I need something, but im not sure what it is.

So im 30 weeks and 1 day (by the time of the site) and imgoing through alot of dont know what to call it i guess fustrations. Not only is my hubby gone for the whole pregnancy as well as the delivery. I fell quite alone in this whole thing. A friend says that she will be there for me, but i am scared out of me ming that i am going to be doing this alone. Dont get me wrong i pretty much have prepared myself to be doing everything alone; such as classes and the doctors (I HATE HOSPITALS!!) But i figured that i would have someone for the delivery. Some one mentioned a Doula, but they are a little on the pricey side and i wanted something free. I guess that i am looking for some advice on how to handle this situation. Also depression is hitting me hard around the holidays and i am trying to calm down because i have already spent 3 months in depression and i know that it is not good for me or the baby. Im just looking for something, advice, prayers, something cause im having a hard time. Thanks.

[onlyme27]

I cannot imagine what it must be like in your situation.  Your friend said that she would be there right.  At least you will have someone there.  I know that it is not the same as having your family and hubby there.  Do you attend a church or anything that would have somebody that could be there with you too?  I wish that I could just be there for you.  It breaks my heart to hear your story.  Just know that I am praying for you.  Remember that you are never alone.  God is always there.

[Super_sally888]

Hi Sweet bear,

It is tough to be doing this alone.  I really feel for you and I do have some idea of how you feel.  I am in the same boat.  Though this is my decision (to have a baby by myself), it doesn't make it any easier going through all the doctor stuff and delivery stuff by myself. And hard to ask other people to assist.  I am going to be going to the hospital by myself and delivering by myself.... haven't let myself think of this yet - but it is scarey.....

Let you know though, you will get through this and you will have a beautiful child to share with your husband.

Can you join a prenatal group - meet some other women having babies.  They can share (a bit like this group), but in person maybe.  My sister got a lot of support from women in her prenatal group, and that support continued way after her son was born (and is still ongoing)....

Hang in there and come here and vent all you need.

[honeybear56]

Yeah it is a hard situation. And yes my friend did say that she would be there but when i delivery she is going to be 5 months pregnant, and she has a tendency to bail on me when i need her the most. Im not a church goer but i do believe in him. And i know that he gave me this child because he knew that i was ready to take on another test. My first one was being away from my hubby for 15 months and now he added on this child. I know that i am strong and i know that i can do this, but somedays it just gets so over whleming that i just break down and cry. Thank you please keep me in your prayers and pray for a safe and simple delivery.

[honeybear56]

Well its nice to know someone is kind of in the same boat as me. When i first found out i had my friend there with me. She would go to the doctors with me and when i got an ultrasound she would be there for me. And i loved it because i need someone there for me. But then i moved and then moved back and her hubby cae home and she found out she was pregnant and i was back to going alone. It is scary to think that you are going to be in that room giving life to something so beautiful and such a blessing but you're doing it alone. I know that i am strong and i can get through it, but somedays i get so scared that something is going to go wrong. I know that nothing will but its the worrying side of me, one of my biggest flaws..i worry like CRAZY!! I know the once i see her little face everything will go away and i will be waiting to show my hubby on webcam our little tom boy princess. Im not sure if there is a prenatal group where i am, but i am going to a class this saturday; just a get to understand what is going on with the pregnancy class and maybe i will meet soe people there. I really need some friends to make me feel better about this. And maybe i'll meet a girl in my situation as well. You never know. And i know that i can come and vent on here anytime that i need it,i just one of those people that doesnt want to bother people with my issues when someone in the world could be having issues a million times worse then mine. But i really apperciate that you guys took the time to read my issue. It means alot to me and i know that i can count on your guys when i need some pick ups and some advice. THANKS!

[ashiepooh]

Honeybear56 ~ I know you said your not a church goer, but maybe decide to go for support while pregnant?  I myself am not a church goer, but I don't think they would mind you going for support and not fully joining.  

