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Feel very sad about my age - anyone else?
Hi there, I am wondering whether anyone else frequently feels very sad about how old they are. My husband hates when I complain about it, because I can't change it, and tells me I should feel lucky we have what we do: a wonderful, beautiful, healthy baby girl.
I am constantly feeling sad that I got started late and didn't become a mom until 40. Although I was lucky enough to conceive a second time on the first try when my baby was only six months old, now all signs of my pregnancy are pointing to a miscarriage. I am very sad to lose my little unborn baby who I will never know. In addition to mourning the loss, I am worried about whether I will ever be lucky enough to conceive again, or deliver another healthy baby. I will also be close to 42 years old at the earliest when my second child is born, if ever. This all makes me sad. Having a child is the most wonderful thing, and people can adopt, use an egg donor, etc. to have the family they want even in their 40s. However, even knowing that, I get very sad that I'm not young enough to have a family I really want and could have had had I started earlier.
I'm sorry for this rambling post..and I hope I didn't upset anyone. I suppose I am wondering whether my feelings are normal?
I am constantly feeling sad that I got started late and didn't become a mom until 40. Although I was lucky enough to conceive a second time on the first try when my baby was only six months old, now all signs of my pregnancy are pointing to a miscarriage. I am very sad to lose my little unborn baby who I will never know. In addition to mourning the loss, I am worried about whether I will ever be lucky enough to conceive again, or deliver another healthy baby. I will also be close to 42 years old at the earliest when my second child is born, if ever. This all makes me sad. Having a child is the most wonderful thing, and people can adopt, use an egg donor, etc. to have the family they want even in their 40s. However, even knowing that, I get very sad that I'm not young enough to have a family I really want and could have had had I started earlier.
I'm sorry for this rambling post..and I hope I didn't upset anyone. I suppose I am wondering whether my feelings are normal?
I'm so sorry for you. I feel your pain with wanting more children - I just turned 41 and have an 11 year old. My husband did not want anymore - but now we are both wishing that we had have more - the trouble is I haven't had a period in over 12 months - so I'm technically done! :( That makes me very sad.. I've been perimenopausal for 6 years already - (hot flash hell!) And now I guess I'm just done. Thankfully - you are still able to get pregnant so you have the chance to try again. I wish you well!!!!
I am so sorry hun ;( Nothing I can say will make you feel better right now, time will be the only thing that will.
You will get through this, & you will be a better person for it. For me & my mc's, I feel it has made me more sensitive & I have more compassion for others. & I also feel like I'm a little stronger. ;)
Hang in there, lots of ((((hugs))))
L
You will get through this, & you will be a better person for it. For me & my mc's, I feel it has made me more sensitive & I have more compassion for others. & I also feel like I'm a little stronger. ;)
Hang in there, lots of ((((hugs))))
L
Oh, I really am so happy to have found this forum! It's so great to have my feelings validated..I'm not totally crazy! Mariana, you really added levity to the situation..and me laugh on a very sad day. Lucky you to look so young..I always tell my husband how people with darker skin look so much younger...we Irish/English/German mutts don't fare as well...although I luckily have good genes in terms of skinny/fitness so I pass for younger too. Especially if I wear sunglasses to hide my crows feet:)
So, I had my final u/s and blood work done today. My little baby is definitely not growing - still no heartbeat at 9mm and hcg levels barely went up - and so my doctor wants to do a d&c. Will probably do tomorrow morning unless I find out it'll increase my chance of another m/c.
So, I had my final u/s and blood work done today. My little baby is definitely not growing - still no heartbeat at 9mm and hcg levels barely went up - and so my doctor wants to do a d&c. Will probably do tomorrow morning unless I find out it'll increase my chance of another m/c.
OMG!!!!! Horrible English,,,,, hahahaha
What does TTC mean?
BTW, I hate my age as well. I will be 41 in Sepember. I had 2 IVF no baby:(... trying to conceive naturally this month and my next IVF will be in September. I have a 14 year old daughter from a pevious horrible marriage and now I am with the love of my life, he is 37. We both wished we have met 10 years ago but it's like everybody says..... you can't change your age :( ..... I find myself looking at younger women and resenting them.... isn't that so BAD!!! OMG!!!! but well..... it is what it is :(
Wish me luck.
The "WORST" patrt is that I look like 25... hjahahhaah Im from venezuela and my mom has very good genes:) so I hope I still have a "good EGG" somewhere in my ovaries.... two will be better!!
I love this forum BTW! I was very sad after my second IVF this last June. My first one was in April.
What does TTC mean?
BTW, I hate my age as well. I will be 41 in Sepember. I had 2 IVF no baby:(... trying to conceive naturally this month and my next IVF will be in September. I have a 14 year old daughter from a pevious horrible marriage and now I am with the love of my life, he is 37. We both wished we have met 10 years ago but it's like everybody says..... you can't change your age :( ..... I find myself looking at younger women and resenting them.... isn't that so BAD!!! OMG!!!! but well..... it is what it is :(
Wish me luck.
