newly pregnant at 42

[slk41]

Hello.  I'm new to the forum.  I am 42 years old and I am starting my 6th week.  I'm curious to know if anyone else is experiencing negative feedback from friends about their pregnancy due to their age.  I told a very close friend yesterday because I was really excited and couldn't hold it in anymore.  She clearly thinks I'm crazy and didn't really congratulate me.  After a few comments I was really hurt by her response. My husband and I are thrilled that we conceived our first month trying.

[adgal]

Lisa, I just miscarried myself and am just waiting for my hormone levels to drop so I can try again.  It is frustrating, and so sad, but it does not mean it won't happen for us.  I had several miscarriages before finally having my son earlier this year, so I know it can happen.  I am the same age as you.  Hang in there, and I am so sorry for your loss

[slk41]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mc. Good luck.  I'll look forward to hearing your happy news soon:)

[Lisalu1017]

Great post!!!  I am 41 and have been trying to get preggers with my new hubby for 2.5 years now....I just had m/c #2 this week and a d & c yesterday....but I am not giving up!!!!  I had negitive response too.....since I have two older children...and we were just awarded full custody of my hubbys 3 daughters over the summer....but so what?  Is it wrong to want a child together too?  But then I think is this God's way of saying we have our hands full and shouldn't try for another child. I do know each m/c gets harder and harder to handle.   I am a complete mess right now....I just knew this pregnancy was going to take...I felt good....and was on hormones....I just knew it was going to be okay....but then I started bleeding.....and I was soooo mad!!!!  I am still hurt and mad.  

Lisa, Texas

[Allip77]

Congratulations!  I'm 42 and pregnant and, to answer your question, I haven't experienced any negative reactions so far -- at least not to my face.  I expect there are some, maybe many, who think I'm too old to be having children, and to be honest I kind of feel that way, too.  I want this baby more than anything and we went through a lot to get to this point, but I do feel a little out of place and don't love the feeling of being an older mom.  It's funny because I got pregnant with my dd at 39 years old (had her at 40) and didn't feel old at all!  Since a couple years feels so different for me, I'm thinking it might be all in my head!  My husband thinks I'm crazy and need to quit thinking about age!  In fact, he would love to adopt a third child once this one is born:)  (not happening...)  Best of luck and, once again, congrats!

[babydust2009]

Hello, Congrats!!!!!  to you and your Dh.... When I was pregnant last yr for the very 1st time . I also could not hold it in.. Told a few people like my mom, My Mother in-law , friend down the street , well I thought she was a friend anyway, she said well uhhh I guess Congrats are in order . I was very sad that she responded that way... To this day i do not hang out with her , or anybody negative. I hoping 2011 will be our year for a little one....God Bless you both....... Mary.

[slk41]

I'm so excited for you Jaceesmimi.  How wonderful.  I feel somewhat overwhelmed with worry being pregnant at 42 but we are so happy.  Best of luck with everything:)

[MEANDMAYA]

Glad I could help and congrats again....Your mind is  a powerful thing so try to stay positive and all the best....keep us posted..:)

[mhv]

Congrats!!  Let us know what your #'s are! : )

[adgal]

I haven't been keeping up with this thread and what a good one it is.  Congrats to you Jaceesmimi, and welcome to our community.

I know there are lots of stats out there, and many of them scary to read.  Just remember they are only stats.  They do not apply to everyone.  In my years on this forum I have seen so many women over 35 and even over 40 have successful pregnancies and healthy babies.  I am one of those lucky ones.  Even with all the stats that may seem negative, it is still more likely that all will be well then that it won't. Congrats again, and best of luck!!

[jaceesmimi]

well, I took my second test this morning and it read positive also...we are in total shock...not much sleep last night. LOL!!! I tried to get in to have a blood test done but they close early on Wednesdays, so I'm suppose to be there at 8:00 in the morning... I'm sure I am pregnant, but it's like I just can't believe it!!!!...:) I keep expecting to start my period anytime...my husband is just so scared of how the child will be treated by his friends as he (or she) gets older and they think that it's grandpa with him/her and not dad!! But like I told him, he doesn't look 56, everyone says so, he looks like he may be mid 40's. I told my best friend this morning at work...she cried she was so happy..my mom can't believe it, but she is happy, she said it's a gift from God and I totally agree!!! I'm feeling much better..!! :)

[jaceesmimi]

excellent information!!! Thank you so much and God bless you and yours!!!

