Has anyone felt that one child is enough?

[pinkbelle]

me and my boyfriend got into an arguement this morning about kids.. I told him after Aubree comes that I do not want to have any more children.. he however wants 3 or more & is very adamant about it.. now I know we are young .. we are both 22 but I have already talked to my doctor about getting fixed or at least getting a 5 year IUD. He told me that he didn't think he could in good conscious fix me at 22 with only one child but is all for the mirena = ]  I just don't think my body was cut out for pregnancy.. my doc. even told me some women can handle being pregnant & some can't and I just think Im one that pregnancy is very hard on. i dunno a couple of my friends already have 4 or more children ( they are the same age as me) and the docs gladly tied their tubes... I don't understand that.. I told my boyfriend we will wait & see but I was really just giving him false hope because I am almost 100% sure that this is it for me as far as children.. do you think I'm being selfish?

[kirby26]

My situation is actually the opposite.. I am due in August, with my first:-) I would at least like one more child. My boy friend is totally against it. He just wants one.. he said that if i were having a girl first, them he would maybe consider a second.. but bc he got a son first..he is done!
we dont agree on it at all!

[precious03]

my doctor said that you should take your age times the number of kids that you have, and if the number totals 80 or more you are most likely not going to regret having your tubes tied later on in life.  He said that normally if you are young, especially in your 20's that he normally will not tie your tubes unless you have a medical reason or have had your 4th child.  I am having my 3rd and considered this, However, I have opted to get the 5yr IUD.  After a couple of years if we know for sure that this is the last one, my DH said he will go in and get a vasectomy.

[mami1323]

At first, after my son was born I thought to myself, that's it.  I didn't want anymore sleepless nights and didn't have the strength for another one.  Now that my son is almost 6 months old, I really want one more.  I miss the newborn and I love my son's personality so much.  He brings me so much happiness that I would love to experience every bit of it again.  Your mind may change once your little baby starts getting older.

[BTS1022]

Im 23 going to be 24 once this baby is born, this is my 4th child, now mind you I NEVER EVER wanted kids but after the 1st one, I had to have another, and it kept going to number 4 lol.

My doctor would not tie my tubes unless I had 2 living children and was atleast 26.
We had to wait for DH to get fixed when he was 26 which was this year.

But as most of you know, the vasectomy didnt work lol.

His sperm count came back and he had a count of 50,000. It may have lowered his sperm count but the vasectomy can reverse its self as can a tubal ligation in women.

Also look at the complications you could possibly have, the ligation may not work, is not always reversable, puts you at a higher risk for ectopic pregnancies, and ectopic pregnancies is the #1 killer of pregnant women. It is also Major surgery unlike a mans vasectomy....which I got to watch hehe..nothing like having your man feel like he got nailed in the balls over and over for all the labor pains you went through lol just kidding..

Anyways if you really want it, your main issue will probably be finding a doc to support your decision this young and this early.

[Mommy3Girls]

The docs dont like tieing your tubes with only one at a young age unless its physically necessary, so I have noticed anyways, because even though at 22 you may not want anymore, in 2 years or even longer you may change your mind. THere are a lot of things that can factor in with deciding that at a later date. When I had my second at 21 I wanted my tubes tied also, but my doc wouldnt do it unless I had 3 children or was at least 25. Now...I am glad he wouldnt. I have since my second child been divorced, and am happily in love and engaged and baby #3 is due in September. If I had gotten my tubes tied my fiance and I could not have this little girls together. So, I am grateful the doc wouldnt, and you may be grateful in 2 or more years too. Take time, have this little one, then decide as she grows if you are SURE you are done. Then when you are older, have your tubes tied. Until then, just use birth control to keep from having more babies unless you are ready for them. Good luck to you and your boyfriend. I hope you work everything out.

[adawning4]

after I had my 1st I didnt want another baby cause I was in so much "PAIN" after having her my DH wanted 5 total and I was like give me a divorce and you can have all the kids you want! But by the time she was 14 months old I started the "want" for another baby. Didnt take long at all though I was pregnant when she was 16 months.... Now I am having my 3rd baby and so very glad my doc wouldnt tie my tubes I love my kids and being pregnant. You may not of had a good 1st time but your next time could be a walk in the clouds I can assure you that EVERY pregnancy is different! So is labor and delivery!!!! Good Luck! Oh yeah I had a very rough pregnancy and the labor was awesome I didnt feel a thing and was laughing and talking while his head was coming out! Thank God For the EPIDURAL!!!!!