The "WORST" patrt is that I look like 25... hjahahhaah Im from venezuela and my mom has very good genes:) so I hope I still have a "good EGG" somewhere in my ovaries.... two will be better!!
I love this forum BTW! I was very sad after my second IVF this last June. My first one was in April.
Hi,
I know how you're feeling - after my 2nd m/c in June I was depressed and the biological clock was screaming in my head - I was conscious of it 24/7. I'm 41 too and while I'm trying to be as positive as I can ( husband doesn't like to hear me griping about my age too ) I sometimes I am scared that I won't be a mommy. I've often regretted not starting sooner but, I also know that when/ if I ever have a child - I'll be more than ready for this kid 'cause it will be sooooo wanted and loved way before it was conceived. I don't know if I'd call it selfishness for not starting earlier - I just wasn't ready emotionally, financially etc... back then. By now, I've worked through alot of my "issues" and like to think I won't screw my future kid's life ;) and am more than ready to handle motherhood.
You'll find alot of hope and happy endings on this forum. Its what keeps my hope alive - this is one of my best discoveries. Know you can come here anytime you feel like a pick me up, or to vent. Everyone is there for you. I wish you alot of luck - don't give up on this pg yet - your doctor gave you a window of hope. After reading the responses to my pre-m/c post ( may/june) : I suggest you NOT rush into any decisions ( d & c) - maybe you might want to wait another week or so to do another u/s. Good luck and keep us posted.
I know how you're feeling - after my 2nd m/c in June I was depressed and the biological clock was screaming in my head - I was conscious of it 24/7. I'm 41 too and while I'm trying to be as positive as I can ( husband doesn't like to hear me griping about my age too ) I sometimes I am scared that I won't be a mommy. I've often regretted not starting sooner but, I also know that when/ if I ever have a child - I'll be more than ready for this kid 'cause it will be sooooo wanted and loved way before it was conceived. I don't know if I'd call it selfishness for not starting earlier - I just wasn't ready emotionally, financially etc... back then. By now, I've worked through alot of my "issues" and like to think I won't screw my future kid's life ;) and am more than ready to handle motherhood.
You'll find alot of hope and happy endings on this forum. Its what keeps my hope alive - this is one of my best discoveries. Know you can come here anytime you feel like a pick me up, or to vent. Everyone is there for you. I wish you alot of luck - don't give up on this pg yet - your doctor gave you a window of hope. After reading the responses to my pre-m/c post ( may/june) : I suggest you NOT rush into any decisions ( d & c) - maybe you might want to wait another week or so to do another u/s. Good luck and keep us posted.
Hi ladies, Thanks again for all your kind words and support. You are right, TreeFrog, my daughter has a patient mommy...and a very appreciative one. I wish you the best of luck in ttc, too. And continue to be positive..it helps the rest of us, too!:)
Hi! It's natural to feel the way you feel at times - I think we've all been there. You'll feel better soon, but in the mean time, you did the right thing by sharing your feelings with you pals here. I am 44 and ttc our first. It's easy to get bogged down in doom-and-gloom statistics (which often are not presented properly), so I like to read success stories! There are lots. There are also many many "older" moms, and believe me, it has its advantages. Your children have a better, more experienced, more patient Mommy, even if she doesn't go jogging with the stroller!
I view the opportunity to try for a child as a marvellous opportunity, regardless of the odds and some of the negative hype. But, like you, sometimes I have my less optimistic days. It will pass. Best wishes!
I view the opportunity to try for a child as a marvellous opportunity, regardless of the odds and some of the negative hype. But, like you, sometimes I have my less optimistic days. It will pass. Best wishes!
My heart goes out to you.
Don't have regrets about your age. Your age and experience has made you the wonderful mom that you are now.
You sound healthy enough to get pregnant again if this one doesn't take.
I just met a gal that had a baby when she was 42. The little cute boy was 3 and she was 45. She said God brought him at the right time in her life.
Let us know how you are feeling.
Don't have regrets about your age. Your age and experience has made you the wonderful mom that you are now.
You sound healthy enough to get pregnant again if this one doesn't take.
I just met a gal that had a baby when she was 42. The little cute boy was 3 and she was 45. She said God brought him at the right time in her life.
Let us know how you are feeling.
I can so relate to your feelings. While I haven't experienced the loss of a pregnancy, I HAVE almost "mourned" the loss of my youth. I had two unplanned pregnancies when I was young and raised my kids alone. Finally, at 39, I met the man I'd always been waiting for. We decided after a year of dating to try for a baby and, luckily, got pregnant right away. We got married, and the baby is six weeks old now. But I've still found myself having feelings similar to yours...wishing this would have all happened ten years ago. And having another just isn't feasible financially and for many other reasons - so I made the decision to have my tubes tied when this baby was born. I almost immediately regretted the decision, and have mourned *that loss. But, as hormones have settled down, I've begun to realize it was the right decision, I'm lucky to have three gorgeous kids and a wonderful husband, and I still have forty years of healthy life left. Maybe my childbearing years are over, but my life isn't!
I think that once your hormones settle down you will feel better...and you can continue trying! I was 41 when this baby was born, and we were both perfectly healthy. You can do it! GOOD LUCK!
