or judging you.  thats what I think personally. My fiance never talks to me about it so its not a problem. We do watch it together sometimes, it may help you to get over ur insecurities, makes me laugh half the time, and it might spice up ur relationship. If your that insecure and constantly fighting bout it thats prolly why hes checking out other girls around ur area. Not saying its ok, but ive been there. In a relationship, you have to have compromises, it can be all what one persin wants or says.... And if porn is rele all thats wrong then u shuld be able to compomise if you rele love him
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2020005_tn?1404435525
Awesome!! I hope he/she cooperates, ours is the 17th of August, can't wait!!
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971074_tn?1362763366
I just wanted to say that I harshly disagree with the comments that say you should make yourself more 'desirable'. And the comments that say you should get over the porn and join in. I find that to be a huge step backwards for women. Sorry...that just crawls all over me to read that kind of thing. Some women are into porn but that doesn't mean You have to be or pretend to be for his sake. That's just twisted and dark in my opinion.
Good luck to you!!!!
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2020005_tn?1404435525
I agree 100% Spiket, my husband wouldn't dream of making me look "desirable" for him. He's happy in whatever I'm in!
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Avatar_f_tn
i thought those comments was odd also my husband prefers me natrual without a load of make u but if i do wear it he like it too ,u shouldnt have to accept porn my husband not into it so not everyman is like that there is men who happy with there wifes or gf n dont need cheap tarts on the side

and i agree as i was emotionally abused about u do need somebody supportive thats what a true rship is about support love n trust so u done the right thing hun

also for  man to choose trash over hes super women is a man not worth having im afraid

but those ladys whpo truley like porn fair enufff enjoy but u shouldnt have to put up with or try like smething u dont agree with

hope all goes well for you and ur kids :)
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