advice

[ilyxxme]

Are they any moms that had they kids young I had my twins b/g at 21 then had my daughter at 22 I'm now 23 weeks pregnant with my fourth and I'm 23 what the best advice you can give me having four kids so young

[JulieKuhnert]

I won't spoil my child, actual I probably will, but we plan on having two so the spoiling will be minimal. What I meant by providing the best, is I don't want to have to tell my child no if it's something they really want. If my husband and I want to go to Disney world, I want to have the money for it without having to scrimp and save for years. My parents worked hard to provide for us, we didn't have everything we wanted, but we knew in the end they loved us.  We had more than many families, less than many also. .... middle class.  I want my child to have the same or better childhood growing up, to know his parents love him, to be able to financially provide for him, and to raise him to be a living and respectful adult. Should he get a girl pregnant when he's a teen, I will not disown him, but I will be disappointed in him. I will raise him to respect girls, to love and respect his elders, and I just hope some of it will catch on. I've already started a college account for him,  I'm 14 weeks pregnant,  that my husband and I put into every week.  I'm hoping that raising him to respect women will teach him to love them enough to wait until they're old enough to have children.  I will spoil my child with love and affection. We will provide for him monetarily, but he will never question our love for him.

[ilyxxme]

I know this from experience my dad had money he make sure I had what I wanted and I need and he dose that with my kids I have to stop with my kids my kids because money don't buy love  or happiness as I child all I wanted was love to be with him or go where ever he was going

[ilyxxme]

Basically what I'm saying I do work full time decent hours when I can come home spend time with my children and so as my boyfriend we both having jobs and yes we are young and we do have kids young he older then me by couple years but we are able to spend time with our kids personalilty I don't want to be at home stay home mom my twins go to school and my baby girl go to daycare but we all at home by 6 at the latest i have weekend off my boyfriend variable because he is police officer I thought by going to this age group I can get some advice from mothers who been in my shoes where I'm in now but thanks to everyone who give me advice even the negative makes me works harder kinda thinking about going back to school RN now

[JulieKuhnert]

Yes a child needs love, but a child also needs clothes, they need diapers, they need a crib and toys. Love is wonderful, but it won't keep your child warm on a cold night. Plenty of people love their children, but are ill equipped to take care of them.  Love can only get you so far, unless you are planning on living off public assistance.  I can't imagine taking care of 4 kids at 23, I could barely take care of myself at that age, and my parents raised me to be strong and independent. It's just a fact of life that you are young, it's not a horrible thing, we all need time to grow and mature. I loved my 20s, I truly learned who I am during those years. If I was being mommy at a young age, I don't think I'd be the same person I am today. Maybe I'd be better, maybe worse, but I wouldn't be the same woman my husband fell in love with. I probably wouldn't have even met my husband, since I met him playing a video game, which I wouldn't have had time for if I was raising 4 kids.  I wouldn't be married to the absolutely must wonderful man in the wOrld. All I know, it's that my personality, my views, my self worth came from exploration of myself during my 20s. I don't feel I could be as successful a mommy without first knowing who I am. If I was raising kids during that time, I wouldn't have been able to find out about myself.

[Danicaantle]

I think its very sad that some people think throwing money at kids and buying them things makes them happy. My parents worked their butts off to take care of me and my siblings and i couldn't have everything i wanted when i was little but i had everything i needed. Buying kids stuff all the time makes kids spoiled and they don't learn the value of things. I am also on my 4th child and i am a stay at home mom and my husband works. Its definitely going to be a change when baby number 4 gets here as i have a child that will be 1 right before this baby is due. Congratulations on your baby and don't let people put you down just because they aren't happy with their own lives

[JulieKuhnert]

I'm sorry, I have a very hard time reading what you are writing. Can you please add punctuation and capital letters, instead of just having a long run on sentence? It really does help with communicating. She said she wanted to get an education so her children wouldn't make the same mistake she did, I figured she meant having children so young. And I did mention love when talking about marriage. The bad thing is money is extremely important when raising a child, I want my child to have the absolute best of everything. My husband and I could probably afford 2, I will be a stay at home mom though.  If I was to work we could have more, but honestly we've discussed this and only want two children.  When my children go to school, I will rejoin the workforce, I'll have my computer science degree to fall back on. I made sure my education was completed before getting into a serious relationship.  

[ilyxxme]

My twins was unplanned what I meant by mistake I don't want them to have kids young I do want them to get there education first because it was hard going to school with newborns at home thank god I have my family because my boyfriend was in police adcamdy my baby girl was planned

[ilyxxme]

Yeah right about the whole age thing I don't because ya are oldee mom ya might be with thru the same thing as me can give some advice and wiser but I guess now all ya think the same but thanks to the one who did give me advice my third baby girl was planned this no I got pregnant off IUD  so I was on birth control with this baby so I'm just praying for healthy baby and one more thing people getting mad over what I said because having a baby cost a lot it do but what to love that what mainly what a baby needs they don't know about nothing else they need it but still what to love I haven't hear nobody mentioned nothing about love just money money

[mom9908]

Wait where did she called her babies a mistake. In my comment I referred to the first child unplanned.

[mom9908]

She prolly was in this group looking for ladies w kids to relate to. Not to be stereotyped.  Who are we to judge. Her family could be well off not that its anyone's business.  I also pay taxes and will not be able to have 4 kids but its also about the lifestyle and where u live. Don't keep up w the Jones's and have two kids.

[JulieKuhnert]

And if you have everything so perfect at 23, why come into the 35+ forum asking for advice?  Or are you just trying to start a topic you know will sir things up?  Most of the women in this forum are having babies, some ftm, who have waited, planned, etc,.  I get kind of annoyed being told in this forum dedicated to older mothers that this 23 year old has everything figured out. I come here to talk to older mothers who are going through the same things I am, not have a 23 year old act like she has everything figured out at the store old age of 23.  At 23 I knew everything too. I don't post in the 18-24 year old forum, so why do the kids come here?

