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Dangers of hot yoga (Bikram)
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Dangers of hot yoga (Bikram)

Please help.  I recently found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant.  I have been practising Bikram yoga for 2 years and never dreamed that if I was to become pregnant, it would be dangerous for the baby.  I went to my doc today and she explained to me the dangers of excessive heat and birth defects. I had NEVER heard of this until now. Believe me, I will not walk back into that room until the birth of this child, but could the damage already be done!?! I can not get a straight answer anywhere and now I'm very worried.  I thought I was doing something good for my body.  I love the yoga and most days it doesn't even seem hot.  I'm very athletic with a low blood pressure of 114/60.  I also have a low BPM that averages around 58-60.  Prior to Bikram yoga, I had ran two full marathons and two half marathons. I switched to bikram yoga two years ago because of the back problems the excessive running was doing which the hot yoga has greatly helped allivate.  I love to sweat and work out hard, but never wanted to do anything that could damage my child.  I knew all the basics, no drinking, watch prescription medications, no smoking, watch fish, etc...  Now I'm stressed and worried what could I have done in my efforts of trying to be fit at 38.  I need some reassurance or information of what to expect.  

Thanks.
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1008869_tn?1283964857
Hi Moonflower:

Congrats and welcome!

I may sound silly, but what exactly is Bikram yoga?  Assuming its something where excessive heat is involved?

Either way, please do not worry about it.  Nothing will happen to the baby, will not cause any birth defects. They talk about try not going into  a jacuzzi/hot bath over 105 degrees as to not raise your body temp, but believe me, before I found out I was prego, I was taking a jacuzzi every night. Doc said not to worry, not this early in the game...so I am passing that along to you!

:-) court
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1008869_tn?1283964857
Just checked out Bikram yoga...you crazy girl...god love ya! I'd pass out in the first 2 minutes!

The purposed to keep you bodyheat at 98 degrees... the same as your body temperature normally so no worries.   Good for you for keeping yourself healthy!  

I would be lucky to get enough exercising walking from kitchen to living room...LOL!
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1021584_tn?1317412758
Congrats!!! just wanted to pass my thoughts about this on...
I did so much hot yoga when I was in the US. My instructor was pregnant and teaching classes- doing headstands the day before she went into labour.. I am not suggesting you do this at all!!!! just an example!

If you think about it..Yoga originated in India where it is hot, so typically practiced in the heat. I understand there are numerous modifications in most postures which your Bikram teacher should be able to tell you, thus allowing you to practice safely.
With regards to the heat... Overall, your body sweats to maintain a constant internal temperature, as long as this is happening you should be safe. If it is over I am sure you would be dizzy, or something. If you have been keeping yourself hydrated during and after classes and being kind to yourself in your classes...eg. not pushing yourself as too hard, I am sure you and babba are fine. Have a talk to your teacher about it. They are trained and accredited through special schools so should be able to help you to maintain a safe and healthy practice. Hope that helps. Also see the link below
http://www.bikramyoga.com/testimonials/YogaduringPregnancy.htm
Good luck and tc.
Minimin
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for your responces.  I guess I will always be concerned until he/she gets here and I know everything turned out all right.  I just didn't want to do anything wrong and never realized heat could play such a harmful factor in the early development.  I've given up my practise and plan on sticking to swimming, walking, and either prenatal yoga or some other form without the heat.  I can go back to hot yoga later.  I just really hope no damage was done.  I'm a little frustrated that there isn't more information about it.  I practised for two weeks in the beginning before I knew I was pregnant.  When I found out and talked to my doctor about it, she said not to do it agian, and it was too late if the damage was done.  That really didn't make me feel any better.  I'm already concerned because of my age - 38, adding on the possibility of damage from hot yoga just adds to my fear.  I would have quit when we started TTC, but I didn't know it could be so harmful.  The studio acts like it's perfectly fine to practise throughout pregnancy including the first trimester.  When you're trying to get pregnant, it  could take a month, a year, ... how do you know what to do and not to do "just in case"?  What can getting over heated really do during the first few weeks?
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Avatar_f_tn
Congratulations!!!

First off - how much do you like your doctor? Seems like she has put a lot of unneeded stress on a pregnant woman! It should tell you something that you cant find any info that backs up her claims. Sorry if I sound a little mad but I was given some unneccesary stress in the begininning of my pregnancy and it is one thing to cover your butts and mention every possibility its another to scare the daylights out of an already nervous mama. If it makes you feel any better I had a fever of 104 for an entire week in the 6th week of pregnancy, crazy virus I picked up from my 4 year old and I was terrified that it would seriously hurt the baby. My doctor told me to stop worrying , the baby will be fine and he is.

Dont worry so much , enjoy being pregnant.
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231441_tn?1333896366
Hi,

The reason you sweat when you do that exercise is that your body is doing it to maintain the appropriate core temperature.  Also your body is used to it, so I am sure that it could adjust appropriately to reduce the 'stress' of the hot environment.

The recommendation is against sauna, which are passive heat.

Exercise is good for you an baby, particularly you are used to it.  Ie. not something suddently putting stress.  They have not found any detrimental effect of raising body temperature during exercise, providing that good hydration is maintained.  All of the studies show that exercise is good for your baby and you. It results in a fitter more adaptable baby.  

The only consideration is don't start any very strenuous activities during pregnancy (it is ok if you were doing it before pregnancy), and don't do it if it doesn't feel right / is painful.

Your doctor is probably not up-to-date on exercise and pregnancy guidelines.  

Hope this makes you feel better.  Your baby will be fine.  Enjoy pregnancy, and though I wouldn't recommend the hot yoga for now, regular  yoga and exercise would surely be fine.

I was able to exer
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951946_tn?1263568983
Hi Moonflower,

You have made the right call, in my humble opinion, about giving up Bikram yoga. I have been practicing yoga for almost 13 years and for the past few years, it was mostly a Bikram yoga practice. I just fell in love with the heat and that rush of adrenaline after class.

I am 38 years old and I was practicing Bikram when I got pregnant this February. I lost the baby at 10 weeks in April. I will never know if the hot yoga had anything to do with it, but I wish that I had been better informed about the pros and cons. The folks at the studio told me it was safe. Because I had been practicing and volunteering there for years and had witnessed many women go through their entire pregnancies doing Bikram, I did not ask my midwife at the time because I didn't want to be told to stop. :( What I learned the hard way is that what might be fine for one woman, or many women, is not necessarily good for me.

I actually stopped doing Bikram after the miscarriage because I also found out I am hypothyroid, with low progesterone levels and adrenal fatigue, and that the heat was probably also playing a role in the endocrine system issues that I had. (I was actually told this by the studio owner (!!), who goes to the same naturopath that I do.)

So it's a gray area. Excessive heat *can* be dangerous to the fetus, or at best it might just mess with your endocrine system.

I've switched back to "regular" yoga, which was my first love anyway, and I rarely miss the heat anymore. My endocrine system bounced back and I got pregnant again within 60 days.

Anyway, that's my story for what it's worth. :)
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951946_tn?1263568983
P.S. Just to follow up in case I was not clear, I do NOT believe for one second that you have done any harm to your baby! Many women don't even know they are pregnant until well past 5 weeks. I just personally don't think hot yoga is a great idea for pregnant women.

I think it was wrong of your doctor to worry you that way.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks everyone for your responces.  

I believe too that it's the wrong practise for anyone pregnant.  We have had several pregnant women practise throughout thier entire pregnancy, but for me, it just doesn't feel right at all.  But I know how hard I push myself and that just doesn't feel right.  Giving it up for the duration of the preganancy is not a problem and well worth it for a healthy baby.  

