Aa
i left
not sure If i will be strong enough to stay gone. i have been a mess and crying all day. but i really doubt he even cares. and I think that's what hurts the worse. today when i called to talk. it just leaded into a argument and him askin why i even called and hung up all he did was play video games with his loser friend. and ignored my calls. last night i left. i can't handle it anymore. and I can't say i AM willing to make it work. If he keeps acting like this. everything is blamed on me. but i don't even know what i did wrong. every time i say something. he says i AM stupid or something. i AM so Hurt. and feel like my children will hate me If i do not Go back. also his mother just makes up excuses for him. i hate being treated like this and would wish it on nobody. he won't even listen. i wish this wasn't even his child. because i can't stand him at this point. i can't stop crying. and his side of the family has done nothing to help out for their first grand child. just mine. but yet they promise stuff. i wish i would of seen this coming. but hell guess i AM blind. i wish you all the best. and you'r lucky to have a man that's there and wants you. love amanda
stay strong!
I know first hand how hard this is. When I was pregnant with my daughter is when it really hit me on the looser I was married to. He treated me the same way. Eventually his habits lead to other women, tons of lies, stealing (from me & others), drug use , verbal & physical abuse.
Your children will respect you more for being a strong woman, rather than some doormat. If they grow up in the current environment they will either be the doormat themselves or the abuser, because that is what they see. You do not want that for your children!
Maybe this will make him wake up & see what a jerk he is. If he doesn't come to realize this then I can say within certainy that things would have gotten much much worse.
I know first hand how hard this is. When I was pregnant with my daughter is when it really hit me on the looser I was married to. He treated me the same way. Eventually his habits lead to other women, tons of lies, stealing (from me & others), drug use , verbal & physical abuse.
Your children will respect you more for being a strong woman, rather than some doormat. If they grow up in the current environment they will either be the doormat themselves or the abuser, because that is what they see. You do not want that for your children!
Maybe this will make him wake up & see what a jerk he is. If he doesn't come to realize this then I can say within certainy that things would have gotten much much worse.
thank you. i cry all day long. i know i can do it just scared and extremely Hurt. and keep wandering what i did wrong. i call and everything is the same even with me gone. and now he just says bye in the middle of my convo and hangs up. i cry and say sorry to my unborn baby. but i just do not think i can try to make him and i work anymore. and just really don't want to Hurt anymore. it kills me to be away from him but it kills me to be with him.
I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I just wanted to let you know that I relate and I can understand how you're feeling...but don't second guess or doubt yourself because life can and will get better if you stay strong.
My first son's father and I were together for eight years (mainly through our teen years), and the relationship was never stable. We got pregnant with our son when we were 19, and the pregnancy really changed things for us; I matured and continued to get my life together by graduating college and he became emotionally unstable, worse than he'd ever been before. Not only was he controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive to me and treated my family like cr@p, but he was an on-again off-again substance abuser and "suicidal" if he didn't get his way (which was him wanting me to take him back). My pregnancy was hell because he harassed me, stalked me, threatened suicide a handful of times, and was in and out of my life between four different states during the pregnancy. By the time our son was two, I had finally reached my limit of dealing with him--I'd tried over and over again for the sake of our son to make our relationship work and he never changed. Getting him out of my life was the best thing I ever did for myself and my son, whom he began to treat just as badly as me (which was my wake-up call to quit the relationship once and for all).
Like you, I went through a lot of emotional pain letting go of the relationship; it was really hard to do because I had spent so much time and hope thinking it would change. I didn't want to give up, even though I was miserable. But the day I realized his behavior was going to make our son's life a living hell was the day I knew the decision I had to make was not a mistake, even though it hurt. That was three and a half years ago.
Today, my ex lives 1500 miles away in another state. Him and his family are hardly involved in our son's life. He's seen his son twice in three years even though I've always kept the doors wide open for him and his family to be involved. He sends next to nothing in child support, and if it wasn't for the state tracking his payments, he probably wouldn't even pay child support. His family has never offered to help raise our son; my family and I have done everything. All they ever do is send gift packages on holidays and call him about three times a year.