[honeybear56]

Yeah i know, but i honestly dont feel comfortable in churchs, i never have. Im not sure what it is but i just feel like impressured into joining and im not that kind of person. Im just hoping that i can find something from my doctors or this cass that i am going to on saturday.

[debgunn23]

i think your friend will be there. This is your baby becoming born! Its a BIG thing. Is there a way you can fly to some sort of family for the holidays or to some old friends home?? It might be nice to get a way for a while. I dont really do church either but i did go for 12 years a while back and went last sunday. my moms been bugging me about it lol I went and it was nice. So many people support you and help you through things. In fact i guarentee you will meet someone there who can be there for you. Pastors wife maybe? I would be there if i could. But i think you live pretty far away lol I might be alone too when i give birth. Im afraid of that. I dont like hospitals at all or meds. Can you have someone fly in to you? I hope you get feeling ebtter. i know its hard, life isnt easy but just look ahead. Your hubby will be home very soon as well as your baby. 30 weeks??? holy cow!I didnt know you were that far lol my goodness you are close!

[honeybear56]

Yeah i am hoping that she holds true to this because she knows what that i  really need someone. And no i cant fly to samily cause his family for some reason isnt talking to me anymore and mine totally told me that im not invited because of the choice that i have made. And friends....i dont got alot of those, lost them when i got married for the first time and when i chose to have our baby. I know that i could find someone at a church but to be honest i am a very shy person and i dont talk well with people i dont know. Yeah i am getting there, i got 10 weeks left and then shes here with me, im excited and scared out of my mind.

[debgunn23]

Does his family have a problem with it? Your family wont talk to you because you are having a baby?? ok....how old are you? I think you have a right to your life. Im sorry to hear that nonsense. My hubby's father called him a few weeks ago and left a crappy messege saying tim(hubby) isnt his son anymore he doesnt love him, he said to never ever call him or even say his name again.l He wants nothing to do with his family or grandchildren. It was awful....ALL because he got fired from work because he failed a drug test but he blamed it on my husband...Hes done this before. His dad is an awful man and is the reason for my husbands problems and anger issues. I hate seeing people go through that.

Well where do you live again? My husband is leaving soon and the only friends i have are out of state. I have 1 or 2 here but im like you, lost alot from getting married and im shy. Maybe if you live close to a friend of mine i can stay up at her house and come up for your labor. I know akward lol but no one should be alone during the most happiest moment of your life!

[ashiepooh]

Well, i am glad you are going to the doctors!  =)  Keep me posted on what s/he tells you on if there is someone!  

[bimbicat7]

I have done it!! about 5 yrs ago i was in you situation and was hell scared too!!!!!! just know that i got threw it and so can you, your not alone for much longer ok you will soon have a little baby to spend every min with and what an acheivement doing this alone! just have to be strong girl and ask for help whenever you need it ok! if i was there id go to hospital with you as i have for a few friends now, i love helping other out!
But I got threw it and so can you, it does get scarier the closer you get but there is no turning back now your doing this for YOU and baby and you Will be fine!
also have you Any family around at all?
It will be hard to rely on your friend as she is pregnant too so her support in the delivery might be limited, Its really such a short time in your life and brings so many wonders!
Stay smiling and know we are here for you all my strength and prayers to you take care and keep in touch!!!!! xx

[honeybear56]

Debgunn- Well its not that his family has a problem with it, they think its great. But ever since i left Maryland to move back to Hawaii his mother never returns my calls. I mean i had to resort to writing her a letter and im not even sure if i am going to get anything back  from her. I guess there mad at me for leaving...but what did they expect. I mean im an Island girl im not used to big cities where people get shot right where i am living. And my parents and sibligs they all wanted me to have an abortion considering the circumstances (my just venting journal explains my situation more) and ever since i made the decision to have this child they have basically disowned me and said "F U!" Im 21 i was 20 when i got pregnant, i know im a grown women and i can make my own choices, but my family is weird, they think that there way is the only way and if you go against it you're not part of the family.

