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Avatar universal

So sad when I should be grateful and happy

Please understand I just need to get this off my chest and I do not want to offend or upset anyone, I just need a 'safe' place to voice my feelings.  I found out today that I am having a girl and I should be over the moon, but all I have done is cried my heart out.  I really don't mean to sound ungrateful I just feel that this isn't right.  I am 17 weeks and haven't told anyone except for my DB that I am pregnant yet as I lost my boy last year at 19 weeks.  I should feel blessed that I have been lucky enough to get pregnant again, but have been feeling so low and disinterested.  I hoped I was having a boy, I guess that in my mind another boy would ease what happened, maybe even block out some of the pain and upset of the last year.  It would be like a break and we were continuing on the same road again although I know this probably wouldn't be the case, but it is what I had hoped.

I am so annoyed at myself for the way I feel, but have felt this way throughout my pregnancy so far and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. When I heard I was having a girl I should have jumped for joy, but I sank into my bed and sobbed feeling the pain of losing my boy all over again, I miss him so much. I was happy then, even through a very difficult time and the worst of this is, is that I don't see myself feeling any differently anytime soon.  Again my intention here is not to offend, I just needed an outlet as I feel that I am sinking fast and could do with some wise words from the lovely ladies here.
7 Responses
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287246 tn?1318570063
I can't really say much to add to what others have said.  I have never experienced a loss like yours, so I can only imagine the pain of losing a child.  I am truly so very sorry  for your loss.

I am also in agreement that counseling is def something to consider.  I urge you to look into that.

As for having a girl....I am currently a mother of 6.  I have 1 boy and 5 girls.  My son is the oldest.  He is 17.  I had him very young.  My girls are 9, 8, 5, 3, 15 months.  I have to say, that I truly love having so many girls.  They def fight, but are best friends at the same time.  They hang on my every word right now.  I love doing girlie things with them.  It is so much fun.  For a certain time, they want to be just like you.  It is really something.....the way they look at you.  The way they look to you for life's problems.  So many talk about the bonds between fathers/daughters and moms/sons.  Surly there is some truth to that for many, but the bond I have w/ my girls is just as special.  Maybe even more so because we can relate to one another, being the same sex.

I truly pray for your heart.  I pray that you will find a way to heal and I pray that you will get to be happy w/ your little girl.  I believe that you will.  I just wanted to tell you some things about having little girls so that it might give you something to look forward to.

Remember to give yourself time.  And I very much hope that you will seek counseling to help you sort through these feelings you are having.  I wish you all the best.
Helpful - 0
1345697 tn?1430619021
I cannot relate to the loss of a child, but I can feel your pain in your words and pray you find strength and happiness in this new pregnancy. The others wrote wonderful words of advice, and I agree with them. My prayer is that you will come to love this precious miracle just as you still love your son and when the doctors place her in your arms, you will be overcome with joy and gratitude for the opportunity to be her mommy.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with the other ladies in that feelings of grief at this time and also lack of excitement/interest when you found out you are having a girl sounds like you are still very much grieving the loss of your angel.  That said,  your comments such as "...have been feeling low and disinterested", "I was happy then......I don't see myself feeling any different soon" really speak volumes and suggest you are very depressed.  Your recent history on top of pregnancy hormones play major roles in this.   Have you spoken to your dr about how you are feeling?  There are many things that can be done to help.  Adgals suggestion of talking to a Counsellor is a very good one.  What happened was not your fault and you do not deserve to feel the way you do.  The ladies on this forum will support you and will do what they can to help you but my concern is you likely need help beyond  an online support network. Please talk to your dr about this.
Helpful - 0
377493 tn?1356502149
The loss of a baby at any stage is a very difficult time.  I agree that it sounds like you are still grieving, which of course is all very normal.  I also agree that perhaps you might want to consider talking to a counsellor?  Taking pro active steps might be a good thing as your current depression probably runs the risk of turning into post partum depression.  I wish you well.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had my first son then I had four girls. I understand how you could feel this way. You will come to love the baby girl just as much/. If you do not want her however, after the birth let me and all the rest of us know. We will be here to take the load off of you. LOL. Stay safe and baby dust to you
Helpful - 0
1346146 tn?1299360497
Sounds like you are not over the loss of your little boy.  I know with me after my m/cs and finding out I was pg again I felt guilty when I would get happy about the new baby like i was forgetting about the two I lost.  When now I realize that wasnt the case at all.  I really dont have any wise words.  The only thing I did to try to get over my losses was to embrace the new life coming and I prayed a lot for strength and guidance and comfort during my time of grief. (I dont know if you are the praying type but it really helped me.)  If things dont get better soon try talking to someone like a councilor.  If you cant afford it go to a local church, most pastors are licensed councilors and its totally free.  Good luck to you sorry for your loss and i hope you feel better soon.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This is the right place to vent and express feelings safely. It is normal to feel the way you do and you shouldn't feel bad. I believe the feeling will subside as time goes on and you get used to the idea. You are still grieving and it is my hope that this baby will help with the healing process. I believe things happen for a reason, and maybe if it was a boy it would be like you were replacing him. A girl is different and will be his little sister. I wish you the very best and hope that all turns out ok for you. I personally favor girls so I'm glad you are having a girl :) Cheer up, a baby is a blessing and with time you will be ok. The pain of your loss will never go away, but it will get better. God Bless you and your little ones!!!
Helpful - 0
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