[KStarr07]

I didn't read comments, sorry someone might have already said this, but you could always adopt a beautiful baby in the future that needs a loving family. :)

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree with everyone else in that you very well could change your mind later on.  I had my first child (my son) when I was only 18.  That was not planned.  I married his bio dad and that ended very badly.  I was a single parent for a long time.  I met my current husband when I was 24.  He was only 19.  We are now 32 and 27.  We got pregnant only like 4 months after we started dating but were already planning on getting married.  I am 1 of 2 kids.  My husband is 1 of 4, so he wanted a big family.  I told him I was going to have the one I was carrying and maybe 1 more but that was it.  He wanted to have at least 4.  Well, we didn't agree but I never got "fixed" because I felt like that was so final and I just thought what if I changed my mind??  So, we now have 4 daughters together and my son.  I am so very happy and have no regrets.  I even would like to have 1 more.  So, you never know.  Pregnancy isn't easy for me either.  I am just green with sickness the first trimester and then by the 3rd I just plain hurt.  But it is so worth it in the end and I wouldn't trade not 1 of my kids for anything.  

Just think about this......Life is really difficult at times and it's nice to have someone to share that with.  Like if I or my husband got sick, I am glad that my kids would have each other to lean on.  Someday I/my husband will pass on.  My kids will hurt, but they will also have each other to lean on during that time.  I just think it is better to have at least 2, but I am very thankful for my big family.  I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[alaysha]

When I got pregnant I decided that this would be my one and only. Even now 4 months later I don't feel like I want to have any more children. However if I do decide ever to have more I wouldn't even consider it until Aspen is at least 6. I don't want to drop a child off at kindergarten and have another one on the hip. I want to be able to enjoy Aspen and give her lots of attention while she is my baby.

[ftogirl]

I am 28 yrs old; my first child is due in June.  I had 1 m/c a few years ago.  I have had the doctor to put on my chart that if we end up scheduling a c-section I want a tubal and she was fine with that.  (I have no indication that I will have a c-section, though.)  I have never liked the idea of an IUD and I do not want to go back on anything with hormones so that doesn't leave many reliable options.  My DH and I had even decided that if I m/c again this pregnancy I would still have my tubes tied.  He may also have a vasectomy depending on our finances.  I think many people end up changing their minds.  But for me, I was never someone that strongly wanted kids or had that mothering instint that if I didn't have one I would just DIE...does that make sense?  I am soooo glad to be having my son now, but I was just never like that, with that urge that I just HAD to have a baby.  My DH and I have also discussed adoption so if a few years down the road we decide we want another child but we have had sterilization procedures, we would probably just adopt.  There are so many kids that need a good home that my heart goes out to them.      

[joshuawatkin]

When i had my son just over 7 yr ago i decided that i didnt want any more children, it took me nearly 7yr to decide that i wanted another child.Well actually it was my son that changed my mind he kept on asking us for a brother or sister.

[KellyA74]

I'm not saying that you will change your mind, but I wouldn't do anything drastic at your age.....Now, only you know what you want, but when I was 22, I had no intentions of EVER having a child.....then 6 years ago I met my now husband, I changed my mind.....so here I am at 34, 1 M/C and now 9 weeks pregnant, and really wish that I were younger (or had started younger) b/c I want 2 children.....mostly b/c I feel that it wouldn't be fair to the one, not to have a sibling......I had never really thought about it before.....but one day I realized that if we only have one, where would that leave that one child when DH and I are dead and gone????  I know that I love my brothers dearly and can't imagine what it would be like being all alone once my parents were gone!>
Boy - sorry about the rambling!  :o).....Just something to think about!

[blueskye20]

Do you want an honost answer?  Do I think you've being selfish?  Yes.  How can you have sex with someone and say "I want your body but I dont want what comes from it"?  Sex without the openness of pregnancy is shelfish.  Expecially since he wants more.  However, we do live in modern times and it is your choice what you want to do with your body, so good luck and I hope you make the right choice.  I would take your doctors advice though and do the five year procedure instead first.  That will give you the chance to change your mind if you want to... like you said you're young, who knows what you'll want when your 27 or 30... right?

[Linzola1]

Before I got pregnant I wanted 3-4 children... Now that I am pregnant and have had a pretty hard pregnancy I want only 1 more only because I dont want him to be a only child. My doctor is going to do an IUD for 5 years so I dont have a 2nd baby before we are ready... ( By the way this pregnancy was planned) Some womens bodys are not made for pregnancy or cant really handle it... Obvisoly that is something that you and your boyfriend will need to discuss in the future but if you are that sure and it is important that you dont have another one then I would think your boyfriend would understand....