As for me and my life--I met a wonderful man a few months after officially breaking up with my ex. Short timing--don't recommend it for most situations, but in my case, I had been emotionally unattached from my ex since the pregnancy (three years prior) and was only attempting to make it work afterwards for our son. In those three years, I basically did EVERYTHING myself, as a single parent, because he was in and out of our lives, but I stayed hopeful that he'd change. He didn't...so moving on after breaking up with him was, in my world, two years delayed, lol.
I just got married last year to that wonderful man and we now have a nine month old son together, and he's basically adopted my first son all but legally. My first son calls him Daddy and by their bond, you'd never know there was no biological relation. My husband is the polar opposite of my ex and I couldn't even imagine life without him--he's a wonderful father and everything a husband SHOULD be, and I only wish I could've met him sooner and had HIM father my first child with me so my son and I could have been spared the heartache that my ex put us through, and that he continues to put our son through by being so inconsistent and uninvolved in his life. However, that part of our lives helps us appreciate the wonderful husband and father that we have in our lives now. My son, who will be six years old in two more days, even has the capacity to know how to appreciate and cherish what he has as a father in my husband because he doesn't get even half that wonderful bond from his "dad in Colorado."
So whether things ultimately work out with your husband or not, if you stay strong and know that you're standing up for what's right by you and your child, and don't give in to the pain and sadness, life CAN and WILL get better, and I promise you will have wonderful opportunities that lie ahead for you and your child. You ARE doing the right thing--don't ever doubt that. You'll make it!
My first son's father and I were together for eight years (mainly through our teen years), and the relationship was never stable. We got pregnant with our son when we were 19, and the pregnancy really changed things for us; I matured and continued to get my life together by graduating college and he became emotionally unstable, worse than he'd ever been before. Not only was he controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive to me and treated my family like cr@p, but he was an on-again off-again substance abuser and "suicidal" if he didn't get his way (which was him wanting me to take him back). My pregnancy was hell because he harassed me, stalked me, threatened suicide a handful of times, and was in and out of my life between four different states during the pregnancy. By the time our son was two, I had finally reached my limit of dealing with him--I'd tried over and over again for the sake of our son to make our relationship work and he never changed. Getting him out of my life was the best thing I ever did for myself and my son, whom he began to treat just as badly as me (which was my wake-up call to quit the relationship once and for all).
Like you, I went through a lot of emotional pain letting go of the relationship; it was really hard to do because I had spent so much time and hope thinking it would change. I didn't want to give up, even though I was miserable. But the day I realized his behavior was going to make our son's life a living hell was the day I knew the decision I had to make was not a mistake, even though it hurt. That was three and a half years ago.
Today, my ex lives 1500 miles away in another state. Him and his family are hardly involved in our son's life. He's seen his son twice in three years even though I've always kept the doors wide open for him and his family to be involved. He sends next to nothing in child support, and if it wasn't for the state tracking his payments, he probably wouldn't even pay child support. His family has never offered to help raise our son; my family and I have done everything. All they ever do is send gift packages on holidays and call him about three times a year.
As for me and my life--I met a wonderful man a few months after officially breaking up with my ex. Short timing--don't recommend it for most situations, but in my case, I had been emotionally unattached from my ex since the pregnancy (three years prior) and was only attempting to make it work afterwards for our son. In those three years, I basically did EVERYTHING myself, as a single parent, because he was in and out of our lives, but I stayed hopeful that he'd change. He didn't...so moving on after breaking up with him was, in my world, two years delayed, lol.
I just got married last year to that wonderful man and we now have a nine month old son together, and he's basically adopted my first son all but legally. My first son calls him Daddy and by their bond, you'd never know there was no biological relation. My husband is the polar opposite of my ex and I couldn't even imagine life without him--he's a wonderful father and everything a husband SHOULD be, and I only wish I could've met him sooner and had HIM father my first child with me so my son and I could have been spared the heartache that my ex put us through, and that he continues to put our son through by being so inconsistent and uninvolved in his life. However, that part of our lives helps us appreciate the wonderful husband and father that we have in our lives now. My son, who will be six years old in two more days, even has the capacity to know how to appreciate and cherish what he has as a father in my husband because he doesn't get even half that wonderful bond from his "dad in Colorado."
