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For Experienced Moms....what did they not tell you.....
There are quite a few of us first time moms to be here. What do you experienced moms wish you had been told that no one told you....could be about labor and childbirth, or adjusting to motherhood and all the changes that will come with that. Basically, anything that you wish someone had told you about.....
Get plenty of rest throughout your entire pregnancy especially your last trimester. Be prepared that your little bundle of joy will not sleep too much at night and that you will be very tired and exhaused for the first several months. This isn't always the case but it was for both of my kids.
Set limits on who visits, when they visit and for how long. Don't invite negative people or people with who you have a negative relationship for long stints or very early after your baby's birth. You and your baby's relationship and care, taking care of you both is the absolutely most important thing during this time. Be aware of post-partum depression seek tx immediately if you are having more than the baby blues.
Be realistic, having a new baby is a slice of life so to speak. While it is an amazing miracle the is the good, the bad and the ugly. Be realistic!
Set limits on who visits, when they visit and for how long. Don't invite negative people or people with who you have a negative relationship for long stints or very early after your baby's birth. You and your baby's relationship and care, taking care of you both is the absolutely most important thing during this time. Be aware of post-partum depression seek tx immediately if you are having more than the baby blues.
Be realistic, having a new baby is a slice of life so to speak. While it is an amazing miracle the is the good, the bad and the ugly. Be realistic!
i didnt read them all, my eyes are crossing right now lol.
i think the second - third week were the most exhausting for me. the first i ran on excitement and then it was "i need sleeeeeeeeep!" .
after the dr gives you the ok, make yourself want to have sex. a couple that has an active sex life is happier and argues less.
motherhood is filled with ups and downs. every age has its pros and some of the phases have cons. you learn and move on, trust yourself.
dh might do things that make you just cringe, unless its unsafe for baby walk away and remember he could be out with the guys or watching tv ignoring everything. (hard one for me im controlling lol).
i felt guilty the first time i left both my babies. oh i wanted them back 30 min after i dropped them off. i worried and called to check and didnt enjoy myself (getting hair done or out with dh alone). try your best to remember its ok!! you deserve an hour to yourself and ryder will be OK.
many many people will question you "are you only having one?" "when are you having another?" blah blah blah. i just make stuff up and smile so they know im full of poop. the old ladies at the grocery will tell you to feed them food at 3months, other moms will say let him cry at 1 week they need to learn. you do what you feel is best for your son. i know you will but you will be surprised the first time the mother claws come out! lol
i think the second - third week were the most exhausting for me. the first i ran on excitement and then it was "i need sleeeeeeeeep!" .
after the dr gives you the ok, make yourself want to have sex. a couple that has an active sex life is happier and argues less.
motherhood is filled with ups and downs. every age has its pros and some of the phases have cons. you learn and move on, trust yourself.
dh might do things that make you just cringe, unless its unsafe for baby walk away and remember he could be out with the guys or watching tv ignoring everything. (hard one for me im controlling lol).
i felt guilty the first time i left both my babies. oh i wanted them back 30 min after i dropped them off. i worried and called to check and didnt enjoy myself (getting hair done or out with dh alone). try your best to remember its ok!! you deserve an hour to yourself and ryder will be OK.
many many people will question you "are you only having one?" "when are you having another?" blah blah blah. i just make stuff up and smile so they know im full of poop. the old ladies at the grocery will tell you to feed them food at 3months, other moms will say let him cry at 1 week they need to learn. you do what you feel is best for your son. i know you will but you will be surprised the first time the mother claws come out! lol
A little tip for when you have those days where you can't put one front in front of the other and don't think you can keep going you are so tired. I had a mantra I used to say to myself, this will only last a couple of weeks, this will only last a couple of weeks etc etc. Although my memory is fuzzy, lol, from what I do remember with tiny ones each stage seems to last about 6 weeks, ie, colic, changes in slee pattern etc, I would count down the weeks and if my husband was getting stressed I'd say "it's ok hon, only 3 more weeks and we'll be through this bit". It really did help me because psychologically i could see the end and no longer felt like it might go on forever.
Always go with your gut, do what feels right for you and your baby - even the best baby manual in the world doesn't know YOU and YOUR baby. Read them and take from them what seems to work for you but don't be upset if it doesn't work, go back to your gut instinct.
