would you show sympathy??

[HaYnSweetie]

Ok so when i first found out i was pregnant i didnt know what to feel...i was shocked, scared, happy...you name it! When reality sank in and i knew id eventually have to tell my parents, the "terrified" emotion took over. Then i found out my best friend was pregnant as well! I was so excited, but it turns out i was the only one. Around 8 weeks she told me that she took the plan B pill to try to terminate her pregnancy! I didnt know what to say except..."youre an idiot!" she ended up cramping and having stomach pains, but of course we all know the plan B pill wont work when youre that far along. She continued to drink, smoke and party with her weirdo hippie friends as if she werent pregnant. Close to 10 weeks she called me saying shes trying to self aborting because she doesnt have the money for a medical abortion. I told her i dont care, but id rather not hear about what shes trying to do and next time she should keep her legs closed or get on birth control. I did not talk to her for the next 2 weeks. She calls me up when im at work one day and talks to me as if everything was ok. I meet up with her for lunch and near the end of lunch she tells me she terminated her pregnancy. I just looked at her and asked where she got the money from...she said she didnt get a medical abortion, she took a bunch of vitamin C pills for days until she bled! I was so disgusted that i nearly threw up. I didnt say much, i got up, gave her a hug, said "i hope you dont regret what you did" and i left to go back to work. I ignored her calls/texts for awhile until my husband said i shouldnt judge her on one mistake and that i shouldnt shut her out of my life because she did something that i didnt like. So eventually i forgave her, but i never forgot. WELL now that im so close to having my baby, ive noticed she gets a little sad when people rub my belly or when i get baby gifts. I asked if she was ok when i was hanging up baby clothes one time and she got teary eyed and said "can you imagine both of us with big bellies?" I gave her this dirty look and without thinking i said "not really, i doubt God will give you a second chance, you probably messed up your body when you killed your baby". She of course is now crying at this point and i didnt know whether to hug her and apologize or to smack her and tell her to shut up! My husband comes in the room and gives me this "what did you do?" look, stares at me for a second and then asks if we want to take a break from doing baby stuff and says hes hungry to break the awkwardness lol. She says she needs to get going before traffic gets bad and heads home. The next day she calls me and acts like nothing happened...im so confused with her. I talked to her about not being comfortable with her in the delivery room and she flipped out and got all p!ssed...like i really care.
Would you have sympathy for your best friend if she did what mine did?

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I have to agree that I could not have much sympathy.  If she can't make good choices, then you can pray for her and that's about it.  The rest is up to her.  Being very honest here, I just would have a very hard time being around someone that had done that too.  I, personally, would be disgusted.

This is not about judgment.  We, as human beings, do have opinions.  Having opinions is what keeps US, individually, from doing the wrong thing.  So we can't help but have opinions and when someone does something that REALLY offends us, it can be hard to get past that.  If you can't be friends w/ her anymore, I would not blame you.  Besides the fact that you are getting ready to have a baby yourself.  I am super picky about who I bring around my kids.  I mean she can't possibly have too much regard for children anyway because she has abortions at the drop of a hat.

[julianovak]

I wouldnt be able to have sympathy for her. One abortion maybe. BUT THREE???!!!! c'mon. Honestly, she has some serious issues in that head of hers. SHe needs to get over what shes done, no one forced her, IT WAS HER OWN DOING. Thank God at least she sort of regrets it from what you wrote her getting emotional.....

BUT OH no she wouldnt be anywhere near MY BABY. JUST SAYING!

[amandamae1126]

Well, you should feel sorry for her in many ways - she can not make good choices (having unprotected sex, aborting children, and continuing to do this over and over); she is lost and needs tremendous amounts of help; and she is hurting inside due to her actions and now your actions (not aborting) are really hitting home for her.

However, I could not support this person by being their friend. I could offer a suggestion of counciling, prayer, and joining a Bible believing church in hopes of changing her ways. But I would not be able to continue on in falsely leading her to believe that what she has done is acceptable. I think you are having a hard time with that and that's why you said what you said to her. I think you are confused by her actions because what you said was hurtful and made her cry. But what you said has a ring of truth to it and she can't deny that and she still wants to be your friend, so she accepts it and calls you up anyways.

So, would I have sympathy for her? Yes. Should you show her love? Yes. Should you suggest any type of acceptance of this? If you don't think it's ok what she did, then NO. Personally, I would only be able to offer a suggestion for her to seek help to change this cycle. I would also need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart discussion on how you both feel about her choices and how her actions affect you. If you can find common ground and learn to live with her choices, then do so. But if you can't live with her choices, maybe it's time to end the friendship. You don't have to agree or accept what she has done, but it's important for you to find a way to forgive her so you are not carrying around her burdden.