I do truly hope I haven't done any damage.  I would be absolutly devestated if anything is wrong and I felt it was related to the hot yoga.  I would feel even more devestated for my husband.  He is so excited about this baby and it would kill me if I did anything to harm our child.  I haven't even mentioned to him my worries because I don't want him to worry or take away from his excitement at all.  

My doctor really did probably make me over worry.  I was freaking out a little when I left my first appointment where they did an ultrasound.  It was too early to find a heartbeat, and that worried me too.  Then she mentioned the possibilities of genetic abnormalities associated with heat... and that if I had been practising, it was probably too late... we would just have to wait and see.  Of course then, I did what I really didn't need to do and started looking up heat related birth defects and found stuff about neural tube defects and brain damage associated with elevated maternal core temperatures, that's when I really started to panic.  I have no idea what my core temeperature is when I practise or when I was practising up until I was 5 weeks.  I did read that it's 28 days after conception when the neural tuble closes which is why those related birth defects usually happen before the mother knows she's preganant.  Of course, who can ever say exactly what causes what when there are so many other factors that can play a role.  Environmental factors, genetics, or vitamin deficiencies.  

I would just really like the studio to be more informed and give out better information.  Maybe even post a sign of warning that if you are pregnant, or even think you could be pregnant, you shouldn't practise becuase of possible heat related complications.  Maybe I'm jumping the gun and being entirely too protective, but I knew we were trying to concieve (conceive), and never realized the heat could cause damage so early.  I was actually thinking the problems associated with the yoga would have been more related to the poses, not the heat.  I was completely caught off guard when my doctor told me.  Now I wish I would have made that appointment with her before we got pregnant to get better information.  We only tried for two months and I really figured it would have taken longer and they won't see you unless you've been trying for at least 3 months to get pregnant.  It's all so confusing.

I'm hoping and praying that 9 months from now I can make a post back to this saying "The baby is heatlthy and happy! Everything turned out just fine!"

I am considering finding another doctor.  The one I use was one that took over the postion of my previous doctor before she moved.  She's "ok", but I've only seen her twice for my check ups.  She didn't give me any comfort.  She also seems very young and couldn't do anything but state facts about genetic abnormalties - not only because of the heat, but also becuase of my age.  I need someone who is going to give me some comfort and reassurance.  Pregnancy is already stressful.  We want to do everything best for our babies.  I think I need someone who is going to help me focus on the positives of having a child, even at my age, not the negaitives.  I've tried so hard to be healthy myself with running, swimming, yoga....  Those are all good things.  I don't need someone making me feel like I could have damaged my child.  

Thanks again everyone.  It's great to read eveyone's responces.  That has given me some comfort.
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Avatar_f_tn
And just another comment about making me feel like I could have damaged my child from exercising.  I mean, really, what about all the women that are drug additcs!!  And, continue to use drugs through their preganancy!  I've read horror stories about meth babies, babies born to mothers addicted to crack....  Really, if you think about it, coming down on me about exercising is a bit ridiculous!  I was trying to do something GOOD for myself.  I'm not addicted to drugs, mostly only drink on special occasions (and of course none now).  I'm 38 and in great shape.  Better shape now than I've ever been in my entire life.  There are so many worse things I could be doing.  I eat healthy, to the point I read food labels.  (Yes, I am that ONE in the grocery store looking out for hydrogenated oils....) I've been exercising regulary for 10 years.  I've completed two full marathons and two half marathons.  My general practisoner is always amazed at my checkups just how great of shape I am in.  My BMI is low, my heart rate and blood pressure are that of a strong athlete... I'm not trying to toot my horn hear, it just sux to try so hard to take care of yourself, work so hard to get in great shape, live the right life style... and then when I finally get married, get ready to have a baby, and get pregnant, my doctor has made me worry that the one thing that has been so beneficial to me, could have done serious damage to my child.  That puts an enormous guilt trip on me.  I wanna say "Come on woman!  I'm not on crack!!"

Thanks again everyone.  I just had to add another 2 cents.  The more I think about it, the more frustrated I become.
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951946_tn?1263568983
Seriously, Moonflower, I do not comprehend your doctor's comment about genetic abnormalities resulting from heat! From what I understand, the dna that comes together from the sperm and egg, which creates your baby's chromosomes, is all present at conception and cannot be altered by something like diet or exercise!

I strongly encourage you to find another doctor (or a midwife;)).

I recently switched midwives after just feeling that I was not in the right place-- I loved my midwife but I did not care for the other midwife in the practice, nor did I really connect with the other support staff. I finally decided that these are not the people I want around me when I deliver my baby. Now I'm with a practice that seems much more professional and "together"-- less loosey-goosey-- which is a much better fit for me. I feel more relaxed already!
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Avatar_n_tn
You should sit back, enjoy your pregnancy and not worry anymore about what is done...you've stopped doing Bikram because that is what you feel is right for you now don't worry about it.  Welcome to motherhood, the worry doesn't stop once the baby is born so enjoy pregnancy and being a mother so that if something was to happen, you enjoyed each moment to the fullest. This way you can maybe relax a little and not worry about what may happen.  I'm sending you positive baby karma!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Well, I lost the baby this past weekend at 9 weeks. I'm devestated, heartbroken, and physically as well as emotionally drained. It was absolutly the most horrifying experience of my life.
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951946_tn?1263568983
Oh honey, I am so very sorry. :( It really is a horrifying experience and very draining. I'm sending you a big hug. I am terribly sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. I know what it is like, as do many women here, unfortunately. If you choose to try again, please know that this miscarriage does not mean anything about your future chances of conceiving again and having a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I am 38, lost a baby in April, and conceived again in late June. Please feel free to email me if you want. You are not alone, even though you may feel that way.
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Avatar_f_tn
I can truly empathize with u. I am also a regular Bikram practitioner who became pregnant and practiced until I was 6wks along. I stopped because of nausea and fear. I miscarried about 1 week after I decided to leave the "hot room". I DO NOT believe that my Bikram practice had anything to do with my loss. I know that my body is conditioned and seasoned to the conditions. The ER dr that treated me during the loss assured me that early miscarriages happen as a result of DNA abnormalities, not due to anything that I did wrong. As mentioned above...DNA is predetermined prior to conception, not during a 90 min class. 25% or more of all "diagnosed" pregnancies end in miscarriage, so Bikram practitioners are bound to make up part of that demographic. Its a real shame that your so called educated "support" insinuated anything different. I have since returned to my practice and have found it to be extremely helpful in the healing process, both physically and emotionally. I have no definitive answers in regards to if the yoga "caused" either of our losses, but I do know that through my meditation and self-care, I can and have moved on; I believe that you can too. Feel and process what you need to for now, knowing that you are good inside and out. Try to relinquish control to your higher power and look within for guidance. You really do know what is right for you, just give yourself the chance to reconnect and listen. You are free to do what you need to do from here...

Namaste...Tara
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Avatar_f_tn
I forgat to note that my date of miscarriage was Sept 13, 2009. I will remember that day always :(

I also forgot to mention that for those of us who are used to and in love with Bikram poses and don't want the speculative risk involved in practising in the heat while pregnant, Rajashree Choudry (Bikram's wife) has a great pregnancy DVD that you can do at home with modified poses. Your local Bikram studio can order it for you or you can get it on Bikram's website. I did it for a week while still pregnant and found the effort required was similiar to that of a mild-moderate "regular" Bikram class. And yes, I still managed to work up a sweat!
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Avatar_n_tn
I have been practicing Anna Forest yoga for about 1.5 years, then this last summer started a hot yoga called Baron Baptiste. The classes are 60 minutes and the room is heated to 95. When I got pregnant I lowered my classes to once a week during the 1st trimester. Now that I am in my 2nd trimester, I upped my practice to 5x week (never missed a day for the last month) and will continue this until I my body says not to. At 4.5 months pregnant I have had almost no adverse physical or emotional symptoms of pregnancy. Yoga has only empowered me during pregnancy and I hope to continue it throughout the remainder of it. Of course I do all the modifications and drink a ton of water before, during and after classes.

