Nothing to Do with pregnancy

[BritanyG]

So I just got some of the worst news that a pregnant married mom can get that doesn't have anything to do with being pregnant.  I'm currently in the military and so is my husband, we were suppose to go to California in March and my orders just got changed. My husband is going to California for 3 years and I am going to North Carolina for 3 years, i've been crying since I found out. i don't want to be a single mom for three years and you know how the government compensates for us being apart? A whole whopping $250 a month that only one of us gets. I'm sorry I just need to vent, I'm at work right now and I can't cry at work and I want to so bad. 3 years iss so long for my baby and i to go without a father or husband and who wants to be a single mom. We've already sent up appeals and they've been denied. what it boils down to is when we joined the military we knew we could be seperated but for deployment not 3 years and now i only have 2 months left before we leave to go to opposite sides of the country. I'm sorry I know this is a pregnancy forum but I'm soo upset and have no one to talk to, I don't know what I'm gonna do!!

[JoyRenee]

That really sucks. I just cannot even believe it!!! Personally I'd keep filing appeals. How can you even be ordered to move to opposite sides of the country while pregnant??? Isn't there any way to get out of it or once you join the military that is it? Couldn't you be honorably discharged because you are pregnant?

[BritanyG]

well normally you could be discharged because yolu are pregnant but it has to be because of medical difficulties, if you wan tto get discharged because you are pregnant, then it will be a no, there are alot of pregnant women in the marine corps , plus since we just reenlisted it makes it harder to try to get out, and i don't have good reason to but it's all up to them, and there is only one person that decides all of this and whereever he tells you to go, you basically have to go because he chooses...so we can appeal him all we want but if he doesn't change his mind then we are screwed, hopefully he will eventually get a guilt trip and revoke the orders he put in. some people ar eso heartless

[KellyA74]

Hey there....how crappy is that?  I know NOTHING about the military...But don't they generally try their best to keep spouses together??  Can you or your husband at least take a 'leave' for a while here and there so you can be together???  I feel so bad for you........

[JoyRenee]

Uh yeah!!! My bro-in-law is now a civilian but he works for at a military job (he was in the Air Force). His job just sent him to California for 4 months. My sister just had their third baby 8 weeks ago so she's left in the Midwest with three children for the next four months (maybe more if they extend it).

So I def. know they can do this stuff, but it's just hard to believe it sometimes. Does the guy have a personal vendetta against you guys or does he not even personally know you? Sorry, this is really pissing me off!!!!!!!!!

[BritanyG]

No he doesn't know us personally, but he knows my GySgt, my "boss" and they've never got along since they went to training together so my boss apologized because he thinks it is because of him but i told him it wasn't because it is nobody's fault, it is just how the milittary works

[USCGWife22]

Granted you just reenlisted, but you might want to try going reserve. That's the main reason I decided to not go in because my husband is AD and the chances of us both doing career in the military, none the less seperate branches, our chances would be slim to nill of continueing stations near by. So, definitely talk to your CO about it. I know a guy who went reserve about  6 months after he re-enlisted (he didn't want to go to a boat). And your seperation pay is based on your ranks, so I definitely feel ya on the crappy seperation pay. However, if your rank is higher than his, you can claim HIM as your dependant and it would give yall a litte more in pocket but he can still have power of attorney.
Also, if there are any complications in your pregnancy (if you were to get pregnant right now and God Forbid there be any complications), or if your child needs sudden medical attention, they will relocate one of you two to be closer (more than likely him since it will be harder for you to PCS unless his rank's Priority is higher than yours).
I highly doubt it was on a personal note. I don't see a detailer taking a risk like that regarding people he doesn't know personally. If it IS the case, then your Sgt. needs to bring up to the higher Chain of Command because that is making things complicated when there is no reason for doing so other than someone had a hair up his ***. Personally, if I were you, email him and CC it to your Sgt. and just see if you can work something out.
There's a link on one of the military sites (try google) that has handbooks for spouses, one for every branch. Definitely take a few minutes and get that handbook, and if you don't feel like researching, your CO should have one or can make a copy of one. It will tell you all your rights as well for being AD along with your spouse and the steps you need to take regarding certain situations such as this. However, if they sent him to Cali for a training to be sent overseas, there's really nothing you can do about it because he's getting deployed. I have a hand full of friends stationed in the San Diego area and I know a few of them will be getting deployed soon. Are you PCSing Lejeune?