I plan on making lots of videos and taking lots of photos with this little one, I have forgotten so much from my others. You think you'll never forget such precious moments but there are so many of them you do.
xxxx
Always go with your gut, do what feels right for you and your baby - even the best baby manual in the world doesn't know YOU and YOUR baby. Read them and take from them what seems to work for you but don't be upset if it doesn't work, go back to your gut instinct.
I plan on making lots of videos and taking lots of photos with this little one, I have forgotten so much from my others. You think you'll never forget such precious moments but there are so many of them you do.
xxxx
Hi Amanda! Here is one other thing, I would have LOVED! to watch that movie "The business about being born" with Ricki Lake. It was sooo informative that I sure could have used the info. before giving birth. It would have sure made a huge impact on my choice of birthing and also in the use of Pitocin and the Epidural. In hindsight I would have done things so much differently. I strongly encourage all moms to be, to see it so they can have the heads up about what their choices are and what the baby will be going through especially the moms who are terrified of the idea of childbirth. Also I wish I would have been a little more aware of vaccines and the dangers they pose. Boy! I tell ya, things will be done so differently my second time around! Yes and SLEEP! never mind the messy house! sleep when ever he sleeps! no matter what, you don't want to be a zombie driving him to the Peds. office for a check up. If I think of any others I will post again.
What great advice here!
I agree with everything everyone has mentioned so far.
In addition to breast feeding not being easy I would also suggest finding a lactation specialist that you can go to once you are released from the hospital and doing it alone at home. We did fine in the hospital (when there is a ton of help around) but then struggled a lot several days after birth. I wish I had researched and found out how to see a lactation specialists before I was desperate for one. Turns out the pediatrician that my daughter goes to has one on staff. (of course I figured this out much later) They just billed as if my daughter was seeing her Dr. A lot of Peds do this so check into it.
Also be gentle with yourself in regards to bf but also everything else. Most things are not the end of the world and just taking a minute to step back from a "problem" can give you a lot of perspective. I had a miserable time with bf (infection after infection, low milk supply, etc) but the worst part was that I was so angry with myself for not "getting it right" that it really tainted the first few months of my daughters life. I've vowed to not give up with this baby either but also to not beat myself up over things that are out of my control.
And finding other moms that have kids the same age was so important for us. Seattle and Calgary aren't that far apart are they :) We joined a group called PEPS (program for early parenting support) They put you in a group of people that all live within a few miles of your home with other kids that are within a few weeks of age of your child. To this day those women and children are some of my and my daughters best friends and she is almost 3.5
I
I agree with everything everyone has mentioned so far.
In addition to breast feeding not being easy I would also suggest finding a lactation specialist that you can go to once you are released from the hospital and doing it alone at home. We did fine in the hospital (when there is a ton of help around) but then struggled a lot several days after birth. I wish I had researched and found out how to see a lactation specialists before I was desperate for one. Turns out the pediatrician that my daughter goes to has one on staff. (of course I figured this out much later) They just billed as if my daughter was seeing her Dr. A lot of Peds do this so check into it.
Also be gentle with yourself in regards to bf but also everything else. Most things are not the end of the world and just taking a minute to step back from a "problem" can give you a lot of perspective. I had a miserable time with bf (infection after infection, low milk supply, etc) but the worst part was that I was so angry with myself for not "getting it right" that it really tainted the first few months of my daughters life. I've vowed to not give up with this baby either but also to not beat myself up over things that are out of my control.
And finding other moms that have kids the same age was so important for us. Seattle and Calgary aren't that far apart are they :) We joined a group called PEPS (program for early parenting support) They put you in a group of people that all live within a few miles of your home with other kids that are within a few weeks of age of your child. To this day those women and children are some of my and my daughters best friends and she is almost 3.5
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Sigh....if only that were true right now. Hard to feel sexy when you bear a striking resemblance to a beached whale..lol. Thank God for chocolate!!! Ha.
OH!!! Here's one more....you will absolutely crave, want and desire all the sex in the world!!!!!
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )
courtcoop- I was thinking about this thread last night, and how scared it might make first time moms! and I was thinking about coming on and adding...
you expect all the joyful thing, you don't expect all the hard times, which is what this thread is kinda about... but the most important thing to remember is that you will survive.
when I had my first, my boss had two small children, his youngest was 2 when taylor was born, and I returned to work at 2 weeks pp... he told me "you might not believe this, but you will miss parts of this time in the very near future"... and I thought- yeah RIGHT! But you know what, I did. I missed how she would fit just curled up right on my tummy when I'd rock her.
