OT: Big Problem at Home and I Need Advice

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Okay ladies.......I am having a lot of problems at home.  I will only talk about one right now, but I don't know where else to turn.  It is very limited as to who I can talk to about this.

I have been with my husband for over 8 years.  We have been married for a little over 7 1/2 of those years.  My husband has a lot of good qualities but it is hard for me to tell any of those right now :(  I am really upset.  Well, he has a big heart.  He would do anything for anyone.  He gets really sad when he sees a disabled person or child.  I could get pregnant unplanned 10 times and he would jump for joy everytime.  He has no intention of going anywhere and sees himself with me for the rest of his life.  I am just trying to list the nice things about him.....

Anyway, so here is 1 (and I do mean 1 of our many) problems.  He has a drug problem.  He is addicted to marijuana.  He doesn't do it at home and he doesn't do it with my blessing.  Infact, I have very strong views about it and he has known that since the day we met.  At this point, my views on the subject are irrelevant.  What is relevant is the fact that it is illegal.  In 2004, we worked for the same company.  We were separated at the time and this was 1 of the reasons.  We do random drug testing here and he was chosen.  Well, of course he tried to hide it with all this **** you can buy to detox but he failed that drug test.  My boss, at that time, covered it up and went and fought for my husband's job.  I had just found out I was pregnant with my 4th child, our 3rd together.  My husband seemed to be scared and quit for a while.  I thought and hoped that he had learned his lesson.  Well, we got back together a few weeks later and bought a new house.  I thought we had come a long way.  Eventually, he started back up again.  So, let's fast forward to now.  In Feb. of this year, he had his work truck in his company's shop.  He doesn't work with my anymore.  They found a cigarette box that smelled like marijuana and forced him to resign.  They said that he could either take a drug test or resign.  He had to resign because he knew he couldn't pass a drug test and was honest with them about that.  He continued to use.  I knew he did.  Sometimes I would think I kind of smelled it and sometimes I would just go raid his truck.  Nothing would make him stop.  Then 2 or 3 months ago, he quit again for some time.  And then last night, I found it in his truck; his company truck no less.  I was shaking.  I went and flushed it and then brought the papers and his Visine to work with me.  I threw it all away here.  I didn't even want the empty plastic bag in my house because of the smell and I am paranoid.  I then went inside and got on the laptop and sent him an e-mail.  I put a note on his cell phone telling him to read it.  I basically told him that I was done and that I wanted him to leave.  Nevermind the fact that there is no way I can support myself and all of my kids by myself.  We can't even do it together.  We haven't even paid our mortgage this month yet.  That's why I have stayed for as long as I can.  There is no way that either of us can survive without the other financially.  We can barely keep our heads above the water together.

I don't know what to do.  He won't get help because he says there is nothing wrong with it.  He says it's like having a beer.  Well, having a beer won't cause you to lose your job or get arrested.  You can have a beer in your driveway and not get in trouble for it.  I could go on and on about the differences.  I am not saying one is better than the other or even more right than the other.  I am saying that one is legal and the other isn't.

I'm sure none of you know what to tell me but I would love hearing from you anyway......I just needed a shoulder and to vent some.  It is impossible for me to tell you years worth of information in this one post.  

[alwshopeful]

I know exactly how you feel, in a way.  My FIL does the exact same thing.  They were dating for about 14 years before they even got married 5 years ago.  He continues to use and has been thrown off the job many times including other job sites.  He hides it in his side of the closet while their 11 year old plays in there.  It just reaks (sp?) of the smell and she has left him many times.  Unfortunately he refused to quit and they barely talk, but are still married.  I can't give you the correct advice, but wanted to let you know you are not alone!  It's not going to be easy, because no matter what you decide you feel you are not doing the right thing.  Hand in there, you'll make it!!  STAY STRONG!!

[mami1323]

Wow, that is a lot to handle.  I don't even know what to say either.  I think he needs help.  Would he be willing to seek some drug counseling for his problem?  Obviously he doesn't think it is a problem though.  Maybe if it meant losing you over it he would seek the help.  This is tough because someone really doesn't want to get help unless they know that it is a problem and want the help.  Otherwise it won't work.  Yes financially it will be rough but you have 3 kids together, therefore, he has to financially assist you with child support anyway.  This is a tough situation...I really feel for you.  You sound like a very strong woman who knows what's best for you and the kids.  Good luck with whatever decision you make and we're all here to give you the emotional support you need.