[MEANDMAYA]

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This is truly amazing and I am sure you are pumped.....In my opinion, there will always be some sort of risk, even to those who are healthy and younger.Just be vigilant and ask questions and get all the necessary tests done. I am due in about 2 weeks and am overweight, 38 years old and take category C drug, and just started insulin last week for gestational diabetes.So far everything has been fine without any concerns that are worrisome.Baby appears healthy and all tests have been negative for birth defects etc. Still, regardless of my state of health, there is ALWAYS concern and problems that may arise despite the positive outcome so far, but I try not to worry. I am excited for you and was told long ago by an 80 year old woman that what other people think you is none of your business. It is their issue in how they choose to react...Spend time with supportive non judgmental friends who are there for you and stay away from the people who have nothing good to say. Pregnancy is stressful enough so surround yourself with positive people..

Some stats:
The miscarriage rate is about 12 percent in women less than 20 years old, and increases to 26 percent in women older than 40, who are at "an advanced maternal age," Collins says. "For women over 35, there is a higher incidence of chromosomal abnormalities; the body's ability to recognize these in an embryo results in the higher miscarriage rate."

http://www.pregnancytoday.com/articles/life-circumstances-and-challenges-during-pregnancy/pregnancy-after-40-6175/

Prenatal care is especially important for women over 35 because they’re more likely to get high blood pressure and gestational diabetes for the first time during pregnancy. They’re also at increased risk of having a baby with a genetic disorder like Down syndrome.

If you are older than 35 and don’t get pregnant after trying for six months, see your health care provider. Older women may find it harder to get pregnant than younger women because fertility declines with age. In many cases, infertility can be treated.

Complications
Although the pregnancy rate among women over thirty-five has nearly doubled, the risks associated with pregnancy increase gradually as age advances. Women over 35 have a slightly increased risk of the following complications during pregnancy:

# miscarriage : for women at age 40, the risk is about 25 percent
# placenta previa : this can cause excessive bleeding during delivery; often a cesarean section is needed
# fetal distress : fetal distress and prolonged labor are more likely if this is a woman’s first pregnancy
# low birthweight baby : the likelihood of a low birthweight baby (less than 5-½ pounds) or a preterm birth (less than 37 weeks of pregnancy) can be significantly reduced by not smoking during pregnancy
# cesarean birth : women over 35 have a greater chance of having a cesarean delivery than do other women
# Down syndrome : the incidence of Down syndrome increases from 1 in 10,000 for 20 year old mothers to about 3 in 1,000 for 35 year old mothers and 1 in 100 for 40 year old mothers; this may be due to the fact that an older woman’s eggs have been exposed to more x-rays, drugs and infections than a younger woman’s eggs. Down syndrome isn’t preventable, but it can be identified before birth during a prenatal exam.
# high blood pressure : an older woman is more likely to develop high blood pressure, diabetes, or cardiovascular disease during pregnancy. These conditions are all controllable by your doctor during your pregnancy.

Tips for Older Moms
The reason that the number of successful pregnancies to mothers over 35 years old has increased is due not only to scientific advances but also due to women that have taken great strides in improving their odds. Below are some tips that will help decrease the chances of an adverse reaction during your pregnancy:

    * be sure to get a proper amount of exercise before during and after your pregnancy
    * make sure you follow a healthy diet
    * ensure that you are receiving optimal prenatal care

http://www.pregnancy-info.net/pregnancy_35_40.html

I know it is a lot to absorb but knowing is half the battle so prepare yourself and take care of you as best you can....................CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slk41]

Thanks for all your comments.  How exciting to hear your stories:)

[jaceesmimi]

