We are having a c-section on Wednesday. We planned to spend the first day in the hospital by ourselves and enjoy our new daughter and bond. Then we thought my dh's family could stop by on Thursday afternoon or evening. We will be in the hospital until Saturday or Sunday so there is plenty of time for people to stop by after Wednesday.
Since my family lives out of town(2.5h away) I figured they would not be showing up and hence, I never invited anyone (although I did feel a little bad about no one being able to come since it is my first baby). Now tonight my mom called and she and her bf will be in the city Wednesday afternoon or evening to see the baby. My mom has her own business and cannot just take any time off but she found the time and rearranged schedules to come on Wednesday. Now this is causing tension between me and my hubby. In my heart, I really wanted Wednesday for just us both to bond with the baby but I just don't know how to tell my mom that. I am super happy she will be there...I just wish it was later or that she had asked me so I could have told her before she decided. Ughh. Now I just want to cry. I think they will only stop by for an hour or two on Wed. night and then again Thursday morning so it's not even that long but I really hate my plan being messed up. My sister got mad at me and said we need to celebrate the birth of this baby. I don't know what to do - I probably won't say anything. I think my mom was at the hospital for all of my 5 nieces and nephew's births. I mean it is her grandbaby too. Does anyone have any advice?
can you not invite your husbands mom to come on wednesday evening too.. half an hour each visit, then after the birth you are tired and would like to go to sleep now wink wink.. and then you and hubby are left alone with bubs again..
Try not to let this get yas both down so close to an amazing experience.. the birth of your first baby.. you might go on and have another ten babies... but nothing will replace the first time..
what will be will be.. try not to stress..
hugs and good luck.. and yaayyy.. your baby will be here soon
I'm not sure what to tell you but I can tell you my experience with this same situation. The birth of my daughter almost 18 yrs ago *yikes* I wanted it to be my dh (dbf at the time) and I - no one else when I had her until we had had our family bonding time alone. I made it perfectly clear to everyone! No one else understood, or listened for that matter and his mom was there, nose stuck in the delivery room like she was the doctor! I was extremely upset and kept telling the nurses I did not want that woman in there. It was hard because she worked at the hospital and everyone there was super excited for her (not for me obviously because they didn't know me) and let her waltz her hinney in my room when she wanted. OMG I was furious! But what could I do, even the nurses wouldn't listen to me. They chalked it up as I was just not thinking clearly because of the *stress* I was under!
Well, my mom found out that his mom was in there because she wouldn't keep her mouth shut and was really hurt! I tried to explain but she couldn't see it like it was and I couldn't find the right words to tell her so she would believe me.
In the end, his mom wouldn't listen and my mom wouldn't believe so I think if I would have just let them there the whole time maybe it wouldn't have come to that! I don't know, I do know my mom wanted to be there so badly because I was her baby having a baby and she wasn't, and in the end she just walked away with hurt feelings and his mom walked away part of her knowing that she got her way and saw her first grand baby being born. Oh it was a mess.
For advice, I'm not sure what to tell you, maybe just let things be and if they come one day then maybe they won't the next, and you will get some time alone with DH and baby in time. I don't know, I had a plan like yours and it went all crazy! I do agree if you want it to be just the 3 of you then it should be, but I don't think it will. Ask yourself.. and DH... what happens IF everyone shows up? Would it be the end of the world? Not what you had planned, but would it be the worst thing that happened?
Good Luck!! I can NOT believe it's right around the corner!!!!! HeII I wish I could be there!
I don't have my Mama and Daddy here to be there for the birth of their grandbaby, I would give ANYTHING to have them here. My mil was labor and delievery nurse for 35 years, and without a doubt she will be there. I know it is important for you to have your bonding time, but maybe the first couple of hours, and then invite family in?? My brother and sister in law hurt mine and our father feelings (big time)two years ago when they had a scheduled C section and didn't want "a bunch of people" there. It still hurts to think that I am "a bunch of people".
I guess I am a weeny, I don't want to be alone, I want my family there while I am deliverying, and after. I don't want to seem rude, but I just feel having a baby is something to share. There will be plenty of bonding time in the hospital, and afterward. I respect your feelings, and I understand them, I just know how it feels to not have my Mom and Dad to share in the experience, and not having them, makes me want it even more. Just my thoughts
I think you should do what you feel is right for you and your baby, regardless of what your family thinks or feels. This is your first baby and a very special time for you. While it is very important to the rest of your family too and they want to be with you, they do need to respect your wishes first. Tell your mom how you feel and say they are very welcome to come on Thursday morning but you will need Wednesday to recover after the c-section.
Your first baby is overwhelming and the nursing staff will be regularly checking on you after the c-section. You'll also be bonding with baby and, if you are breastfeeding, having a lactation consultant visit (which by the way is extremely helpful!) and learning how to get your breastfeeding off to a successful start. If you need extra leverage, you could say that your doctor recommends visitors wait until the next day after a c-section to reduce the chances for illness. Probably not all that true, but your mom would want to put your safety and wellness first.
My in laws insisted on being present for our first baby's birth, their first grandbaby. They did not even ask, just told us they will be there. However, we also wanted that first day with just the 3 of us. We did not have a scheduled c-section so we just never called anyone to tell them when we were heading to the hospital. My husband called everyone after the birth while I was recovering. They came the next day to visit. It worked out fine.
Do what you feel is best for you, your husband and your baby.
P.S. for the safety of your baby, require that everyone wash their hands before touching baby. At least 85% of all infant illnesses can be avoided if people wash their hands well before touching baby. I was a hand-washing police! Good luck!
I think the bottom line is - what's most important to you? The birth of your first baby - or your family - and beind devil's advocate - your mom did rearrange things to be there - so its obviously important to her - I KNOW how important it is to you to have that time with your guy - I told my mom the first two weeks were ours - how's that for meanie - my suggestion would be - invite the family Wednesday - you can always say that you are exhausted and need them to leave - and then RIGHT NOW - put out the word that Thursday - anything from noon to the end of the day is YOURS and hubby's time with your new bundle of joy - I know how important it is for you to have things just the way you picture - but your family is thrilled for you and wants to share in the wonder and joy of a new family - maybe just consider a different option - BEST OF LUCK Wednesday - we expect pictures soon!!!!!
You and the baby will bond regardless. I know you have a picture in your mind of how you wanted things to be, but it might cause you more grief than it is worth.. you might consider just going with the flow... I'm not saying you are wrong for wanting things the way you want them, but since it isn't working out so smoothly, it might be better just to let it go. It will be a magical moment regardless... I wish you all the best and know it will a beautiful and wonderful day no matter who shows up.. :)
I'm with orphanannie59. I would have given ANYTHING to have my parents present at the birth of my kids. You will look back on this and see that it really wasn't that big of a deal. You will be in my prayers for a safe and uneventful c/s. By the way, my daughters birthday is the 16th! Good luck in whatever you decide.
Thanks everyone - it helps a lot to get input from others. From everyone's opinions I think I will just let things be and tell my hubbys parents and brother that they can visit on Wednesday too if they wish. That way it is fair to everyone. I may try to get everyone there after supper though so they can't stay that long and so my dh and I can have the first 6-7hours together. I guess my husband will have to deal with it. Plus I am hoping after he sees her that he wants to show her off to everyone after a few hours!!
Thanks for all your great input and well wishes!!!!!!
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