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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for all your responces. It's been extremely difficult both phyically and emotionally. I have not returned to practise. It's been 4 weeks of hell on earth with bleeding and cramping almost nonstop. Let alone I'm extremly heartbroken.
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951946_tn?1263568983
I am so sorry Moonflower. I can so relate.
Every body is unique and what is safe and good for someone else may not apply to you or me. It is such a tough, tough lesson to learn. And it's important to be very kind to yourself in the process. You had every good intention in the world and there is no way of knowing if the hot yoga or anything else you did actually *caused* a m/c. The odds are that it was something wrong with the fetus that you had *no* control over.  

I hope you will be feeling better soon both physically and emotionally. It just takes time before the grief can shift into acceptance. So much of making peace with it is wrapped up in our spiritual beliefs so I won't presume to give any advice, but will just say I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you.
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Avatar_n_tn
Wow, this is a very emotional forum.  I was searching for "teaching hot yoga while pregnant" and found it.  First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, Moonflower, I know it's not easy.  The best thing you can do is take care of yourself right now however you know how, and be patient.  And make sure you're fully honest with yourself and the people you love about how much it's affecting you.  I recently miscarried also, and found that although it was hard for my husband also, it's just different as the person carrying the child - pregnant one day - and suddenly not the next.  It's pretty devastating.  

I wanted to share my experience with Bikram and pregnancy.  I am a Bikram instructor, recently certified.  I attended training for 10 months during April - June.  If you're unfamiliar with the training, it's pretty rigorous with two intense Bikram classes a day in a REALLY hot room.  I really wanted to go to training before I became pregnant, and I got married in August (2009).  Well, I took out my IUD before I went to training because it caused me to bleed so much during my period (copper IUD).  It just wasn't the easiest to practice during my period, and normally my period is pretty light.  Anyway, I came home and my now husband and I thought we were abstaining during my ovulation in July because we just wanted to get through our wedding and honeymoon, although we are very excited to start a family.  Well, nature has it's own plan and I got pregnant.

So, I didn't really think twice to continue practicing yoga, as I'd just been through such an intense training and my body was used to it.  And, since I was recently trained to teach, of course I wanted to jump into that to.  I do have another full time job so I wasn't teaching a ton or practicing a ton, either - I was teaching maybe 3 times a week and practicing the same, in addition to my other job, planning a wedding, etc.

I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, 4 days before we got married.  It really sucked, to say the least.  My hcg and progesterone numbers were sketchy for a few weeks, so I kept having to have ultrasounds.  We saw the baby one day, with a strong heartbeat, normal size, good sac, etc., and then I miscarried the next.  What an emotional roller coaster.

Then we got married, had our honeymoon, really let loose, etc.  I came back and kept teaching and practicing.  I was so happy to have Bikram to help me move forward and recover, emotionally.

I am possibly pregnant again now - will know in a few days.  Since I ovulated, I've been scared to practice at all, so I haven't.  I just don't think I will during the first trimester.  As far as teaching, it doesn't really feel right, either, so if I find out I'm pregnant I will stop.

That's just my two cents.  I know tons of women who have been able to teach and practice all throughout their pregnancy, and I always thought I'd be one of them.  I'm very athletic, healthy, in good shape, yada yada.  But it's just not worth it to me - everyone is different, and every situation is different.  It just feels better to let it go for a few months.  My dog also really enjoys it... we've been having the best walks the last few weeks.

Sorry to ramble, but one last thing:  I know another instructor who had two miscarriages in a row (horrible), while teaching and practicing, and her doctor finally recommended to stay out of the hot room.  She is now 20 weeks pregnant.  :)  We were actually pregnant at the same time and she was a great support during my miscarriage.

Moonflower, good luck with your recovery during this tough time, and your decisions about this in the future.  There will be another pregnancy!
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951946_tn?1263568983
Very interesting perspective, and very honest. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!! I am not a Bikram instructor but I am a certified yoga instructor (vinyasa and restorative yoga) with 13+ years of practice, and 6+ years in Bikram practice as well.

My humble opinion is that Bikram while pregnant is totally fine for some women and definitely not ok for others. I also believe that it has a lot to do with your endocrine system. For hypothyroid women like me, it can simply be too taxing for the body to keep up with the demands of hot yoga (which is amazing, cleansing and wonderful!), and making a baby at the same time. I had severe adrenal fatigue when I was tested. Even the owner of the Bikram studio where I practice said that SHE also had adrenal fatigue and that her naturopath said it was all the time she spends in that heated room.

I was volunteering one day per week at my Bikram studio when I miscarried. Ironically, most of the instructors were very defensive about the possibility that it could have had anything to do with the extreme heat, even though one of the instructors there had also miscarried. It was only the owner who privately admitted the possibility that the heat was not a great idea for me while pregnant.

Thank you AGAIN for such an honest post, I for one really appreciate it.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi!

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having to go through what you have in the last couple of months. I hope that with the passage of a little time now that you are feeling more resourced and optimistic.

There are some beautiful and very helpful posts in here that reflect some important things many of which I would have posted had I seen this thread before (just a newbie here today).

I would like to say that if one's body is already accustomed to the heat and the series on becoming pregnant then that is generally enough for anyone to continue your practice.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach (to anything).

There are major rules for exercise during pregnancy:
>> Don't start anything new.
>> Do what feels right.

What I found really upsetting is that you were been subjected to quite a bit of scaremongering. It is not right for your doctor to have told you continually that there may be damage done. This seems an opinion borne out of ignorance - and not reason. I am sorry you were scarred (and scared) by this.

To reassure you (hopefully in some small way for the future) the most highly reputed obstetrician in my area says there is NO REASON not to do hot yoga for a pregnant woman. He is has been practicing for at least 30 years - not whom one would consider to have such modern views. He leaves the decision to his patients.

As other Bikram teachers have said: Miscarriages happen. They occur in a large proportion of pregnancies at different times. The rate reduces over the gestational term. The causes are many and varied.

There is NO ONE GROUP of women who are immune to miscarriages. We are human and very often we misread signs just in order to try to make sense out of them. The mind doesn't like things unresolved.

What I am saying is that despite your need to make sense of what happened be careful NOT to make a connection between women who practice this yoga or ride a bike or who _______ (insert sport or activity) based on the fact that one has met someone who miscarried (or if sadly, you also miscarried). You are not the reason, and most likely your activity was not the reason. It was a terrible setback for you and your dreams and I sympathize and empathize.

The fact that I had a wonderful pregnancy and have a beautifully health daughter as a result and that I practiced Bikram yoga almost the whole time (notice the word 'almost') has absolutely no bearing on the next woman or my next pregnancy (which won't happen because it can't).

It is definitely a contentious issue. I have answered many questions on this before and continue to participate in many discussions on it at the forum at www.hotyogadoctor.com.

I wish you love and joy and hope you can navigate your way through this experience with the support you need and with the peace in your heart and mind.

If I can help you at all, I will be happy to do so.

Namaste
Gabrielle :)
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Hi.  It's been awhile since I've been on here.  I really appreciate all the support.  It's been rough.  It took over 6 weeks for my body "to process" the miscarriage, I develped an infection and had to take antibotics.  In December, another ultrasound showed yet sill remaining tissue and "products of conception."  I had switched doctors, and my new doctor was considering a d&c but hated to do it so late in the game.  I had to have another ultrasound in January, the kind where they use saline and a scope to get a better picture of my uterous.  All looks good, FINALLY.  But now the whole "trying again" is wearing on me.  I'm absolutly terrified.