Congrats to you! I'm 43 and have been married for 3 months. We were trying to decide what would be best, if he got fixed or me. Well, we waited to long...I'm a week late and just took a test and it said positive. I'm taking another one in the morning and if it is positive, then I'll head for the doc to make sure. We are trying to get over the shock, but I think that will take a while! LOL! The thing is, I have a 26 yr old son and 3 1/2 yr old granddaughter. My husband is 13 yrs older than me and has 2 daughters, 34 & 30 and 3 (soon to be 4) grandchildren from 2-16yrs....OMG!!!!! What were we thinking???? But you know...I always wanted and tried for more kids..finally got pregnant again when my son was 6 yrs and had a miscarriage and never could get pregnant after that..I guess I thought it was me and I had nothing to worry about....Now I'm just a little scared about the down syndrome..but no matter what, I will love and care for this baby completely! Oh, and I hope I don't get any negative comments because I will probably unload on someone...LOL!!! I'm in very good physical health and so is my husband. We are both athletic and I'm hoping that will help me out with this...and yes, I've been on both ends, I got pregnant when I was 16 and was married for 21 yrs. Remarried again at 43 and I'm pregnant again...I'll just continue to say my prayers and carry on! :) Yes, I'm from the south. :)

[mhv]

OOPSS!!!  And I forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mhv]

My dh and I are starting our 2nd round of IVF (with donor eggs/or embryos) and 99% of my friends tell me I'm crazy.  Of course, these are the ladies I was telling that they were crazy for having kids at 17-22!  So, I guess it's payback?  I would have died if I had a baby in my 20's or probably 30's...but can think of nothing better for my 40's.  
I'm not trying to please them... only my hubby and I... so, to each their own.  

fyi: the girl that sits next to me at work is 23 and trying to get pregnant with the guy she is living with (who is still married to another woman, and has 2 kids he doesn't pay child support for) because she "doesn't want to be old" when she has kids.... hmmmm

[Alexis2358]

I am 43 and 20 weeks pregnant and have received only positive feedback.   I guess I'm one of the lucky ones reading all the negativity for everyone.   I'm so sorry anyone is having to experience that.   Having a baby is such a joyous and exciting time, I can't believe anyone that is your friend would recognize anything other than that.      

Everyone in my family and my co-workers are so super excited for me, so its made this time so exciting.

I just want to say that I'm excited for all of you and you all deserve to experience every happiness and joyous moment that comes along with these beautiful pregnancies.

[slk41]

Here's to crazy!!! Thank you for all your welcoming and reassuring comments.  We are thrilled.  For the past 2 years my 10 (now 12) year old has been battling cancer.  We were told she only had a 15-20% of survival.  It really does put things into perspective and really what matters most is family.  This helped us to make the decision to have another.  My daughter is doing well and is currently and hopefully will forever be cancer free.  Thanks again-we are so happy:)  

[mjmom69]

Congratulations! I'm thrilled for you. And if you're crazy, we all must be! Here's to crazy!

[sassysissy244]

Congratulation. I am 49 and want nothing more than to have another baby. You go girl and do not allow any one to dampen your spirits.

[SabrinaB39]

I am 40 and 36 weeks pregnant with my 4th child.  She was planned.  When I told my family they were all realy shocked. No congrats either.... it took awhile for all of them to warm up to the idea and still not sure they have. I have felt mostly alone through this pregnancy. None of them offered to throw a baby shower.  She is my 4th...but my other children are 20, 17 and 5 and a shower just to celebrate her arrival with no expectations of gifts would have been nice.  What will it be like in the future when the memory boxes for each gets pulled out and there is nothing of a reminder of a shower. How do you explain that to your child?  I am upset with my family and try not to think about it.  WE are happy she is coming in our home and that is all that matters.  A co-worker of mine is more excited than anyone.  She talks to my belly and rubs it on occasion....she is the only one and I love her for it. She just had her 2nd child 4 months ago. Keep your head up and let thier comments bounce off of you. The only thing that matters is between you and the daddy.

take care,

[adgal]

Isn't that the truth...we women and mothers seem to be so hard on each other.  Well put.

[Pum]

Congratulations. Sorry to hear you have had a friend be negative. You will probably find this is just the start of the mommy wars. People have opinions on everything to do with children. You can be too old, too young, have too many children, too few, breasfeed for too long, not long enough, go back to work too early, stay at home too long, demand feed, feed to a schedule, hold your child too much, not enough, gap too big, too small, only child is bad you get the idea?

Take her comments with a grain of salt. Judgemental types are usually just uncertain of their own lives and have their own reasons for saying the things they do. Be confident in your choices and your life. I hope you have a safe uneventful pregnancy.

Take care.

[SHELLBELL63]

ps dont let ANYONE bring you down, you know the thrill you are experiencing ppl can be very rude at times, you ENJOY with ur hubby this experience.