Tricia
I think that once your hormones settle down you will feel better...and you can continue trying! I was 41 when this baby was born, and we were both perfectly healthy. You can do it! GOOD LUCK!
Tricia
Thank you all for your very thoughtful and sweet comments. I read them twice. I know once I get past the worst of this, I will get hopeful again. My husband isn't giving up on this little one yet, which makes me cry, but I hope we will have another one soon and then I know I will be thrilled and so grateful, whatever age I am! Best of luck to you who are ttc and to you who are already pregnant. I will be watching for your updates!
I am 40 and pregnant with my first after 5 miscarriages. I often wonder if it would have been different had I been younger, but the reality is I'm not and I will never know for certain. My mother had several losses as well, and all her's were in her 20's and early 30's, so who knows? I will be 41 when my son is born and fully intend to try for a second as soon as we can. Yes, sometimes I wish I had started earlier. However, we all do what we do for a reason. In my case I just know I wouldn't have been as good a mom younger. Lot's of women are, but I wouldn't have. I am now in a very stable marriage and my child will grow up with 2 parents who are dedicated to him and each other. I hadn't met anyone I really wanted to build a life with while I was younger. We are more stable financially and more prepared to stay home and truly be a family. Maybe that makes me sound like I was selfish in my 20's and 30's..perhaps I was. But I was completely focused on career and me! So there are pro's and con's to having a baby at any age. For some it's a much better experience younger and for some of us older. I'm sorry you are going through a stressful time. Yes, it can be more difficult for us 40 somethings to have successful pregnancies, but this forum is full of happy endings. It can and does happen. Hang in there and again, I am sorry for what you are going through. I have been there, and I know how hard a time this is. Thinking about you....Amanda
Hang in there! I got married at 30 and have 2 boys. At age 36 I started ttc to hopefully get a girl but I have had 3 miscarriages since then. My last pregnancy was at age 43! I know how hard it is to stay positive.I am still actively ttc and I just turned 45! Age is just a number and as long as you take care of yourself and try to stay healthy you have a good chance! I see many ladies that are younger than me but I am in much better shape and look alot younger than them. It is so hard to stop ttc but then again I need to live my life to the fullest.My dh and my boys need me.Like the saying goes( If your not happy then they won't be). A friend of mine on medhelp(Aurorasage) got pg 2 months ago and had a miscarriage just last month.She tried to get pg right away and guess what.She just found out she is pregnant again!! Alot of us are here to support you in whatever decision you decide to make and will help you get through what you are currently going through. I will be praying for you and if you ever need to talk to someone I will be there.Best wishes!!
i hope things get better honey. i find myself very nostalgic. wishing i could go back in time for just a day. i am sure it has to do with TTC. i dream about grade school and high school friends and events all the time. maybe it's because of facebook??? definitely can relate to wishing I started sooner but many friends who did are now divorced. we never can say for sure that all would have been well had we started sooner. all we can control is how we react now and what we will commit to the kids we will soon have or already have in your case. hang in there.
kpm - I think right now you're in mourning for several things - for your unborn child and that's the biggest thing right now. I believe after reading your post that it's kind of clouding everything and losing perspective about your age.
You could say that you got the chance to have an actual life before children by waiting until you were 40 - there are so many women like yourself on this forum. Not that you don't have a life w/being a parent - it's just that everything changes from the focus on yourself to that child(ren). You have a wealth of experiences, etc to offer your child that no younger parent can match.
Give yourself a chance to mourn & if you decide to get pregnant again, give it a chance. If after a while you decide to have another child, go for it! It could be hard or it could be easy and if it's a little more difficult, there's always help around the corner.
I went through a lot of the same thing that you described but in reverse - I was 21 when I had my first child & I really thought I should've waited and I wasted a lot of time wishing I could've done things differently. I realize now that I focused on the wrong things. For you, if you do indeed miscarry, you'll grieve and have regrets which is normal and then you'll move on.
Don't give up hope - I know right now it seems useless especially when I read your situation on your mood. You never know - things could turn around really fast so i'll keep you in my thoughts and sorry this is so long! - jen
You could say that you got the chance to have an actual life before children by waiting until you were 40 - there are so many women like yourself on this forum. Not that you don't have a life w/being a parent - it's just that everything changes from the focus on yourself to that child(ren). You have a wealth of experiences, etc to offer your child that no younger parent can match.
Give yourself a chance to mourn & if you decide to get pregnant again, give it a chance. If after a while you decide to have another child, go for it! It could be hard or it could be easy and if it's a little more difficult, there's always help around the corner.
I went through a lot of the same thing that you described but in reverse - I was 21 when I had my first child & I really thought I should've waited and I wasted a lot of time wishing I could've done things differently. I realize now that I focused on the wrong things. For you, if you do indeed miscarry, you'll grieve and have regrets which is normal and then you'll move on.
Don't give up hope - I know right now it seems useless especially when I read your situation on your mood. You never know - things could turn around really fast so i'll keep you in my thoughts and sorry this is so long! - jen
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