She became colicy about 3 weeks after she was born and it lasted until she was about 10 weeks old- at the time I thought I wouldn't make it, I was so tired and she cried ALL the time- but man, I don't even know where the last 5 years went now!!!!
So, even with all the "prep for hard times" here, remember there are good times too- and the hard times pass quickly (infant hard times)..... then there are the terrible 2's...... then there is the "adding of a sibling"... (heres what they don't tell you about that- you are not adding a playmate for your first, you are adding a small being to FIGHT with your first all the time! ;) ) .... and then I am sure there are even more hard times to come... but I look forward to them all.
you expect all the joyful thing, you don't expect all the hard times, which is what this thread is kinda about... but the most important thing to remember is that you will survive.
when I had my first, my boss had two small children, his youngest was 2 when taylor was born, and I returned to work at 2 weeks pp... he told me "you might not believe this, but you will miss parts of this time in the very near future"... and I thought- yeah RIGHT! But you know what, I did. I missed how she would fit just curled up right on my tummy when I'd rock her.
She became colicy about 3 weeks after she was born and it lasted until she was about 10 weeks old- at the time I thought I wouldn't make it, I was so tired and she cried ALL the time- but man, I don't even know where the last 5 years went now!!!!
So, even with all the "prep for hard times" here, remember there are good times too- and the hard times pass quickly (infant hard times)..... then there are the terrible 2's...... then there is the "adding of a sibling"... (heres what they don't tell you about that- you are not adding a playmate for your first, you are adding a small being to FIGHT with your first all the time! ;) ) .... and then I am sure there are even more hard times to come... but I look forward to them all.
Oh yeah.
And giving birth is so messy! I never realised just how messy the whole process is.
Be kind to yourself and expect that it takes time to get your body back.
A clean and perfectly organised house is not essential.
Sardines on toast or baked beans make a perfectly fine dinner!
It is ok to be a good enough mum, you don't need to be perfect - you and your son will learn together.
I sleep with my baby and I think it's the easiest and most natural thing in the world (I've set up my bed so it's safe). My sisters all slept with their kids and they all went to their own beds when they were toddlers. So it's all how you handle it. I need to sleep because I work. Sleeping together we never have bedtime dramas. So make the sleeping arrangement that works for you.
Follow your instincts. For most things there is no 1 right way. So just do what you think is best, not what grandma, your neighbor, or the stranger in the street tells you.
Ask other women for support. It will be given generously. Guess that's why we're all here.
Enjoy your child. Having a child is the hardest, most wonderful, most joyous experience in life.
Breastfeeding was way harder than I expected, but it is also so worth it. Baby is nearly 1 year and we're finally going strong.
And giving birth is so messy! I never realised just how messy the whole process is.
Be kind to yourself and expect that it takes time to get your body back.
A clean and perfectly organised house is not essential.
Sardines on toast or baked beans make a perfectly fine dinner!
It is ok to be a good enough mum, you don't need to be perfect - you and your son will learn together.
I sleep with my baby and I think it's the easiest and most natural thing in the world (I've set up my bed so it's safe). My sisters all slept with their kids and they all went to their own beds when they were toddlers. So it's all how you handle it. I need to sleep because I work. Sleeping together we never have bedtime dramas. So make the sleeping arrangement that works for you.
Follow your instincts. For most things there is no 1 right way. So just do what you think is best, not what grandma, your neighbor, or the stranger in the street tells you.
Ask other women for support. It will be given generously. Guess that's why we're all here.
Enjoy your child. Having a child is the hardest, most wonderful, most joyous experience in life.
Breastfeeding was way harder than I expected, but it is also so worth it. Baby is nearly 1 year and we're finally going strong.
Wow, there is some fabulous advice and information here. I think I am going to print out this thread and stick it to my fridge or something. I truly appreciate all the info, this is exactly the sort of thing I was hoping for!! Thanks ladies, as always, you are the best!!!
I remember when checking out of the hospital the nurse asked us what kind of support network we had. We just gave her a blank look- our familes and old friends live far away, our friends here all have little babies of their own, and we're pretty stubborn about doing everything by ourselves. My DH and I have done pretty well- with only two nights out in two+ years- but I do envy those who have family nearby. No one had mentioned before anything about having a support network!
