tubes tied or not? I need opinions plz

[daisymomlove]

Ok so....I've been really thinking hard.  DH doesn't want anymore kids.  But I know if I press the issue later down the road that he would have more.  Of course you all know i have a 2year old little girl and I'm 5months preggo with another little girl.  He wants to get his self fixed.  Well this kid will make his 5th kid so I really can't blame him although I'm still kinda mad that he would want to get fixed.  I do want more kids, and that's one thing that I want bad.  But I think that I keep telling myself that I'm ready and I'm really not going to be in the future.  Yeah I can do it but I think that my heart is too set and I'm going to be ok but then financially in the long run I'm not going to be able to do it.  I dunno I'm just thinking out loud.  I would be happy if I had that little boy, but this is the 3rd girl for me so I don't think that I'm going to have any luck in that field lol.  So I'm not 100% if I want my tubes tied after this babie or not.  I mean I should be happy and thankful that I have my 2 year old and this one comeing.  Am I greedy to want more?  DH says that I'm acting selfish and only thinking about  myself, and in a way it kinda seems like I am.  Hes just thinking smart and trying not to put his self in more of a bind that he can haddle.  And here I am just wanting to be the baby machine lol.  But seriously I have strong thoughts of getting my tubes tied......but I really thinik it's going to be something that I'll truely regret.  But I know that if I don't do it then I'm going to want more.  No I'm not the type that'll just popp out a kid.  I do think about my decisions.....I just really love babies and really that's all I  need in my life.  So, my question to you guys honestly and seriously if this were you....what would you do or even consider to do?  

[sweetangel7]

I agree with everyone...if you are looking to prevent a pregnancy, you should have dh get 'fixed' or just use birth control.  Personally, I think the birth control is the better choice...no surgeries!

The patch releases hormones that are absorbed into the skin and blood stream...so, it does eventually get in your body just in a different way than we all think of when we think of putting something 'in' our system.

[kerriekab]

Getting your tubes tied is a major operation! If he doesn't want anymore kids then maybe he should get a vasectomy. These operations are reversible so in the future if you do want more kids then you can talk to him about it and he could get it reversed? Its a bit insensitive of him to call you selfish for wanting more kids, although uinderstandable if he already has 5! Good luck with everything!

[daisymomlove]

Thank you so much for your comments.  I think that it just might be my pregnancy hormomes because now that I'm reading this tonight I'm like why did I even think about this lol.  I think that I won't do it and just stay with the birth control.  And yes that is very true about splitting up.  It is a bad thing to say but it's life and life isn't forever.  But I'm just going to enjoy what I have now and that' s all that matters at this point.  I think I just get too far ahead of myself.  I always manage some how and in the outcome I do very well.  I'm just one of them little ole worry warts lol.  To be on the factual side honestly how in the heck does the patch work?  I don't see how that would work maybe I don't understand it all that much.  My opinion if it's not in your body then it can't be that good working.  Just curious.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I agree if you are not 100% positive you don't want more kids...do not do it.  A compromise might be (if you can afford it) for him to get fixed but have some sperm frozen and kept just in case, with the agreement that it will only be used if the two of you are together and he agrees (in case he changes his mind later)  That way, he's fixed and you arent....then if God forbid ya'll split....he can go on and not have to worry about it and you can go on to possibly have more kids OR if you stay together and decide to have more you still have the option.  On another note....there have been more and more instances I've heard of lately where tubals aren't working and women are getting pregnant anyway.  Just a thought....I know it's horrible to say something about ya'll splitting up...but realistically speaking you have to think about that as well becuase NOTHING is set in stone.  JMHO  My husband and I have 4 kids...he doesn't want anymore...I say I don't and most of me doesn't but I still have a tiny little spot saying it wouldn't be so bad if we did have more...so I refuse to get fixed....I told him i'm not going to and if he won't then all we have is a pill and a prayer becuase i'm not into the iud's and shots and patches and other **** that's out there.

[JoyRenee]

I say don't do it. You don't sound certain at all. You're not greedy for wanting more children. I personally would love to have 7 babies because I want a housefull. We even bought our 6-bedroom house with future babies in mind.

Anyway, vasectomy is safer and is more easily reversed than a tubal ligation. Plus, it's very expensive to reverse a tubal ligation and that *might* not even work.

[justice6920]

I agree with Michele..... Tubals are pretty much permanent... if your not sure then DONT DO IT..... use another form of bc like the IUD or something until your totally sure your family is complete! I would say wait it out until your 100% sure!

[Mumita]

How about him getting a vasectomy?  His can be reversed easier than yours can.  Or use a copper IUD, no side effects and it can last up to 10 years in utero, once removed your fertility is back.

[daisymomlove]

Thank you for your imput.  Yeah I know that's what I've been keeping in the back of my mind is that it is perminate.  I don't want a really big family, but I do want that boy.  I just know that he doesn't want anymore, but adventually hed do it just to make me happy and I don't want that to be on him.  But I don't want kids with no other man cause then I have to worry about if they're going to be as great as a dad as he is.  But then again our realationship isn't the greatest either.  No ones really is.  I don't know maybe I'm just venting.  I have no problem takeing the pill I was on it for a year before this one and it took me a year to get preggo because I was on it for so long.  Something tells me to get it done, but then again to not to.  My gutt is telling me yes but my heart is crying no.  Maybe it's just these dang preggo hormones lol.  Hopefully I'll make my final decision after I have the baby.  Then maybe when seeing me deliver one more time will make me change my mind and leave them untied.  Thankx much again

[Michele, Katy, TX]

If you are not absolutly certain, then I wouldn't do it.  I know they say it's reversable and sometimes it is, but sometimes the procedure causes irreversable damage and it is very expensive to get "undone".  I would just try to find some other type of birth control.  You could always get this done at a later time.  There is nothing saying you have to have it done now.  

My DH and I talked about me having this done after my 4th child, but I was just not at peace with that decision.  He would have been okay with it, but it just seemed so permanent and I didn't want those regrets.  So, I didn't get it done and we had another child after her and I just got my BFP yesterday for #6.  I am happy, excited and nervous all at the same time.  But if I would have gotten the tubal, I wouldn't have my beautiful 18 month old little girl and I wouldn't have one on the way now, so I am glad I went with my gut, which was not to have it done.  But we could have 10 kids, and my husband would be happy everytime.  My husband comes from a big family (although ours is bigger) and he wanted a big family himself.  I never imagined having more than 3 kids and here I am on #6 and couldn't be happier.  

I think tubals should be considered permanent due to the reasons I mentioned, so if you have any doubt, I wouldn't do it......

I wish you luck on your decision.