support systems

[libbyz]

My husband and I had a big conversation the other day about this new baby and he told me he doesn't want this baby. I have no Idea what to do. I Sony want to talk to him anymore about this baby I don't want him to go to the appointments. I'm just so sad and heartbroken. So now I have no one to lean on well I do but I'm gonna have to keep it a secret. I have some family that will be there but he will get pissed if I'm talking to them about what's going on ur if they go to the appointment with me.

I have no idea on what to do

[scarebear1030]

This is why I am never getting married again. Thank goodness for health assistance. This will most likely be my only baby, but you get more single, and your still in love married or not. Men have it easy, he should be supportive not a jerk. Scared or not. No excuse.

[Sarah765]

The financial stress gets my husband too.  We are self pay too and it just stresses him out, even though he is excited you can tell its what he thinks about all the time.  I think men have a natural urge to feel like they need to provide, and when its really expensive thats hard!  I just get only the completely necessary testing, only did one ultrasound etc to try and keep costs down.  You can also call and see if they have any discounts to keep costs down.  We ended up taking out more money on a loan we had because if we were able to pay upfront before baby came at the hospital we were able to save 4000 dollars.  It just sounds like a lot of stress and worry, but it does sound like he cares and is going to love that baby!

[libbyz]

Yea I no he is just stressing. There is a lot of extra things we are gonna have to this time around. We just finished his office in our house now its gonna be turned in to a baby room and now we have to finish one of the rooms in the basement so he can even have an office. We were planning on doing the basement over time but now we have to rush to get it done. We talked some more last night and the new baby will be in our room for at least 2 months then we are gonna put the two babies in the same room for together for a while.
And another part of his stress is we don't have insurance this time around that will cover this pregnancy so we are doing it all on our own so he every stressed the financial aspect of all this is awful. I need to pull some money out of my butt real fast
lol

[EstieRea]

When I found out I was pregnant my husband was the excited one and I was the one that didn't want to be pregnant. So many worries about how our lives would change. School and financially wise. I still have my worried. But he is always the one with the positive attitude. I'm 5 months preg and I came around and started to feel more happy about the pregnancy. My mom was the same way, she got upset when I told her I got pregnant. Even brought up other options. But now she calls me every morning to remind me to eat healthy and give me baby advice. Maybe he's still getting used to having a baby., and now you guys will have two babies in the house and he's just worried. I know I'm the type of the person that thinks of the negative part first, not sure if he's the same way. He just needs reassurance and positive thoughts. I know it helped me.

[libbyz]

He just thinks we aren't gonna have any type of life. He thinks we won't be able to spend time together. And when I do suggest doing something he finds a reason not to it so frustrating

[Sarah765]

That could be a huge part of it to though, you guys have a 6 month old and are already having another one.  It can be scary no matter how many you have!  He could be worred about being able to financialy support it, or dealing with 2 so close or anything.  I'm sure he will come around.  Did he tell you why?

[libbyz]

This is our 2nd baby and she is  almost six months and I'm 9 weeks pregnant again. So he knows this process. It just makes no since to me

[PhysicsMommy]

Hang in there sometimes it takes a bit for a man to come around.  My friends husband asked her to get an abortion when she found out and was distant for the first few months of her pregnancy but slowly came around.  Their little boy is now 3 mo and he is the proudest dad and already talking about having more.

[Sarah765]

Sounds like he is just scared, and not quite ready.  If he wants to be the one doing all those things its a goid sign that he will make it there.  I woukd let him continue to be involved as much as he wants to be, and when he isnt, then use the support from his family.  A baby can be a scary thing, but Im sure he will change his mind once baby gets here.  Even lots of moms feel that way at first, but fall in love as time goes on, its just a little harder for the dad because they dont get to experience that little life growing inside them.  I think that it would be a good idea to talk to him and figure out why he feels that way, and try to be understanding of him too.

[mamaof4410]

First let me say Congrats! Second. ..my husband was the same way at first about this pregnancy. This is our 5th baby and he was really worried about how my body would handle it. He just started being really involved around 20 weeks. I'm now 36 weeks.
Men don't get to "feel" pregnant. A woman falls in love with her baby the moment she finds out she's pregnant. For men it happens when they see and hold them. He needs to understand that regardless of how HE feels you are on an emotional rollercoaster right now and u need a ton of support. If he's not willing to give his support u need to have it elsewhere. The baby will be here before you both know it and ignoring it won't make it go away.  I would sit him down one last time and really make it clear to him that you need his support. If hes still unwilling then you need to decide what's best for you and your baby. Best of luck to you