I think that is INSANE that his own father called and left a message like that just cause he messed up. Now that is nonsense...and considering that he has dont it more then once. I live in Hawaii, i doubt that you will be able to get here..lol. But its okay. Im gonna see what my doctors office do for me and go from there. But thank you so much for that gesture it really shows that you guys are more friends to me and i havent even met you in person.

Ashiepooh- I will keep you posted, i have an appointment on Thursday to get my blood test results and talk to her more about her care during my pregnancy and what not.

Bimbicat- I know that i can get through it, but its just one of those things that you know that you are not going to have any control over and it scares the CR AP out of me. I mean tt anything in life that you can really control. But this is just scary. I know that once i see her big beautiful eyes looking up at me everything is going to go away. Its just the wait and im scared of the pain (my frst child) and im scared to be alone. It oes suck that my friend is going to be pregnant and not totally able to help with everything but even if she is just there to support me and hold my hand when i need it i will be fine. I have a few family that talks to me, but not ones that i am super close with. Dont get me wrong i know that they will be there at the hospital waiting to meet out little princess btu the only person that i am TOTALLY comfortable having in the room with me is my friend. I just hope things work out. I know that everything will work out.  just keep thinking of seeing her face for the first time and that is what helps me, but i still get scared.

THANKS TO YOU ALL, you guys have NO iea how much it means to me that i can turn to you guys in my times of difficulty. LOVE YOU ALL!! <3

[debgunn23]

wow that is far lol I actually do have a friend who lives there with his wife and child. But after high school we are more distant friends. Nathan Love. Awesome last name :) It would be so much easier if this stupid site had some sort of cam hook up or mic hookup lol sometimes it takes so long to write what you want to say. Hang in there :) have you bought some baby stuff yet? Im actually trying to get my husband to have us move there. I know theres a big navy base there. Im also a island girl. You should go to the beach and listen to meditation type music. Seriously it helps! I was so depressed in florida and my mother suggestion this meditation music "sounds of the sea" something like that and i sat up on this sandy hill as the sun set. It was so peacful and made me happy.

Its pretty cool you both are pregnant. My husbands friend's girlfriend is due the same day. How wierd? lol But i dont know her and she doesnt...seem the friend type. Well if you ever need to vent or some people to talk to, we are always here. especially ashiepooh, even on my most stupid comments,concerns or vents shes always been a big supporter. lol

[honeybear56]

I have started to buy baby things, im pretty much all together minus the diapers...lol. I bought pretty much everything, i know that im gonna need something and i'll eventually get it in the end. But i got the baiscs...got my cute stroller and car seat and i also got a cute little pack n play that has a bassenet that goes with it as well as a changing thingy.

Funny thing about the beach is that i am not the biggest fan of sand..coming from a girl who was born and raised on this island and been going to the beach since she was a littlee girl. But that might help, thing is that the best beach to go to is quite a ways away.

I guess that its cool there were pregnant together. Our bodies sure are taking our first pregnancys different. She can barely even stay awake for 12 hours in a day. So i never see her and she never really talks to me since her hubby got back from Iraq in August and when she found out she was pregnant. Funny how people change when situations change. I dont know what to even think about that. She can barely even text me back. I just wish that i could have one decent friendship not one that is so f'ed up. I get tired of it and i get to the point where i dont want anything to do with anyone but my hubby because he is the only one that understands me and knows why i am the way that i am. He is the only one that lets me talk when he knows i have had a bad day. Half the time with her i dont tell her much because she doesnt ever have any advice. I guess thats what i get.

But this site has been so good to me from the start. I feel so close to so many of you and i dont really know that much about you guys. It's great, also considering that i am a very shy person and am not the first person to jump up and down and say look at me look at me. Im a silent girl till you realy get to meet me. But i enjoy talking to you guys cause most of you have been or have some sort of advice to give me on my issues.