Sad about having tubes tied. I'm so irrational.

[montie2]

A lot of you know my story but I will briefly go through it for those that don't.  I was shocked to find out that I was pregnant last August.  I have to admit, I was not happy about it.  My son was turning 18 and my daughter turning 12 and I just really felt too old.  I was so sick that I was practically bedridden for months.  I was extremely stressed and scared about the ratio's of down syndrome and other birth defects for being "advanced maternal age".  I vowed to have my tubes tied during my c-section to make sure there would be no more surprises.  The stress of the pregnancy at this age I knew I could not go through again.  Plus, the body at this age, holy cow, pregnancy at 39 is much harder than in the twenties!  Anyway, of course I knew I would love the baby more than life itself when he got here but still just couldn't grasp that I was really having another child at 39.  Ok, so skip ahead nine months.  Rhett is born, perfect and beautiful and of course, I am in love, he is the center of my world and the miserable pregnancy is a distant memory.  Now he is five weeks old and I am in hog heaven, just so in love and in awe for the blessing that God sent me.  Well, I had my tubes tied and now I'm remorseful for doing so.  I can't imagine purposely getting pregnant again at this age and the pregnancy was so hard and scary at times.  Plus, it was such a miracle that I was pregnant anyway, I probably couldn't get pregnant again if I wanted to.  I did not plan this baby and had shut the door on having babies.  I was a career girl and my kids were older. Now...what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I all emotional and sad that I can't have another baby when I probably would never do it anyway?  Am I just drowning in hormones and delirious from lack of sleep? Please help me understand.  I am so blessed to have this baby but can't believe that I would even consider doing it again at this age.  During my pregnancy people would joke to me about having another one right after this one so he would have a playmate and I would laugh in their faces. Now, I'm sad about closing those doors for good.  When I was pregnant, I knew I would never want to be pregnant again. Now, all the misery is forgotten and all I see is the beautiful baby and know that he is the last one for sure.  Uggh.

[vsentz]

Montie, I really don't think you are off for thinking this way! You are being a woman! a mommy!
There's 2 points of view with this:
first one is the cold way of thinking: we are animals, and our instincts of procreation are strong, that's what makes animals mate, to procreate and preserve our species...
second one is not so much.... it's about feelings and that's what makes us different from the rest of the animal kingdom: we were born to nurture. Most of us were born with the maternity instinct... and played with dolls called 'babies', and we always dreamt about the time that we for REAL get to hold our REAL babies!!! (and dress them up hehehe)

What you're feeling is completely normal! plus, shoot! you are NOT old! there's ladies here that are gonna be mommies right around your age, and even further! (momaof16 will be mommy for the umpth time at the age of 50!!!) so, girl, don't feel like you're having a 'crazy spurt'.... you are normal!!! =) and I am sure we all will feel and felt this way at one point! =)

BIG HUG to you!!! take one day at a time hunny.

[40smama]

Hi Montie -

I think if you're having ANY doubts at all about having your tubes tied you should wait.   It sounds like you're getting hit w/all types of hormones though.  I know from experience that if you change your mind down the road, getting a reversal at our age (40's) is nearly impossible and your option would be IVF. If I'd known then what I know now - hindsight's always 20/20, right?  I did have my tubes tied at 30 & my dr recommended not doing it.  I didn't listen, got divorced & remarried & then of course wanted a child w/my dh so due to my age (42 at the time), reversal wasn't even an option (I did have some other issues as well - endometriosis).  Putting the endometriosis aside, my re said she wouldn't due the reversal no matter what - again the age thing.  I'm sorry that you're going through all of these hormones - if you do decide on permanent sterilization, would your dh consider a vasectomy?

[montie2]

What you are saying makes perfect sense to me.  I don't like permanent.  I should have known it would wig me out. I too  know people who regret it.  I was so sure when I was pregnant that I would not ever want to be pregnant again.  Now, I am a little hormonal about it.  Uggh.

[rukiyar]

UMM since where confessing I too was so sure Im a gonna get em tied but after much much much though I have so far decided on Paragard, a  10 year IUD no hormones ,  now people probabaly think with soon to be (god willing) 7 kids I should be satisfied , but for some reason the thought of permentantly purposely stopping having kids scares me , my sis did it at 32 and regrets it I just wanna know in the back of my mind that if I wanted to (put me in a mental intitution) I could , does that make sense or am I weird?