[LauraB78]

I agree that if he losing jobs over it, it is a problem. I personally have tried marijuana and I dont care for it, but it isn;t proven to be that unhealthy. In fact, alcohol is MUCH more damaging to the body..

I don't know what to say. I wish I had some sort of legal substitution to suggest for your husbands habit, but I dont. I also think if he has smoked for 15+ years, it's sortof a situation like you knew what you were getting into. Not to be mean, but you knew he did and continued to have children and expand your family with this man. He should just quit, but I of all people understand old habits die hard..

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I'm not sure where you got the 15+ years, but I have only been with him for 8.  All I knew about him when we met was that he had experimented.  I did too when I was like 15 and my husband was only 19 when I met him.  We all do dumb things when we are young.  I didn't know he had a problem until we had 3 kids.  Well, I have my son from a previous marriage, but had 2 with my husband at the time.  We separated after I found out.  We were separated for almost a year.  I did get pregnant during that separation but did not get back together with him just because I was pregnant.  He almost lost his job and I thought he had learned his lesson.  So after many talks, we got back together when I was almost in my 2nd trimester.  This was my 4th child, but our 3rd together.  But he started using again several months later.  Now, I have number 5 who just turned 13 months old.  But she was conceived with birth control so I didn't mean for that to happen.

My husband is only 27, so 15 years ago, he was only 12 years old.  And I didn't know that he had a problem when I married him.  He didn't start using until about 1 1/2 years into the marriage.  And I did say for better or worse, so I have tried to stand by him and help him.  People aren't perfect and I think it would have been wrong of me to run if my husband needed my help.  But I am just to a point now that I have given him chance after chance and it always ends up the same outcome.  I have stood by him.  I have tried to help him but as others said, he doesn't want help because he doesn't think there is anything wrong with it.  If he did want help, I would have never posted this.  I would do anything to help him if he wanted me help.

And as I said......I am not arguing about it being right or wrong or better or worse than alcohol.  But alcohol is legal and marijuana isn't.  So, he is putting our family and our livelyhood at risk.  

[LauraB78]

I guess I just assumed it had been a LONG time since you had said years of situations or something.. I honestly have NO idea where I got 15+ years from... Sorry!!

I wasnt trying to start a debate!! PROMISE!!

I am just brainstorming of something else healthier and legal he could do with his time.. I said before that it IS a problem if he is losing jobs over it, and now I know his marraige is in trouble.. Does he do it like everyday? Would he be willing to go to hypnotist (sp?) I have heard that works for some?? That is a C R A P P Y situation.. I wish I had better advice..

[Emser]

God love you, i know exactly how you feel, my ex partner was hugely into it in a big way, still is. What i noticed with him was the paranoia! When he had smoked some i could always tell as he went on a paranoid thing. Let me tell you hun, if you cant cope with it, as hard a it is ultimatum is what you need. If he loves you and the kids and you threaten to go, then he will react the way he should.
I know you ay you couldnt cope by yourself and that he couldnt, but try not to worry about how he would cope, your the one with the kiddies hun. The marujana int cheap, its v expensive, and he needs to re-think spending money on that when he's got kids and a partner to support! I know im seeming harsh but seriously, if he's making you feel unhappy, then make the move, i know it feels like you wouldnt be able to cope financially, but believe me you would find a way, i have managed as a single mommy, you have no choice, and there is help out there to get u through money wise.
The reason im on my own is because my ex couldnt give up his habit, i couldnt cope with it, obviously he was worse than your partner, what did it for me was when i was pregnant he lit up one in the same room as me, and i realised just how bad his addiction was. And even though he has lost us, he still does it hun.
Just think about it, he lies to you about it, thats what it does to them, maybe suggest he seeks help about it, but definitely dont let him spend your money on it anymore, its not right.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.  I know it's not easy.  You know the issues with me and my husband...it was sort of a differnet type of addiction.  This month marks 9 years we've been together and you know some of the long road that got us here.  