I wish I'd known that babies are tougher than they look and sleep most of the first 24 hours after birth. I DEFINITELY would have gotten some sleep then. Instead I spent that time watching her breathe. Every time she'd make a noise I'd jump "Eeek she's making a noise!" and every time she'd stop I'd jump "Eeek she's stopped making noises." Pretty silly looking back. Neither DH nor I had the slightest experience with babies. The first time we changed a diaper we did it so clumsily that we actually apologized to her for having such inept parents. We couldn't believe they let us take her out of the hospital.
I don't know if this is widely applicable, but my DD was an ok sleeper until we all went out of town when she was 12 weeks old. She became a terrible sleeper after that. Later my dentist said his kid did the same thing. DD never was a good sleeper again until I put my foot down and refused to go anywhere until she started sleeping through the night. I was unpopular with my in-laws for a while, but they weren't the ones getting up 2-3 times a night.
After fifteen years together with hardly any conflict, the first year was very hard on my DH and I. We snapped at each other a lot and had a few real blow-up fights. I've always needed a lot of sleep, but DD didn't sleep through the night until she was 21 months old, so I was pretty close to psycho some of the time. DH was used to having a lot of time for reading/napping/goofing off. The change was a real shock to him. We're back to where we were before- even closer because of our shared love of DD- but it was a rough patch in our marriage.
I let my DD nurse as much and as long as she wanted to- with unbelieveably sore nipples as a result. After a while I learned to watch for signs of swallowing and if she was just comfort nursing to switch her to a pacifier. (Not that she ever took to a pacifier.) Nursing can be hard at first- it was for me- but not for everyone, so don't get too psyched out about it ahead of time. Be sure to see the Lactation Consultant at the hospital- she can check the baby's latching which can make all the difference. Doctor Jack Newman's website really helped. So did Kellymom and of course MedHelp!
The best advice I got was that the baby doesn't know the "right" way to do things either and isn't judging you, so you get to figure it out together. It's so easy to feel guilty about every little thing, but you have to be easy on yourself- parenting is challenging, and no one is perfect every minute of every day. Remember to keep your sense of humor and take time to play! Oh yes, and really do try to sleep when the baby sleeps. They should print that on all newborn diapers or something!
I wish I'd known that babies are tougher than they look and sleep most of the first 24 hours after birth. I DEFINITELY would have gotten some sleep then. Instead I spent that time watching her breathe. Every time she'd make a noise I'd jump "Eeek she's making a noise!" and every time she'd stop I'd jump "Eeek she's stopped making noises." Pretty silly looking back. Neither DH nor I had the slightest experience with babies. The first time we changed a diaper we did it so clumsily that we actually apologized to her for having such inept parents. We couldn't believe they let us take her out of the hospital.
I don't know if this is widely applicable, but my DD was an ok sleeper until we all went out of town when she was 12 weeks old. She became a terrible sleeper after that. Later my dentist said his kid did the same thing. DD never was a good sleeper again until I put my foot down and refused to go anywhere until she started sleeping through the night. I was unpopular with my in-laws for a while, but they weren't the ones getting up 2-3 times a night.
After fifteen years together with hardly any conflict, the first year was very hard on my DH and I. We snapped at each other a lot and had a few real blow-up fights. I've always needed a lot of sleep, but DD didn't sleep through the night until she was 21 months old, so I was pretty close to psycho some of the time. DH was used to having a lot of time for reading/napping/goofing off. The change was a real shock to him. We're back to where we were before- even closer because of our shared love of DD- but it was a rough patch in our marriage.
I let my DD nurse as much and as long as she wanted to- with unbelieveably sore nipples as a result. After a while I learned to watch for signs of swallowing and if she was just comfort nursing to switch her to a pacifier. (Not that she ever took to a pacifier.) Nursing can be hard at first- it was for me- but not for everyone, so don't get too psyched out about it ahead of time. Be sure to see the Lactation Consultant at the hospital- she can check the baby's latching which can make all the difference. Doctor Jack Newman's website really helped. So did Kellymom and of course MedHelp!
The best advice I got was that the baby doesn't know the "right" way to do things either and isn't judging you, so you get to figure it out together. It's so easy to feel guilty about every little thing, but you have to be easy on yourself- parenting is challenging, and no one is perfect every minute of every day. Remember to keep your sense of humor and take time to play! Oh yes, and really do try to sleep when the baby sleeps. They should print that on all newborn diapers or something!
