It's Been One Helluva Week

[BLS1971]

Hi ladies

After feeling rather apathetic about the TTC process (I posted a week or so ago), I have been through a whirlwind this week. Sunday, I saw my brother and sister-in-law (who is 6 months pregnant--I'm throwing them a baby shower next month), and I wanted SO badly to be pregnant. I had a colonoscopy (fun, fun, fun) on Monday, which invovled an anesthesia that could potentially hard an embryo...so I said to myself that I hoped I wasn't pregnant. I guess. Since then, my little boy has been sick, and I have been enjoying heavy-duty mommy mode and savoring my cuddle time. Now, I am suffering from wicked PMS depression, which set in when the pre-period spotting started. I'm not pregnant. Again. And now all I want to do is cry.

I need to keep in mind that this feeling will pass in a few days, and then I get to try again. I'm convinced something is wrong, though, and I hate waiting to see if I get pregnant. Maybe I ought to count my blessings and just give up.

Not sure what kind of responses I'm looking for here, really, but I wanted to vent. I'm at the office and can't tell anyone here. Thanks for reading.

B

[melon3]

Hi there,
            I think there is a way that they can bring on your period by giving you meds or an injection. Not defo sure about it, its just something I heard. maybe worth checking out anyway.

baby dust to you

[BLS1971]

HAHAHA! My brother was that way. He's about to turn 35 and his first is finally on the way. It just took him a little while to get over his Peter Pan complex.

Thanks for the pep talk. I needed it. AF is still messing with my head (she doesn't want to *truly* arrive, and all I want now is to get the show on the road, already. Sheesh! We've got a baby to make, after all!  ;)

[rubyinparadise]

Try to ignore that stuff that says that your fertility takes a serious nose dive or whatever. Those are generalizations, whereas the World Health Organization places NORMAL reproductive age from 15 to 49 years old!! Sure, in general it is absolutely true that fertility declines over time, but how much of that is cumulative-- years of hypothyroidism or adrenal fatigue catching up with you? If you are healthy and live an active lifestyle and eat well, your "real age" ie. your reproductive age can possibly be lower. Plenty of women give birth to healthy babies in their 40s-- some with a bit of help, some completely on their own.
BTW, my DH is 45 too. With my DH it was more like he still thinks of himself as 25 years old and didn't "feel ready"(!!) I had to laugh about that (to myself of course ;))

[BLS1971]

Ruby: hahaha! Splinters in his a**! HAHAHA! I love that. My hubby was too freaked out by his age (he's turning 45 on Sunday), not seeing his older kids as much as he wants, and tight finances that he refused to even entertain the idea until now. That makes me very sad, because a woman's fertility, according to an article I read, takes a serious nose dive at 38. D*mn him, anyway. Oh well - I just hope it's not too late. I'm so glad to hear you're feeling great after determineing what was going on with your hormone levels. I would love to feel amazing, too -- haven't felt good in quite some time.  

Momof: good luck with the EPO! I may give that a try, myself. It certainly couldn't hurt, right?! (I already take a ton of vitamins every day.) Best of luck to you!!!  SSBD right back atcha!

Thanks, ladies!
B

[momof8215]

Hi Bonnie...Thanks for the positive thoughts. All my tests were fine, including the progesterone. I started the EPO so we shall see. My cm has always been fine as well. The epo is supposed to be from menstruation to ovulation, however I am taking it anyway. I haven't had AF since July 1st. I am hoping it may at least bring it on or something. I take all these vitamins...B6, folic acid, prenatal, fish oil, calcium, zinc, and now the EPO. Best of luck to all of us!!! I know how it feels to really want this...my DB is completely on board with having a baby and between us we already have 8. 3 are mine and 5 are his...I actually think we may be insane!!!!  LOL!! SSBD!!!

[rubyinparadise]

Bonnie,

It really is a good thing, to get your progesterone checked. After my m/c I did a bunch of hormone testing, not just progesterone but also thyroid and adrenal function (because they are all intimately related), and sure enough I was sub-par on all three. Having something to correct gave me a ton of hope vs. facing a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. Also, as I corrected my hormonal problems I began to feel *amazing*!! It really improved my overall physical and mental health so much. In a weird way, I am actually kind of excited for you to get to the bottom of the matter.
The husband thing is tough. I'm glad I didn't wait for DH to be fully on board. He only *got* on board after we got our BFP. Before that he was riding the fence for so long he had splinters in his a**. :D

[BLS1971]

Thanks so much, ladies.

Dawn - Hi there. I'm Bonnie. Sorry I didn't mention that in the post. I signed it the way I signed my office e-mails. "B"  =)  

Dawn and Ruby - I keep wondering about my progesterone levels. My CM is telling me that I might not have enough progesterone to allow implantation to happen. My OB gave me a lab slip to have my P level checked on day 21 of my next cycle (day 1 is supposed to be today). In the meantime, it makes me incredibly sad and frustrated that we will likely waste another month trying, when I want a baby so badly.

The apathy stage has passed, but I do wonder how long my husband's patience is going to last. He only agreed to have another child because I explained how important it is to me. He already has two teens from a previous marriage. So, as you can probably guess, I feel like I am under an extraordinary amount of time pressure to conceive before he chances his mind.

Thanks to all of you for the sticky baby dust and good wishes. I am sending all my most positive thoughts and ultra-sticky baby dust your way, too.

Bonnie

[adgal]

Vent away my dear, sounds like you've earned it!  I hope next cycle is a BFP!

[momof8215]

Thanks Doll, I'm sure it's something...just can't put my finger on it. What about you BLS1971???? By the way, what is your name? Mine is Dawn

[rubyinparadise]

This is a good place to vent.

Why do you think something is wrong? Do you have some intuitive sense of what it might be? I'm a big believer in listening to those little internal messages. I know it's hard when you're feeling frustration & apathy about the whole stinkin process. Sending you both lots of baby dust!

[momof8215]

I really do know how you feel. I am 40, have 3 beautiful children that I am blessed to have and it is making me crazy that I can't seem to conceive. I have been cleared of anything being in my way. The doctors say I can conceive. I haven't had a period since July 1st but am not pregnant and it is NOT menopause either. There is absolutely no medical reason for me to be in this position. I cry all the time too because it is soooooooooooo frustating. When I got pregnant for my other children there was no trying involved...it just happened. I haven't been actively trying and thinking that if I mentally give up for now that it will happen...NOPE and I still don't have a period so it's not like I can track ovulation or anything so what's a person to do!!!!! Best of luck to you and we just need these lucky ladies on here to send us lots and lots of super sticky baby dust!!!