my dd has downs

Question

i found out today my daughter has downs syndrome.  i know many of you have fought the idea on what to do, amnio or not, testing or not.  wow its such a hard choice to make.  im very glad i went ahead  and tested.  now i have been able to prepare myself and family.  to have the after baby hormones going and then find out would have been mind numbing.  

im ok with it.  dh and i know it might be a challenge at times, but we are stubborn people and dont do things the easy way anyway lol.  i told my 11yr ds and he was sad but ok.  he is already very protective over her because he witnessed kids at his school make fun of the kids that have disabilities or downs ect. he is a sweet kid.  

i know she is a girl, and we are excited to know that. thursday i go back to my geneticist (sp) to get some info on some local groups for parent with children that have downs.  i look forward to hearing what its like , the challenges and rewarding times.  my head is like a whirlwind right now.  so many thoughts and feelings.  i just thought id share.

blueeyedtabbycat · Answer

I can relate. When I was pregnant with DD u/s showed a soft marker for DS along with blood tests that werent so great. My MIL had the nerve to ask me "what are you going to do?" She basicly wanted to know if I was having a abortion and when becuase she thought it would have been too much for us. I was so mad at her for a long time. And everyone eles in the family that made it out to be the end of the world! Your life is what you make it!!! Congrats again!!!

pertykitty · Answer

thanks everyone.  i am actually so thrilled about her, nobody can seem to understand.  my family is trying to be supportive, but if i hear one more sad voice or "how are you doing" comment.  i know they mean well but like i told my sister today "its not an issue, she is just going to be my baby".  

its almost amusing, they seem to feel they have more right to tell me how i should be rather than listening to me lol.  dh is good too.  i had an epiphany lol.  i know why this baby was brought to us, its personal and i dont want to discuss it but this baby is truely a blessing.

spade22 · Answer

A number of years ago I used to work with children who had special needs (Downs syndrome, celebral palsy, severe epilepsy etc.).  I can honestly say this was one of the most rewarding times in my life - an experience I will cherish forever. I can not even begin to explain how much I learned from these children.... one thing they taught me is what it is like to love unconditionally.

I believe this will be a challenging experience but, I completely agree with you, your daughter is a blessing. Your life will be enriched with her presence in ways you can  not begin to imagine right now.

blueeyedtabbycat · Answer

I have no advise or expiriance to offer you but you sound like you have everything your little girl could ask for in a mommy! Congrats on your princess!!!

pertykitty · Answer

you have all been just wonderful!  i dont have a clue what perfection is lol.  i have experienced so many horrible things, that if its true it makes you stronger-call me hercules!! lol  this morning is a new day and i am at peace.  im excited to meet this baby and i know she will be the missing link to our family.

dh has worked 2 jobs for years to support us while i stay home because we felt it was best for our family.  it has been a dream to be home, at the expense of not having him around as much.  this has changed his goals, his feelings of what is most important.  we will change some expenses but he plans on taking a bit more time off to be home.  this baby is a blessing to our family.

Pum · Answer

I'm sorry your news is not the outcome you dreamed of. A different dream is needed now, not better or worse, just different. 
My sister is intellectually disabled (no condition diagnosed really but her abilities are similar to downs) and I won't lie and say it is always easy. But she is fun and it is life and this is people and we all come in different packages. Some people will not understand and they never will, they just value "perfect" too much. They will learn one day.

ita17 · Answer

You & your family will be just fine, & you will be so in love w/your brand new little girl;o)
I truly believe that the babies that each of us receive are meant to be in our families, & are a blessing from God.
I'm sure when you got the result today, it was scary, but I know that soon after the "scary" part goes away, you will feel strong ;)
I know that there is a lot of information & support out there, & even though life will be a bit challenging, remember that we all have our challenges, life is unpredictable & the challenges & trials we go through will make us stronger ;)
XxXxXxXx's 
laura

rubyinparadise · Answer

You sound very much at peace with the news, though I can only imagine it must be overwhelming, initially, to process. 

I've thought a lot about this subject, because we skipped amnio. While the odds are that our son to be chromosomally "normal" (for lack of a better word), I know that there are a million other challenges that kids face and that their parents are tasked with helping them to deal with throughout life. 

I'm probably not expressing this very well, but the way I see it, part of what we all tacitly accept when we choose to become parents is the reality that none of our kids will, in fact, be "perfect". As you said, there is a blessing in knowing in advance what you will need to prep for. Wishing you all the very best as you welcome your daughter into the world and into your family.

wanting4#1 · Answer

What an amazing woman you are! God bless and protect your family and the treasures that are in your future are many.