I honestly didn't think I could make it with 3 kids on my own, but I got to that point where I was so fed up I had no other choice...so I jumped ....and amazingly, with a little struggle and some gov't assistance...I landed on both feet.  You are a very strong woman and I know you will do the same.  There comes a time when you just HAVE to put your foot day and say NO MORE, enough is ENOUGH!!!  Regardless of whether its marijuana or something more severe...the point is he has a problem and he needs to address it.  So long as you sit by and don't really do anything other than complain about it, he's going to continue doing it.  That's how my husband was with his problem.  When I threw him out of the house and told him in no uncertain terms NO MORE.  He got a big slap of reality and finally did something.  All these years I spent trying to tell him how I felt about it and NONE of it sunk in until I gave him an ultimatum.

It's a very frightening thing to be looking straight into the eyes of single parenthood and have all of the burdern fall on you...BUT...if there is a chance that doing so will force him to see he has a problem and address that problem...it will benefit EVERYONE, especially the kids in the long run.  Besides...he won't be doing you any good helping you support the kids if he's locked up on drug charges anyway.  Now is as good a time as any to test those waters and see how you will do on your own before you are FORCED into it becuase he's done something stupid and got caught.  

I know this isnt' the best advice, but it's all I've got.  You know I'm here if you need to talk!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Well, it's official ladies.....I love you all.

I will just have to do some research I guess.  I don't know if the government will help me if I am not divorced.  I don't think they have a legal separation here in Texas and if they do I would probably need some type of legal aid.  I have a feeling that there would be a long wait.  And divorce costs money I don't have.  We have this house that we can barely afford together.  I don't know where to go.  He has already said that he is not leaving his family.  He has told me that over and over again; even today.  And without an attorney, I can't make him really.  And I don't have anywhere to go with my 5 kids.  That's alot of people to be taking with you.

LosingMyMindInGA,

I appreciate everything you have said.  And yes, I do know your struggles.  I have had that same struggle also (like yours), but not near to the extent that you did and it has been a long time.  So, we have had a lot of problems and I am at a loss......He'll get kind of scared and quit for a while but then he always goes back to it.  I don't even want to go home today but I have to.  He just walks around like nothing happened.  He's been blowing my phone up today of course.

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and advice.  You really have no idea how much it means to me.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.....

***Sigh***

LosingMyMindInGA

[martikadragoon]

I'm sorry for what's going on with him. I personally have my own views on weed, and I think it should be legalized, but until it is people should stay away from it ESP. if it interferes with they're jobs.

You need to speak to an addiction counsellor and have your husband go with you to get a 3rd party view on it. That way he can't say it's just you nagging or anything. (my guy does that sort of thing)

When you married him I take it you knew he smoked weed?  That shouldve stopped you back then but I know we always like to think men will grow  up and mature.

he has a family to take care of and can't while he's smoking weed. Maybe talk to him to get him to take up some extracurricular activity like jogging or something HEALTHY... This is just my advice. :)

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Well they are ways around things.  I don't think we have legal seperation here in georgia either but I just went to social services and told them my situation and they helped me.  I also couldn't afford a lawyer either and legal aid here is  ajoke...so I researched and researched and I did my OWN divorce...I filed the papers and everything.  Yes, technically hubby and I are divorced....we plan to remarry next year but for the time being we will have been divorced one year next month.  Mine was the same way with the quitting for a short then starting up...I think it was acting divorcing him and taking him back then kicking him out again that did it for him...he KNEW I could make it on my own and that I was perfectly willing to.  Whatever you decide, good luck and I'm here for you!

[Avanaar]

My husband smoked marijuana long before I met him ...he has also done other drugs, but quit those years before we met.  My situation is slightly different, however, because my husband has used marijuana and sometimes alcohol to help regulate his system (he has bipolar disorder).  Most prescription drugs turn him into an uncaring zombie (he can't feel really happy at appropriate moments, or vice versa).  Despite marijuana being illegal, it's the only drug he has found that helps his brain stay balanced.

With that said, he has only 'chronically' used marijuana once since I moved to NE with him.  For about two months, he would smoke when he got home from work.  His reason for quitting once it was all used up?  He was worried that if he lost his job, he couldn't take care of me.  Even though it is nearly impossible for him to regulate his system being drug free ...he would rather deal with the intense mood swings of his bipolar than risk being found positive on a drug test.  

Also, my father has been a regular marijuana user for many years.  He was run over by a dump truck and broke three of his vertebrae when he was younger.  He's had multiple back surgeries since then.  Marijuana has helped him when his pain has been at his worst.

