HELP!! Pregnant living with a disrespectful Elderly In-law

[Monique2032]

I am currently 5 Mos pregnant. My boyfriends dad has recently moved in 2mos.ago. I was cool with the situation initially. THEN came the disgusting habits. He constantly spits(even while eating at the dinner table) . He urinates in cups(too lazy to walk 3 feet to the bathroom). He has even went as far as intentionally  having his penis out when I've brought his meal to him in his room. After that I was done! I no longer do anything for him after that disrespect. I have told my BF time  & time again & threatened to move out. I refuse to bring a baby in this environment. He keeps saying give him time he's going to find him assisted living home.  But gives me attitude when I ask 4 updates or progress  as if I'm the selfish one. All this on top of no longer having privacy & trying to live around a perverted old man. Am I wrong to leave & get my own place before my  baby gets here?  

[kukoo4coco]

I have worked with developmentally disabled, dementia, Alzheimer's and regular elderly patients and what I can tell you is that xxcookiexx, can be right. It may be dementia. But you shouldn't discount your own feelings. He may be just a perverted old man, who happens to have dementia. Do some research and talk to your bf. Who knows he could have been a creeper his whole life and just recently developed dementia. But if it is as cookie monster suggests, you do need to think on some things, because unfortunately out will only get worse, not better. Keep your bfn in the loop, you don't want to alienate him from whatever decision you make.

[GeekMom1213]

Thanks, wayfunmommy. The OP's boyfriend isn't being uncaring and selfish - he's torn between the demands of doing what he needs to do for the father he obviously loves and cares for deeply and for the mother of his child who needs him to be supportive. It sounds like an impossible situation but with cooperation and empathy it can be done. Wondering if he has any siblings who might be able to pitch in and help out through this difficult transition period...?

[wayfunmommy]

Ditto everything Geekmom said. This is dementia, not a perverted old man.

[Monique2032]

@XxCookieMonsterxX Thanks for the response..I Greatly appreciate it!

[GeekMom1213]

This does not sound like "perverted" and "disrespectful" to me. It sounds like dementia. He absolutely cannot be left to live alone, and arranging assisted living can be a lengthy process. I understand that you do not feel comfortable in the environment. And it would be perfectly understandable if you need to find somewhere else to stay for the time being while his living situation is being worked out. But maybe for the sake of your relationship with your boyfriend you both should do some research on dementia and how the disease progresses. It will help you to understand the behaviors you are seeing and to hopefully have some more sympathy for the situation your boyfriend and his father are in. I hope he gets the care he needs and everyone has a safe and comfortable place to live in the near future. Dementia is a scary and insidious disease and is very very hard to deal with for many people. Understanding is key.

[XxCookieMonsterxX]

Obviously, your BF isn't going to call. Pack your things and move in with someone for a bit. Once your BF knows it's me or him, I'm sure he'll step it up. If he doesn't,  than you don't want him being the father if he can't put the baby first.