[BritanyG]

i understand what you are saying but things are alot different in the marine corps, ..we dont rate family separation pay, as i just found out and we just got told againt hat he will be at campen and me at lejeune, he isn't there for training, that will be his pds, its just depressing

[USCGWife22]

WHAT?! Yall don't base it on rank? wow... I will SO quit being pissy come this summer.... LOL. I had my panties in a knot over the seperation pay for a PO2.... That is rediculous.

But seriously, look for that manual. I know there's one for every branch. It can probably help you more than I could or most on here... unless a Sgt. pops in and starts answering questions. lol.

Good luck, Girl. I can only imagine how it feels... My husband went Isolated Duty/ Critical Fill for a year and I almost lost my mind completely. The worst part was when he was home for mid-tour and my daughter had no clue who he was... that was heart-wrenching, 3 years would probably send me over the deep-end. But if it makes you feel any better. I know a few who were apart for 4 year billets either due to the spouses wanting to stay and finish up college where they're at or getting seperate stations, and it still worked out well for them :) I wish you the best, and again, if I were you, I'd be argueing those orders... not in an ugly manner, but I definitley wouldn't be settling and letting it go as is. I understand every branch is different, believe me, however, it doesn't constitute all their actions ;o)

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I completely understand but know you are not alone...millions of military and dual military couples do this all the time.  I know that doesn't make it better but remember...There are always the mac flights.  It's a cheap way to be able to see each other often.  All you have to do is take turns....atleast you will BOTH be in the states, even if it's on opposite sides.  It COULD be worse, you could be on opposite sides of the WORLD.  It's hard, but you, as a marine, are tough and you WILL make the best of it.  I know the fam. sep. pay doesn't make a durn as far as compensation.  I know that 3 yrs seems like such a long time but you'll make it and it'll be over with before you know it.  If you need to vent, I'm here..just send me a pm.

[4boys1girl]

I think you're wrong saying this has nothing to do with pregnancy!!  I first want to say Thank You for your commitment to our country!!  I am disturbed to hear that our military would not try to make it somewhat easy for a young family to stay together.  You make enough sacrifices that asking to stay together should rank as a priority!  I think there should be some concideration taken in regards to the fact that you are going to have a child soon that very much depends on a mother and a father, when they are both willing.  My husband was in the marines right before we got married and it was hard being away.  At the time we did not have children so I will not even begin to pretend I understand what you must be going through:(  My husband does travel with work now and is away sometimes across the country for weeks at a time.  Before we had children I had a hard time every time he would leave.  Having four children now it does help keep my mind off the fact that he is gone.  
I wish there was something I could do for you and your family to help you.  Ill keep you in my prayers.
Take Care and please give an update on your situation from time to time.  Agien.....THANK YOU for you dedication.
Kris

[LosingMyMindInGA]

The military DOES to a certain point, try to keep dual military couples together when they request it.  HOWEVER, it isn't ALWAYS possible for this to happen.  There many not be more than one billet open for their particular rate/rank at either of the particular duty stations they are going to.  Unfortunately the military can not just create a billet becuase someone is pregnant or married.  Sucks, but it's the way it goes.  I understand where BritanyG is coming from and how she feels...My Husband was military for 9 years and my brother has been in for approx 16 yrs.  It's one of the many sacrifices that our military make and KNOW they may HAVE to make when they join.  Like I mentioned in my last reply to her...fortunately there are such things as mac flights...where military members can fly free on certain flights that are ALREADY going to a certain area.  There are FAR worse things that military members and veterans are having to deal with than family seperation.  To some degree EVERY military member has to deal with seperation from family/friends. Unfortunately keeping couples together is NOT a priority for the military or most any other job for that matter.  It's a sad truth but it's also one that any military member should be prepared for beginning with enlistment.