And on top of all that, I'm having a very difficult time with pregnant friends / family.  They can be so inconsiderent.  My cousin in law announced thier big pregnancy Christmas Eve.  "They" started trying as soon as they found out we were pregnant.  Then we had our miscarriage.  It was really difficult becuase I would get weekly test from her saying "when did you first think you were pregnant" "could you tell you were pregnant before you took a test" "did you have a lot of CM before you found out you were pregnant" ... I had a feeling it was coming and sure enough on December 24th she calls me and wants to know when Chris and I are going to be at his grandmother's house becuase they have a BIG announcement THEY don't want us to miss....  I asked - you're pregnant, she says "YES!!  Aren't you excited for us???"  (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)  So we have to go to Christmas and watch the big to do, they made the announcement by giving bibs embroderied with "Greatgrandmother" "Grandpa" "Grandma".... on them.  It was all I could do not to absolutly break down in tears.  Then she has the nerve to send me a text the next week "Why are you not happy for me?  You don't talk to me now.  Is it becuase you are resentful of me becuase I'm pregnant?"....  Some people.

I know I'm way of subject from Bikram Yoga now, but today was more than I could bare.  We have lunch with the family the first Sunday of every month.  I was really dreading it and didn't want to go.  I even tried to make up the excuse to my husband that I really needed to work.... But he said his grandmother had called and was really missing us.  So I decided not to let seeing her growing belly keep me from spending time with my super sweet grammy in law.  But of course, as soon as we walk in the door, she's there and it's "Look! We have ultrasound pictures from 9 weeks and 12 weeks!!!!"  My heart nearly fell out on the floor. My husband too was heartbroken.  He took me outside and wanted to leave immediatly.  He said on the way home, he'd rather skip the family lunch and just go see his grandmother another day without the whole family get together.  

I wasn't resentful of her at first, but now I'm growing that way.  We've tried again and nothing.  I'll be 40 in November and I'm really having to face a reality that it may not happen again and it might really be too late.  How am I going to deal with this family situation?  I feel like the way she's handled it is so insensitive and inconsiderate.  Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I sure wouldn't flaunt my pregnancy in front of someone so soon after a miscarriage.  I could see if it had been years ago, but this soon?  The real frustrating part was that she didn't even want to get pregnant, until after she found out I was pregnant.  Then she said, "I HAVE to be pregnant too... and before Amanda..."  Another girl in our family who's trying to get pregnant.  She's "that" type.  Always has to be the center of attention.  She was angry at the other girl who got married one month before her becuase she would always "steal her thunder".  

Have any of y'all had to deal with anything like this?  Am I just a horriable person now because I absolutly want NOTHING to do with her?  Seeing her belly today felt as though someone was ripping my heart right out.  My husband and I want a baby so badly.  We're really at the end of our reproductive years and don't have long.  Months left really.  I'm afraid to keep trying after 40.  So we really now only have 9 more times to try.  I'm so sad.
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I just read this thread and I am so sorry about your loss.  I know that it is hard to be around other pregnant women because of your journey. I have a loving observation for you.  As long as you stay in a place of worry, sadness, resentment and lack getting pregnant and having a baby will be a difficult road .  I am not saying that this caused your miscarriage or will prevent you from getting pregnant but your mental health will play a role in it.  Judging yourself by the values of society (not getting pregnant after 40) and other peoples experiences will leave you empty and disillusioned.  Look with-in, take peace in the moment and let the universe give you the gifts you deserve.  Worrying is focusing on what you don't want.  A baby will come to you when you "let go".  Love your husband, love yourself and know that you have everything you need right now.  I have known so many people that get pregnant once they surrender to fear and give up control.  I know it may not be what you want to hear and I truly feel your pain right now.  Live your life and life will come to you. I hope that you find peace and happiness.  
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I am reading this at work trying to hold back the tears.  I am in the process of having a miscarriage.  The doctors are optimistic that it will be natural and I will not need a D&C.  We found out 48 hours before our Mar. 6th wedding that I was more than likely having a miscarriage.  I had excessive bleeding, but was attributing it to wedding planning stress until I called my doc and she said to take a preg test.  We had only "tried" one time, so this was a complete shock, yet relief since it explained my extreme fatigue.  I am 39, will turn 40 in October.  I could not help but think there was a chance for a healthy pregnancy.  The wedding was wonderful, but we were advised not to go on the honeymoon for the docs to monitor my health and due to the heavy bleeding.  After sevel betas, I only found out yesterday that it is 100% a miscarriage.  I am truly heartbroken.  I completely understand how you feel about your preg friends. I am not ready to hear from my friends who are currently pregnant.  Also, I am noticing every single baby I see these days and think "if she can do it, why can't I???"  I am trying to stay positive.  Most of my close girlfriends had miscarriages before having their children.  We can too.  I live in the Washington, DC region where most women wait until their late 30's/early 40's to have children.  

I am also very athletic and have run marathons, competed in tri's and bike century rides.  I found this network today because I am considering doing a hot yoga class this Sunday.  After reading these posts I think I will refrain.  I've been practicing bikram for over 5 years.  I did about 6 classes during the time I was pregnant.(not knowing)  I don't know if this had anything to do with my miscarriage, but I think I will take a break.  I've had hypothyroidism for more than 13 years and take synthroid.  Maybe the classes were too much for my system.  I guess I will never know.  I am sending positive vibes your way.  I believe we can both get pregnant again.  Best of luck to you.  Write if you need to "talk".  This has been very therapeutic to chat with people who understand.

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This miscarriage has been the absolute worse thing of my life. Everything has just gone no where but south. It's even ruining my marriage. Looks like there will never be another child for me, seeing that now, looks like they'll be no husband. It's all been so distressing and now I'm depressed beyond words. My husband was so supportive in the beginning when it first happened. It even felt like it brought us closer, but, since January, it's all gone horriably wrong and it gets worse by the day. He was the one that wanted a child. Then I lost it. I know he was heartbroken. At first he was positive and asked when we could try again. I got the ok by my doc January 8. Then it just started falling apart. Our sex life went in the toilet. He kept saying he wanted us to keep trying, but he was completely disinterested and unwilling in sex. Then with each period, he'd be dissapointed. Now he's telling me he doesn't want to have sex with me because he's afraid he'll hurt me, and he's afraid if I get pregnant again and loose it, it'll break my heart. We fight now all the time and he sleeps on the couch. I don't know how much more I can take. It seems our marriage has completely fallen apart and is headed straight for separation and divorce. My life really sux. I've never been so depressed.
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hello.  I just read through all of this.  First off,  I am so sorry for all that you are going through.  Here are some thoughts from reading through your posts,  for what they are worth:

1.  My opinion would be that your loss was not related to the yoga...  unfortunately a lot of women miscarriage and it is typically due to genetic abnormalities.  Doesn't really make it any easier,  except that it was most likely nothing you did.  

2.  I have had two miscarriages, and two children-  my pregnancies go: miscarriage, daughter (now 5), miscarriage, son (now 2)...  the first miscarriage and my daughter were both unplanned pregnancies,  but the last two pregnancies were planned...  and let me tell you how stressful that was!  It took us 7 months to get pregnant after we started to try, and then we lost the baby...  being as it was my second miscarriage, I at least knew physically what to expect, etc...  but my marriage was suffereing as well...  we finally decided to take a trip together-  trust me,  we were fighting up until the trip,  I thought he was going to cancel it-  but once we got to the resort, we relaxed, drank, ate, and learned to love each other again...  it did both of us good!  If he is willing, you might try that-  once you get through it all it is easier to understand why your husband is feeling the way he is-  he loves you, and he can't understand what you are going through, emotionally or physically, and he doesn't want to see you hurt anymore-  it took my husband months to be able to tell me how much it killed him to see me hurt so badly-  but during that time he just acted angry all the time,  and it really came between us.