That was cute Court! How are you feeling dear? I hope better...has the bleeding stopped?
Debbie
Debbie
Definitely wished someone had told me that breastfeeding was not easy. I never realized either the guilt you suddenly feel about every little thing....when breastfeeding doesn't work right away, when you are short tempered with your husband b/c you're tired, when you cry when the baby cries in the middle of the night before you go pick her up. BUT you'll never love another soul as much, you'll never learn more from another person in your life!!!! With the tough times comes such a great, wonderful, fulfilling relationship that gets better with everyday they grow.
One thing I would definitely share is something that my mother told me just before I had my first child (she had 9 children). REMEMBER that you and your DH are the cake (the foundation for EVERYTHING) and the children are the icing (the stuff that makes life sweet).....that no matter what, don't feel guilty taking time every now and then for each other. Without each other, things will fall apart. It was something I never forgot. I may go out on a date only once a year with my DH, but that was the best advice anyone ever gave me!!!!!!!!!
One thing I would definitely share is something that my mother told me just before I had my first child (she had 9 children). REMEMBER that you and your DH are the cake (the foundation for EVERYTHING) and the children are the icing (the stuff that makes life sweet).....that no matter what, don't feel guilty taking time every now and then for each other. Without each other, things will fall apart. It was something I never forgot. I may go out on a date only once a year with my DH, but that was the best advice anyone ever gave me!!!!!!!!!
Expectations - this is what killed it for me first time round. I had such high expectations that I would have the perfect labour, birth, baby, etc etc. Nobody highlighted possible complications to me, I had absolutely no knowledge of what babies were like at all. I ended up having an emergency c section at 35 weeks because of pre-eclampsia and was presented with a baby boy. I had convinced myself I was having a baby girl. Result - severe post natal depression. It was a tough time and I missed out on the first 3 months of my little boys life, it took me years before I had a real bond with him.
Rest as much as you can, don't try and do everything, you are not superwoman.
Breast feeding is not easy or natural. I tried with all 4 of mine and didn't succeed with any of them. I felt guilty, but I shouldn't have done, it doesn't make you a lesser mother.
Rest as much as you can, don't try and do everything, you are not superwoman.
Breast feeding is not easy or natural. I tried with all 4 of mine and didn't succeed with any of them. I felt guilty, but I shouldn't have done, it doesn't make you a lesser mother.
:) some from above that I liked and agreed with:
breast feeding is hard. (meli)
your body will never be the same again. (pam)
the depression thing. (pam) I didn't expect that, esp after having miscarriages, I just thought I'd be the happiest person in the world to actually hold my baby.
one more of my own. the first night I layed in my hospital bed holding taylor in my arms all by myself and I looked at her, and she looked NOTHING like what I expected her to look like, and I thought "man, I felt like she was part of me just hours ago, I knew everything about her, every little move she made, and now she is here and she is her OWN person and I know NOTHING about her".... I guess I wasn't ready for her to be NOT a part of me or something, but it hit me hard... I just kinda thought I would feel bonded with her and like know everything about her or something- I don't know how to explain that, but I cried.... no one told me I would feel so seperated from her right away.
breast feeding is hard. (meli)
your body will never be the same again. (pam)
the depression thing. (pam) I didn't expect that, esp after having miscarriages, I just thought I'd be the happiest person in the world to actually hold my baby.
one more of my own. the first night I layed in my hospital bed holding taylor in my arms all by myself and I looked at her, and she looked NOTHING like what I expected her to look like, and I thought "man, I felt like she was part of me just hours ago, I knew everything about her, every little move she made, and now she is here and she is her OWN person and I know NOTHING about her".... I guess I wasn't ready for her to be NOT a part of me or something, but it hit me hard... I just kinda thought I would feel bonded with her and like know everything about her or something- I don't know how to explain that, but I cried.... no one told me I would feel so seperated from her right away.
Lots of good advice here. Try to trust yourself and the kind of mother you are. For instance I slept with my child from about 6 months and yes he was still coming in until 4 but that was fine for me. He's nearly 6 now and doesn't come into our bed. Everyone has different rules on this one.
Your milk may take a few days to come in. This is normal. I took 5 days.
Don't call it "crying" or "screaming", call it "fussing" or "complaining" or "grizzling". Makes it sound better in your head.