And yes, it is ok to NOT be friends with someone because of one decision. For example, I am not friends with sex offenders. I don't care how big or little your crime is/was; I don't care how long ago it happened. I don't want you in my life and thus I will not be friends with you. My husband worked with a guy who was a sex offender from his teenage years. I don't care why; I don't need anymore details. I don't want you around me and I really prefer for my hubby to not be around him. Thankfully, the guy did not last long at this job and moved on.

[Beccabb]

Geez, I wouldn't have one ounce of sympathy, it her own fault for putting herself in that situation Spesh  on 3 separate occasions she needs to grow up!
I would have reacted the same way you did

[Clysta]

I might sound harsh, but I wouldn't. She knew exactly what she was doing and why that meant. I've never had sympathy for anyone who aborts and then is depressed about it. Especially if she is doing it for such an idiotic reason. She needs to grow up before she becomes a mother, and sleeping around that much or trying to break up relationships doesn't qualify as mature.

[HeatherLynB]

I would not have any sympathy for her! If this is her 3rd time getting pregnant and aborting then why the bleep isnt her a** on BC!? People like her make me angry. There are women out there not able to even get pregnant and here she is throwing them away like toilet paper! It makes me sick! She has some deep issues and I just dont have sympathy for a person like that! Definitely keep her out of the delivery room when you go into labor. Why should she get to witness something so beautiful after what shes done?

[HaYnSweetie]

Dont get me wrong, I have sympathy for her to an extent. But when she brings up being a mother I just dont have sympathy for her there. This is the 3rd abortion shes had! Her mother gave her the money for the first 2 abortions and she did it because she didnt know who the father was for either pregnancies. I just dont think she deserves such a blessing anymore. She tried to get pregnant when she was with the married guy thinking he would leave his wife and 2 kids for her if she did...come to find out he had a vesectomy ((SP))! LMAO! And her family has money so she couldve easily asked her mom again, but she was scared her mom would tell her dad ((her dad didnt know about any of the pregnancies)). She always says "its so weird that youre married and about to be a mom, i always thought we'd go through that together".

[trying43]

I am kinda like you, well maybe worse, lol.  I wouldnt have sympathy at all but then again I dont believe in abortion.(not starting a debate its just my personal beliefs)  However with that said, I would suggest to her to get couciling.  (they offer it free at churches most pastors are certified counciler fyi) Sounds like a difficult situation either way. I would find it hard to be around a person who did something like that, friend or not, and I probably wouldnt want her in the delivery room either.  Good luck to you.

[AHP84]

I agree with Heatherm4. I'd express sympathy to a point. It isn't our place to judge, and it's pretty obvious that she has some issues going on emotionally and with her life. She sounds really unstable with what she wants when she wants it. In that aspect, she can't really help it...that's just where her life is right now and I'm guessing that if she doesn't have the money for a medical abortion then she probably doesn't have the money for counseling or potential medication; not only that, but without any couseling, she probably thinks nothing is "wrong" with her that she would even consider counseling. At some point, she'll have to reach the end of her rope before that's an option for her, and it sounds like she hasn't reached it yet. So you shouldn't really hold that against her, as I'm sure that factors in to the decision she made to self abort.
However, I wouldn't encourage any sympathy for what she did, such as express "understanding" for her, even if you don't understand. It sounds like you aren't, obviously, or like you never could. I couldn't either. But I'd be careful about making comments like being undeserving of a second chance, or using terms like "killing your baby" in a judgemental and negative way against her, as that can't help get her on the right path to realizing her issues and seeking help in a productive way. Comments like that are more likely to make her think she's undeserving of help for what she did, and therefore she may never seek it. She needs to be encouraged to seek help for her emotional instability and get her life on track so she's not sleeping around with married men and having one night stands and getting knocked up with random guys, much less finding herself terminating another pregnancy with no medical intervention again.

I wouldn't cut her out of your life, I'd just not pretend to be understanding and sympathetic of what she did. Just be careful in how you present it. She does need to know that her life could use some help, especially now because she's facing the after effects of abortion. She needs positive encouragement to seek counseling.

[HaYnSweetie]

She self terminated her pregnancy because she didnt like the guy who got her pregnant. He was the friend of an ex that she had a one night stand with. He was excited but she still wanted the ex...who was and is still married.  

[karaLOVEScory]

It sounds like she has alot of issues. Did she ever tell you why she decided to do this to herself? I think shes looking for sympathy because she does regret what she did?

[Heatherm4]

I would have sympathy to a point. There must be something going on in her life that has made her go towards the decision to abort her own baby. Deep down she must have really wanted it but something irrational in her must have taken over. I think it would be tough for her to see her best friend pregnant and it sounds like she now does regret it. She sounds a little unstable about the whole thing.
I would feel the same way that you feel but she is your best friend....seems like she needs a lot of help and someone to talk to and a best friend is the number one go to person for that. Be open about how you feel but give her a chance to talk about what she needs to.