Trying after a year and dealing with pregnant family members

[Moonflower09]

I need help.  We've been trying to concieve for a year now.  We had one successful pregnancy a year ago, but lost the baby in October.  Since then, nothing.  It is so hard dealing with pregnant family members.  Since our loss, two girls in our family have gotten pregnant, one just giving birth August 2nd, and the other is due October 11.  Of course, BOTH their due dates correspond with the date of our conception for the first, and the date of our loss for the second.  Life for me certaintaly has it's way of laughing at me in my face.  I was once very close to the first girl, but her actions through her pregnancy and during my mc have been so hurtful.  She blew my mc off like it was "no big deal", and has been very insensitive during her pregnancy.  She made comments to me that I was resentful of her becuase she was pregnant and I wasn't.  I didn't want to go to thier duel baby showers and she acted like that was completely unacceptable.  I even tried to explain to her that it was hard for me and she just went off to the other girl about me and talked very horriably about me behind my back.  She has no idea as to the pain I'm going through and how hard this has been for me.  I've need support and all I've gotten is the cold sholder and bad mouthed.  

Now the baby is here with the other due shortly after.  It's so hard to go to family events when they are there.  We have one coming up tomorrow.  They will be bringing the new baby for the first time and everyone is SO excited.  I'm really dreading this and thinking of not going.  I can't bear it anymore.  We CAN'T get pregnant.  We have activiely been trying again since December and nothing.  I've had very wierd periods over the last 9 months.  Worse than they ever were before.  My cycles are so out of whack.  I was late by three days this last time and just knew we finally hit it, but nope.  It came on anyway, only lasted for 1 full day, stopped, then started back again and was full of thick, dark clots.  I have no idea what's going on with my body.

We got pregnant the first time so easy.  Only tried for one month, then the next - pregnant.  Then I lost it, and now 9 months, nothing.  I'll be 40 soon and it's so hard to accept that it may (and probably) will never happen now.  Being around these girls, watching them go through thier perfectly healthy pregnancies, and having thier beautiful babies is too much to bear.  I know I should be happy for them, and I truly am, but they are a consitant reminder of my pain.  Especially after the first girl said I was being resentful of her.  It's such a hard situation.  We never announced we were pregant, mainly because the weekend we were going to at a family event, she kept telling me and my husband we really should wait becuase of the risk of mc.  I was 8 weeks along and my husband was so excited and ready to tell everyone.  She kept telling him and me that that was a really bad idea, we should wait until after 12 weeks....  so we didn't...  I wish now we would have because having our families support would have been helpful, and of COURSE when she got pregnant they announced it at 8 weeks on Christmas.  

This has made me so depressed.  Any advice?

[adgal]

I am so sorry you feel that way about yourself.  You must remember that bad things often happen to really good people.  I remember thinking a bit along those lines when I was trying to have a baby.  I don't know you, but based on your comments it sounds like you may be going through a bit of a depression?  Not uncommon when we are struggling to have a baby, combined with a loss.  It is an incredibly stressful and difficult time.  Hormones and emotions are raging.  Please see your Dr. and tell him/her how you are feeling.  You are not a failure and you don't have to live feeling that way.  Help is available to you...you just need to ask.  I did...I had counselling after a loss.  Today I am on anti-anxiety/depression medication and am not ashamed of it at all.  I am a better person for having sought help and taking care of it.  Please seek help if you truly feel that way...no one should.  Take good care.

[Moonflower09]

It won't for me. I am a total failure and can't do anything right. I can't keep a job (I'm in architecture and have been part of many layoffs), can't get pregnant, or keep one, can't pass my licensing exams for architecture (just took a final practise quizz and did horriable - first test tomorrow)... nothing is going right. I am failing at everything and I'm nothing but a complete disapointment.

[adgal]

I'm so sorry.  I remember well what that was like...my sister in law and I were pregnant the same time...I lost mine and it was so hard even though I was happy for her. All you can really do is keep moving forward if this is what you really want.  I had 5 losses, but my 6th pregnancy resulted in a beautiful healthy baby boy who is now 7 months old and the light of my life.  I was almost 41 when he was born.  There is hope...you just have to keep moving foreward.  Good luck to you.  Just when you least expect it it can and often does happen.

[Higgins1107]

I know how u feel... My niece and i were preg at the same time and I ended up miscarring at 8wks and she had a healthy baby girl... Then I got preg 5 months later and micarried at 18wks no heart beat... I have pcso so I have a hard time getting preg.. I have to take clomid.. I was going to the dr every month for the clomid.. It was costing me so much b/c my insurance would not pay for my vists b/c I was trying to get preg.. i just could not do it anymore.. seeing the dr was costing me 125 dollars plus any tests he wanted to do.. I ended up order clomid from the internet... Im running out of time myself I will b 42 in oct... Good luck !!

[Moonflower09]

Thanks.  I've thought about it.  Only problem is money is tight right now due to the fact I was recently laid off and my insurance SUX.  I have a $5000 deductible with no copays so a visit to the doc means I pay out of pocket for the exam and all tests.  I'm having such a hard time dealing with not being able to conceive again and watching others have beautiful babies and wonderful pregnancies.  It's really broken my heart.

[sania19]

sorry for your loss! why dont you see the gyn for your periods or try to conceive in other way . i hope you will  have a good healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby. ill pray for you!