The first 3 weeks are hardest. The first 3 months are hardest. After 3 months things get a lot easier, I promise. You will get some time after that.
You will not die if you only have an hour's sleep in a night. you can survive on much less sleep than you think. it's not pleasant but it's doable. Your body is producing hormones to help you do this.
Try and find a new mum friend if you can.
He will train you. He knows what he needs and you just need to work out what it is.
I followed the rule "what would I have done in caveman days" when I was not sure what to do ie you don't need most of the stuff people think you do, it's useful but not essential. In cavemen days other women would look after the baby while the healthy ones went out to the fields ie daycare is ok, older sisters would be around, grandmas, aunties etc. family are important, babies wouldn't be left to cry on and on as it might attract preditors, see what i mean. Maybe it's a bit crazy but I thought the human race must have survived somehow.
Good luck.
Your milk may take a few days to come in. This is normal. I took 5 days.
Don't call it "crying" or "screaming", call it "fussing" or "complaining" or "grizzling". Makes it sound better in your head.
The first 3 weeks are hardest. The first 3 months are hardest. After 3 months things get a lot easier, I promise. You will get some time after that.
You will not die if you only have an hour's sleep in a night. you can survive on much less sleep than you think. it's not pleasant but it's doable. Your body is producing hormones to help you do this.
Try and find a new mum friend if you can.
He will train you. He knows what he needs and you just need to work out what it is.
I followed the rule "what would I have done in caveman days" when I was not sure what to do ie you don't need most of the stuff people think you do, it's useful but not essential. In cavemen days other women would look after the baby while the healthy ones went out to the fields ie daycare is ok, older sisters would be around, grandmas, aunties etc. family are important, babies wouldn't be left to cry on and on as it might attract preditors, see what i mean. Maybe it's a bit crazy but I thought the human race must have survived somehow.
Good luck.
Never be afraid to ask DH or a trusted family member/friend for help. Babies take a lot of time and energy and if you can get someone to come over so you can sneak in a little nap, do it.
Don't expect to know everything right away. Just like everything else in life, you have to learn how to care for baby. Each baby is different and no matter how many or how few babies you've been around, it is completely different when it is your own and you have to be hands on 24/7.
Don't get upset if you cannot figure out what baby wants. Each cry is different, but it takes time and patience to figure them out.
DO relax and enjoy your baby. Everything else can be put on the back burner for awhile. It is a special time and bonding is VERY important. Let things that are not the absolute necessity go.
Don't expect to know everything right away. Just like everything else in life, you have to learn how to care for baby. Each baby is different and no matter how many or how few babies you've been around, it is completely different when it is your own and you have to be hands on 24/7.
Don't get upset if you cannot figure out what baby wants. Each cry is different, but it takes time and patience to figure them out.
DO relax and enjoy your baby. Everything else can be put on the back burner for awhile. It is a special time and bonding is VERY important. Let things that are not the absolute necessity go.
I wish someone told me how often women do not have enough milk to b/f. I was devastated when I realized I would not be able to b/f because I could no produce enough even with pumping all day and all night on top of b/f.
Lol, good post! I have a few..
~ That your body will absolutely never be the same...
~ That it can be very hard, taxing...especially when you are sleep
deprived...
~ Post partum depression or the baby blues is very common, and
should be expected, especially First time Mom's...
~ And...unless you have a rock solid marriage or relationship, beware
of troubled waters ahead...
~ That your body will absolutely never be the same...
~ That it can be very hard, taxing...especially when you are sleep
deprived...
~ Post partum depression or the baby blues is very common, and
should be expected, especially First time Mom's...
~ And...unless you have a rock solid marriage or relationship, beware
of troubled waters ahead...
All of the comments are right on. I worried so much the 1st couple of weeks about everything! You do need to soak it all in and remember every moment, even if you have to write it down. You forget so much. I have a baby book and a journal I keep even now so I don't forget the smallest things.
One thing no one told me and may not happen to everyone is that you may not feel like a mother right away. Don't feel bad about that, it will come. The first couple of weeks you are so focused on doing everything right and breast feeding and recovering from delivery that you may not feel that huge wave of love that you feel right after delivery. It comes back. I was in so much pain and trying to do everything just right that I started to worry that I didn't have that feeling I had when I first saw my DD. Then, at about 2 weeks, after I had recovered and started to get the hang of nursing and life in general again, I had that wave of love again. It is overwhelming and it hasn't gone away since. You may feel overwhelmed or that you'll never get it, but you will and it is wonderful!
