Why do I feel this way?? A bit of a vent.....

[chantal21]

So this is my 2nd successful pregnancy and last night I was talking to DH about why I am not extremely excited this time around. With my son, everything was "ooooh" "ahhh" and this time I feel like, okay the baby moved, yea my belly is getting bigger, but I don't have the same excitement for some reason. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this baby and I am soooo excited...but why does it feel different? Am I the only one feeling this way? DH said maybe it's a bit of depression?? But I am not depressed about it...maybe it's because I have a 1 year old to chase all day and don't really have time to think about being pregnant 24/7 like I did with my son? I can't figure it out. I can't wait to see what this baby looks like and I can't wait until September, but I feel awful for feeling this way. I just wonder if my mind is so occupied with other things, like my son, cleaning, all other duties around the house that I just don't have the same time I used to. I used to read to my son everyday when I was preggo, rub my belly all the time, talk to the baby non-stop...and now...I'm almost halfway through, and I haven't done these things. Am I being crazy?? With my son, everyday there was something new and exciting going on and I would tell DH and he would be so happy and thrilled, but this time, we are just more lax about everything. I'm not worrying as much like I did with my first, which I guess can be a good thing, but why in the world do I feel this way? I feel so guilty at times. I do love this baby so much and I am excited, but just not like I was with my son. Sorry...I just needed to get that out. Thanks for listening to me. Just need some encouragement. Maybe it's my hormones.....

[JoyRenee]

Your first pregnancy will always be that special pregnancy in which every new thing was so exciting! Now you kind of feel like, "Been there, done that..." which can be normal. Depression is usually when you don't CARE and don't want to plan for baby or do anything for them. So of course you care and love your baby, as you stated, so I don't think it's depression.

Stress could definitely make you feel less enthusiastic. Especially financial stress!

When you have another child that you're home with, too, you're completely consumed with caring for them that you don't have the same time to lay around and rub the belly.

So I suggest letting your son rub lotion on your belly and talk to the baby (they can hear now!). It'll help you all spend time together. When you read books to him, read them to the belly, too. He's still young so he might not fully understand what's going on but it will definitely help!

[chantal21]

Thanks Joy. I do have a little bit of financial stress, we have a few big items we need to purchase before baby comes that we never got before Jeremiah. Not that we are tight with money all of the time, but they are big expenses and it can be stressful to think about (especially when my truck just got out of the shop and that was a hefty bill). I definitely care about this baby, so you are right, it's not depression by any means.

Jeremiah does kiss my belly at times, but I would like to get him more involved. He would probably LOVE rubbing lotion on my belly, I will try that. And I should make a time everyday where I sit down and read to Jeremiah and the baby. When I read to him it's at such random times and I never really include the baby.

Like you said, he doesn't quite understand what's going on yet, but maybe if I start with little things he will get it and it will help me to be closer to both of them at the same time. Thanks for those tips!

[GRose]

I have been feeling the same way and it makes me sad too. I think it's pretty normal though. I would write more but I am too tired lol I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling this way.

[Mumita]

This is my first pregnancy and I'm more excited about the end result than the pregnancy itself.  I think its because of financial issues that leaves me a bit insecure about having a baby.  I am also feeling rather self concious and I can't wait to have my normal body back.
I too am thrilled, and I absolutely love this baby already, the kicks are funny, amusing and sometimes uncomfortable, I haven't had any awful symptoms yet and I've  beent aking very good care.  But I wish I had more time to myself to enjoy it, that I didn't have the financial stress, that if I went to the store to buy some cute baby stuff I wouldn't feel like I'm going absolutely broke.  I just would love to be able to enjoy this a little bit more and do all the cute mommy stuff.  I always said that I wanted to fix all my pictures and photo albums when I was pregnant, go to the beach and float belly up in the water...things like that but I haven't been able to do anything because of financial issues so I haven't enjoyed the pregnancy as much as I would like to.

I can't wait to meet my baby, I daydream constantly of all the wonderful things that we are going to do as a family and how much we are going to love him and how much fun it will be to have a little guy roaming around.  I just wish that the pregnancy was as much fun as I had always pictured it.

[Grandmatobe]

It is definitely not "new" this time around, and since you had the kids close together, it isn't like you forgot what all of this felt like, right?  Having said that, I personally think that there is a certain amount of "will I be able to handle two" - "I have to start getting up every two hours again", etc....... You may not be consciously thinking these things, but I bet it is sitting in the back of your mind.  You have a 1 year old who sleeps through the night and is starting to walk and become independent.  Now you will need to incorporate a newborn into the picture, when your little man is just over a year old and has many needs too.  TOTALLY NORMAL FEELINGS.  It is a different set of worries, but you have experience now, so you know the basics.  The only thing that awaits you is a beautiful new baby and you will find ways to incorporate him/her into your existing family.  I don't think I gave my second pregnancy much thought either - - it was just matter of fact, I guess - -

[jessbbg]

Aw, chantal, it's ok honey---don't feel bad.  It really is normal.  I feel kinda guilty myself, especially with having more complications, i feel guilty because i want it OVER just so my body isn't trying to kill me all the time anymore, lol ;-)

Joy is right---the first time is the omg-everything-is-so-amazing-exciting-wow time.  And yes, having one to chase takes some of the glamour out of it.  As does financial stress, fatigue, all of it.  And I think giving birth and raising a child mellows us a bit too---so once we have a child, no matter how exciting being pregnant again is, the reality is we've mellowed out as moms and our feelings tend to be more level about everything, so it's no surprise we don't feel quite so extreme about another pregnancy...

does that make sense?  i hope it helps.  don't feel bad, babe.  :-)

[Limonada]

I haven't got my BFP yet (fingers crossed!) but I can totally see where you're coming from anyway.  My DS is 2.5 years old and it took DH and I this long just to feel ready to try for another.  I think when you've already had a baby, you're more realistic about the whole thing, and more capable of seeing beyond the actual pregnancy itself.  I imagine I'll feel much the same way when I do get pg. again - but, just like you, it won't mean that I love no. 2 any less :-)

((hugs))

[chantal21]

GRose...thanks for understanding. I'm glad I am not alone in this.