3.  All of that was years ago-  we did get pregnant again and had our son...  but we have been having a lot of marital problems the past 6 months or so (unrelated to our problems of the past), and just recently decided we were either going to split or get counciling-  we chose the councelor...  it is doing us wonders.  We have grown so much closer-  it is good to have someone there to help you talk to each other---  it is harder to just get angry with each other if there is some one helping you talk...  you might benefit from seeking some help,  and ask your husband if he'd go with you, just to support you...  if he thinks he is helping you get well again, and not that your "having problems", he might be more willing to go with you and talk about how he is feeling to...  just a suggestion.

4.  take a break...  for just a month or two-  don't think about trying to get pregnant-  don't have sex if you don't want to think about it...  I finally had to do that when we were trying-  I told him I needed a break from the ups and downs-  a month following our break we did get pregnant!  

5.  Hang in there-  I really think it will get better...  easier for someone to say then to believe-  trust me-  2 weeks ago I was ready to run away from life...  I was pretty depressed and couldn't stop crying-  but last week was a pretty good one...   what you are going through is very difficult and many of us have been there,  and for whatever comfort it brings-  we all survived it,  and most of our marriages did too...

hugs, and best of luck to you!
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Hi Moonflower!  Thank you for posting first of all.  I am mourning the loss of my pregnancy at 14 weeks and my life since has had enormous changes.  I just wanted to offer you love and hope and encouragement.  I have been a bikram student as well, but was not practicing during the time of conception to the loss of my acranial baby--a NTD with chromosome 13 defects--ring formation.  I have obsessively searched the internet and med forums and volunteered for a study through Duke University--anything to ease my mind and actively grieve.  I am TTC now, but haven't decided what I will do as far as continuing my bikram practice once I am late.  
All of the feelings you wrote about, I also have had.  My friends keep telling me that they all miscarried and that helps; but it is also hard hearing about those that are somehow luckier than me and that have carried their baby to term.  I really feel for you!  My friend who had four IVF's unsuccessfully proclaimed she would never adopt but now she has a three year old whom she and her partner totally adore.  But I know that it is not the same as carrying a child into the earth from one's own womb.  Oh, I hope that that will happen for both of us...
My boyfriend and I also struggled following our loss.  But I experience some relief knowing that the huge ups and downs may be related to my deep internal and primal grief experience which often reflects my deepest fear of being left alone or losing my attachment figures/SO's.  I agree that seeing a therapist might offer loads of support during this hard time.  I really hope you will continue to communicate on this thread.  I hope to hear good news from you, and will be holding your hopes in my heart.  
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Thank you for being so honest. You poor wee thing, you sad thing, you falling apart thing  but also, you courageous thing, you candid and loving thing, you conscientious thing. I am 43 and last year finally got pregnant only to miscarry at what I thought was 12 weeks but which turned out to be at 7 only my body continued to "think" it was pregnant and I felt pregnant. It was bloody awful. At the time there were three of us, three friends pregnant - my two friends 6 to 7 weeks ahead. 9 months later (late March for both) and my two friends have had their babies. I thought I would be alright but the day one of the baby's was born and I held her in the hospital I began to sob. My friends, the parents of the new baby plus their two year old all crouched around me and cried too. A very loving experience. I am sorry your cousin-in-law is so brash and self-centred. What I found to help me is to remind myself that I am in my life, it is my life and I am living it for better and for worse. I am not my friends and they are not me, they are not better or worse then me. Similarly, you are in YOUR life, you are living in your body with your breath, and your arms, and legs and arms and heart, and feelings. You are living your life, you are becoming yourself in your life, a life presently full of losses but also gains, crowded with sorrows but also with kindnesses, as exemplified by the generous comments and care on these pages. YOU solicited those, YOU drew on your strength of openness and expressiveness (not your husband or your sister-in-law or anyone else).  
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First, I want to say thank you for everyone's advice and support.  I can't express how much it has helped.  These last several months have been some of the most trying, depressing times.  I've tried hard to hold it together.  I think I'm doing ok, getting better, but have noticed the enormous amount of fatigue I now have.  I use to be so full of energy and life, and now it's a struggle to get through every day.  I can't believe I once ran and trained for marathons, triathlons, and did intensive yoga.  Where did that energy go?  I know it must be depression, though the sadness has lifted.

I can also tell that my fatigue is marked by certain events.  May 16th was my due date.  The entire month of May was a struggle.

I have now returned back to my bikram yoga practice.  I have missed it so much.  I was not practicing "just in case" I got pregnant again.  But after trying for over 6 months and my 40 birthday quickly approaching, I can't hold out much longer.  Maybe it's selfish, but at some point, I have to start taking care of me again.

It's taking me a LONG time to get to this point.  And though I know I'm doing "better", I've been faced with another painful reminder and delima.  The girls I've mentioned before are both pregnant.  One month apart, with the first one, being due next month.  She became pregnant just over a month from me.  This first girl is the one that's been so insensitive.  The second, I don't know nearly as well, and we've never had any conversations concerning my pregnancy or miscarriage, though I know she knows.

Last week, unexpectedly, I received their duel baby shower invitation.  No phone call, no message that it was coming, it just arrived in the mail.  I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach.  Then a few days later, I received an email, that just said, "Hey, we just wanted to make sure you got the invitation to our baby shower."  No, hi, how are you doing, have you been ok,.... Just, we want to make sure you got it....  I'm trying so hard to get through this, but I feel like she is SO insensitive.  The thought of going to this shower brings tears to my eyes.  How am I going to set through them BOTH opening all those adorable baby gifts and not break down in tears.  I'm truly happy for them, but devastated for me and my husband.  I have no ill will and I'm glad their pregnancies have been successful.  But my pain is almost too much to bare.  And it goes deeper than just the miscarriage.  Approaching 40 I know I have very little time left and how much harder it is.  I am at the end of my reproductive life.  These girls are 29 and 28.  So not only does the thought of sitting through a baby shower bring up the pain of my loss because of the miscarriage, but I know there's also a reality that I have to face that it may never happen. We've been trying, with no success and that just adds to my frustration and pain.  I really don't want to attend this shower.  I am thinking of just sending them a card with a gift card to their home and skipping the shower.  Is this selfish of me and does it make me a horrible person?  I've gotten mixed messages from friends I've talked to.  Some say "be the bigger person" others say they couldn't image how painful it would be and agree going is just going to send me into another cycle of depression.  

I know I have to face it when the babies get here, I'm ok with that.  At least then when I see them and their babies, it'll be a family events for other purposes and the "babies" won't be the focus.

The thought of attending a shower all themed BABY and watching both of them celebrate when our due dates were so close feels unbearable.  

Any thoughts?  What should I do?  Should I speak to this girl directly and explain to her how I feel, or just forget about it?  I only wish that she would have been more sensitive and caring about what I've gone through.  A simple phone call from her would have made ALL the difference in the world.
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HI Moonflower,
I feel for you. The ups and the downs. I'm 42 and in Thailand now trying to conceive. They have inexpensive IVF treatment here that is exceptional in Bangkok about 1/2 price of the US. Anyway, I had a miscarriage when I was 36. It was horrible, but in the end I think it was divine intervention. The man I was with was not a match for me, and I understand that most miscarriages happen due to genetic abnormalities. It was not planned, but I've wanted to be a mother my whole life, so the miscarriage was incredibly painful. With the miscarriage, I felt terrible. And soon after the experience, it seemed that everyone had forgotten but me. The doctors did not do a cleaning of my uterus, so the blood seemed to keep coming which reminded me every day of the experience.

Where I'm at now is that my husband and I will do a round of IVF. I call it arranging a "Play date" for the egg and sperm. My eggs have been coming very irregularly, so getting pregnant has been a problem. Our boundaries are that we will only use my egg and his sperm. If that doesn't happen, we will adopt. There are over 3.5 million children in the world that need parents. Even if we do get pregnant and I have a baby, we will probably adopt.