So whether things ultimately work out with your husband or not, if you stay strong and know that you're standing up for what's right by you and your child, and don't give in to the pain and sadness, life CAN and WILL get better, and I promise you will have wonderful opportunities that lie ahead for you and your child. You ARE doing the right thing--don't ever doubt that. You'll make it!
i left my husband when my yougest was almost a year old. it was one of the hardest things i had to do and it hurt terribly. he wasnt abusive but he was drinking alot and cheated. i didnot want my kids to grow up with that. i do have to say thou he finally did grow up and realized he was in the wrong. we were divorced for 2 years and after a family tradgey we grew very close again and decided that we still loved each other very mucha nd wanted to be together. we are now expecting out 4th child. so sometimes leaving may hurt you worse then it hurts them but they can wake up. we are more open with each other now and with him not drinking i do not worring about the cheating because the drinking is what lead to the cheating. so i wish u the best of luck. keep ur head up
i was happy with him before i got pregnant. he changed three months into me being pregnant. into a monster. i AM still away. still cry my eyes out. just never thought this would be how my life would Go. it's like ground hogs day with him. same argument. treated the same. i AM not happy. i feel really horrible for my unborn children. and i don't wanna raise them in a broken house hold. but i can't stand being treated badly hell i cry when i see happy couples at the store. i have been playin mom and dad my whole pregnancy. so whatever. i hope some day my children will be thankful and consider me a great mother or he changes. which i doubt will happen.
I am 37 weeks pregnant and am not with the father anymore because he completely changed when I got pregnant. I also am a single mom to 2 older children. My kids are happy because I am happy. I've never had any help from any of my kids fathers or their families just my family. You can definitely be a better mother if you are happy and it doesn't sound like you were happy with him
Good luck
Good luck
Its always difficult when leaving a relationship, esp when children are involved.
You just need to remind yourself of the reasons you left and if you will be happier with or without him in your life. Its usual to question yourself once you have made the decision to go and it is scary and takes a lot of adjustment, but time is a healer and the longer you are away the more you will adapt to this new change in your life. Your children wont hate you, you should never be with someone just for the sake of your children. Im sure the children will be happier having happy parents who arnt together than sad parents who are staying together for the wrong reasons. Just explain to them that your relationship isnt working and your both not happy and have decided to be apart, the will come around to the idea.
I would suggest no contact with him unless you need to discuss the children and try to avoid seeing him for a while and have a friend or family member take the kids to see him to give you that space from him that you clearly need.
You need lots of thinking time and a clear head, so speaking to him a lot will only cloud your judgement.
Best of luck to you, dont be afraid of being alone, just learn to live with this change and look ahead to the good things that will happen in your life now you are free.
You just need to remind yourself of the reasons you left and if you will be happier with or without him in your life. Its usual to question yourself once you have made the decision to go and it is scary and takes a lot of adjustment, but time is a healer and the longer you are away the more you will adapt to this new change in your life. Your children wont hate you, you should never be with someone just for the sake of your children. Im sure the children will be happier having happy parents who arnt together than sad parents who are staying together for the wrong reasons. Just explain to them that your relationship isnt working and your both not happy and have decided to be apart, the will come around to the idea.
I would suggest no contact with him unless you need to discuss the children and try to avoid seeing him for a while and have a friend or family member take the kids to see him to give you that space from him that you clearly need.
You need lots of thinking time and a clear head, so speaking to him a lot will only cloud your judgement.
Best of luck to you, dont be afraid of being alone, just learn to live with this change and look ahead to the good things that will happen in your life now you are free.
You did the best thing for yourself and your little one! Because tbf, your baby would rather see you happy and with a Smile on your face, than sad and being told you're stupid and put down everyday, Because then your little one will think its okay to do that for his/her partners (Sorry again cant remember if its a boy or girl). So you did what waas best. And You're really strong and very Lovely and nice, and you can do this :) We are all here if you need us, you know that. :)
And dont worry, Johns parents havent hhelped either, but they have brought EVERYTHING for his sisters baby, but his and his brothers baby... NOTHING, my mum has got everything, so I just shrug it off, and is like, well shows how much they will do!... But oh well, things happen..
Don't cry because its over, Smile because it happened.
