i can't put the actual ? into words..

[jesslee83]

ok, so the friend who is 11 weeks behind me?  well, i had posted on here, asking about how since she can't go into labor (for med reasons), if her dr would schedule her c-section 2 weeks in advance(it's dated for jan 7, 2009).....ok so here is my new question.....for some reason, even though they've scheduled her EDD/C-SECT, the baby never measures the way our friend(mom) "wants" it too....does that make sense??? she's trying her best to maintain she got pregnant in april...however, she's told us her ob has scheduled her 2 weeks early(jan 7) for a C/S....so that would make her due date actually at or around january 21st or so?

ok, so we've noticed a few things(me, chris, and our friend-the father).....she NEVER gives in to cravings, will make herself throw up(although only when he is "on shore", she doesnt do this when he is gone!!!)...watches exactly how much she eats, literally.....tries to avoid anything "too" heavy....so i guess what has the guys "wondering", is:::is there a way that if she is worried about her conception date(i'll explain at bottom), could she control the babies growth by controlling everything with her body? as in, would malnourishing herself, make the baby not grow as quickly as it should?

ok on the conception thing-----now, at the time she concieved, if you go by the EXACT date of ovulation, our friend wasn't home 2 weeks, before or 2 weeks after....he was home for 3 days around when SHE wants everyone to THINK she got pregnant, however, our friend has maintained that for nearly 5 weeks, they had sex once(and he was under impression it was a day or 2 after her period-that she'd had her period the few days before he got home)....4 weeks it couldnt be helped, he was offshore....the 3 days he was home, he was under impression she'd had her period, literally just the day or so before he came home--finished her period--.....he has decided to just ride this out, and get a private paternity test.....one of the reasons our friend is so disturbed, is that during the time she COULD have gotten pregnant, he had only had sex with her once....HOWEVER, a friend of hers(male) of 10 years, WAS living with her, acting as a caregiver for one of her handicapped sons....."some" thoughts, are that since our friend was told by her that she'd had her period, that maybe her friend is the "culprit"....and that maybe she is trying to keep the baby "around" what wouldmatch his dates....

can anyone help here lol

[michelle_rusty]

i would have to agree with you something seems fishy if she had just finished her period and he was only there for a few days dont make sense. now i can tell you that i myself and having a 4th csection and they are taking it at 38 weeks and thats only cause it is my 4th one my 3rd one i went to 39 weeks. so i agree he should get that private paternity test for some reason she wants everyone to believe this is his baby but no matter how she makes her self get sick that baby will pull what it needs from the mom. but if she is doing something like that tehn she is hurtin no one but that baby. . if its the friend of 10 yrs baby why cant she just tel the truth  its better to tell it all now than to lie that whole time and make him find out behind her back . thats just wrong.

[alaysha]

Is she getting gaunt and skinny and look malnourished? Even if she was trying to starve herself chances are she would have to be not eating anything since all nutrients her body consumes would go to the baby first and her second.

[ovaz129]

yeah... she would have too be pretty gaunt and malnourished for her food decisions to affect the baby's weight.  Like my midwife says, what did women do in time of famine?  Our bodies recognize that there is someone else growing inside of us and will feed that growing being first and us second.  

But, I agree... her behavior seems a little strange.

[jesslee83]

no my friend is rather large....buuuut, as quickly as she has started showing, and the way she talks of the babies developement, would actually put her more like **8** weeks behind me, not 11....or, that she'd be more like 14 weeks behind, in order for the baby to be my df's friend's baby.....tonight, as a "girl" thing, i actually asked her if they could pinpoint her conception(as she knows i've *won* the battle with my last idiotic dr lol--so she's used to the ?'s and convo), and she refuses to tell anyone, just says well, i'm due jan 7th.....which is funny, b/c she won't tell her man the EDOC either ;).....but the guys did their calculating, and all my "endowing" of knowledge onto chris lol, they've gathered(since our friend knows his girl's periods), that not only did she possibly lie about her period, there's no way she ovulated during that time that he was there!!!

[JoyRenee]

That's a tough situation to be in. I know that women can be so ill that they lose weight and cannot eat anything and their babies are fine. One example is my SIL. She was sick the entire pregnancy, not just the 1st trimester. She threw up every. single. day. She ended up losing weight. Her son was almost 9 lbs!!! And very healthy!

So I don't think she could harm the baby in that respect. But she needs to be honest and "come clean" if she is lying about the conception.

[msgorgeous]

it does sound very fishy to me, i think she should just come clean and tell the truth what a tough situation this is. if i was your dfs friend i would get a paternaty test done once baby is born becasue sounds to me like hes not the father of her baby i know it sux but thats what it is i feel so bad for your friend he was off defending this country and his girl was home bonking on some other dude.