Ok. So what prompted me to write to you is about the baby shower. Have you heard of the "law of attraction"? Abraham Hicks? Well they talk about always reaching for the better feeling thought and going with the flow of the river instead of fighting the current. So, according to Abraham's principles, I would reach for the better feeling thought. Moving from depression to joy when I thought of children was difficult, because it's a huge jump. So, it's one small step at a time. Which for me is that I love children. I love their smiles. I love their laughter. Just thinking about these things makes me smile. Next, I feel the pleasure of having a child in my arms. That baby smell. I feel the joy in my heart for the sensation of my arms wrapped around a child. I imagine the joy of the mothers who have children. I send loving thoughts to every child I see and all the mothers and fathers, because i too want to be a mother. They say that like attracts like. And if you feel joy about something, you are drawing it to you. They also say that even if you are able to move into the better feeling thought for a short time that is good. it's a practice. And taking the time to vision what you want instead of the current "reality" of your not having a child. Each minute visioning and really feeling that vision draws what you are wanting to you. Visioning does not work if you are feeling the yucky feeling of not having what you want. It's about clearing out the unwanted for what you want for at least 1 minute each day. The more you do it, the better. There are all kinds of health reasons for doing this too.

To me, it's not about denying your feelings or being the bigger person. It's about choosing to be the magnet for that which you want. So, if you can go and feel joy about the babies on the way, and happiness for their mothers, I would go, if not, I wouldn't go. I would aim for feeling joy for would be mothers, sending them love and joy. It will draw the experience to you instead of being a magnet for what you don't want.

As an aside, those women might very likely not know how to speak with you about what you are experiencing without the fear of hurting you. Their sending you the invitations could be a way of saying that they care and don't want to alienate you. Yes, they could have called first, but I don't think that it's because they wanted to hurt you. They probably didn't know what to say. If you can, let their joy wash over you and imagine the joy you will have with children around. I know it's a fine line. I practice being open to having children in my life period. Whether they come from my body or not. That's the best I can do. It gives me more choices, more peace of mind, and more joy.

I know I will be a mother in some way. I'm not sure how. But I will be. I get baby time as often as I can with my best friend's children. I consider it practice for being a mother.

I just started doing Bikram yoga here in Thailand, and I will make sure I have a fan on me or can leave the room at the very least, and have some cold water with me during the time. I am loving the strengthening and the endurance of both my mind and body. I'm not a marathon runner, but I'm also not a stranger to exercise. The sweating is GREAT. It's like I can feel the toxins leaving my body. It will only be for three weeks (I have a month pass), and I'm not scheduled to do the IVF until the 20th when I've stopped the yoga. I was just about to ovulate when I first got here, so we had a scheduled natural play date first, so there is a chance I could be pregnant.

By the way, statistics are for groups of people, not individual. Be attentive to bringing the perfect child for you into your life.  
Sending you love and light.
Kimi

Check out - www.abraham_hick.com
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Well, I went. Bought baby gifts. And it has just about killed me. My grief has now hit an all time low. I don't know how much more I can take.
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I was worried my girlfriend was spending too much time doing hot yoga when another friend told me there might be harms to doing it so often. She does it at least 5 times a week, for about 90 min to 2 hours each time. That's how I stumbled upon this thread.

Moonflower, I know I will not be able to say anything to ease your state of mind. I can only imagine what you have gone through and it is heartbreaking that you feel your friends aren't sympathetic to your distress. Stay strong, and take care of yourself right now.

Let me just say one thing though. Everyone has his or her own flaws and shortcomings; ask yourself honestly: do these people who are now pregnant love you? If they do, try to forgive them their flaws and accept their situation. Just be honest with them as much as you can. You can still be supportive without going to every baby-related function. Tell them you're happy for them, but that it's just very difficult for you, and that the last thing you want to do is take away from their special time by bringing others around with sadness.

I know this is an emotional time for you and I feel for you so... but I ask respectfully that you please give them the benefit of the doubt if you determine they really do care for you. In my opinion, it seems a little trivial (I'm not trying to downplay your sadness in any way, I understand this brought out a strong emotion and that's not your fault) to be so upset that they didn't "warn" you that a letter was coming on their baby shower. People, most of the time, try to be good and considerate. They try to be sensitive. Who knows -- maybe they decided to join their two baby showers together so that you wouldn't have to go through two separate ones... It's tough to always know what is the right thing to do when a loved one hurts. I have seen this and I have failed many times in this regard, despite trying as hard as I possibly could to do everything in my power to make my hurting loved ones feel better.

I feel for you, and I will say a prayer for you.
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WOW IGNORANCE IS A BLISS!!! Keep Yogain'!!   I've watched SEVERALpregnant women and see several HAPPY HEALTHY Bikram and HOT Yoga babies and children running around my life for the last 10 years I've been practicing!! I've witnessed two women Bikram Yoga THROUGH thier LABOR!!! QUIT Being ignornat to yoga and start setting a Yogi example! Namaste'
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Your comments about people being ignorant are insensitive, without compassion and rude.  Those are not practices of true yogis.  Maybe you should reconsider your path or dive deeper into yoga's purpose if that is how you treat people regularly.  You may have some deep personal issues that you have not dealt with yet that have made you so mean.  God bless you and may God heal your soul.
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I think a woman can maintain her current exercise program as long as she feels good doing it.  As your body gets larger you will have to opt out of certain poses or modify the pose to compensate.  If you feel ok doing it and do not feel over exerted than great, but do pay attention to any signs of heat exhaustion.  I started getting signs that I was doing to much and getting overheated after the 16th week mark.  I would actually get welts on my thighs.  So I had to modify my exercise routine to something with lower impact.  Keep us posted on how everything is working for you :D
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Hi,
This is my first time posting on a stream.  I miscarried Aug. 1, 2011. That day I was moving from my little 4.5 apartment to a grand place my partner and friends were renovating for us.
I have never been this upset, sad and weeping before for such an extended time in my life.  We were not "trying" to get pregnant, but both wanted children together, several children and he'd joke about "well we'd  better get started.."  We don't have that much sex anymore.
Because of my re-occuring waves of sadness and loss, I decided to finally start some online reading today. It has been so helpful. (esp. bettybimble and moonflower - thank you moonflower).
I just turned 31 and my partner is 42. I lost the baby, well, let's rephrase..the miscarriage happened at 12 weeks and I had fortune of hearing the heartbeat at 7 weeks, during the first check up, before any ultrasounds.  I sometimes wonder still if the fact I am under (the sometimes rushed and under-staffed) Canadian health care (I'm a Montrealer) had anything to do with the miscarriage...
However, reading the majority of these comments about focusing your positivity, listening to your body and remaining in the present moment strike truth in my spirit and makes me want to return to the bikram studio.

In my opinion and time through the loss, I am struggling to accept that there may not be any "right" or sensitive-enough" way to be approached especially by the people (family) around you. Someone above said to grieve actively: that is I feel "working" for me, I am even feeling more awake and balanced now than I was 1 hour prior to finding this site.  I poured my heart out to my (who I feel is less interested in me) partner a few nights ago, weeping about the pain of the loss I still felt, the shame, the shift in our relationship and lack or change of affection and how I felt I was chasing him.  

I used to practice and volunteer at the bikram studio and gave up my time there for a great promotion at work where I sold sports gear for running and was a running instructor.  I have been running/track competitor since I was 10 years old. Brought up in an athletic house.

After the promotion, and 5 weeks pregnant, I was relocated to the suburbs, our busiest locale, and was bombarded with families, children, pregnant women and new mothers.  At first I reassured a handful of new mums that I too am now pregnant and am researching all the right ways to exercise pre, during and post pregnancy.

