Friend just got her BFP, but I am feeling sorry for myself.
I met a girl in my RE office almost a yr ago & we became friends. We also work in same job so it helps to talk about work also. I have already completed 4 IVF's without success. She has one boy from IUI & trying for her 2nd. She completed 3 IVF's under insurance which failed (Chem P) She just finished her 4th cycle which she paid for by taking out a loan from her 401K. She will be 40 in Dec & was very scared about doing this but wanted one more try. They transferred 4 eggs.
Today she got her BFP & her # is 291. RE told her it very well might be multiples. I am so happy for her I can't even tell you how happy. I am also sooooo depressed that I feel so hopeless. I am so scared about doing DE & am questioning myself wondering if I should do another IVF cycle???
How can we feel happy & sad at the same time. We have come so far together & so wish we could be pregnant together. Her next blood test is friday & I just hope & pray it is a good #. I also can't help but feel why can't it be me? She has a child already. (sorry if I offended anyone)
I think it is easier that you would think to have both emotions. I am always thrilled with the BFP's I hear about here. Everyone tries so hard to get pregnant and we are all going thru it so it's natural to be happy about it, yet sad for yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it. Be there for her but take time for yourself and withdraw for some time away when you need to, maybe go for a walk. You don't wish her ill, you just wish you had a BFP too! You are perfectly normal. I feel the same way too.
Oh boy, have I ever been where you are right now. I completely understand what you are saying. We are excited for others, but it's still hard when it's not us. Honey, what you are feeling is perfectly normal and to be expected. I agree with what mjmom said...you certainly aren't wishing her ill, but wish you could join her in celebrating..
Hang in there. This ttc can take the absolute wind out of us, but it can happen. And don't be so hard on yourself for having what is a very very normal emotion.
Thanks Adgal & MJmom for sharing your thoughts & telling me what I feel is normal.
I sure feel terrible for feeling this way because I so want to share in her joy. I just don't understand why this needs to be so difficult.
I guess this can only make us stronger right? I of course am very happy for all the ladies here who get there BFP's but I think it hurts more when it's so close to home.
I completely understand your feelings .. they are normal! I feel the same way with a good friend pregnant again with her 3rd after not really trying .. I'm excited for her and looking forward to a new baby to play with but can't help feeling like .. why not me?? and why is all this crap happening to me when I'm doing everything right
there are no answers to those questions and I'm doing my best to accept what is thrown at me and move on! try not to compare yourself to others (impossible I know) and just think that this is your own personal journey .. no one elses .. and you are going to have your own obstacles to overcome and your own reward in the end! Our baby's are waiting for us and when we get them we will understand why all the other treatments didn't work .. because this particular special little being was waiting to be with us!!
We are only human. I know exactly how you feel; I think the majority of women on this site do. I swear, as soon as the doctors told me I had fertility issues it seemed like every women my age & up got pregnant. I think I have gone through every step of grief, from disbelief, to anger, sadness & so on. I pray that we all get some type of peace, no matter what the outcome of our quest.
Remember Celine Dion try for 5 years and she just had twins!
I see you are in NY.... If you would like to try IVF again check this doctor :
Dr Vincent Brandeis, he has offices in Forest hills queens , brooklyn and NYC
The Brandeis Fertility Center of New York
This is not your tipical doctor with nice office and asian music and all that + the 15,000 of charge..... this doctor is inexpensive and has to many people in his "ok" office, so you can wait up to 1 hour in his office..IVF starts at $3,000
UPDATE: It turns out my friend is having twins after all. She now has 2 heartbeats. How exciting.
She is a Great inspiration story to us all that have had unsuccessful IVF"s. This is her 4th cycle. She self paid on this one. Her first 3 resulted in NEG or CHEM & never had any frozen eggs. She took about 4 months off & did acupunture while taking erbs.
This cycle not only is she pregnant with twins, she had 4 eggs frozen. How does this happen? She can only attribute it to acupuncture. I am going to start right away & pray that this will help me. Let's make 2011 our year ladies.
Try to remember that she too went through challenges whether this is her first or her 9th. But there are also good things that happen to all of us, whether we get the BFP or not. I remember two best friends of ours got pregnant naturally on the first try. First try! Who does that? :) And I got the news just as I was leaving the RE clinic on our first try after a year of trying naturally.
I had women on this board with a child chastizing me when I just got my BFP for one child. That hurt so I can relate to your feelings of why not me or why me and why is she angry? We all go through our personal feelings and struggles. But we also come here to vent no matter how little or large each situation is for us. We need everyone's support no matter the situation.
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