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Not sure I'm the dad?
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Not sure I'm the dad?

Hi everybody. My name is Anku. I'm 23.

I found this site and very glad that the people are specialists.

So me and my girlfriend having very serious problem at the moment. She is in another country, studying. And I'm in my own country. So it makes it a even difficult. She just arrived here in 2011.2.19 and left 2011.2.27. We had sexual intercourse between these days.

The thing is that today 2011.03.14 my girlfriend had a sonography test. And I watched the sonography result by video (oovoo.messenger). But there were no customer's name (which is my girlfriend's name) and pregnant days past, and any other doctor's name.

I'm the dad (hope so). So it's a lot of responsibilities. Therefore I have the right to double check if it's my baby or not.

So please help me? How do I know if it's my baby?

Thank you for any of your definite respond.      
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202436_tn?1326477933
It's not being a coward so much as it is making sure.  When a woman gets pregnant she KNOWS 100% without a doubt that it's her child.  But when a woman tells a man she's pregnant with his child...he has no proof right away.  There have been many cases of women lying to a man and it not being his child.  ESPECIALLY if the child is created outside of a commited relationship OR when the woman has cheated.  BEsides this man is not looking to duck and run, he's hoping he IS the dad.  So I'd say he's being cautious not cowardly.
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You would need to know how far along she is in the pregnancy to determine if it is possible for you to be the father.  The only way to know for certain is to get a blood paternity test done.  If you only had sex between the dates you say and you are the father, she could not be more than 4 to 7 weeks pregnant. At that point in a pregnancy you wouldn't see much on a sonograph.  It would be a really small thing and may or may not have a heartbeat visible.  Good luck to you! I hope you are indeed the father if that is what you want!
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296076_tn?1371338074
we are not specialists just regular people supporting each other.  There is no way to know until the baby is born and you get a paternity test.  Which is why it is much better to have protected sex until you are in a stable committed relationship where there is no trust issues.  Good luck
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1266942_tn?1373042525
I suggest you get some books and read up on conception via the internet. There is lot of helpful information to help you understand the timing of everything, Also remember a blood test can be done at the time of birth.  Good Luck
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Avatar_f_tn
Most men are cowards so thier first responce is its not mine!
If you dont want a baby you should have worn a condom!
It could be yours hun and you need to be supportive and get a dna atbirth at your cost of 600-800
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377493_tn?1356505749
I don't think most men are cowards..you really have to quit saying things like that here.  Honestly, it's not helpful,a nd quite frankly downright hurtful.

Even if dates match up there really is no way to know for certain except with a dna test (after birth). There is no other way to be 100% certain.  Good luck to you.

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Avatar_f_tn
I used to work as a Child Support Enforcement Officer in California...you can get a paternity test after the baby is born and you SHOULD if you have any question. That child will need to be supported until he or she is 18 AND has graduated high school, at minimum. It is a HUGE responsibility and you have the right to be sure.

And I echo those folks who have advised you to use a condom in the future...and talk to your gf about also using the pill or other contraception. I have a daughter and a stepson who were condom babies :)

Christine
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296076_tn?1371338074
I second that I don't think most men are cowards... I think the men that question paternity are in relationships that they shouldn't be in in the first place, one where there is not the trust necessary for a committed relationship, and that is why they question...
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202436_tn?1326477933
It's not being a coward so much as it is making sure.  When a woman gets pregnant she KNOWS 100% without a doubt that it's her child.  But when a woman tells a man she's pregnant with his child...he has no proof right away.  There have been many cases of women lying to a man and it not being his child.  ESPECIALLY if the child is created outside of a commited relationship OR when the woman has cheated.  BEsides this man is not looking to duck and run, he's hoping he IS the dad.  So I'd say he's being cautious not cowardly.
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Avatar_m_tn
THank you.
Exactly that's for sure.

But she said i'm not the dad 5 days ago.
I'm down like a root of the deepest tree.

Please don't cheat everybody. Please...
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377493_tn?1356505749
Oh I am so sorry.  I can only imagine how much that hurt you.  I wish you healing.  And honestly, if she was going to be a cheater, I am glad you found out now not after marriage and a few children.  Please take care, I am sure you are a good man, and there will be a women out there who appreciates you.
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1571146_tn?1399913292
very sorry to hear. at least she was honest and you found out early on before you really became attached.