[JulieKuhnert]

I understand where she comes from to be honest. My husband just got a $16,000 /yr pay raise, and about $10,000 of it is taken in taxes.  We also will probably only be able to have 1 child because we are so heavily taxed.  Why work hard, get an education, etc only for so much of your paycheck to be taken to support those who don't make good choices?  4 kids before 24 isn't showingthe best choices, birth control is so readily available.  How are you able to take care of 4 kids, work a full time job, finish school, and hold togethera relationship?  You call the kids a mistake,yet you continually made the same "mistake" over and over. Why not just wait and use birth control until you were a bit older?  I understand 1 mistake, but to make it a2nd and 3rd time?  Your words. ...... not mine.  Having babies doesn't make one grown, a 13 year old can have babies, but they are still a kid.  There is nothing wrong with being a younger parent, there is something wrong with continuing to do the same thing over and over and hoping for different results. Getting married isn't just a"piece of paper" it is an affirmation to everyone and God that you are in love and committed to this 1 person.  Acting like it's nothing is basically putting down all those who are married.  

[mom9908]

I have been w my now husband since I was 15 (19 yrs ago) we didn't get married till our daughter was seven so I believe its up to you there is no right or wrong way to raise ur family. .

[mom9908]

Don't be sorry your right..

[ilyxxme]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to go off people are so judgement that why they are so many people out there afraid to ask for helps so they just give up I don't know if I have it I help everybody out because you never know they situation

[mom9908]

Wow.. I cant believe someone would have went on a rant like that.. obviously someone's life isn't as peachy as one may think. How can u assume how someone's life is like bc they had kids young. Maybe kjskibum needs some anger management classes or a spiritual advisor or try church.  Really lets support each other and not assume stuff.

[ilyxxme]

Wow LVN is low pay job that a first because  my job and my boyfriend job we are able to get our own house   pay all our bills and help my mom out but that was not my question tho

[ilyxxme]

I think being marry is just a peice of paper to prove your love to everyone and so do he my kids gets everything need not want and I work hard without any public assistance and I didnt ask anybody for nothing that way after I had my twins I made sure I went to school to get education so my kids won't made the same mistake as I had did so they won't have to deal with people like you I really don't understand you or any other people think they way as you I get taxes tooken out of my checks to you not the only and so do anybody else not everybody's  choose to have baby early they couldve of be raped or looking for love I have so many young girls come in the office as I listen to there story I'm glad my taxes money are going towards I don't know about you I like helping people that in a bad situation not only is god blessing me but he will keeps blessing me when I'm able to help others n that wasn't my question was there any mom that was in my situation as me and what they did and what the advice they can give me I didn't say I was in a bad situation or I didn't like it

[kjskibum]

Why are you not married if you have been together 5 years and are choosing to become pregnant over and over again? Does your job as a LVN and his job allow you to support your choice to have kids without using public assistance for medical, food stamps, and your education/ tuition? If not, then please do stop procreating. Children deserve to be raised by parents who are able to teach them to value education and self sufficiency. I worked full time through my 20s in union jobs that had apprenticeship programs that gave me a skill and trade. In my 30s I paid my own way through college, and am able to work in management in a high paid position. I saved money and found a man who values women as partner/equal. We bought house in a good school district and quite neighborhood. We married and are now preg. with a honeymoon baby. We are both able to work from home part time and will both be able to be involved raising this child and any others. I am bitter that because I made the choice to work hard to EARN a quality lifestyle, that I am now excessively taxed to pay for women who aren't willing to ensure they can afford to raise kids before getting pregnant. With the amount of pregnancy education out there and free access to birth control there is no reason why women can not become equal wage earners. I work hard for my money and lifestyle, and for it I am taxed to the point we will probably choose to only have one kid so we can afford to pay for its college and our retirement....yet the government steals my money from me to support women who choose to stay in low pay jobs, who don't have enough self esteem to find a man who respects them enough to marry them, and chooses to have too many kids to support without MY TAXES! Argh! Quit being so selfish. Your children deserve better!

[mom9908]

Sounds like u got it under control then. Good glad to hear that. Sit back and enjoy then :)

[ilyxxme]

I just pass my state test for LVN  I'm currently working in a doctor office as an medical assistant and I wanted to further my education as LVN I just got pregnant it was no addicent because I knew what I was getting and me and my boyfriend been together for 5 years just not married but we do have our own place  and do ever as a married couple do we just not marry

[mom9908]

I had my daughter young unplanned obviously.  But after the first unplanned u would think u could figure out how to prevent it,  if thats not what u want. Babies are a blessing be grateful for everyday w them. I dont know if ur in the  U.S. but I think some states they will tie you tubes after three kid's, but that's a tough choice bc u are so young. Like I said I had my first senior in high school second at 27 and now im 34 hoping it happens again. Best of luck to you there are lots of options for u. . Remember how lucky u r to be able to have a big family.

[JulieKuhnert]

Slow down having babies.  Get your college degree, get a good paying job, and support your children. Hopefully your husband or significant other has a good job, if you're not married or in a committed relationship start some sort of birth control after you give birth to this baby.  That seems like an awful lot for someone so young to deal with.  I'd talk to my doctor about a tubal.  Mostly I'd stop worrying about having sex(if you aren't in a committed relationship) and concentrate on my children.  If you are married or in a committed relationship, I'd talk to my partner about the tubal or him getting a vasectomy.

[TMMB]

...I hope that helps. Take care.