Need some reassurance, please!

Apologies if this is only for women but I am trying to obtain some peace of mind for my wife and myself.  My wife is 39, we already had one miscarriage in April but got pregnant after one menstrual cycle at the end of May.  We were ecstatic.  We went for a transvaginal ultrasound this past monday and could see the yolk sac but no heartbeat was detected; we were supposed to be 6-7 weeks along.  My wife is already very sensitive about having a baby at this age because of everything she is heard and been told, sometimes quite rudely.  I am trying my best to keep her spirits up but I myself am starting to crack and don't know how much longer either one of us can handle the idea of trying again.  My wife has been having all the symptoms of morning sickness and nausea but no spotting until yesterday and her nausea is now abating, which she believes is a clear sign that the fetus is about to miscarry.  After reading many posts regarding the inaccuracy of ultrasound tests, I want to believe again but I'm afraid.  Because of the recent spotting, my wife no longer wants a repeat ultrasound scheduled for exactly 1 week from the last one, which is coming up next week.  I want to keep up my hopes but I don't want to be disappointed again, and of course neither do I want my wife to be.  The last ultrasound was hard enough on both of us but especially my wife.  Should I encourage her to follow through with the next ultrasound?  I don't know what to do, please advise...

[andreasmom]

I'm really sorry about what you are going through.  I think that she should defntly follow through with the next u/s.  Because she m/c before it doesn't mean that it will happen again.  Sometimes it is to soon to see or hear anything so early on the pregnancy.  And i've read and seen many cases where not much is seen on the first u/s but they get to see a healthy baby on the next u/s within a week.  I'm myself also got pregnant again after a m/c and only one cycle.  I'm 6 weeks and have my 1st u/s tomorrow.  I'm keeping my hopes up but not expecting to see much as it is still very early.  Good luck to the two of you.  Don't be discouraged.  I also spotted (it turn out that my progesterone levels were decreasing and that's why i lost my previous pregnancy but they put me on supplements and everything is going well so far) I also have some days when I don't feel sick or anything and days when I feel nausea.  The worrying never stops when you are either Trying to conceive, pregnant and/or a parent.  Hang in there!  My best wishes to you and I really hope everything goes well!

[seattleview]

I definitely agree that you guys should have the 2nd ultrasound. There are a lot of reasons why you may not have been able to see much on the 1st ultrasound. I'm sorry people say rude things to your wife about getting pregnant at her age. While we all know it's not ideal, more women are doing it these days than ever before and people need to mind their own business. BTW - I am ten weeks one day along and have had virtually no pregnany symptoms so I wouldn't judge the pregnancy by symptoms alone. I've even heard that us older women tend not to have morning sickness as badly as younger women. Good luck to you both and please keep us posted on your outcome.

[sue68]

Hi there,

First , this is not a forum just for women - its for anyone who needs support.  
My husband and I are both 42 now.  We know what you/your wife are going through - all those rude insensitve comments - I even had a "tick tock tick tock" from some people too.

After years of trying - in 2008 we had our first pregnancy. I can imagine how you both felt the same emotions when you had your bfp - you were up in the clouds, full of dreams and hopes for this new life.  Then you both were shattered with the loss - we did.  We had never heard of a blighted ovum.  Its hard not to be afraid the next time.  We got pregnant again the following year - what kept me going was the drive to be a mother - wanted it so bad.  We lost that one too.   But, despite a broken heart , we didn't give up.

Let your wife express all her feelings with you  whether its 3 months or 6 or more - she'll be feeling alot of anger, grief, hopelessness, etc.... I told my DH that I won't forget the losses but, I know that I got pregnant so I know its possible - that kept my hopes up.  And know that sometimes you're entitled to your down days when you don't feel hope- that's okay - it comes back. Just keep supporting each other.  Hang in there.  