You sound like a really nice guy, and you will find the "right one" someday and start your family and it sounds to me like you'd make a great Daddy.
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1386249_tn?1303095696
Who are we to past judgement on others?  When I first read this post, the first thing that came to my mind was, let me try and help this guy.  Obviously, he is posting because he needed help.  Whose to say that there arent women on this sight who are so scandalous and just trying to get pregnant and trap someone?  Whether infedelity is the case or not, people are asking questions because they need answers, help, or just your opinion.  If you want to judge, simply skip the post. Its just that easy. Its unfortunate if most men you know are cowards.  Most of the ones I know are not.  Most of us here help each other on a daily, if not, weekly basis.  Its nice to be able to help someone new with new questions.  It might help someone else.  Ankuunaa, I am sorry to hear that this baby is not yours, but happy that you found out sooner rather than later.  Good luck to you, and please feel free to post any future questions you may have.  
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377493_tn?1356505749
Well said.  This is a place for support and encouragement.  Everyone should feel safe here asking anything with regards to pregnancy.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks everybody. You guys really helped me to cheer up a little.

So since you guys told, any questions are welcome. I have another one if you don't mind.

The thing is that, she doesn't love the father of the child. She says she loves me, and realized how much she loved me after all these situations. Right now, I can't forget her. She's been facing a lot of miseries, like her parents got passed away. She says I'm the only valuable thing that she has.

What should we do with this stupid dilemma?

Thank you again for all of your generous comments.
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Avatar_f_tn
The practical side of me wants to say:

"Dude, you are too young to assume responsibilities for HER issues on top of your own. Run, don't walk, away. She needs to starighten her life out, you can't do it for her and if you try most likely she will pull you under too."

To the young woman "Girl, gets some counseling, arrange an adoption of your baby to a loving family and work through your issues."

Of course the touchy-feely side of me wants to help her...but honestly, no one short of a professional can help her :(
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377493_tn?1356505749
I have to say my initial instincts are the same as Christines.  However, it really depends on how you feel.  Many relationships survive infedelity and are able to move forward.  I think what you both need to be thinking about is this child.  If you are to stay with her, are you able to love that baby.  And by that I mean, be able to treat him or her as your own.  For regardless of what has happened, it is not that child's fault.  

This is way beyond me and I am not certain anyone can give you really great advice on this..it's a matter of the heart.  I would really suggest checking out some of MH's other forums.  There is a relationship forum with some really great folks that have been through similar type experiences.  And I also suggest your girlfriend seek some counselling..perhaps you as well.
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1266942_tn?1373042525
If I would were you I would take some time to myself and weigh the good and the bad honestly. Also remember you can be there for her as a friend and Godfather. But as far as your relationship really think about it and then talk with her. Do what is best for you no matter what other people think. Only you know what you can handle, but remember there is a child involved and whether you like the father or not he is the father and if he is active in the life of the child how will you feel? Something people do not think about.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you everybody. Really feeding by the comments of the others here. It helps me think again. So thank you.

Since the time she told me the other day, it's been a while. hehe. Like before 3 days ago we had a long talk, and some text chatting through internet. She says she loves me still, but can't meet me or continue our relationship, even if she wants it bad, because she thinks she has no gut to do that.

And I'm thinking, thinking, thinking... what to do with her.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you Everyone who gave your any thoughts.

It was really helpful for me to decide and push myself through this hard times that i had in the past 2 weeks.

Great people, great advice and great community.

So Wish you nothing but the Best of all everyone, Adgal, Jhanee, ChristineMP, Shuga1109, Moma_Cher, LosingMymind, Melimeli, Fadingsun.

Cheers everybody  
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296076_tn?1371338074
HI,
Well that is weird.  Why does she not want anything else to do with you?  Seems that being pg. she would want even more to be with you and have a father for her child.  Pretty suspicious...   What do you think?  If she is having your child could you live knowing you have a child out there that you don't know???
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296076_tn?1371338074
h sorry reread....   look for a honest girl... use protection until you are commited and good luck you seem like a good guy!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Meli

About that, I wasn't the father. And she had an abortion last Monday. Her body's not that bad.
We talked about some thrift.  Eating mushroom soup will shrink her uterus back. And for god's sake, no other bad things happen to her in the future child.

You see, I love her. But she thinks I don't.
Hehe...

Very complicated situation.
But somehow it'll be solved.

Thank you for your generous comment.
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