Stay strong and positive! Hugs!

mlb1234 · Answer

Dana, no matter what her genetic make up is, every baby is a gift from God.  
p.s.  Congrats on another girl!!  You can never have too many tutus in the house!  Get shoppin girl!

Helen72 · Answer

Sounds like you made the right decision for your baby and your family.  I am glad your dd is so much loved by you and her siblings already.

kristine625 · Answer

I can only imagine what you are going through.  But I also cannot help but congratulate you on a baby girl.  How much fun, especially after you already have a boy.

True, you will have a different set of circumstances from a family that doesn't have a child with downs.  But EVERY family has DIFFERENT set of circumstances no matter what their child/children are faced with.  

Your baby girl is lucky to have you and your family on her side :)   She is truly blessed as are you :)

adgal · Answer

Your an amazing women and this child will be so loved I know.  I agree with you that it's better to know...at least that was why I did my testing as well.  Your little girl is so lucky to be born into the family she was given to and I know she will bring incredible joy to your life.  Thinking of you my friend.  XOXO

tobbeyj · Answer

I truly believe that we are blessed with what we can handle in life. It sure does sound like you baby girl is going to be in a wonderful home and have a spectacular big brother. What more could she ask for? People with Downs are very wonderful citizens when given the opportunity to flourish and it sounds like that and only that is what you and your family are going to offer her.  I hope that you find the support within the community to learn and experience the most with your daughter. Congrats on your pregnancy, and just remember that she is a blessing in your life. You will love and cherish her and will not be able to ever imagine her as another child once she is in your arms and embrace all the joy she will bring to your life. :)

piggy2 · Answer

My cousin had Downs and we were raised (along with about 15 other cousins) right along with her.  As children, since she had grown up with me all my life, I don't think any of us thought her that much different.  She was the sweetest, kindest, always happy girl who loved life and I am crying right now because I am remembering her and miss her dearly!  She passed away at age 21 due to complications from pneumonia- but believe me- I don't think there was anyone whom she met that she did not touch thier lives in some way!!!!  As far as I'm concerned, most children/adults who have down syndrome could teach us "normal" people a thing or two about compassion, humanity and love!  BTW, she had alot of other medical conditions, so that was why her health was poor.  I have even met a man who was in his 50's with downs and was getting along just fine at an assistive living facility!   God bless and please keep us posted.

pertykitty · Answer

thank you everyone. im strong one minute and teary eyed the next .

Victoria01 · Answer

You are a strong, amazing woman and your little girl will be blessed to call you her mommy. It is truly wonderful that she will be born into such a warm, loving family.

PamelaBee · Answer

Treefrog said it best...my words exactly.  Be strong, love conquers all.

oceanv · Answer

I am sorry to hear that but I think it's always better to be prepared. At my c-section the ob and pediatrician mentioned to my husband that my dd may have downs and they recommended blood testing to make sure (squished nose at delivery, 1:400 chance in quad testing, no markers on ultrasounds leading up to delivery) he felt like he had been side-swiped because he felt like it would have been so much better to have been prepared for that news or possibility rather than find out at the birth.

I'm sure she will be a joy no matter what her challenges, after all so called perfectly "normal" children can have hidden learning disabilities that a parent doesn't get a hint of until later.

mommyin10 · Answer

I can imagine the whirlwind of emotions you're feeling. I did the amnio, too because, like you, I wanted to prepare myself as much as possible if in fact our baby had down's. We all pray for the best for our babies & it sounds like your precious baby girl has wonderful parents & an amazing big brother to love her & that's so good to hear. Best wishes to you & your dh & I hope you find lots of guidance through the geneticist :)

montie2 · Answer

I can't imagine what you are going through during this time. You know your baby will be a blessing no matter what, you just may not know how much until she gets here and you look into her eyes and see her precious little toes and fingers. There will be challenges and rewards as you said, but there are all kinds of different challenges with children. I would love to be able to comfort you in some way but just know, the people on this forum are here for you. Although I have no experience with Downs, I'm glad to be an ear, a shoulder or whatever you need.

TreeFrog7 · Answer

Sounds like she's coming into a warm and welcoming family. She'll be fine - as will you all.

Best wishes,
~Wendy

Ecologic · Answer

Sorry about the news, every parent always hope for the 'perfect' child! But happy to see that you're prepared for her and I wish you good luck with the rest of the pregnancy!