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Husband refusing to have sex
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Husband refusing to have sex

Is any one else's husband creeped out about sex? I am so frustrated with my husband right now. He has lost all desire to have sex (with me anyway!) pretty much since I became pregnant. I, on the other hand, have not. I really miss this part of our life and I can't imagine waiting 12 weeks until birth and then another 8 after that. We use to be very active, 4-5 times a week, and now it's only once every 1-2 weeks, and that's only if I push it and argue about it, what fun is that? I have tried to respect his feelings and not push it but that only lasts until I can't stand it anymore,lol. I already feel less than desirable and his disinterest just makes it that much worse. Any advice on what to do? I have suggested other ways to "relieve' each other but that hasn't panned out either.
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19 Comments Post a Comment
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480331_tn?1310407129
Hello there!  I have a girlfriend that gave birth last year and her husband has had absolutely no desire to be intimate.  Recently, she told me that she talked with him about it and she wanted to know if there was something she did, or someone else...His response was he felt now that she gave birth he doesn't look at her in "that way", he compares her to a Mother figure and can't bring himself to have sex with her.  I'm sure if we see what they saw in the delivery room it would make us a little frigid in the lovemaking dept.  But, give it time, I'm sure he will come around and find that feeling again.  BTW, my friend and her husband have started making love again :-)  Remember...It's not YOU!
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359321_tn?1278272490
PamelaBee- Oh no! Now I am worried that it will continue after delivery, lol! Thank you for your thoughts.

38 yeoldoprego-No, he would never consider mb in front of me, it's really strange but he says he isn't doing anything, I find it hard to believe from where we were to where we are now. He is a little conservative towards me in that dept, and I am not sure why, I know he wasn't always this way in the past, prior to me, so that makes it even worse. Sex has always been great and frequent but it has been a challenge to make any changes to our "norm" behavior if that makes any sense. He really doesn't like talking about it at all and that makes it more difficult. When I tell him how I miss it and that he is being selfish, he tells me that's exactly what I am doing to him, not considering his feelings that he can't change, it's a vicious circle.
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480331_tn?1310407129
I hope I didn't come across too direct in my first reply to you...that may not be the case for him.  However, I just thought of this as I was reading your response...maybe he is afraid that he will hurt you during sex...When I was pregnant, my husband treated me like a china doll, he was apprehensive about initiating anything sexual, because he actually told me, he didn't want to hurt me, or make me uncomfortable...perhaps your hubby is thinking the same thing.  One thing I know for sure, at least from my experience is once the man finds out his beloved wife is with child they are worried from conception til after delivery...their means of expression don't come over as clearly as we'd like, but they have their reasons for their somewhat odd behavior at times, and we shouldn't always think the worse...just go with it, and everything will come together!
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359321_tn?1278272490
No, I actually appreciated your response, I like direct. Anyway, this is my second and his first. He says he just doesn't feel that way now, he is in PG family mode as he puts it. He feels the baby moving all of the time and I guess he can't get that out of his head. I know I have to deal with it and putting pressure on him just makes it worse, but I can't imagine 3 more months of pregnancy and 2 more months of having without it! Lol! Thanks for your help.
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304653_tn?1217004902
he will be back to normal when the baby comes!
not really why he is going threw this? maybe one day he will tell you. It ***** that you have to go threw it with him!
just try and be patient with him. I do understand that the more you push the issue the bigger the turn off... will be for him.
good luck with trying to work things out. Im hoping he will still show you some affection other ways. maybe rubbing your back? etc..mine showed it by waiting on me.. whatever I wanted he would go get. it was just too cute.
mine got so freaked out when he would feel the baby move! and the sex stoped then for me.
all is back the same as befor. now , I get to let him have it...payback!!!  (smile) hang in there..
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296076_tn?1371338074
my dh was the same was ans I posted many times about it... it came down to he just wasn't turned on by my belly...  he was very affectionate with me and loving but no sex.... well since the baby (she is 8 weeks now) it is a free for all... and now I don't even want it... but he wants it all the time... making up for lost time lol.... try not to worry but I know that it hurts deep down that is how I felt
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359321_tn?1278272490
Thanks guys, I am starting to feel a little better now but who knows how long it will last? I read that the emotions would settle down in the last trimester, not for me! lol! Fortunatley, he is being loving in other ways with snuggling and affection. The whole sex issue seems to have worsened since he has felt the baby move so much lately. I am sure we will make it through this, meanwhile, I guess I will just continue to be frustrated. Thanks for listening and letting me know I am not the only one ;-)
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm 24 weeks pregnant now and we haven't had any since I was about 12 weeks.  And it won't happen again until after the baby, I know that for a fact.  I've tried.  Honestly, I don't really miss it that much, but I've tried just to show that I'd be willing to.  He says he can take care of his own needs for now.  I hope things change after baby is born.
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377412_tn?1283813246
You know....I thought it was just me.....I swear Im just short of BEGGING for sex. I dont know what to do about the situation without coming across as bitchy....and who wants to beg?? I might get sex once every 2-3 wks....its just plain WRONG. So Ive taken matters into my own hands....but long term this wont work for me and it really has me a bit worried.
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419158_tn?1316575204
I am having my 3rd baby and I can count on one hand how many times since I got pregnant that we have had sex:( I am 35 weeks. My hubby is completley turned off by my body now. The huge belly and all the weight that ive gained. My1st pregnancy my hubby acually thought he would hurt the baby by having sex!! MEN!! Then after our son was born he didnt want it either , when I asked why he said because he watched our son come out of a place that used to bring him so much pleasure, it bothered him:( He got over it as we are having baby #3 but it took awhile.
Hopefully he will come around:) Some men just have a problem with the way our body changes:( I know I could use some with out having to beg for it..............................
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359321_tn?1278272490
It is funny when you think about it, the ones who are pregnant and don't want sex anymore are probably the ones with the husbands who are begging for it. The ones who are pregant and want the sex are having to beg for it themselves. Does anyone know if "toys" are a safe option? lol!
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296076_tn?1371338074
just to let you know... I started doing it on my own in the end of my preggo.. as a means to bring on contractions and I swear it helped me to go into labor 8 days early... with my other 2 I didn´t and had to be induced both times...  soo.. take care of yourself. lol...
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171867_tn?1271047748
Yep,
My DH did the same thing around 3 months .... zap .. nothing! he would always have an excuse.. he was freaked out about hitting the baby and hurting him! we had maybe sex a handful of times dring my pg I too posted about this same subject! It is VERY normal and happens to alot of men! I was so hurt and thought it was me... but t hings returned to normal after the birth! , which then I have not had hardly any desire ....! but he has been like a mad man...lol from nothing to wanting it! so hang in there! I know it is hard to belive it is not you.. but men are just weird creature and they bounce back! All will g et back  to normal! do what you need to full fill yourself, it stinks I know but you cant force them as it just wont work then...lol
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359321_tn?1278272490
Lol! I was thinking the exact same thing that you wrote! Just wanted to let everyone know after our discussion yesterday and taking some of the advice to Hubby, I got LUCKY last night! Whoohoo! Sorry if TMI, but I am just in a much better mood today ;-)
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195469_tn?1388326488
All of you precious mommie's to be....and those still waiting for the BFP