You had the chance and you had this relationship and guess what, you got the better deal here, you got a little baby outta it. And Tbh, if he is ignoring your calls and is being like this to you... I really dont think you'll have too much hassle over contact really (Dont mean that harshly btw, cause I loves you and you're lovely to talk too) but really, he is being pretty worthless, and your baby deserves better, as well as you do, and well you're making that happen...
We're here if you need us
*BIG MAGIC HUG*
xx
And dont worry, Johns parents havent hhelped either, but they have brought EVERYTHING for his sisters baby, but his and his brothers baby... NOTHING, my mum has got everything, so I just shrug it off, and is like, well shows how much they will do!... But oh well, things happen..
Don't cry because its over, Smile because it happened.
You had the chance and you had this relationship and guess what, you got the better deal here, you got a little baby outta it. And Tbh, if he is ignoring your calls and is being like this to you... I really dont think you'll have too much hassle over contact really (Dont mean that harshly btw, cause I loves you and you're lovely to talk too) but really, he is being pretty worthless, and your baby deserves better, as well as you do, and well you're making that happen...
We're here if you need us
*BIG MAGIC HUG*
xx
I left my 1st hubby in Jan we were together 7 years and he beat me and cheated on me early on in our relationship so as the years went on and he started to get better i just had it set in my head he was bad anyway we have a 4 almost 5 year old daughter together and its been really hard on her...im now with a new man and i got pregnant a month after we got to gether and hes not that great he cheats and he thinks im the lucky one to have him any way im not happy i miss my family i miss my old husband and the life we had and he misses me but he also has a girl pregnant it was a big mistake leaving him and i wish i woulda stayed it seems men all have there problems but if you love them enough stick by them they can change and will over time if they love you. But do what you feel is best look through the pros and cons and see whats best for you don't make a mistake that you might regret later moma
Ava
Ava
i came back just to see that last thread and found this one instead.
My heart breaks for you. What happened today should be really eye-opening. Even in this act, he is trying to control you, knowing that by showing apathy, even if he is truly hurting inside, will make you feel so much worse.
As upset as you are, don't wish this child wasn't his. Unfortunately, his sperm donation is a part of the physical building blocks of this miracle inside you. But it can end there. Because of that simple donation, you have a wonderful baby who will be with you for life. And the life YOU give the baby will influence its outcome much more than its hair color, eye color, etc...
His mother makes excuses for him, but you are stopping the cycle. This baby will not be raised in an environment where such behaviors are acceptable, so when the time comes and your little one is an adult, these behaviors will not be tolerate in its life.
Do you have a support system?
My heart breaks for you. What happened today should be really eye-opening. Even in this act, he is trying to control you, knowing that by showing apathy, even if he is truly hurting inside, will make you feel so much worse.
As upset as you are, don't wish this child wasn't his. Unfortunately, his sperm donation is a part of the physical building blocks of this miracle inside you. But it can end there. Because of that simple donation, you have a wonderful baby who will be with you for life. And the life YOU give the baby will influence its outcome much more than its hair color, eye color, etc...
His mother makes excuses for him, but you are stopping the cycle. This baby will not be raised in an environment where such behaviors are acceptable, so when the time comes and your little one is an adult, these behaviors will not be tolerate in its life.
Do you have a support system?
u will be fine and just keep ur foot down dont call him at all if he wants to make it work then he would have changed u can do better then that i have been with a guy like that and for one u dont stay with a man just for ur kids cuss if u guys are not happy together ur kids will know and then it hurts ur kids in the long run my mom and dad did it for 17 years and really it was ok at times but i would have done anything for my mom if she would have left him along time befor that and i love my dad but they where not happy and us kids had to see it all the time and no my dad did not put his hands on my mom he just made her feel like **** all the time and no man should make u feel like **** so just walk away i know its hard to walk away i had to walk away from my x of 4 years yes now im back with him but in the time that we where not to gether i had got nocked up and he some how grow up and now where back together and its been going so much better he has been there for my baby and now we have a new baby comeing he has been alot better this round i know that might not help what i just said but i had to walk away is a im saying it was so hard and on top of that his mom loved the **** out of me so then she wanted me to go to holidays so i had to see him and it was very hard to look at him but every day will get better so dont be with a guy if ur not happy and for his family u dont need them all u need is ur family as long as u have them and some one to talk to u can do it thats all i had but be strong and hope this helped and that it was not to long
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