Mumita...Financial stress is a big one. It's weird, even though this is my second, I still have a ton to buy for some reason. I think it's because when I was pregnant with Jeremiah, we didn't get everything on our list. I still need a dresser in the baby's room because jeremiah's clothes and this baby's just won't fit in the small closet we have. I would like to get a glider, a new swing (first one broke, was a hand-me-down) a co-sleeper (gave it to DH's parents so they had something over there. They live 20 mins. away and have nothing for my son except that. Needless to say, I don't drop him off there much.) Oh well. My parents are over an hour away and have a sleeper, stroller, high chair, clothes, bottles, everything. I don't get it. Another anxiety is my mother is so far away and that makes me sad sometimes. I wish she was closer. I only see her once, maybe twice a week. She is like my best friend and helped me SO much when Jeremiah was born. She may have to move in for a little while when I have this one! haha
Anyway, I still need a double stroller and possibly a new car seat if my existing one won't fit in it. I'm just stressing. And my friend is going to throw a shower for me, but I know all of the big items are my problem. I don't expect people to get a swing or stroller by any means. All I honestly need on my registry are diapers and some clothes I guess.

Grandmatobe...Ya know..I have kept that in the back of my mind. I want to be a supermom but I need to think realistically about things, and I am worrying about how I am going to handle 2 kids under 2. Jeremiah is at the point right now where he finally sleeps through the night, no longer nurses, and is starting to talk and walk. I have to do it all over again, which will be fun, but stressful. I am worried about Jeremiah being jealous at first, and considering he will only be 17 months, he may not know how to be very gentle with the baby. I'm sure I will be able to do it, I am just of course scared to death! I'm sure I will learn along the way and figure out what will work best for our family. Thanks!!

Jess...thanks so much for understanding. I completely understand everything you are saying. I really hope you get some relief this pregnancy! I know it must be hard on you right now.

Limonada, you are exactly right. I hope you get your BFP soon!!!

Wow...my hormones are totally getting to me today for some reason. I'm bawling my eyes out now! ugh. Thanks for being a listening ear to this crazy pregnant lady!!

[blueeyedtabbycat]

Aww honey! Im so sorry you feel this way:) I remember having my 2nd and being scared out of my mind. Will I have enough love for 2 children? How will I pay for another?? Daycare for 2, OMG! It will get easier as you get closer. When the next little one comes you wont have any doubts left. When my 2nd came along Tristan was a month away from being 3 and feel totally in love with his little brother. I know Jeremiah will love the new baby, he may not always be the most gentle but he will definitly mean well:) They will more than likely be the best of friends:) Along with the other stuff you are feeling right now, thats normal too. You have been there and done that but it doesnt mean this new baby will be any less special when he/she gets here. I really hope you start feeling better soon. Enjoy your new pregnancy as much as you can. We only have a limited time to experiance a baby growing inside us. Trust me, im scared out of my mind this time around too. I dont know how im going to handle 4 children when the 2 youngest will be less than a year apart! I havent even started buying a double stroller yet or a new dresser or really any clothes. But I know for a fact once the new baby is here all my fears will melt away and I will feel a sense of completion:) Ok, now im just trying to make myself feel better lol! I know you will be alright! Hugs!
Tabitha

[JoyRenee]

Well Chantal I have a few ideas for baby gear that aren't so expensive. I just bought an infant seat for less than $70 (brand new Evenflo from Babies R Us). I made a registry online (mostly a list for me when I'm browsing, not necessarily for people to buy things) and they started sending me coupons.

I love Evenflo so it was awesome!

Then I found a crib for $140 at Target. It's gorgeous and really sturdy. The only negative review was from someone who said that their crib didn't come with directions (heck, it happens sometimes) so if you want to know about the crib I will send you a link privately.

As for the double stroller, check Craigslist or Ebay (for someone in your area where you can pickup). Even a simple double umbrella stroller would be great if it is just for walks.

[JoyRenee]

I didn't see that you needed a dresser and swing. Definitely check children/baby consignment shops! Children's Orchard is in most cities. I bought my swing for $60 off Craigslist. It's the Rainforest one by Fisher Price (plugs in instead of using batteries).

Sometimes consignment stores will also have those dresser/changing table combos for cheaper than new. I am going to look for a dresser for this little one at our local antique store. I find really good deals sometimes. I know my SIL found a dresser for around $60 recently. Also, yard sales are coming up! If you hit up the neighborhood sales you have higher chances of finding what you'll need.


If you do buy anything off Craigslist make sure your husband goes with you, of course!

[chantal21]

Thanks Tabitha! When this precious one arrives, I'm sure everything will fall into place, just like it should. (or at least I hope it does!)  =)

Joy...that's a great idea. I could check out an antique store (not sure where one is in my area) or even a consignment shop. The ones I have been to (consignment shops) didn't have any furniture, so I will look around and see who does. Craigslist is always a good idea as well...I just want to be sure what I am getting is not too worn, as I have already had to throw away a couple of things that were hand-me-downs because they were so used and old. I'm thinking for the stroller I may buy it brand new, but some of the other things such as the dresser, I could search around and find something used. I figure furniture can always be sanded down and re-stained if necessary. thanks so much for the tips!! =)