M/C's are so difficult to get over emotionally but, it does get better. It does leave you feeling guarded with your emotions - we've been there. You want to hope and then you''re afraid to set yourself up for another fall. Its normal.  Maybe a week isn't enough for your wife - maybe she needs a little more time.  It could be that your dates are off or implantation took a little extra time. I have read stories here where they did not see a heartbeat at 6 weeks - and a later u/s it showed up.  I know with my first pg, I prayed for a miracle - even though it was 8 weeks.  I still wanted another u/s a week later just to be sure.  My OB said he couldn't even give me a 1% chance of hope but, he agreed to letting me have a second opinion for my sake.  Hope is better than no hope.  

Just to let you know - we just gave birth to a healthy baby boy on July 5th. I can tell you we held our breath throughout the whole pregnancy - but , we finally got our happy ending.  Let your wife know that she's not "too old"  - that there are many others 39+ who have had m/c's - some multiple - and who have given birth to a baby.  There ARE happy endings -  you have to keep believing.  

[oceanv]

you definitely need to the follow up ultrasound - for closure if nothing else.  Try not to give a hoot about what people think of your ages, it's nobodies business but yourselves.  I was 39 when I conceived in Jan 09 - at my ultrasound at 6wks (sac but no baby) possible blighted ovum and at follow up ultrasound 7wks..... a sac and a baby who is now 9.5months old. i never really had symptoms of pregnancy really, and i did have spotting (which was the reason i was sent for the 1st ultrasound).

Its not over til its over as far as I'm concerned.
J

[trying43]

I had 2 m/cs then with my 3rd pregnancy, I spotted from 6-15 weeks. My son is now 8. There is always hope,   You also have to remember pregnancy symptoms can come and go.  I am 36 and am 8w1d.  Some days I have morning sickness some days nothing. Also, you may be earlier in the pregnancy than you think and may not be able to see well on the ultrasound.  We didnt get a heartbeat with my first son until 6w5d.  Definately follow up with the repeat ultrasound, so you will know for sure what is going on.  Good luck to you, keep us posted.  

[BabyBlue07]

don't worry. Everything will be fine. I am going be 40 soon. I was pregnant at age 39. I worried sick to myself about being pregnant at 39. I heard alot of things but none of them are true. I got bleeding around week 9. It was a red gush came out. I thought I got miscarriage. The next following day I went to the doctor and they said my cervix wasn't closed. The doctor ordered me bedrest for 5 weeks then have check up again. After 5 weeks everything is fine.

When the embryo grow bigger, I have complete blood test. It's came out not good. They rule out that my child could have Down Symdrom and wanted me to have Amnio. I worried sick and each day I cried. But then I put all my worries, all my burden to my THE LORD. I prayed and prayed for my baby safe and sound. I decided not to have Amnio test.

Today my boy is 6 months old and he is a perfect healthy boy. Check out the pics I posted in my account.

You see.. don't worry too much... it will affect the baby development. don't listen to people said. just focus into the baby and get things ready for the baby.

5, 6, or 7 weeks is too early to detect heartbeat. When I was 6 1/2 weeks, doctor couln't  detect heartbeat.  so don't worry too much. Things will turn out to be fine.

Good luck and listen to the doctor order, but go with your instinct. If doctor order you to go Generic Counseling, don't go. waste a money, if doctor order Amnio Test, it's a personal choice. You have to decide on that.  

Best wishes to both of you.

[jungleman413]

I can't thank you all enough for the encouraging words and support.  My wife plans to undergo the second u/s at the end of the week; she was not ready to have it done when it was initially scheduled.  We finally had an opportunity to speak to a doctor that actually took the time to listen to us and answer our questions after the horrible experience we had with the other staff in the clinic.  We now believe that we are doing to miscarry.  My wife still hasn't started to miscarry but her bleeding is slightly increasing.  We are hoping to naturally pass the embryo rather than induce it or perform a d & c for obvious reasons.  For now, we are going to recover from this experience and try again soon, when my wife is ready.  We appreciate everyone's kindness and will write again when we are trying again.  Take care of yourselves and good luck with your pregnancies and/or babies...