just venting long........

ok i just need to get some things of my chest i hope you ladies don't mind.
my friend has 2 kids to a man that is an alcoholic now they are no longer together but were trying to work things out, but she found out he was with someone else, and was telling this woman a lot of **** that was not true, and then saying the same thing to my friend about this woman, now i tried to help her but little i could do to help. she needed to saught things out with this other woman to see what was going on and they did, well when they atarted it all started on the phone and while she was at my house, now i don't want to sound selfish but i had just ahd surgery and she was suppossed to be there at my house helping me. but as it would be she was at my house for maybe an hour and 45 mins of that on the phone to this woman. now every time i am around they seem to whisper alot of the time and i really feel like im not really wanted around. this woman stays every night at my friends house, and i am starting to think she is using her. as my friend lives in town and closer to work for this woman who lives 45 mins away. i may sound childish but its like she doesnt want to talk to me about anything anymore. i do believe she has become dependant on this woman as this woman is htere every night and when she said she was going home my friend would get annoyed and she would end up staying again.  when she did go home this weekend my friend went with her. i am not jealous and i think it is great she can get along wiht htis woman i just dont want to see her hurt. i try to get involved talk be nice to this woman but i get nothing. now my friend and i went out the other day and i barely got a conversation i didnt even get a smile, and when we got back to her house and she realised the woman was there she had a big smile on her face and she seemed to become chirperer. also when this woman is around my friend talks down to me treats me like im nothing and is really mean. when this woman is not around she is much nicer, i can honestly say she has changed alot since this woman has come along and i dont like it. i have spoken to my friend about the way i feel but i can see it in her face she seems to brush it of, its like she doesnt care. i feel at a loss. i feel like i am not wanted around. if anyone has advice that would be great.
again i am not jealous i am annoyed that i got ignored when i needed her most in my life, through this operation, having baby troubles, family troubles. it didnt seem to matter to her it is always about her, i cant talk about my life she dont care. she ignores me and goes on about her own. i am lossed please help   (used the word woman so didnt mention her name)

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I guess I am a little confused.  Is this other woman the same woman that your friend's husband was messing around with?  And now they have become friends??  Am I understanding correctly or am I way off??

[taken062406]

Well, i dont know all of the story.  But I am thinking that it might be, that your friend wants to keep an eye on this other lady.  Bc as long as your friend is around this other woman then she knows that she isnt with her x-man.  But i could be totally off.  That is how it sounds to me.  Good luck.  Just remember your friend is trying to cope with what happened to her, and sometimes they can forget that they are being self centered.  So once again good luck.  

[LauraB78]

I am also confused.. Has your friend become friends with "the other woman?"

Holy drama.. I think if that's the case.. It is a bad idea (wht the h*ll would you want to befriend a woman that is an active participant in an affair!??) ! If the guy is cheating, he will always cheat.. Especially if he has dependancy issues.. Yikes, what a bad scene. Let me know if I understood correctly and I will comment more..

[eel81]

yes this is correct, she is friends with the other woman.

[eel81]

need to add a little more. she wanted to speak with the woman to know what her x was saying about her and what he was doing. this woman thought that my friend and her x had broken up 2 years before so he was lying to her and she didnt realise so my friend wanted to know what else he told her. it all was very complicated and i was trying to be supportive but when i got forgotten it was hard. i was an emotional wreck, i was unable to do alot of things and felt horrible as it was for not being able to do what needed to be done, then this happenend and i was thrown away basically. i just hated the way i was being treated when this other woman was around, i felt like **** basically. i thought i was her friend but when this happenend i took a back seat and my feelings and anything that was happening in my life didnt seem to matter. everything would be ok if she just took the time to care about me too.

[msgorgeous]

Thats just crazy that shes friends with the other woman lol. but if your friend is treating you like that then maybe its time to end your friendship with her. even tho it may be hard to do. but you dont need friends like that. or atleast distance yourself from her for a while then maybe she will relize that she misses you etc... good luck sorry your friends treating you like ****

[mj_mommy_manda]

It sounds like she wants to make sure the other woman isn't around or talking to her ex.  I have a friend that is like this.  She found out that her boyfriend slept with one of her friends and instead of breaking up with her boyfriend and ending her friendship she "got mad" at the friend for a couple weeks and then hung out with her and talked to her every chance she got.  Most of the time asking her questions about her boyfriend like "Has ____ been texting you today?" and stuff like that.  Or she would invite her to come places with us when she wasn't going to be with her boyfriend, like "Me and Amanda are going swimming today do you want to come along?" I think it was her way of "keeping an eye" on the girl so that she didn't have to worry about it again, but what she didn't realize is that if he cheated on her once he would do it again, and it didn't matter who it was with.. What is she going to do befriend every girl in the state? and even then not all friends are loyal.. lol seems like she is just causing herself a lot of stress.  Idk maybe she actually likes the girl but I find that really hard to believe as I have been cheated on in previous relationships and TO THIS DAY do not like those girls.  

[eel81]

just to add, i told my friend again how i was feeling and she is coming over to talk tomorrow. i feel a little selfish feeling the way i do. should i feel selfish or am i justified in feeling like i do. i hate feeling like this. i am just so annoyed that she actually doesnt get the fact that she has been treating me differently latley. i hate the fact that im going through alot right now and she is so caught up in herself she doesnt see, if when i try to tell her. i know this is crazy but when friends go through stuff isnt the other friend suppossed to listen and be there. well i find i am there for her but shes never there for me. and if i do go to her house at night thinking i can talk now that woman would be gone, well big mistake as the woman of course is there, i should know this shes always there wherever my friend is this woman is not far behind. i feel horrible for feeling this way am i justified in doing so. i am so emotional right now, over so much and need to talk but shes not there at all ever what can i do.

[Grandmatobe]

It is a difficult spot for both of you right now.  You are feeling under the weather and emotional and need support from your friend.  She is in the middle of a relationship issue and is upset and emotional and needs to sort things out.  It is understandable how both of you are feeling and reacting right now.

When you talk to your friend about your feelings, be sure to acknowledge that she is going through some of her own issues right now and she needs you as much as you need her.  Both of you will need to step up and make time for eachother's emotional needs and in the long run, it should make your friendship even stronger.

[eel81]

just a recap my friend and i spoke at length about everything and have sorted all out. i want to thankyou ladies for helping me through this. it was worth it to post, that is why i love this site. you ladies are awesome.
all i gotta do now is actually fall pregnant after months of trying.