My 1/2 sister had a trisomy miscarriage at 16 wks (she was 37), she is now pregnant and has just passed the triple screen and nuchal test with flying colors (last time problems showed at the nuchal stage) she will be 42 when she delivers (she's due the same day I am (I'm 39) - Oct 20th how weird is that)
Yvette! Ack! You said she should worry about it more if she was closer to 42. I'm 43 and you're 42 and I think the last thing we should be doing is worrying. It's good to be aware of risks and stats so we can do all we can stay healthy and hopefully end up on the good side of those odds. But let's try not to worry about them. Staying positive will help us improve those odds at any age... I think... I hope! LOL
You know, in retrospect, I wish I had never found this sight when my husband and I decided to try for a baby. Althought I've "met" some really wonderful, supportive women...all the stats and nightmare stories really freaked me out at the beginning. There were nights I just bawled my head off with worry at every little twinge. And I spent so many weeks worrying needlessly about the health of my baby. Finally, at about 16 weeks, I was able to relax. With my last two kids, it never even OCCURED to me that I would have anything but healthy babies. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, you know? This time I literally worried myself sick.
Awww Tricia. I understand those feelings completely. I fight them myself. When I catch myself feeling that way, I just look at all the pics here of the beautiful perfectly healthy babies and read the comments by the women who are pregnant and are doing just awesome. There are lots of those stories too! and they are inspirational. :)
I know the stats are scary. But it really depends on why you join this forum. If you are really alone in your quest, you are coming here for unconditional community support. But if feel maybe the support you have is a lil' sugarcoated, or that your friends and family just would not want to hear some of the things you are afraid to ask and say, then we need some of the raw reality. I find on the 2ww wait I mostly read the happy posts, and when I am not I read about the more challenging issues. Maybe this philosophical disparity is just due our cycles :)
i'm 38 also and trying again after 3 MCs. it's just a matter of time before the egg has no defects. my friend had a MC at 39 and 40. but at 41 finally had a health baby. and my best friend from high school is an OB. she said as long as you can conceive, keep trying. so keep trying and keep in touch.
I hope we don't have disparity ! I'm here for info, support and hopefully to support others if I can in any way... and from what I've seen in the short time I've been here that's what every one else seems to want to. And I love your comment about your changes in perspective depending on which stage you're at.
I owe you an apology. When I started talking about trying to stay positive, I diverted the conversation of your post away from your original question. Sorry hun!
I'm just being honest, for most and many women it is harder to conceive and carry a baby to full term when you are over 42.
It's heartbreaking to see women get so excited and then go for their ultrasound and find out the baby's not developing and/or has slow heartbeat or no heartbeat. Recently one woman who was 45 or 49 just went through this...fact of the matter is it is harder to get pregnant in your 40s. And much more harder when your 42.
Should I not be honest and just sugar-coat things?? Heck at least you know what you're up against.
From the age of 40 to 42 I had five pregnancies and they failed. I've come to terms that it's due to my old eggs. It eventually got to the point that I didn't want to deal with miscarriages anymore.
I do hope you are within the few and far between that get pregnant and carry a baby to term at the age of 42! Really!!
And there is a big difference between the ages of 38 and 42 where fertility is concerned. You have a better shot at it.
I am so sorry you went through such a difficult process. This can all be just so emotionally draining for people, can't it?
No, I absolutely don't think things should be sugar-coated or people should be lied to. They come here for info and support and they should get that so they know how to proceed properly. I do think people should be encouraged to look at the positives to avoid unnecessary stress and heartache though. I'm sure alot of people feel like Tricia did...very frightened about the worst happening. That's why I encourage people to keep the positives in perspective too. There is alot of success out there!
Please know I understand you're here to help and inform. I hope you don't think I was suggesting you just want to discourage people! I was just expressing my own feelings about how worry can can be self defeating.
You know, we really need to put all these stats in perspective. Even if you look at the absolute worse case scenario, odds are still in our favour!! Most of us do know what the stats are, and come here for all the support we can get. When I think back on my 1 1/2 years coming here regularly, there are 3 times as many positive outcomes as negative! The vast majority of us do just fine, and have healthy happy pregnancies and babies!! Let's stay focused on that! All of us are here because we either want a baby or are pregnant at "an advanced maternal age". And most of us will realize that wish. Some of us need a little extra help, but come on, when was the last time we heard a story end in a negative way!! Keep positive ladies, odds are the vast majority of us will be just fine!!!!!!
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