I was only there a month and a half before the miscarriage and then 4 weeks at home on insurance of terrible "recovery": cramping, vomiting, infections, antibiotics, terribly insensitive family members (my younger, un-athletic sister asked, "well don't you just only work in a shoe-store?? My parents didn't speak to me for 3 days, disappointed I wasn't married, but then finally reassured me they will love us and the baby.. the miscarriage happened 5 days later) and tears. I hadn't told any friends because no one had or were even considering kids.  I did finally tell a few friends about the loss afterward, which help me deal with my feeling of isolation and "tainted-ness".

Upon my return to work, I lasted 3 weeks in September before calling it quits one Sunday morning before I went in to lead practice. Everyone was happy to see me back at it, but I was crying every day, biking on my way to work, missing the baby or feeling I took my pregnancy for granted, I "lied"/withheld the truth of my absence  from everyone but one mother/running trainees who emailed me her concerns asking if the baby was ok, I answered her no and had never heard back from her... She had just had her second child when she joined my training group...

Quite a tangent, but I needed it off my chest. Like icing on the cake, when I went, by bike, to return my key, I fell badly and bashed my knee, ending my personal, solo runs for another 4 weeks. I'd never been not exercising for so long, I felt I had slipped into insanity.  Finally, late October, near my bday, I run again and just cried... so unsure of if my passion for running, my go-to for stress, "was that what", I hate to say but, "killed my baby ?"- I am realizing we have to feel this grief, let it rock us, but feel the grief together - breathe, and send softness and tenderness out to let it be known to those who feel alone, they are not alone. And not to blame.

The morning I quit the job I loved, I wept to my partner that I rather have died and not the baby..

the fact that we are all still here, together, for each other, now, Right now, each and everyone of us, is IMPORTANT, and must be coveted. I have tears in my eyes as I know I am still trying to respect and act on the truth of this fact...

All to say, I have been considering returning to the bikram studio, the practice I had let go of for my work's promotion.  At the bikram studio, (on Walker street in Montreal, Canada) I have met the most kind, smart, loving and positive people. It was in this setting I learned the importance of one's energy, tenderness and the body's will to heal.  We are always stronger than we think, and we are stronger together, please reach out, like your arm to the sky in triangle ;)

My prayers go out to you moonflower- namaste
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Hi Moonflower, I hope you are feeling better. Maybe you are not. I'm so sad for you and just wanted to share the way I coped when something awful happened to me in my life:
You are in an emergency situation and you have only one priority: YOU. So that means doing anything that is good for your wellbeing, physically and mentally. If it were me, I would cut the cousin in law off completely. who cares what other people think? Remember now, YOU are the only priority here. (obviously you're husband is with you- he is ON YOUR SIDE.)
It doesnt matter if people talk, it doesn't matter what people say about 'being the bigger person.'
Now that you are focusing on 'you' - you can start to do any and all POSITIVE things to feel better. I agree with the lady who talked about the law of attraction (although i haven't read that book)... positive thoughts... surround yourself with light. You can do an online meditation course, read self help books, don't touch alcohol or drugs as they are both depressants that involve come-downs, which you desperately do not need right now. The book that helped me the most was called 'The Power of Now' its a very famous book and quite easy to read.. it's not very long but contains a very powerful message. Also eat only healthy unprocessed foods as processed foods and excessive chemicals and sugar are depressants aswell. Take regular exercise as this raises endorphins and helps you feel good about life.
Basically the plan is to do all these things that you CAN do, does that make sense? You may feel completely depressed but you have a choice to drink a bottle of whiskey or to not touch a drop. You can go to Mcdonalds or eat a fresh healthy dinner full of vibrant vegetables. If you drink the whiskey and eat the maccie-d's you will feel worse. And this is not about feeling worse, its about getting better.
Also, you can ignore the cell phone when your cousin calls. Dont even listen to the message she leaves. Tough for her, this is about YOU. Will it make you feel worse to see her? Then DONT. When you feel better you can see her. You will get better, you will see her again. If she is hurt, then boo-hoo for her.
I don't want to talk about what happened in my life but it was a sudden shock that changed everything - I lost everything, or at least what I perceived at the time to be 'everything.' I was devastated but in a way it freed me. The pain was so intense I was free to not care about anything, i mean anything but myself. If you can prioritize yourself (and your husband) in such a way, you can recover. The cousin in law has got to go. She can  come back into your life when you are better. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.
I urge you to keep a journal. Research ways to be happy. Another book I came across called ':59 seconds' had a chapter on how to increase happiness, I did all the things in it.. and it helped. Writing down in your journal 3 things for which you were grateful for that day. Stuff like that.
Also please go get as much counseling and therapy as you can... dont think of the cost. Or go to the doctor and find out where you can access free or means-tested therapy.
Finally, I was blessed by the universe in that I was given the chance to go to a foreign country for 2 months. I had to go to the little toilet on the outbound plane at midnight and bawl my eyes out. But oh my god, I came back to life out there. It wasnt just one thing.. it was all the things i had done.
I am a yogini with 15 years of practice under my belt, ...I do hot yoga, ashtanga, vinyasa, sivinanda and googled hot yoga and pregnancy because i am TTC, and came across this thread. Obviously you are in pain.. it's easy to be a wonderful person full of light and love when everything is okay within your life but when things hit rock bottom you dont have to feel bad for acting petty or selfish. Know that yoga and meditation can and do help immensely. Why not try vinyasa flow yoga, just regular temperature? Also online you can find guided meditation courses.
Good luck, hang on to your husband- weather the storm. Life is not what happens to you, it is how you REACT to what happens to you.
Om peace, Om shanti. xxxxxxx
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Hi, I practiced Bikram yoga throughout my 1st pregnancy (until week 20) and now have a beautiful and very healthy 3-year old. He was an early walker (11months) and early talker. So, in my case, Bikram was ctua lily beneficial as I was very fit and relaxed during my pregnancy n labour. I took up pregnancy yoga at 20 weeks and that was great too. I'm now 6 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child and I intend to continue with Bikram for at least 10 more weeks. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Ellie
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Hi Tara, I loved your post. I agree with you and wish you all the best. Thank you for sharing. Ellie
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HiMoonflower,

I have just read the whole of the thread and I must apologize for my previous post - I wasn't aware about your loss when I wrote my quick reply. I hope you are in a better place now.

With warmest wishes, Ellie
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Wow. Where to begin...I never imagined clicking this link would lead me to someone [many people] sharing such personal and heartfelt stories; I feel compelled to add my own, in case someone can take comfort in it.

I came across this post just now as I purchased a hot yoga package recently and it expires within 60days, but I am also planning a trip in order to meet my intended 'baby-daddy' in Florida in about 3 weeks. I had to Google the acronym "TTC" - no one on this thread explained it stood for 'trying to conceive"...

Some history: I am almost 44years old (in 2 weeks), and for the last 5-6+ yrs or so, my ever-present thought on a daily basis has been about becoming a mother. I was in a rocky relationship for most of this time with a much younger man who wasn't sure he ever wanted children. A trying time at best, if you can imagine. My unhappiness peaked a little over 3yrs ago before I was diagnosed by my naturopath with depression brought on by my nutritional imbalances...I had recently lost 20 lbs and looked great, but my cholesterol was too LOW [governing autonomic brain functioning and mood elevation], and (presumably due to living in Seattle) my Vitamin D, which governs happiness/mood in general, was through the floor - 18 on a scale of 30 [dangerously low]-100 [optimal]. I couldn't attend baby showers in the conference room at work; to excuse myself with a gift and my apologies, I made up project deadlines that didn't exist so I didn't have to hear that "Awwww" sound women make in unison when looking at baby clothes. I constantly would spontaneously burst into tears, for instance on the bus, sometimes for no reason, but ALWAYS from seeing something like a little girl on her mother's lap. It was brutal. I grieved every moment for the thing that I didn't have and wanted most. You have nothing to apologize for; your step-cousin-in-law-whatever-the-hell-she-is IS A *****. Self-absorbed doesn't begin to describe it, and by the sounds of it, she has the emotional intelligence of a golf ball.