[evthing4reason]

I have a friend who had a 13 year old and a 3 year old, she had a miscarriage of twins and had very painful/bad periods. she got a hysterectomy---she had to beg her Dr to do it. Months later her and her husband decieded they wanted another child- he had been against the surgery too. It ended up causing a divorce

[evthing4reason]

****forgot to finish my post lol
I have often thought that i only want 1 child, but then i think about as we (the parents) get older and die the child(adult) may be left all alone. I will wait and see how my next (successful) pregnacy goes. I think it is kinda selfish to have just one if you are in a loving married relationship(understand when people are single and raise a child by themselves)But if we deciede at that time we don't want another baby I WOULD NOT do anything permanet. What happens if (god forbid) your child died as a toddler?  

[sfritz]

I don't think you are being selfish. You are the one that is dealing with the difficulties of being preggo. I do think that the Mirena would be a good option for you. I used it after my m/c because we weren't sure if we wanted to try again and I loved it. I had it in for a little over a year before we decided to get it removed and have another baby. The Mirena gives you that option. Plus, unlike getting a tubal ligation, it is not permanent, and unlike other BC you only have to pay for it one time for 5 years which saves a bundle of money!

I am currently 33w with out second and we both know for a fact that we don't want anymore after this one. This pregnancy has been really hard on my body (unlike my first which was a breeze). I am getting my tubes done sometime after she is born.

Good luck to you!!

[g8r grl]

I think you may change your mind when you discover how much you could love your child and how much fun it would be to have another. My pregnancy absolutely sucked(!)...my dad almost died right at the end which added a whole lot of stress...I gained 64lbs...my husband was out of town for the last 6 weeks of it for work...I live in FL and it was the summer...it was awful! The moment I held my son, it was all worth it. Three days before I had him, I cried to my sister at the mall over my cup of Dippin' Dots saying that it was my only kid and if I didn't have him that week then I'd rather be dead. Within 15 minutes of having him, I said to my husband "that was fun! let's do it again!"

Do the Mirena thing if you're thinking you don't want one now. I love my son so much, that I want to have another baby so that he'll always have someone and have a forever friend. Isn't that weird!? I want to have another baby for my son...

You might change your mind! Just wait until you meet your little baby :) You'll forget how miserable you are right now and you just might want another sooner than you think :)

[GreenEyedMama]

I come from a giant family.I could never of had just one child,I think brothers and sisters are great to have but thats just me.

[hanacabana]

If you are happy to have an IUD than just try that. LIke wearing temporary tattoos before you get your real one, it is a VERY serious choice, dont take it lightly. ESpecially considering you are going to be a first time mum, you havent even met your baby yet, (im still pregnant with my first too) and i think EVERYTHING will change once you meet him/her. Think about the pain of labour there has to be SOMETHING that makes us do that again and again. Maybe you will still want it maybe you wont but i would advise you not to do anything or decide anything before you meet the person that is going to shake you most in the world.
I dont think it ever is supposed to get any less miraculous but i think for us first timers it really is going to be a life changing journey.

My mum always describes meeting your new child as the most amazing love affair you will ever experience, meeting the person you love the most in the world, have and always will love..

*sorry im having an incredibley soppy mother-love day and it may have crept into my writing*

[treazzure007]

I is enough!  2 is more than enough!  3 is too much! and 4 is murder!  Dont listen to your boyfriend!  Get your IUD.  

[pinkbelle]

thanks ladies.. its good to get a lot of different perspectives on this.. my boyfriend isn't against the IUD hes just against me getting fixed.  So I guess I will go that route. As of right now I am sure I dont want any more kids but i guess the mirena gives me 5 years to think about it... im only a sophmore in college so I guess that still leaves alot of time for me to change my mind.. but I can completly relate to the one lady that said they never had the strong desire to be a mother.. that was me as well... but now that Im pregnant Im so grateful for my daughter I just don't know if I would want to go through it again.. who knows maybe I'll change my mind someday

[StressHead]

I think you should wait until you have had that one because you never know how you will feel. Likewise neither will he :)

My partner did not want kids EVER and then we had the talk that was basically I do want them so we should split now if you don't. This was about four years ago. Then he changed his mind to 'not sure' and I stayed with him because he's wonderful. Then all his friends started their families and he can't wait to have one.

[mami1323]

My fiance's ex-wife had her tubes tied after she had their daughter.  She had a son from a previous relationship.  Well she was sooo young, early twenties and now that she's with someone else she will either have to get a tubal reversal or just deal with the fact that she won't have anymore children.  Her relationship really won't go anywhere if he decides he wants to have a child with her.  Frankly, she's a horrible parent as is to her other 2 so she really shouldn't have anymore but the point is that she will have to deal with so much more if she decides to have another one.  Just use birth control and decide later on whether one is enough.  I'm telling you, once that lil one comes out you will rethink having just one.