Good luck to everyone!
One thing no one told me and may not happen to everyone is that you may not feel like a mother right away. Don't feel bad about that, it will come. The first couple of weeks you are so focused on doing everything right and breast feeding and recovering from delivery that you may not feel that huge wave of love that you feel right after delivery. It comes back. I was in so much pain and trying to do everything just right that I started to worry that I didn't have that feeling I had when I first saw my DD. Then, at about 2 weeks, after I had recovered and started to get the hang of nursing and life in general again, I had that wave of love again. It is overwhelming and it hasn't gone away since. You may feel overwhelmed or that you'll never get it, but you will and it is wonderful!
Good luck to everyone!
I have to agree, breastfeeding is not easy at all, you have to give it time and my famous words to you "Don't Give Up" it will take time and patients and practice, but you will be able to make it work.
Sleep when your baby sleeps...everyone wants to us that time to clean the house or catch up on laundry, you will need your rest, especially with breastfeeding, so please sleep when that little man sleeps.
Make sure you take time out for yourself. Put makeup on and do your hair once a week to remind yourself that you are not just a mother, you are still a woman. Have someone watch the baby for an hour or two, and go get a cup of coffee, or meet up with a friend. When people offer to help, take them up on it.
Do not stress about what you do not know about caring for a newborn. It takes time and every baby is different. After a few weeks, you will be able to tell others the tricks of how to care for your sweetie!
Be very supporting and be the cooloest mom you could be.
Just show the baby as much love and patience as you possess. Enjoy him and make sure to take lots of pictures. You always want to remember them when they are little. It comes in handy when they are entering their teen years and you want to throttle them. :)
Keep your baby book updated and possibly even start a journal for your child about things going on in your and his/her life and around you. Enjoy every precious moment, because they grow up SO fast!!!
Never fall asleep in the same bed or let your baby fall asleep in your arms. This is a horrifying nightmare that can end with a 5-year-old child sleeping with you. The second that baby comes home, put it in it’s own space to sleep. This teaches the baby where it sleeps and makes for a better rest for every one. If you breastfeed, make sure to change your child’s diaper and put them to bed awake. This way they know where they are and actually have a steady sleep. For nighttime feedings, make sure that baby goes back from where it came after mealtime. This is a lesson that cannot stress enough and must be done right away, so there is minimal torture for everyone. Babies can cry, it strengthens their lung and improves oxygen intake. Plus a newborn baby will adjust to anything quicker than a six month old baby because they don’t know any better.
Take a bath when daddy is home with your baby. Somehow these small creatures know exactly when you are climbing into the tub or shower. They just don’t know what relax means. So plan your shower or bath time to when dad is home and can occupy the baby or bring the baby with you, now you are both clean. But don’t think for one second you will be able to get this child to sleep and try to sneak a shower or bath, they will wake up.
Read to your baby, they may not understand but they know it's comfronting and special bonding time. I have read to Gavin since birth and he just LOVES book and want me to read to him all the time.
Enjoy each day with them, they grow up so darn fast.
Sleep when your baby sleeps...everyone wants to us that time to clean the house or catch up on laundry, you will need your rest, especially with breastfeeding, so please sleep when that little man sleeps.
Make sure you take time out for yourself. Put makeup on and do your hair once a week to remind yourself that you are not just a mother, you are still a woman. Have someone watch the baby for an hour or two, and go get a cup of coffee, or meet up with a friend. When people offer to help, take them up on it.
Do not stress about what you do not know about caring for a newborn. It takes time and every baby is different. After a few weeks, you will be able to tell others the tricks of how to care for your sweetie!
Be very supporting and be the cooloest mom you could be.
Just show the baby as much love and patience as you possess. Enjoy him and make sure to take lots of pictures. You always want to remember them when they are little. It comes in handy when they are entering their teen years and you want to throttle them. :)
Keep your baby book updated and possibly even start a journal for your child about things going on in your and his/her life and around you. Enjoy every precious moment, because they grow up SO fast!!!