[melimeli]

sherm how old is your sis?

[shesherm]

Montie
your feelings are NORMAL.  My sis has 4 of her own 9,7,5,5 and a 22yr old step son (she's a grandma) and she started freakin at the thought of the twins going to school...and oops got pg on accident..had a mc and then oops got pg again on accident with twins unfortunately she had another mc, she is stressed with her 4 but cant bring herself to get her tubes tied.  give yourself time to accept it :O) but there is always reversal :O)
((Sheila))

[pertykitty]

montie i think its a feeling most of us moms go through.  i had all day long sickness when i was pg with addison last year.  pee'd more than anyone i know all night.  hips ached so bad, heartburn that made me want to tear out my esophagus, and you know what? i miss it.  all of it.  addison is going to be 5 months next sunday and im so ready for another but dh isnt up for the idea just yet (been out to sea since jan so he doesnt really know what to expect being a dad).  im 36 and i dont want to wait too long to try again.  however i know how tired i will be, and i wonder why would i consider that again!!!
i thought about doing my tubes, but really what if something god forbid happened to my children, would i want more?  if i remarried god forbid my dh get tired of my insanity lol.  its a shame men dont have to experience this stuff.   im tired and i dont even know what im saying haha.  

[montie2]

I just confessed to the hubby that I am sad about it and he thinks I am nuts. He wants to know when I won't be hormonal anymore!! ha, ha!

[jbrooks39]

i would really reconsider having your tubes tied..get an IUD put in,

[supermom1]

I do not know because I havent been down this road yet. My baby is only 11 months old and I just found out I am pregnant again...just like you...I was not happy about it...there is a lot involved. A brief sumary: if my marriage was great I am sure I would be so happy but I have been dealing with a lot for the past 2 years. I had a horrible first pregancancy, my husband left me for the entire 9 months...now we got back together, trying to put our life back in order...and here it is ...a suprise from God...another baby!

I am prepared to ahve my tubes tied when I have this baby. The only thing I fear is in the event this marriage doesnt work and if I ever meet the perfect guy I wont be able to have a child with him.
I was never the "mom type" . I was always very carer oriented, I travel the entire world, I was always the "free and very responsible"kind of girl!
Now I see myself trapped in the house all day. Things are hard now: money is tight, marriage in not the greatest (better than last year but not perfect) and I am pregnant again.
Bottom line: I can not take a chance of having 3 children! So yes my decision is final: his vasectomy and my tubes tied!

[babyprayers]

I sort of can relate to what you are going thru, I am 40 and pregnant with twins, although I did this on purpose, IVF with 2nd marriage, Right now I am 5 months, and swear every single day I am getting the tubes taken out, take out everything, stick a fork in me I am done, I can see your side of it though, once the time comes that it actually happens, even though you dont want anymore, knowing you made the choice to not have anymore you still had that choice, now the option sort of has been taken away from you! I think your beautiful baby was a blessing from god, keep your spirits up and I think further down the road you will see that you made the right choice.

[jbrooks39]

i know exactly how you feel,well sorta,my children are 21,18 and 15,we were very young when we had our first at age 17 our last one at age 22, when we had our son,we thought we were done,hubby had a vasectomy and out of nowhere my biological clock started ticking LOUD,we want another baby!! i am 39.. we have been trying for over a year with donor sperm,no luck YET!!!  we wish so bad that we didnt get the vasectomy,we were going to have a reversal but the doctor informed us that after 15 years it wouldnt work,we have started a nursery in hopes that our dream will come true and we try every month,i feel that its gonna work but its in GODS hands and we have to wait until he is ready to give us a baby. we have a wonderful marriage and love eachother so much and thats pretty unusual to stay with your high school sweetheart in this day and age but our love is stronger then ever and we never go a day without letting eachother know how much we love eachother. we will be on cloud 9 when this miracle happens and hope and pray the pregnancy goes good and the end result is a beautiful baby, is it too late to have your tubes untied? i wish the best for you and just wanted to tell you that you are soo blessed to have your baby and hope everything turns out good for you,as soon as the baby turns 2,you will probably forget about wanting another,,when the terrible 2'S come...lol