My naturopath helped me manage my depression (which is now at bay), with 5-htp (an amino acid derived from tryptophan, acting as a naturally occurring seratonin reuptake inhibitor), by upping my omegas and vitamin D dramatically, and by getting a broad spectrum sweep of my diet and nutritional needs. I suggest something similar for you. She was very in tune, step by step, about which of these pathways was all-natural and safe for me during the process of [intended] conception and through any pregnancy I might achieve. Your depression, when last you wrote, sounded uncontrolled. I hope you have gotten help, and if by chance you are in the same boat still, or worse, please see someone NOW.

You and your husband need to address your issues in counseling; they are totally normal. After several break-ups/reconciliations, my partner and I conceded that we did not belong together but he had matured enough to the point where he agreed to help me do the one thing I wanted more than anything else, have a baby. We tried many times; it was strained, sometimes clinical and unromantic, sometimes we tried during conception trips we arranged as he had moved 2 states away...we tried everything. We even fought bitterly through the emotional strain, occasionally. The brilliance of the woman on this thread talking about the laws of attraction cannot be overstated; it seemed like he would always pick a fight with me out of nowhere EXACTLY when I was about to ovulate - LIKE CLOCKWORK.  Every fiber in his being was keyed to whatever pheromones I released at that moment to remind him of how conflicted he was about the whole thing and he reacted to it; I am sure of it because it never failed -EVERY SINGLE TIME...and we manifested just that. After almost 2 years, he finally agreed to a sperm analysis. My naturopath had given me the '5 by 5', all systems go, as my depression was resolved and I no longer need anything but pre-natal vitamins on a daily basis. HIS tests, however, showed a condition called 'Leukocytospermia' which meant that white blood cells were found in his sperm and attacking/killing them. Even after a panel of treatment for it, still no conception. Heaven knows, we TRIED.  All told, it was a nightmare of sorrow and disappointment, over and over. I feel you; TRUST ME, I do.

We've been apart for over 7 months now, and he is happy in a relationship with someone who has 2 children of her own; he describes that as 'intense'. But just days ago, he described something to me which I found brilliant and dead-on, more about the 'laws of attraction'. Summarized, he told me he believed that on a moment-to-moment basis, you create what you align yourself with, completely. Every atom is in a state of flux every millisecond, and what that becomes is resulting from your CHOICE. In other words, if you choose sorrow, grief, disappointment, THAT IS what you will create. If you choose fertility, happiness, nurturing, motherhood, THAT IS what you will create. Trying to figure out just HOW that will happen is what derails us, and DOUBT is what kills it from its core. Very Buddhistic; I already knew that, but needed to be reminded.

Next month, I board a plane to see my best friend in the world, someone I have known almost 30 years, who has 3 grown children of his own, is divorced, and now living a gay lifestyle - no drama or messy emotional issues. He introduced me to Buddhism 26 years ago [I chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo], and it has been the single most driving and impactful undertaking of my life. He recently left me a voice msg saying, "I'm really excited for you to come out and for us to do what we're trying to do. It's going to happen the way it's just going to happen; all we need to do is 'show up'..." In my 26years of Buddhism, the 2 things I know from the depths of my life are that 1) No matter how confusing/devastating/inconceivable, whatever, EVERYTHING is unfolding precisely as it is meant to, and 2) there IS NO right/wrong. There is only WHAT IS, and the opportunity for you to create value from what you learn from it. This journey has taken me to places in myself I never thought I'd have occasion to visit. I'm grateful for every painstaking moment of it.

I, too, have the nagging daily fear that 'my time is running/has run out', but that is a myth, as long as you are still having a normal period and presumably releasing eggs. One of my best friends is 45 and her 'female' problems are off the charts; she's had 21-day cycles and periods that  sometimes last for weeks, pre-cancerous pap smears, breast cysts, fibroids & uterine tumors, a whole HOST of other serious medical issues, etc. Another dear friend has a daughter who this week graduates high school. BOTH have, in the past few weeks, gotten pregnant BY ACCIDENT. [Everyone but me, huh?] The very first love of my life and still dear, dear friend is a brilliant surgeon and head of the research dept. at a hospital in NYC where he must travel around the world at times, lecturing. He has reassured me many times that the trend of women who wait longer to have children is growing and does not affect the health or viability of pregnancies significantly at all. Sure, conception might take a bit more directed 'effort', but where you got the nonsensical impression that you had "9 more tries" frightens and astounds me. I hope that a medical professional didn't say something so ridiculous or irresponsible to you; btwn that and the "hot yoga = fetal damage" advice you got from that one crackpot, I am afraid you are receiving very poor medical intervention/counsel. =/

I hope that you, or others, take something from what I've said that can elevate you in a time of need or doubt. If you never visit this forum again, please know that you have touched many people, and I, for one, will always wonder how you are doing and how your story turned out.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
-Dores
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wow.  i came to this this thread trying to figure out if i should practice bikram yoga while trying to conceive, but i got something that i would argue is more valuable.  thank you ALL for sharing your most personal and painful stories.  this thread is old, but i hope all is well with each of you and that peace and joy continue to be present in all your lives.
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Moonflower, I know it's been a while since this happened to you. But I am just now reading about your struggles, and I wanted to tell you my heart is breaking for you. I badly want to give you a big hug right now. I hope things are better. I wish you love and happiness and success with children and your marriage.  

Xoxo,
Melissa
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I, too, was researching whether or not it is safe for me to continue practicing Bikram yoga while TTC & during pregnancy.  I know it has been years since this thread was started, but I do hope that things have turned out well for you.  I have experienced two miscarriages myself in the past year and do not have any children.  They were devastating to say the least.  I have made some big changes in my life, including taking up Bikram yoga, in hopes of getting my mind and body to a healthier place.  I honestly haven't felt this good in a long time (possibly ever!) and feel that the benefits of my workout outweigh the risks.  That being said, I plan on practicing yoga until my husband and I find out we are pregnant again.  I will "listen" very closely to what my body is telling me and continue to practice until (and if) my body needs a break.  Wishing all of you the very best in your own personal journeys.

Namaste,

Lauren  
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So I am.going to keep it short. You have enough novels to read.  Great explanation given to me to minimize bath and Jacuzzi trips is this.....you can sweat to regulate your temp, your baby can't. That's why you need to keep your body temp down. Good luck.
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I wish you would write in and let us know how are you are doing.

Chantel
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I know this is quite late.  I think I am in your same boat with Bikram and wondering what to do, I am 50.  But I wanted to comment on your marriage.  You need to heal from within, only then can the relationship heal.  There is a wonderful place called the Fertile Soul, a retreat that I went on (and book) which really helped me when I was in the midst of so many miscarriages.  I would also recommend juicing and getting your greens in every day to heal your body.  When you can heal yourself, all the other things will heal as well.  What your man wants more than anything else is for you to be happy.  Blessings, miscarriage is such a sad time, but it only has to be a part of your story, not the whole of it.  
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Jtygogi in think your comment was ignorant....  My babies safety is MORE IMPORTANT than ANY exercise... I'm on baby number five always heard hot tubs saunas ANY FORM. Of excess heat soaking in CAN CAUSE issues it can essentially fry ur babies brain. Sorry but that is ignorance not someone's comments on.  A form of excersice yeas its good for you but NOT THAT BABY that can't get away from that EXTREME HEAT!!!
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Moonflower important very sorry for your lose. I've been there its very hard. Hope things are now easier and getting better for u
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