People in the delivery room

[ashleighnb]

Some of you ladies know my situation with being seperated from my husband and my daughters illness, if not you can read my journals for some background on it. Unfortunately, DD will be in the hospital during my delivery and my mom will be staying there with her while I have the baby. We have decided to skype during the delivery so that they can be a part of the experience. So in the room with me will be my aunt, and two cousins. I do not want my ex to be in the room. I know I have every right to want it this way considering what he has done and how uncomfortable and upset he makes me feel when he is around. But I don't know how to tell him without being too mean. It is his first child and Im sure he would love to be at the birth but I dont feel like I can relax and enjoy the experience with him in there. My question is how should I tell him I do not want him in the room until she is born? I was thinking of waiting until the day of the induction and texting him and saying "I am being induced today, don't rush to the hospital because it will be a lot of waiting around in the waiting room, and I am going to try to relax before things get crazy."

Anyone have any other ideas of how to express to him that I do not want him in the room?

[nola0805]

I would say not to worry too much because past behavior predicts future behavior and I am doubtful that he will be scrambling to be there for the birth.  I don't think that you owe him anything, but I like your plan and agree that not saying anything until after the baby is here might create more problems down the road.  You never lose when you take the high road.  Just be prepared to put your foot down hard if he insists on coming sooner.  You deserve to do this your way.

My other suggestion would be to tell him ahead of time that he is welcome to come visit after the baby is here but that you only want your aunt and cousins in the delivery room with you - then you can gauge his reaction.  If he does not take it well, then you can call him immediately after the baby is born (and not risk him adding to your stress during labor and delivery), but if is he sounds understanding and agreeable, then you can let him know once you are settled at the hospital.  Either way, you have warned him.

I am sorry that you even have to stress about this given everything else on your plate.  Your situation is another reminder about the strength of women  - your daughter is so brave because she has a great role model.   I am wishing you and both your girls all the best.

[ashleighnb]

thanks ladies for all your responses. I discussed this with my mom as well and she thinks I should wait until the baby is born to say anything but I know that will cause more issues. He has not been going to appts nor has he even purchsed one thing for the baby, so he doesn't know anything about the pregnancy, I haven't even seen him since the beginning of April. So I think I will let him know that I am in the hospital after I have gotten settled in and then just let him know there will be a lot of waiting in the waiting room until she is born so for him not to rush over and that I will be trying to rest and focus as I am sure I will be because of the fact that my little girl will be in the hospital 20 miles away without me will be stressful enough. She wanted to be a part of the delivery so bad it just kills me that she won't be there with me. I think he may expect me to not want him in there after what he has put me through so it may not be a big deal.

[KarenDiane]

Well, with everything he has put you through, I'd be very tempted to not tell him until after she is born. I know it's deceitful but the last thing you need is him making a scene at the hospital. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

[Helen72]

I would tell your ex ahead of time just to give him time to emotionally prepare and vent if he is going to.  You do not want to deal with his complaining on THE day.

[ashleighnb]

Thanks for the comments ladies.

happynifer -- I am the same way I hate to intentionally mislead anyone as well. I just know that if I wait until the day of the induction to tell him that the baby is coming then I won't have to go through the stress of him calling or texting and complaining for the next week and a half while I am trying to deal with my daughter being admitted to the hospital and going through her treatment.

Rhondaspruce -- Thanks, these past few months have been unreal. I am honestly surprised at myself for still being able to stay healthy for my baby and take care of my little girl. I am definitely going to exclude him especially considering my family hates him with a passion now and it would cause a tense environment which is the last thing I need while trying to give birth.

[rhondaspruce]

I just went to your profile and read your journals. Wow! You are an amazingly strong woman and I wish you nothing but joy. You deserve it! I personally think that you have every right in the world to exclude your ex from this birth!!! Good luck!

[happynifer]

i don't knwo your whole story, but I am never a fan of intentionally misleading someone or lying to them.
tell him he is not welcome at the birth and tell him you will call when it is OK for him to see the baby.
it is your right to decide who is and who is not in your room during your delivery.
good luck