Never fall asleep in the same bed or let your baby fall asleep in your arms. This is a horrifying nightmare that can end with a 5-year-old child sleeping with you. The second that baby comes home, put it in it’s own space to sleep. This teaches the baby where it sleeps and makes for a better rest for every one. If you breastfeed, make sure to change your child’s diaper and put them to bed awake. This way they know where they are and actually have a steady sleep. For nighttime feedings, make sure that baby goes back from where it came after mealtime. This is a lesson that cannot stress enough and must be done right away, so there is minimal torture for everyone. Babies can cry, it strengthens their lung and improves oxygen intake. Plus a newborn baby will adjust to anything quicker than a six month old baby because they don’t know any better.
Take a bath when daddy is home with your baby. Somehow these small creatures know exactly when you are climbing into the tub or shower. They just don’t know what relax means. So plan your shower or bath time to when dad is home and can occupy the baby or bring the baby with you, now you are both clean. But don’t think for one second you will be able to get this child to sleep and try to sneak a shower or bath, they will wake up.
Read to your baby, they may not understand but they know it's comfronting and special bonding time. I have read to Gavin since birth and he just LOVES book and want me to read to him all the time.
Enjoy each day with them, they grow up so darn fast.
It is not easy, I wish someone had told me that! Everyone seemed to make it sound so easy.
One of the worst mistakes we made was both being up when the baby needed something so we were both very sleep deprived. That is the one mistake we will not repeat this time. Try not to get mad at your DH for being able to sleep through the baby crying, because you will be grateful when he is rested and can take over later.
Also , it is OK to feel what you feel no matter what that might be, if your sad or tired or angry you dont have to be googly eyed every second of the day and you wont be, and that is alright. I guess just give yourself a break for feeling the way you do no matter what it is.
One more bit of advice I have is remember that babies cry because that is their only form of communication so you dont have to panic. Everything will be OK
I agree with Juliaschill - try to relax and enjoy it, all of it!
Thanks for posting this, it reminded me of all the things I should remember for this time.
One of the worst mistakes we made was both being up when the baby needed something so we were both very sleep deprived. That is the one mistake we will not repeat this time. Try not to get mad at your DH for being able to sleep through the baby crying, because you will be grateful when he is rested and can take over later.
Also , it is OK to feel what you feel no matter what that might be, if your sad or tired or angry you dont have to be googly eyed every second of the day and you wont be, and that is alright. I guess just give yourself a break for feeling the way you do no matter what it is.
One more bit of advice I have is remember that babies cry because that is their only form of communication so you dont have to panic. Everything will be OK
I agree with Juliaschill - try to relax and enjoy it, all of it!
Thanks for posting this, it reminded me of all the things I should remember for this time.
ok.. write the date or have the date imprinted on the photos because you will NOT remember when it was taken.. :)
Enjoy it more and don't worry about the housework..
Breastfeeding is the hardest thing in the world but after a couple weeks it will be natural and it is way worth it...
Trust you instincts and don't second guess yourself.. you know your baby best
Let the baby make the schedule in the beginning ( at least ) don't make yourself crazy trying to get the baby to conform to your schedule..
Let your husband do it his way... don't criticize what he puts on him may not match and maybe the diaper is crooked but it doesn't really matter in the long run and it will help him and the baby bond and help your marriage to be stronger...
Remember you are still a wife... daddies sometimes feel left out.. after all they used to get all the attention. Make time to make daddy feel special and spoiled too after all the best gift you can give your baby is to show him a loving relationship that he can model..
last but not least... enjoy every minute they are babies for such a short time and teenagers Forever! Enjoy them while they are small in a blink of your eye it is over and they are grown...
Good luck Amanda you will be amazing!!!
Enjoy it more and don't worry about the housework..
Breastfeeding is the hardest thing in the world but after a couple weeks it will be natural and it is way worth it...
Trust you instincts and don't second guess yourself.. you know your baby best
Let the baby make the schedule in the beginning ( at least ) don't make yourself crazy trying to get the baby to conform to your schedule..
Let your husband do it his way... don't criticize what he puts on him may not match and maybe the diaper is crooked but it doesn't really matter in the long run and it will help him and the baby bond and help your marriage to be stronger...
Remember you are still a wife... daddies sometimes feel left out.. after all they used to get all the attention. Make time to make daddy feel special and spoiled too after all the best gift you can give your baby is to show him a loving relationship that he can model..
last but not least... enjoy every minute they are babies for such a short time and teenagers Forever! Enjoy them while they are small in a blink of your eye it is over and they are grown...
Good luck Amanda you will be amazing!!!
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