I think your husband is being irresponsible to smoke 1. in his company truck, 2. while he's working, and 3. when he has a wife and three kids to help support.  I understand there are certain medical situations, like my husband's and father's, where marijuana helps people ...but for the average person, it slows down your responses and clouds judgement and is purely recreational.  It's one thing to do it now and again ...but to risk not only yourself ...but your family as well ...Wow...

I'm reminded of a friend who's buddy lives in California.  His 'woman' is pregnant and only a few weeks behind me.  Apparently, he has his own plants in their home ...so he grows and smokes his own marijuana.  She got upset a few weeks ago and told him she wanted them out of the house.  He was dumbfounded by how emotional and upset she was, but I totally understood where she was coming from!  If it were just his own life he were risking by having those plants, fine ...Risk going to jail and being fined up the butt!  But to risk your significant other's well being ...as well as their child?  What would happen after the baby was born and he got busted?  Would he be okay with them taking his child into protective services?  Ugh!

Anyway, with all these examples, especially the last one, I hope you can reach your husband.  Let him know that his actions do not just affect him ...but they affect his entire family!  If he wants to continue his drug habit, then by all means, go ahead ...but he can do it on his own without you or the kids dealing with the repercussions his habit could cause.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

LosingMyMindInGA,

Okay, that is a start.  Maybe I need to talk to social services.  I can probably do that.  I will PM you later about another situation that I have been meaning to PM you about forever.  And I am running out of time since you are getting ready to have that baby.  LOL!

Martikadragoon,

No, my husband did not smoke when we got married.  He didn't start doing it until about 1 1/2 years into the marriage.

[blueeyedtabbycat]

Im so sorry that you are having to go through this:::::::::( I have been through this in the years 0-4 of my realationship with my hubby. It started out with just pot and than he got mixed into the wrong crowd (body builders) They  used to shoot up. I hated it, and would complain all the time. He started shooting other things too. He said it was for the pain but he did it to get the high. The pain stuff would make him very happy while the steroids would make him mean. I had to deal with that on a daily basics. I even left him once while pregnant with our first. The problem was that he didint feel he was doing anything wrong. What he was doing didnt have any effect on me at all.
Sorry  to go into detail about my past problems but there is a point (somewhere, lol)
My hubby got caught. Big time. Federal stuff and was sent to jail, not for long cause I got him out on bond, I should have left him but loved him too much to let him stay behind bars. Anyways after he got out, he had a bunch of court dates and random drug tests to do. I thought that was it....We had our son in May of 01 and in Feb? 02 just when everything started to settle down the FEDS came to our home looking for him again for stuff pertaining to the origanal case. He was drug out of bed and hand cuffed in front of our son. He ended up in jail again and was sentanced to a halfway house apon release. He never failed another drug test and since has been off paper. But now he has a record:( He has atmitded to me that although he is TEMPTED to do drugs again, he never will. I asked him why and he says it was the day that our son say him being lead away in hand cuffs. I know our son doesnt remember this but that was the motivation my hubby needed. The point of me telling you this is if he would have never got in serious trouble he would have never quit. He saw nothing wrong with it. Even me leaving him while pregnant didnt stop his use.
Your hubby needs help. But sometimes it takes some life altering scare to change them. My dad to this day still smoke pot. He used to do much heavyier stuff but now just smokes pot and thinks nothing is wrong with it. I dont see him ever changing:(
I really dont know of any advise that will help you. Maybe if he gets caught enough times or spends the weekend in jail that would help him. I do know that no amount of ragging on him will help and might even drive him away. You cant make anyone with an addiction quit because you want them to, they have to want it as well:(
Best of luck with everything and if you ever need to talk I am a good listener.

Sorry this is so long but I can go on and on with this subject..........

[northrncwgrl]

Oh my, I feel absolutely awful for you!

My SO has always been a marijuana lover. And I've never been one to have much against it, as long as one was responsible with it. But when he started having it everyday, it was too much. He did finally quit on his own terms because it was starting to bother his lungs. I mention once in a while that I love him the way he is without it, that we can actually have normal conversations at night now.

Have you talked to him about councelling? I strongly beleive that if you need to have it all the time, you are using it as a crutch for something in your life. The same as if someone had to be drunk all the time. And the fact that he is HIDING it is enough to sound the alarms that he has issues that need to be confronted. It's not like he's 15 and just experimenting. I'm sure you know all this...