[jesslee83]

lol....msgorgeous, df and our friend work offshore, in the oil field.....although, when friends 1st child was born,  he was in the navy, on ship in the atlantic, and came home to find wife and daughter(whom he hadn't even "met" yet!) in another state!  talk about bad luck!

well, i'm just waiting to see what happens.....chris told him if he wanted a dna test, we'd help pay for it(as my girlfriend is the "banker"--she'd wonder where $250+ got dumped!!!)......so i figure, if i'm 34(or so) weeks, at 11 weeks behind, she'd be "about" 23 weeks, so i'm waiting for her to start saying the baby is moving and such like that....so far, she's mentioned the "butterfly" feeling, but not actual movement.....our friend has already said if he finds the child isn't his, he'll walk away.....he says(and we knoe/agree), that he's done more than enough for her, and if it weren't for his $, she couldnt have bought her house, or her truck.....this is a couple who makes about $8k a month, has about $5k in bills(that's everything, incl cells, food, gas etc), yet, when they should have about $2k for savings, she has no idea where it went.....*roll eyes*.....yea, ok.....

oh, and on a annoying(maybe rude) way, i'm soooooooo tired of hearing how she can't do this, she can't do that, how sick she is(please people, keep in mind, she's only sick when he is home, if he's gone--she's FINE--no sickness at all!!!), how she can't lift this or that....and don't get me wrong i dont work, but my house is clean and df has dinner made for him....in her house, she doesnt lift a finger, because part of her son's nurse's and caregiver's job, is to clean her house, and do EVERYONE'S laundry....she sits around all freakin day, gets her nails and hair done, takes a nap, and does nothing but talk about how tired she is how much she's done(which is still sit around, no matter what), or how she can't keep anything down, or how this or that hurts.....but the literal minute our friend goes offshore, she's perfectly healthy, eats like a pig(in nice terms, i mean she doesnt get picky like she does when he's home!), moves around, does all kinds of stuff.....on my and her friendship, it's like we're only friends if the guys are gone lol....in 1 way, it's kinda upsetting(fair-weather friend), in another it's amusing.....

[jesslee83]

jeez, aside from the guys "suspicions", i wonder if my hormones and annoyance with how she acts in general is what's making ME be mean about it lol.....

[msgorgeous]

just being a lil nosy but he does have a daughter with this woman already? sounds very suspious SP? they way this woman behaves when he is home but when hes gone shes fine weird lol she might be a tad crazy. i dont think your being mean what so ever you get too see both sides of this woman her man doesnt

[jesslee83]

oh no he does lol...when he mopes b/c he feels sorry for her, i have no problem telling him "wow idk what's wrong with her, she was perfectly fine all week!"....and he sees through her stuff, it's just better not to fight lol....

no, he has a daughter with his ex wife.....this is their 1st together.....she has twin sons, who are severely handicapped, due to twin2twin xfer, and being born at 28 weeks.....

[msgorgeous]

oh oh k gottcha now lol atleast he sees through it, does she know he knows that hes not as stupid as ahe thinks lol sorry i shouldnt be saying that about your friend

thats too bad about the twins

[KStarr07]

Wow, I didn't read all the posts cause it's late I really should get to bed, but personally I think your theory is right on the money. But why's she making herself throw up while he's THERE? Wtf?
And to be honest with you I was "malnourished" for a couple weeks in the middle of my pregnancy, and generally don't eat much anyway.. and he was always right on target with his growth, however, he was only 6 lb. 2.4 oz.. sooo.... lol

[KStarr07]

Oh and wanted to add, just because she can't physically control the size of the baby, doesn't mean she doesn't THINK she can and that may well be her motive. Why else would you do that?? Unless some cynical reason you didn't want the baby or something really screwed up there, mentally..

[kjbutcher]

if she had an early u/s it would not have mattered what she ate the baby would have developed the same.  They hit the peanut stage, then the shrimp stage, then the baby stage, as you know, so that really doesnt have to do with what she ate.  I would ask about the early u/s.  It will all come to light when the baby is born.  There are ways to tell how far along the baby is once it comes out.  The extra skin will be peeling off, the fingernails will have grown...  I know when my son came every single person commented on how he was definately on time because of certain appearances and he was 6lbs 5 oz which could have been anywhere from, I dont know, 34-40 weeks.  On top of that, someone will obviously notice that the baby looks like the father friend or the neighbor, ya know.  I dont know who she is trying to fool...the baby doesnt stay in forever!

[msgorgeous]

just curious does the babys father ever go to the appointments with her or is he gone? she proly goes alone

[jesslee83]

i think he went when they did the blood test, and he went when they thought she was miscarrying.....but he's never been to the actual dr's appt's i dont  think.....

[BTS1022]

Thats down right messed up, and that is pretty much all I can say lol.