Would you let a 54 year old woman chime in on this?  

Our husbands have all kinds of thoughts going through their heads when we are pregnant.  Some of them just can't imagine that they can have sex with their wives while pregnant.  Try to put yourself into a man's mind for a moment.  (I know, a scary place to be isn't it?)  Some men REALLY think that their male organs will "hurt" the baby or "hit the baby in the head."  I have actually heard men say that.  They also say that any rocking during sexual times would upset the babies carried within.  They actually see us as mother's in waiting and not as a sexual being.  We are carrying their child.  It's almost like they are having "sex in front of their child."  It's embarrassing for some men. For other men it really IS about hurting their wife and their unborn child.  This is a very delicate time for them.  And many will treat us as such.

Instead of taking it as a refusal or let down, wait for a moment when all is quiet and sit down with your husband and ASK him how he feels about the pregnancy. "Ask him how he sees you, now that you are carrying his child."  Does he see you as delicate?  Is he afraid that intercourse will cause you to go into early labor?  Does he think that intimacy between you will cause harm to the baby?

Remember that in the eyes of many men, you have turning from a sexual being into his woman that is carrying precious cargo.  I think that is an endearing thought and very loving.  Please remember to take it as such and not be too hard on your hubby.  Pregnancy has a way of changing men.  Especially the way they think of sex.  They suddenly turn into the great protectors.  I happen to think that is precious.

Some men do not look as us as a sexual human being when we have a belly with a poling out belly button and stretch marks from here to Alaska.  They don't hate us or dislike us, they see us in a different way and in a different role.  Soome men are actually turned on by a pregnant women's belly, while other's see it as a time to back off.  I really believe it's NOT a lack of love that causes them to withdraw from us physically.  It's actually a time of a different KIND of love.

Your husband's may actually be afraid.  Sit them down and talk with them.  Don't make them feel guilty, be be assuring to them, that what they are feeling is natural.  Tell them that you still desire them.  Assure them that they are not going to hurt the baby.  If he still won't come around, please trust this old lady, when I say, that he will.  Even if it means this won't happen until after the birth.

But most of all, try to realize that they are probably MORE in love with you, now that you are carrying their precious child.  During pregnancy, a man may show his love differently, which is evidenced by their over-protectiveness.  

Isn't love more important at this time?  Maybe this is the time in your relationship, where you have to "take matters into your own hands," rather than pressure your husband into doing something that he is uncomfortable with.  Most of all, approach it with understanding.  You are now doing one of the biggest jobs a women will ever do?  Giving birth....

Best of luck to all of you and thank you for letting me add my two cents.  I envy all you ladies.  Pregnancy, despite it's many ups and downs, is the best time I can ever recall in my life on this Earth.

Best Wishes and Happy Babies,
Heather
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Avatar_f_tn
Heather - I don't think it could have been said better :)
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359321_tn?1278272490
Thank you, that was so sweet and I know you are right, my husband almost told me the exact same words that you wrote last night :-)
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