I wish you the best, do keep up updated! You are strong enough to make it through any of this! :)

[martikadragoon]

I understand.. I stand by my assertion that men are idiots. they just become smarter idiots as time goes by. :)

Keep us updated!

[shadowserpent]

all i can really say.... is well.. um he shoudl not be smoking it in the company truck or anything like that, but, he doesnt bring it in your house ,do it around you or the kids.
thats a good thing.
you and your kids arent at risk if he doesnt do it at home or bring it home.
it sounds like he doesnt even do it every day.
yeah its legal and most jobs drug test but there are alot that dont.
maybe he should try and find one that doesnt? problem solved, but seriously i do not understand how such a small problem is making you want to end it all.
he has a problem. we all have problems in fact... i bet you are addicted to something and dont even notice, or do something to take away your stress every once in a while too..
yeah its illegal.
so are alot of really good things.
the only problem i see is that hes not being careful about not getting drug tested.
you love him? he loves you? everyone loves the kids? youll be ok... this isnt that big of a problem.
i needed to post this because it seems you have gotten every viewpoint but this one.
and as pregnant and hormonal as we all get sometimes, little things can seem way bigger than they are!

[aabarnett]

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  Your husband should be a man and grow up.  I know my hubby used to smoke pot and he tried various other things but he never disrespected me enough to do it in front of me.  I have always been against drugs.  I have an older brother who was under the influence of pot and alcohol when he got the bright idea to play russian roulette by himself.  I don't care what someone says, it DOES impair you.  My brother was a straight A student with a full ride scholorship to Yale, he was the all american opular boy and everyone loved him.  He was not depressed or going through any drama (although most don't believe me when I say that but it is true).  We were 1 yr and 4 months apart and we were best friends, I knew everything about him.  Heck, we were always together.  My brother spent 3 months hovering between life and death.  He was celebrating his acceptance letter to Yale, I didn't go because he had pot and I wasn't into that.  So anyway, he went out with his friends (the ones I didn't like), drank, got high, and decided to come home except on the drive home, he pulled off the road (we lived in the country), got the gun out of the trunk, bullets out of the glove box, and shot himself in the head.  He is alive now, technically but he is nothing like who he once was.  I don't usually tell people about this but you should know that there are consequences to being impaired.  It'll never happen to me or someone I love, doesn't always work.  It DOES happen and not just to the dead beats.  Your husband needs help, I really hope that you understand why I've shared my brother's story.  I don't want you to have to sit beside the man you love and wonder if he's going to make it from one minute to the next, and then years later look at him and think that it would have been better if he had just gone because he's jsut a shell now.  By the way my bro's blood alcohol level wasn't even over the legal limit (other than he was a minor), he had drank 3 beers.  The doctors all have agreed that it wasn't the alcohol, it was the pot, and he was tested for everything else imaginable.  I really hope your husband gets help.  He should be thinking about his family and what would happen if he was around them while impared.  Good luck, I'll be praying for you and your family.

[Jame0223]

I am going to be completely honest here. I was also addicted to marijuana for about 2 years. I know I am younger..but its the same. I would get stoned, go to school, get stoned after school, go to work, get stoned after work maybe twice before bed. Every DAY. All I wanted to do. If i had gotten in trouble with my parents and got grounded I would ask to take my dog for a walk, go up to the park in my neighborhood and smoke. I put the weed in my shoe or my bra. I got caught by the cops on june 28th of last year. I had just turned 18. Here its a felony...so I had to go to court and go through a drug testing program for 3 months. All in all it costed me 1000 dollars for 10 bucks worth or the CRAPPIEST weed I had ever smoked. I quit smoking for court on Aug 13th. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to in order to keep my record clean. It was the hardest thing in my life to do, because I used it to keep myself happy. Also when you smoke constantly like I did, you only get an appetite when you smoke. So I did it to be able to eat. When I quit I lost about 10 pounds in a week. I was grounded so I couldn't do anything(I know I was 18 but I listened to my parents anyways), That was the worst time in my life..Also I was going full time at my work and my job tested, I hadn't smoked in over a month but I still failed it. Like your husband, my boss covered my *** and fought for my job, so now I am tested randomly and have passed every test since september. I am so proud of myself for not smoking even though I crave it every once in a while. It changed my whole world! I am not saying this like I am better then your husband or that your husband can quit easily. It is very hard and you have to want to quit. Its like smoking cigarrettes. Its a hard habbit to get rid of. It will not be easy at all for him to do which may be why he has gone back to time and time again. I haven't smoked in almost a year and I want to smoke all the time! But I make myself think about how good I am doing. If he's not willing to quit, then maybe it is time to let him go. Its not your choice anymore...it has to be his. Its his problem and I know you are his wife and you love him, but its out of your hands. My boyfriend hated me smoking so much, he didn't even know the extent of it. I never lied but I just didn't tell, if he asked me I would have told him. I am sorry this is long and not what you want to hear, but maybe you needed to hear from the other side?

