emotional rollercoaster

[maddy3983]

I'm 8w5d pregnant and I am having serious emotional rollercoaster ride. One minute I'm up and happy and a few minutes later somebody says something small to me and I want to cry or I start crying. I hate it. I am also bi polar and had to stop taking my meds until I see my doc in 2 days and I just feel super unstable and my bf isn't any help. He left on a two week fire tour and I feel alone and I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry I had to vent and get some feedback cuz I don't know what to do

[shastas84]

Which fire is he on? I can try asking Hubby's department if they can get info. You should try connecting with the other wives. It's been awesome for me to have them to call. I haven't got a lot of neighbors. Our whole community is like 300 people spread over the mountains. So if it wasn't for them, I would be alone. As to why he hasn't called. He's definitely busy & on some of these fires, the crews are sleeping in shifts in these makeshift camps. There is no way to charge a phone. And the phone time the guys get is super limited. That's probably all.

[maddy3983]

Yeah I just hate that I haven't talked to him for two days but then I was fighting with due to some issues that have been bothering me. So idk if he hasn't called or texts cuz he's busy or because he is still mad at me. And no we don't have a wives club and I don't really talk to too many people where I live so its a Lil harder for me cuz all I have is me and my kids plus my bf and my lil brother and his gf. But I don't really have anyone to talk to here and I just wish I could get some info on the fire but I googled it and can't get anything on it. I just want to know how contained it is and how many acres now.

[shastas84]

Yeah he walked in sat down to eat and then had to run out because of a car accident. The hardest part of the calls for me anymore is the waiting. Until he calls or texts you just never know what is happening. It drives me nuts sometimes. We weren't married, but lived together, when he joined to. I always worried about if the worst happened or he was injured. I wouldn't be the one called. I wouldn't be family and so the hospital wouldn't talk to me. So I sat him down and explained that. He finally got it. He listed me on all the paperwork. As for needing respite. Do the wives from the station not get together? We all get together at least once a month & at special occasions. We are pretty close now. Do y'all not have a "wives club"?

[maddy3983]

They can't give me respite care for them because I have custody of them. They are my older sisters kids and she don't help and my egg donor (mom) doesn't help me with them but supports her daughter. Idk its just hard time for me.

Is he getting called in as a volunteer right now? That has to be hard.

This is me and my bf 2nd kid together and if anything does happen which I hope doesn't I won't have a say and that's what is really upsetting me the most I think. He hasn't listed a beneficiary and so his mom would end up getting everything and handling everything which really pisses me. Sorry I just don't know what to do right now. :'-/

[maddy3983]

They can't give me respite care for them because I have custody of them. They are my older sisters kids and she don't help and my egg donor (mom) doesn't help me with them but supports her daughter. Idk its just hard time for me.

Is he getting called in as a volunteer right now? That has to be hard.

This is me and my bf 2nd kid together and if anything does happen which I hope doesn't I won't have a say and that's what is really upsetting me the most I think. He hasn't listed a beneficiary and so his mom would end up getting everything and handling everything which really pisses me. Sorry I just don't know what to do right now. :'-/

[shastas84]

Especially when the kids are stuck inside because it's to hot or rainy. (I have 4 at home) and as I am typing this my Hubby's radio just went off. Timing! He just walked in from his regular job. Have you tried talking to your social worker at foster care about getting respite? They can help you with a sitter so that you can have some time.

[maddy3983]

Thank you Shasta. Idk **** just ***** and then its hot which makes things way worse. Having this many kids alone is hard and it just really *****. I haven't heard from my bf for 2 days now and its all just way too much for me right now.

[shastas84]

My hubby has done a stint on the hotshot crew. And you want to kno what makes it worse? He's a volunteer. He runs off on a moments notice & misses things and doesn't even get paid for it. (We live in a very rural area. There is only volunteers here.) So I can totally relate. And I know in my mind and heart that I am proud of him for it. That what they do is so very important (life or death important). But I also know how much it hurts when he misses the important things because of it. If you need to talk you can always message me. We're not just fellow fire wives, we're both pregnant fire wives. ;)

[maddy3983]

I am trying to stay as calm as I can and just let things roll off and be stable but I have a really short fuse lately. My bf is a firefighter but he chose a job to stay close by which is engines but his boss chose him to go on a 2 week tour with the hotshots and I'm left home with all the kids. His family said the would help but they aren't and I have 7 kids but 3 of which aren't mine they are my foster kids and I feel like I am losing it. I hate being bi polar and feels like its worse now that I am off meds. I am gonna ask for a anti depressant when I go in to see my doc. I'm upset cuz he will miss the first prenatal even though its not too important but its the Lil things that are getting me. I feel so alone and trapped.

[bbm1188]

Im bipolar and have been on one low dose of medication since I was pregnant. I feel ya on the mood swings, even with medication I still struggle sometimes in the same way. Its rough I know. I heard therapy can help while your off your meds if your open to it. If you need to vent were always here, your not alone.

[shastas84]

I can totally relate. My hubby is a firefighter. He's often gone because of it. It's hard when you are "alone". The first thing is to remember that your not alone. You have a whole lot of friends here. :)

[kittensjaw]

Breathe breathe breathe. Being a not pregnant woman is already crazy emotional. You were born to do this! Let the tears come, laugh when you can and cut yourself some slack.