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate all of your advice and personal experience you have shared.  For all of you that have personal stories and hurt because of this, I know it wasn't easy to share that.  I know that it wasn't easy for me either.  That's why it took me so long to reach out here.  And I know that most of you that don't have this problem anymore probably don't enjoy reliving it.  So again, thank you so much for all of your advice.

I don't really know what I am going to do at this point.  I do love him and I believe he loves me too as crazy as that might sound.  That is what makes this so hard.  I will keep you all updated.  I can't really say that I have an update right now.  He didn't get home from work last night until like 11:00; maybe a little bit later.  Then he just said things like he loves me more than anything and doesn't know what he would do without me.  And he told me that I was the best woman in the world and that I am the glue that holds our family together.  He also said that I make him a better person and help to keep him grounded.  Those were his words.........So, that's my update.  I believe that he means what he says but he has a problem and if he doesn't see it, then I can't really help him.  It's very sad.  I have my son from a previous marriage and then me and my husband have 4 beautiful daughters together.  My children adore him.  He plays with them, watches movies that THEY want to watch with them, helps me get them to the doctor if his schedule permits it, etc.  My girls just love him to death and he is the only father my son has ever known, so this is very hard.  In every other sense of the word, he is a good father except for this.  And he does not do it at my house, in front of me, or my children.  I HATE it for one, and despite the fact that he does it, I don't think that it is his aspiration in life to have his children smoke it one day.  In front of them, he is a good influence.

To all that have sent me private messages, I will respond back to each and every one of you.

I don't know what I would do without this forum and without all of you by extension.  This is my outlet and I am addicted to this site so, I love you ladies.

I will update soon.  I just don't have one yet.

[Emiley]

I found your post, wow alot of people responded I hope it helped you out some, I could understand how this could be a difficult communication issue especially if he does not understand how much this worries you, I dont know that much about the whole situation but I really hope your marriage survives this. I have people in my family, specifically the men in my family that do that and think it is perfectly harmless, but the affects it is having on you is obvoiusly not harmless I hope you can get through to your husband that this is a huge issue, I agreed with a few people, that maybe he needs addiction help, because since he has such a huge heart, this may not be his choice but rather an addiction.

[luv2bmommy]

well i dont know much about this type of drug addiction, i wasnt even aware that marijuana was addictive. But I do know about dependancy, my father was long ago an alcoholic. And the things it put my family through just about tore it apart. I know that if a drug becomes bigger than your family, when it is actually threatening the security of a job that your family desperatly needs- Its a HUGE problem. I think that if hes known how you feel about it and still hasnt stopped and goes as far as to hide it from you that is also disrespect and causes a rift in trust. You cannot make a marriage thrive that way, I can only imagine what it has taken you to hold it together for this long. My mother stayed with my father during his alcoholic years but it was very hard, and it may have caused more damage than good. At one of their meetings, my mother heard a woman say something that changed her outlook on things. The woman called her an enabler<sp? and that meant that the more she supported my father during that time, the more harm she was doing him. Not support in a tough love kind of way, but rather being there and just putting up with whatever he wanted to do. It enabled him in his already blurry perception of things to go on thinking what he was doing was ok. I hate that you are going through this, and with so many innocent children to think of. After my mother left my father for a little while, he got on his knees and prayed to kick the addiction and be strong enough to lead his family out of the darkness, and he didnt get up. Hes still on his knees today.. so I know it can be done. He hasnt had a drink in 15 years. Alcohol is I believe much harder to put down than marijuana...so it shouldnt be such a struggle for him. I hope he can do it. There is still hope. I havent been through as much as you have at this point in your life, so I cant say where to stop or how much you can take. I just wish the best for your family.